I caught my boyfriend looking at porn on his computer. No explanation will suffice.

[motochick]

Dear Somebody,

for the first time I have found someone who feels the same way as I do. I was wondering if you had discovered any ways to feel sufficient enough after finding out your boyfriend has been looking at chicks that are made out to be the "perfect being." After catching my boyfriend after he promised me he would never do that to me, I tend to beat myself up, so-to-speak, constantly trying to compare myself to their fakness.

[calithin83]

hi im 20 and ive been in my relationship for 3 years, i also am against porn!...i dont care if single guys watch porn or go to strip clubs, i think they need to but when a guy has a girl who is always there for him physically/emotionally etc..why does he have to watch porn???

 

I satisffy my bf and he knows it too but yet i still find porn in his comp even though he knows how it bugs me so much and also when i find out he has porn it honestly makes me wanna just stop having sex with him and just letting him use his hand instead. I guess i just feel like "what the hell"??? like isnt it enough what i physically dow ith him, does he still feel like hes lacking something...and most of the sites he visits are big breast sites and here i am with small breast and it just maKES

[calithin83]

hi im 20 and ive been in my relationship for 3 years, i also am against porn!...i dont care if single guys watch porn or go to strip clubs, i think they need to but when a guy has a girl who is always there for him physically/emotionally etc..why does he have to watch porn???

 

I satisffy my bf and he knows it too but yet i still find porn in his comp even though he knows how it bugs me so much and also when i find out he has porn it honestly makes me wanna just stop having sex with him and just letting him use his hand instead. I guess i just feel like "what the hell"??? like isnt it enough what i physically dow ith him, does he still feel like hes lacking something...and most of the sites he visits are big breast sites and here i am with small breast and it just maKES me feel so self conscious and wishing i had bigger breasts....its really annoying and i think that men are either TOO WEAK to stop watching porn or they just really havent felt true love because true love wouldnt want there mate to feel inadequate would they???

 

Whatever i guess...i know theres gotta be some guys who are willing to let go of porn for a girl they really love and who physically and emotionally satisfies them right???

 

 

how would YOU MEN feel if us WOMEN (your girls, wifes) had the need, the crave to look at other mens cocks, chest, and catch us masturbating to other guys rather then u????wouldnt u feel that maybe ure not enough???

[calithin83]

[color=blue][font=arial]hi im 20 and ive been in my relationship for 3 years, i also am against porn!...i dont care if single guys watch porn or go to strip clubs, i think they need to but when a guy has a girl who is always there for him physically/emotionally etc..why does he have to watch porn???

 

 

I satisffy my bf and he knows it too but yet i still find porn in his comp even though he knows how it bugs me so much and also when i find out he has porn it honestly makes me wanna just stop having sex with him and just letting him use his hand instead. I guess i just feel like "what the hell"??? like isnt it enough what i physically dow ith him, does he still feel like hes lacking something...and most of the sites he visits are big breast sites and here i am with small breast and it just maKES me feel so self conscious and wishing i had bigger breasts....its really annoying and i think that men are either TOO WEAK to stop watching porn or they just really havent felt true love because true love wouldnt want there mate to feel inadequate would they???

 

 

Whatever i guess...i know theres gotta be some guys who are willing to let go of porn for a girl they really love and who physically and emotionally satisfies them right???

 

 

how would YOU MEN feel if us WOMEN (your girls, wifes) had the need, the crave to look at other mens cocks, chest, and catch us masturbating to other guys rather then u????[/font][/color]

 

wouldnt u feel that maybe ure not enough???[font=arial][/font]

[calithin83]

how would you feel???? (FOR MEN)

 

YOU have this lovely girlfriend of yours and you have sex with her in a regular basis, most of all she seems to really enjoy it, all of a sudden you come into her room and while you go to the bathroom you find a stack of PORN GIRL, you open the magazine to see lots of naked men, big cocks, bulky chest, firm ass, sexy hair, etc....then you see she also has a vibrator, which seems she has used often....then you go to her room and in her computer you find more PORN, different men-once again BIG COCKS (bigger then yours) big chests, big strong arms, Nice asses, cute faces..etc....

HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW??? Do u feel like having sex with her??? DO you think twice about her and your relationship???

 

Put yourself in our place men...only ebcause you are MEN it doesnt give you the right to do things without thinking....Both men and women have brains and we both know how to say YES or NO, we both are physical animals but it doesnt mean we cant control our urges....

 

Would you honestly be okay if once you left the house after giving your girl GREAT sex, her going to the bathroom to look at magazines and getting herself off???

 

hmm...not so masculine afterall right?

[UCFKevin]

Well, if a guy has sex with you, you leave, and he beats off to porn, then there's a bigger problem than you realize.

 

But if a girl watched porn with bigger hung guys, so be it. If she's with me and loves me and loves sex, whatever, it doesn't really matter if she watches horse-dick porn. I know what I have, I know what to do with it, and that's what counts.

 

Maybe we guys don't understand, but in that same vein, girls don't understand either. It's not as big as you're making it out to be. If you expect a guy to only masturbate with you in mind, you don't know men as well as you think you do.

[calithin83]

why do girls always have to understand and accept, why cant men undersand and accept for once as well???

 

is it that hard to leave porn?? its because of you ment hat pornography agencies are wealthy rich, i guess in a way us women can manipulate men with our bodies.

[calithin83]

i guess when it comes down to it men pick porn over there girlfriends, they care more about there horney needs rather then there girlfriends feeling, if it makes her feel off, well "owell im a man and im horney and its ok"...thats basically when men are saying by there actions

[Darkangelism]

Originally posted by calithin83

i guess when it comes down to it men pick porn over there girlfriends, they care more about there horney needs rather then there girlfriends feeling, if it makes her feel off, well "owell im a man and im horney and its ok"...thats basically when men are saying by there actions

 

 

Not necc. A guy could watch porn, and still please his girlfriend. In this case, she wasnt home and he had an urge so he watched porn, doesnt mean that he doesnt love her, or she doesnt satisfy him.

 

 

and look, masturbation is healthy.

Masturbation

 

http://my.webmd.com/content/article/52/50257.htm?lastselectedguid={5FE84E90-BC77-4056-A91C-9531713CA348}

[UCFKevin]

OH my GOD Calithin, he's jerking off, he's not banging every girl around behind your back!

 

There's gotta be something else behind this, you're taking this thing waaaay too far.

 

So would you rather him not touch himself at all and wait for you to come around so he can get pleasure? You think THAT would make things better? You think THAT would make him love you more? Would you feel better about things then?

 

i guess when it comes down to it men pick porn over there girlfriends

 

That's one of the dumbest damn things I've ever read on here. Gimme a break.

 

If you don't like him watching porn, then end it. Because if you ask him to stop, he's not only going to think that's weird as HELL and think you have problems, but he'll resent you for it because you're trying to change him. You either need to have a mature conversation and try to figure out what to do about this, or just move on. It's part of who he is. Accept it or end it.

[dyermaker]

Hmm... it doesn't seem to me that the claim that men are hurt by porn too supports your position on porn being A-okay; in fact, quite the opposite.

It was a sattire.

 

Perhaps the men are, in fact, "drugged and desensitized" (though likely by their own volition), but I fail to see how that counters the claims that porn is harmful to women.

Because the women are ALSO acting on their own volition.

Freedom is a good thing, but in a civilized society we generally do not tolerate freedom to perform acts and propagate material that adds nothing to society, and serves only to detract via harming others, or impinging on others' freedoms.

 

You have a twisted view of freedom. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. When I look at porn, it doesn't infringe on the freedom of anyone else. If you personally take offense to it, that's your perogative, but I should have no responsibility to bend over backwards to pacify your prudent social/moral standards.

