I got played

[DreamerGirl27]

Okay, so my crush, that I posted about (my heartbroken thread) really confused the hell out of me BEFORE he told me he didn't like me like that. He took me to coffee one morning at school because class was canceled. It was his idea, he drove and he payed for me. This just leads to confusion. According to one of my friend's boyfriend's, if a guy pays, it's a date. I have the same philosophy. But with the way the dating world works nowadays (completely dysfunctional IMO), with women wanting to pay for themselves or go dutch, this just makes things completely confusing.

 

 

It wasn't even an issue. The whole car ride over there I was going back and forth "am I paying for myself? Is he paying for me?" and we get there and he just whips out his bank card, asks me if I want anything and is like "I got it". Needless to say, I was floating on cloud 9...and he kept doing little things for me, like getting my straw for me once we got our drinks, holding the door open, etc...he totally just took charge like a guy would (and should) do on a date.

 

 

THEN, to make matters worse, later that day, he sent me a lovely little text saying how much fun he had that morning and that the teacher should cancel class more. THAT made me CERTAIN it was a date. Until a week goes by and he flat out tells me he doesnt' like me like that. WTF?!

 

 

 

I think it's safe to say I have been played by this dude....and hard.

[carhill]

Next time, put more emphasis on personal interaction, body language and expressions of intimacy, familiarity and flirtation. See who pays as superfluous. It's just a bill.

 

Also, be aware, when having a 'crush', every little word and/or action of the object of that crush will be magnified emotionally. Accept this.

 

My sympathies. I had about 15 years of getting that wrong, meaning reading signals wrong. Some people are slow learners

[WTRanger]

Next time, put more emphasis on personal interaction, body language and expressions of intimacy, familiarity and flirtation. See who pays as superfluous. It's just a bill.

 

Also, be aware, when having a 'crush', every little word and/or action of the object of that crush will be magnified emotionally. Accept this.

 

My sympathies. I had about 15 years of getting that wrong, meaning reading signals wrong. Some people are slow learners

 

Yep, this guy could have crapped in the restaurant and you'd have though it was divine. That's the problem with crushes that go unchecked in reality. Nothing he did signaled to me that it was a for real date. Did he try to kiss you? Did he try to hold your hand, or if he held the door for you did he guide you through the door by putting his hand on the small of your back?

 

In reality, what really happened? Take a step back. Was it more of two friends going out, or a guy and a girl on a date?

[RobM]

Maybe it's just a generational thing, but the things he did I would do for anyone, date or not.

[DreamerGirl27]

Okay, maybe I have just gone out with creeps then, because guys I have been on dates with have never even been that attentive and when a guy does all those little things, it means he likes me and if it doesn't, then I am confused.

[DreamerGirl27]

Yep, this guy could have crapped in the restaurant and you'd have though it was divine. That's the problem with crushes that go unchecked in reality. Nothing he did signaled to me that it was a for real date. Did he try to kiss you? Did he try to hold your hand, or if he held the door for you did he guide you through the door by putting his hand on the small of your back?

 

In reality, what really happened? Take a step back. Was it more of two friends going out, or a guy and a girl on a date?

 

 

Yeah, and that's really disgusting.

 

In reality, I got played. It was two friends of the opposite sex going out and the guy played. That's a date.

[DreamerGirl27]

Yeah, and that's really disgusting.

 

In reality, I got played. It was two friends of the opposite sex going out and the guy played. That's a date.

 

Payed* not played

[linwood]

Yeah, and that's really disgusting.

 

In reality, I got played. It was two friends of the opposite sex going out and the guy played. That's a date.

 

That`s not a date.

Who made that rule?

 

I`m married and bought coffee for a female co-worker the other day.

Hope my wife doesn`t find out.

 

Jeez..

 

The guy did nothing to lead you on but act like a gentleman.

 

It appears a "Nice Guy" finishes last even with the women he isn`t romantically interested in.

 

LOL

[DreamerGirl27]

That`s not a date.

Who made that rule?

 

I`m married and bought coffee for a female co-worker the other day.

Hope my wife doesn`t find out.

 

Jeez..

 

The guy did nothing to lead you on but act like a gentleman.

 

It appears a "Nice Guy" finishes last even with the women he isn`t romantically interested in.

 

LOL

 

Why are you buying coffee for a female co-worker when you are married? I wouldn't wanna find out if I were your wife. And why then, when I bring up this topic trying to relate to a girl who thinks this guy is interested in her who isn't making it clear he is, do people tell me my story seems "unusual and out of the ordinary". Everything he has done has made it seem like he likes me. Maybe I just want a friend or something, because I have never even talked to a guy this much. I've never had this close of a guy friend who's just a friend. Guys I go on dates with didn't do half the things he did.

[DreamerGirl27]

Not to mention, that doesnt' make any sense...lol let me clarify. I had a really close guy friend in highschool, and he would pay for me and stuff occasionally, but he told me he does that for all his girlfriends. (Note, FEMALE friends) BUT...he also knew that I only viewed him as like, a brother. Because we had been asked before if we liked each other. It was being asked because of how much time we spent together, though. I still think that situation was a bit funny, but at least he didn't know flat out that I like him like that and didn't continue to do little things like pay for me and stuff. He knew I didn't like him and continued to be nice, because he knew it wouldn't confuse me.

THIS guy...KNOWS I like him and continues to do little sweet romantic (I thought it was romantic) things like this.

Also, if paying for a girl doesn't mean it's a date, then how come it comes down to the fact that he does this for several of his friends ONLY IF THEY ARE FEMALE.

 

I'm sorry, but when a guy does something that puts an emphasis or indicates the fact thats he's a guy, and you're a girl (and things like paying for a chick does exactly that) it makes it...awkward if he doesn't like you like that. If it's SO INNOCENT, then why doesn't he offer to pay for his male friends?

 

 

Yes, this guy is VERY confusing, and I'm about ready to either A) delete him from my facebook or myspace or B) delete my facebook and myspace and delete him from my phone.

I'm so depressed lately and I don't want to deal with losers and idiots anymore.

[WTRanger]

Why are you buying coffee for a female co-worker when you are married? I wouldn't wanna find out if I were your wife. And why then, when I bring up this topic trying to relate to a girl who thinks this guy is interested in her who isn't making it clear he is, do people tell me my story seems "unusual and out of the ordinary". Everything he has done has made it seem like he likes me. Maybe I just want a friend or something, because I have never even talked to a guy this much. I've never had this close of a guy friend who's just a friend. Guys I go on dates with didn't do half the things he did.

 

But the other half of the things the other guys did, were they physical? Such as going for a kiss, hand holding, touching, etc? That's the component that is missing from the date with the other guy, the physical side. Sure he paid, I pay anytime I take a girl out. It's beaten into a man's head since the day he's born that he's got to pay.

 

You didn't get played by this guy. You got played by your over-active imagination. Believe me, I've fallen victim to this as well. It's a nasty feeling, but no one did anything wrong. You just have to learn to go into these situations without any pre-planning or pre-conceived feelings about it. You built your castle in the sky before you even had zoning permits.

 

Your Ego is driving the pain you feel. The fact that someone didn't choose you is feeding the Ego's need for self pity, anger, and revenge. I mean the big Ego, as the one we've all got. You've got to be smarter than that. It is such a hard thing to accept, but just because you feel that way about him does not automatically mean he's got to feel the same way. It happens all the time, and even more so in these crush type situations. You are letting yourself get angry over the fact that he doesn't feel on the same level as you. That's normal! It happens all of the time. It doesn't make you an unlovable person. But your mind is going to constantly beat you up over this, when there is nothing to beat yourself up about. It's like putting bricks into the clothes dryer, climbing in, and setting it to an endless spin cycle.

 

Next time, keep your feelings in check and in reality before they run away on you and this pain won't be so bad.

[linwood]

..... Until a week goes by and he flat out tells me he doesnt' like me like that. WTF?!

 

That`s really all the info you need.

 

That and a little life experience.

[DreamerGirl27]

But the other half of the things the other guys did, were they physical? Such as going for a kiss, hand holding, touching, etc? That's the component that is missing from the date with the other guy, the physical side. Sure he paid, I pay anytime I take a girl out. It's beaten into a man's head since the day he's born that he's got to pay.

 

You didn't get played by this guy. You got played by your over-active imagination. Believe me, I've fallen victim to this as well. It's a nasty feeling, but no one did anything wrong. You just have to learn to go into these situations without any pre-planning or pre-conceived feelings about it. You built your castle in the sky before you even had zoning permits.