 

i dont care if single guys watch porn or go to strip clubs, i think they need to but when a guy has a girl who is always there for him physically

 

The average man thinks about sex once every eight minutes. If you think you're up to the challenge, god speed.

 

we both know how to say YES or NO, we both are physical animals but it doesnt mean we cant control our urges....

 

Men can control their urges. It's not about controlling the urges of oneself, it's about trying to control the urges of your partner, and it's unhealthy, and I'd never put up with it.

 

its because of you ment hat pornography agencies are wealthy rich, i guess in a way us women can manipulate men with our bodies.

 

Uhh, of course you can--didn't your mother teach you that when you were thirteen?

 

thats basically when men are saying by there actions

 

If I may be so forward, I find your psychoanalysis just plain stupid. Sex with a partner, and self-release are two different actions.

[lostforwords]

Oh for cripes sake...... looking at porn imo.... is no different than women buying those stupid girly mags like Cosmo..... so a guy wants to look at porn.... big WHOOPPITEEDOOO..... be happy hes not out there paying for a prostitute to fulfill his fantasies.... aside from driving him insane by telling him to stop.... the only choices left for you to do is to A: Leave him or B: Crawl into his brain and do some rewiring as well as a few hormonal changes... LS is consumed with needless and countless porn threads where they all have the same outcome..... eventually youll grow tired of arguing over the fact that your hubby/boyfriend looks at porn and eitehr just accept it or realize your own insecurities have run amuck.

 

I dont see Jenna Jamieson whining about the millions shes making.

[kalira]

"You have a twisted view of freedom. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. When I look at porn, it doesn't infringe on the freedom of anyone else. If you personally take offense to it, that's your perogative, but I should have no responsibility to bend over backwards to pacify your prudent social/moral standards. "

 

 

Hi again,

 

there are a number of problems with this comment unfortunately.

 

You seem to me to be using a 'choice' framework to understand freedom and porn. Women 'choose' to participate in porn(and take money for it), pornographers choose to make it, distributors choose to distribute it and you (apparently from what you have said) and others choose to view it. The suggestion is that this makes porn uncritiquable, such that a person who does critique the merit or otherwise of porn is attempting to impose 'prurent social/moral standards'.

 

That is an incorrect conclusion to draw because these 'choices' do not operate in a vacumn.

A serious discussion of porn must ask why, as i stated above, there is a demand in the free market, for materials in which women have things 'crammed' up their asses, and are called sluts and whores.

If we concede that this is not a way 'real women' (a dubious category which begs the question-are porn stars not real women? are the events in porn 'really' happening to them?) should be treated, then we must also ask whether it contributes to similar treatment towards 'real' women.

Does porn affect the way women are viewed by men?

Does it impoverish men from appreciating diversity in their own identities and sexuality?

What is the process by which individuals become attracted to watching porn, and how does it shape influence their personal developement?

 

These are the questions which must be asked to assess porn's social value/harm. I am aware that I havent offered any answers to these questions but i feel that the discussion should not be short-circuited by a view which suggests that wherever a choice is made in an economic context, the choice itself cannot be critiqued on a moral or social basis.

 

on a more personal note-i love dan

 

awaiting your reply!!

[dyermaker]

You seem to me to be using a 'choice' framework to understand freedom and porn. Women 'choose' to participate in porn(and take money for it), pornographers choose to make it, distributors choose to distribute it and you (apparently from what you have said) and others choose to view it. The suggestion is that this makes porn uncritiquable, such that a person who does critique the merit or otherwise of porn is attempting to impose 'prurent social/moral standards'.

 

It's not that porn is beyond reproach, it's that your paticular critiques aren't grounded in any legitimate argument, in my opinion--they're just circular. Porn is a competitive industry, EXTREMELY. I wouldn't dare make the same statements about prostitution, something in which the volition is rooted in destitution. If a woman wants to be a porn star, she has to work VERY hard, it's not easy, and if she didn't want to do the job, she wouldn't. Just because it's about sex doesn't make her suddenly a victim.

 

Does porn affect the way women are viewed by men?

Does it impoverish men from appreciating diversity in their own identities and sexuality?

What is the process by which individuals become attracted to watching porn, and how does it shape influence their personal developement?

Questions are fun.

Is it any of your business?

Should censorship supercede expression?

Should the nueroses of some men deprive society of the freedom of choice?

 

You seem enamored with analyzing the social value of porn. I contend that it's none of your business, it's not your place to assess the decency of something. Those are personal values, and when you begin to think your value system should be injected into the veins of the rest of society, I take issue.

 

I'd like to end this post with a Sometimes people think I'm attacking them personally, and while I realize I make little effort to sugarcoat what I'm saying, I hope putting at the end does something, at least psychologically. so,

[calithin83]

I really dont care what people think, if u think im weird or the only one for being against porn then be it, i really dont care! OH ya and jenna jameson is happy with all that money shes making, most women go on porn because they feel that by doign that finally they will get attention, by all men and there man in there life. all i know is that i aint gonna argue with my bf about porn because i know that sooner or later he will see that its a waste of time, and he is even more smarter and sincere about then all u men here who post, i talked to him about it and he even told me that he wanted to stop, and that he would be willing to stop for me....so thats how i know that my bf is understanding and isnt only one sided like MOST men, so whatever thats why im still with my bf cos atleast he tried to understand my feelings towards it...i understand if guys watch porn when they dont get it on with someone else i just dont like my bf watching porn because we practically do it every day and more then once so he has no need to be going there, i know its out of pure boredom and its just something he probably is used to.....anyways whatever!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by calithin83

I really dont care what people think, if u think im weird or the only one for being against porn then be it, i really dont care!

If you didn't care, you wouldn't feel the need to tell people that you don't care. My mom taught me that when I was small.

OH ya and jenna jameson is happy with all that money shes making, most women go on porn because they feel that by doign that finally they will get attention, by all men and there man in there life.

I don't trust your psychoanalysis.

all i know is that i aint gonna argue with my bf about porn because i know that sooner or later he will see that its a waste of time, and he is even more smarter and sincere about then all u men here who post, i talked to him about it and he even told me that he wanted to stop, and that he would be willing to stop for me....so thats how i know that my bf is understanding and isnt only one sided like MOST men,

You are trying to change your partner, you have control issues.The thing is, he IS like most men, of course he told you he'd stop for you. It's "us who post" who are not like other men, because outside the personal vested feelings, we feel comfortable telling you the truth--that we'll try to hide it. If your boyfriend posted on LS, he'd say the same thing.

 

If you think that "touching it" and "doing it" are the same thing, you will never understand sex from a male perspective.

[calithin83]

I DONT CARE IF HE TOCHES IT, he can masturabate if he wants, its just him looking at porn that bugs me, are u ignorant?

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by calithin83

I DONT CARE IF HE TOCHES IT,

How delusional of you.

he can masturabate if he wants,

How accomadating of you.

its just him looking at porn that bugs me,

How enlightening of you--I had no idea porn bothered you.

are u ignorant?

How clever and mature of "u"

[kalira]

"It's not that porn is beyond reproach, it's that your paticular critiques aren't grounded in any legitimate argument, in my opinion--they're just circular."

 

If they are circular, I would like it very much if you would explain how they are so. I don't feel that you have evidenced that.

 

"Porn is a competitive industry, EXTREMELY. I wouldn't dare make the same statements about prostitution, something in which the volition is rooted in destitution. If a woman wants to be a porn star, she has to work VERY hard, it's not easy, and if she didn't want to do the job, she wouldn't. Just because it's about sex doesn't make her suddenly a victim. "

 

I agree that porn is a competitive industry, and that in general, women make the ‘choice’ (in a particular economic/social climate) to participate. In a sense, you appear to be taking issue with a point that I did not make. I certainly would never posit simply that the woman is a victim because she is having sex. That is beyond ridiculous and is also contrary to comments that I have previously made about non-degrading porn.