 

Your Ego is driving the pain you feel. The fact that someone didn't choose you is feeding the Ego's need for self pity, anger, and revenge. I mean the big Ego, as the one we've all got. You've got to be smarter than that. It is such a hard thing to accept, but just because you feel that way about him does not automatically mean he's got to feel the same way. It happens all the time, and even more so in these crush type situations. You are letting yourself get angry over the fact that he doesn't feel on the same level as you. That's normal! It happens all of the time. It doesn't make you an unlovable person. But your mind is going to constantly beat you up over this, when there is nothing to beat yourself up about. It's like putting bricks into the clothes dryer, climbing in, and setting it to an endless spin cycle.

 

Next time, keep your feelings in check and in reality before they run away on you and this pain won't be so bad.

 

Okay, you need to read my heartbroken thread. This guy has led me on HARDCORE. It would confuse (and has) confused any girl I talk to. The guys I went on dates with didn't do anything physical either and just because they do and he doesn't doesn't make it mean anything, either. Like, oh, since there wasn't anything sexual involved, it means nothing. You can send off signals without having to touch a girl you know. Keep that in mind. and stop paying for girls you don't like. It sends the wrong message.

[DreamerGirl27]

Okay, you need to read my heartbroken thread. This guy has led me on HARDCORE. It would confuse (and has) confused any girl I talk to. The guys I went on dates with didn't do anything physical either and just because they do and he doesn't doesn't make it mean anything, either. Like, oh, since there wasn't anything sexual involved, it means nothing. You can send off signals without having to touch a girl you know. Keep that in mind. and stop paying for girls you don't like. It sends the wrong message.

 

IF they did anything physical...I'm not going to base my relationships off of whether or not guy A tried to cop a feel or not. I'm not going to base them off of things like what this guy did.

 

and another thing. I don't have an ego like a guy does. I have an ego, but it works completely differently from a guys.

 

I have a female's heart and it's sensitive and easily "finger printed". ANY guy does to me what this guy has done, or any guy tries to be my "friend" I'm going to remember that the rest of my life.

 

I am really in love with my friend and it totally and completely sucks that he doesn't like me back, let alone the fact that he wants to continue to be my friend. Most guys who don't like a girl like that would run for the hills once they find out the girl likes him and he doesn't like her. That's something most men do not want to deal with. This one wants to stick around. He's a player and I don't like being played.

[DreamerGirl27]

That`s really all the info you need.

 

That and a little life experience.

 

 

His actions don't match up to what he says.

[halfwaygone]

He's a player and I don't like being played

 

Then stop thinking he is gods gift.....

 

 

move on, he is not good enough for you if he can't see you in that way.

[Brightmoon]

His actions don't match up to what he says.

 

Usually when words and actions don't match up, its best to listen to the words...but that is when someone is trying sweet talk you.. I don't see that he did that. He enjoyed your company and he was gentlemanly enough to pay for your coffee.

 

 

When you read some threads here where people have been played... horribly, you will see that this was not the case for you. What other people have said, here on this thread, about how our perception is distorted when we have a crush on someone is so true. When our feelings are not in check, our imagination gets carried away the coming down to Earth is very painful and humiliating. But as has been pointed out.. we have all done it.. its natural sometimes..

 

I am not sure why the people you are talking to you are agreeing with you so much. Perhaps they don't want to add to the hurt you already feel.

Edited April 13, 2010 by Brightmoon

[DreamerGirl27]

Usually when words and actions don't match up, its best to listen to the words...but that is when someone is trying sweet talk you.. I don't see that he did that. He enjoyed your company and he was gentlemanly enough to pay for your coffee.

 

 

When you read some threads here where people have been played... horribly, you will see that this was not the case for you. What other people have said, here on this thread, about how our perception is distorted when we have a crush on someone is so true. When our feelings are not in check, our imagination gets carried away the coming down to Earth is very painful and humiliating. But as has been pointed out.. we have all done it.. its natural sometimes..

 

I am not sure why the people you are talking to you are agreeing with you so much. Perhaps they don't want to add to the hurt you already feel.

 

My feelings are in check. How dare you say they aren't? He did everything in his power to get to know me and get to know me REALLY well and did things that only a boyfriend should do for a girlfriend. He made it clear he liked me, and then turned around and said he didn't. My imagination did not get carried away.

 

Plus, I am looking for a FRIEND first, not a boyfriend. So, if a guy did put a physical move on me right off the bat, I'd dump his ass. I want a friend first, then a relationship. Those are the best relationships there are.

[troggleputty]

My feelings are in check. How dare you say they aren't? He did everything in his power to get to know me and get to know me REALLY well and did things that only a boyfriend should do for a girlfriend. He made it clear he liked me, and then turned around and said he didn't. My imagination did not get carried away.

 

I'm still not really getting how you're equating true love with a free cup of coffee.

 

Where I come from, buying someone a cup of coffee is sort of a very minimal social gesture of friendship. When I want a cup of coffee which is pretty frequent, and happen to be out with someone else, I would feel it rude not to at least offer the other person a cup as well.

 

 

Plus, I am looking for a FRIEND first, not a boyfriend. So, if a guy did put a physical move on me right off the bat, I'd dump his ass. I want a friend first, then a relationship. Those are the best relationships there are.

 

Well it definitely sounds like you were friend-zoned.

[WTRanger]

Like all new people to LS, they don't want to hear what they need to hear. They want to hear what they think they need to hear. I did it. We all did it when we first came here. You are simply refusing to accept the facts. You are trying to band an angry mob together to go torch this guy's home down. He didn't do anything. This is all in your head. You are grabbing at any reason to blame him for things. Including the wildly outlandish "paying for the date" law. All this guy did was treat you as a friend, yet you want to crucify him for it.

 

I did read your other thread. You can't get human emotions from 1,000 text messages. Your crush caused your brain to interpret the words on the screen as lovey-dovey words. Again, he could have talked about his most recent dump he took, and your mind would take it in a completely different way. I also got the part where he tried to ask you out, but since you weren't interested you didn't go or you waffled in your decision. So rather than deal with that, he took out some other girl who wasn't going to be so wishy washy with her plans. I got the part where he's been very direct that he doesn't like you in that way, yet you continue to hang around him hoping that he'll come around. Hoping that your feelings are big enough for the both of you.

 

The issue here isn’t really about ‘him’ as he’s not really part of the equation when you’ve created an illusion rather than keeping your feet in the real world – the issue is about you and the fact that you don’t want to let go of your feelings, your obsession, your drama.

 

Remember, it’s a bit difficult to make someone accountable for something that is a grand illusion in your head when you could have been making them accountable for real behaviors. Likewise, you can’t wonder why someone isn’t being and feeling what you want them to be when they’re not part of the relationship in your head.

 

Quite frankly, any misery you are feeling is for the most part, your own creation because you are not interested in keeping your feet in reality and have been too busy wallowing in your own world. In doing this, you’re not seeing signs that you need to get real, and you’re not hearing signs that you need to get real. In fact, the person may have no clue that you are even interested in them, or if they do, they may have told you that they’re not interested and you switched to unreciprocated feelings mode and hovered there expecting him to see you in the way that you want to be seen and magically catch up with your feelings.

 

Until you remove yourself from this, you are just doing it to yourself. Not him. YOU. SO LET GO! You have no friendship with this guy at this point. Not with your feelings in the way. You need to cut him out of your life until you can get those under control. Then you might see if you can be friends with him. You may see that you were just physically attracted to him, and there was no real emotional connection.

[carhill]

LOL @ the dump. I recall smelling it a quarter century later and discovering it did in fact stink (true story)

 

OP, if it's a crush, it'll pass. If it's something deeper and it's unrequited, you'll need to actively work through it so as not to paralyze your psyche. If you don't, the pedestal will be built so strong and with such a deep foundation that time itself will not topple it.

 

BTDT, got the scars to prove it. Good luck

[DreamerGirl27]

Like all new people to LS, they don't want to hear what they need to hear. They want to hear what they think they need to hear. I did it. We all did it when we first came here. You are simply refusing to accept the facts. You are trying to band an angry mob together to go torch this guy's home down. He didn't do anything. This is all in your head. You are grabbing at any reason to blame him for things. Including the wildly outlandish "paying for the date" law. All this guy did was treat you as a friend, yet you want to crucify him for it.

 

I did read your other thread. You can't get human emotions from 1,000 text messages. Your crush caused your brain to interpret the words on the screen as lovey-dovey words. Again, he could have talked about his most recent dump he took, and your mind would take it in a completely different way. I also got the part where he tried to ask you out, but since you weren't interested you didn't go or you waffled in your decision. So rather than deal with that, he took out some other girl who wasn't going to be so wishy washy with her plans. I got the part where he's been very direct that he doesn't like you in that way, yet you continue to hang around him hoping that he'll come around. Hoping that your feelings are big enough for the both of you.