 

quote:

me:Does porn affect the way women are viewed by men?

 

you:Is it any of your business?

 

Only if the way men view women relates to the way men treat women. As a woman, the way men treat me certainly is my business. As a member of society, its effect on men is my business to discuss and analyse.

 

you: Should censorship supercede expression?

 

It already does in many spheres. To be more accurate, social/community concerns supersede some individual ones. Your own individual freedom to incite violence against others, for instance is already curtailed. As is your ability to express and incite racial hatred. At any rate, ‘no censorship’ does not extend to one being unable to critique material that is ‘expressed’ by others. That is the situation that you suggest when you propose that the ‘social value’ (rather->asking the question of whether it hurts women) of porn is none of my business. In that sense you mistake a critique of material for preventing that material from being produced in the first place. As I said before, in doing so you short-circuit the discussion, and seem to prevent discussion of anything on its merits.

 

you:it's not your place to assess the decency of something.

 

As above, it is my place to discuss/critique something's social value/ effect/harm to individuals, as is it yours.

In your reference to ‘decency’, you mistake my critique for the more right-wing censorship concerns relating to exposure of the body and guarding people from personal offence. The ‘personal values’ of which you speak, are a legitimate concern that much porn portrays and promotes a degrading image of women, which then harms all women.

 

cheers,

kalira

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by kalira

Only if the way men view women relates to the way men treat women. As a woman, the way men treat me certainly is my business. As a member of society, its effect on men is my business to discuss and analyse.

I'm sorry if males have mistreated you. I'm also sorry if you blame porn for this. That's all I can do really, is apologize on behalf of society.

 

It already does in many spheres. To be more accurate, social/community concerns supersede some individual ones. Your own individual freedom to incite violence against others, for instance is already curtailed.

Violence hurts others against their will. Men who use porn only hurt women who choose to let themselves be hurt, through their own misunderstanding.

 

As above, it is my place to discuss/critique something's social value/ effect/harm to individuals, as is it yours.

Has porn ever physically hurt you? Has Ron Jeremy ever punched you in the face? Has Jenna Jameson Burned a cross on your lawn? How dare you compare porn to violence. You can't take something out of society because some people let it hurt them.

 

The ‘personal values’ of which you speak, are a legitimate concern that much porn portrays and promotes a degrading image of women, which then harms all women.

All women? Or just the ones that let it bother them. I'm leaning towards the second.

 

The more you make it seem like a social problem, the more it seems like a personal problem.

[Kat]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

If you expect a guy to only masturbate with you in mind, you don't know men as well as you think you do.

 

I have had this conversation with my partner and he has told me that he only thinks of me when he masturbates. Are you saying that he is lying? Or can you admit that some guys only think of their partner and no one else to get them stimulated and turned on?

[UCFKevin]

Certainly, that's definitely possible, but chances are if he's watching porn, he AINT thinking about you.

 

Calithin has some severe confidence issues, I think. I won't bother saying anything else because Dyer perfectly said everything already.

[SoleMate]

...looking at porn imo.... is no different than women buying those stupid girly mags like Cosmo...

Interesting...I used to read Cosmo and pig out on glazed donuts. Then I realized that particular mag was doing to my brain what the donuts were doing to my waistline...turning it soft and ugly. So I gave 'em both up. (Well, just the overeating, not the donuts altogether.)

 

You are what you eat...are we also what we read?

[Kat]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

Certainly, that's definitely possible, but chances are if he's watching porn, he AINT thinking about you.

 

Calithin has some severe confidence issues, I think. I won't bother saying anything else because Dyer perfectly said everything already.

He doesn't watch porn at all...he watches me instead

[corythosaurus]

Originally posted by Kat

He doesn't watch porn at all...he watches me instead

From the little I've seen, I'd say he's a lucky guy.