 

The issue here isn’t really about ‘him’ as he’s not really part of the equation when you’ve created an illusion rather than keeping your feet in the real world – the issue is about you and the fact that you don’t want to let go of your feelings, your obsession, your drama.

 

Remember, it’s a bit difficult to make someone accountable for something that is a grand illusion in your head when you could have been making them accountable for real behaviors. Likewise, you can’t wonder why someone isn’t being and feeling what you want them to be when they’re not part of the relationship in your head.

 

Quite frankly, any misery you are feeling is for the most part, your own creation because you are not interested in keeping your feet in reality and have been too busy wallowing in your own world. In doing this, you’re not seeing signs that you need to get real, and you’re not hearing signs that you need to get real. In fact, the person may have no clue that you are even interested in them, or if they do, they may have told you that they’re not interested and you switched to unreciprocated feelings mode and hovered there expecting him to see you in the way that you want to be seen and magically catch up with your feelings.

 

Until you remove yourself from this, you are just doing it to yourself. Not him. YOU. SO LET GO! You have no friendship with this guy at this point. Not with your feelings in the way. You need to cut him out of your life until you can get those under control. Then you might see if you can be friends with him. You may see that you were just physically attracted to him, and there was no real emotional connection.

 

I'm not continuing to hang around him. HE signed up with a class to be with ME. HE continues to talk to ME. The ONLY thing I did was send him a friend request on myspace. HE took the relationship further. HE asked ME to go get coffee. HE offered to pay...HE constantly continues to talk to ME. Are you noticing a pattern yet? I'm not going after him in the least. How do you justify a guy going after a "friendship" with a girl and then say I'm the one doing it to myself? It's called being played and plenty of my girlfriends have had it done to them.

[DreamerGirl27]

Like all new people to LS, they don't want to hear what they need to hear. They want to hear what they think they need to hear. I did it. We all did it when we first came here. You are simply refusing to accept the facts. You are trying to band an angry mob together to go torch this guy's home down. He didn't do anything. This is all in your head. You are grabbing at any reason to blame him for things. Including the wildly outlandish "paying for the date" law. All this guy did was treat you as a friend, yet you want to crucify him for it.

 

I did read your other thread. You can't get human emotions from 1,000 text messages. Your crush caused your brain to interpret the words on the screen as lovey-dovey words. Again, he could have talked about his most recent dump he took, and your mind would take it in a completely different way. I also got the part where he tried to ask you out, but since you weren't interested you didn't go or you waffled in your decision. So rather than deal with that, he took out some other girl who wasn't going to be so wishy washy with her plans. I got the part where he's been very direct that he doesn't like you in that way, yet you continue to hang around him hoping that he'll come around. Hoping that your feelings are big enough for the both of you.

 

The issue here isn’t really about ‘him’ as he’s not really part of the equation when you’ve created an illusion rather than keeping your feet in the real world – the issue is about you and the fact that you don’t want to let go of your feelings, your obsession, your drama.

 

Remember, it’s a bit difficult to make someone accountable for something that is a grand illusion in your head when you could have been making them accountable for real behaviors. Likewise, you can’t wonder why someone isn’t being and feeling what you want them to be when they’re not part of the relationship in your head.

 

Quite frankly, any misery you are feeling is for the most part, your own creation because you are not interested in keeping your feet in reality and have been too busy wallowing in your own world. In doing this, you’re not seeing signs that you need to get real, and you’re not hearing signs that you need to get real. In fact, the person may have no clue that you are even interested in them, or if they do, they may have told you that they’re not interested and you switched to unreciprocated feelings mode and hovered there expecting him to see you in the way that you want to be seen and magically catch up with your feelings.

 

Until you remove yourself from this, you are just doing it to yourself. Not him. YOU. SO LET GO! You have no friendship with this guy at this point. Not with your feelings in the way. You need to cut him out of your life until you can get those under control. Then you might see if you can be friends with him. You may see that you were just physically attracted to him, and there was no real emotional connection.

 

No real emotional attraction? **** you.

[DreamerGirl27]

Like all new people to LS, they don't want to hear what they need to hear. They want to hear what they think they need to hear. I did it. We all did it when we first came here. You are simply refusing to accept the facts. You are trying to band an angry mob together to go torch this guy's home down. He didn't do anything. This is all in your head. You are grabbing at any reason to blame him for things. Including the wildly outlandish "paying for the date" law. All this guy did was treat you as a friend, yet you want to crucify him for it.

 

I did read your other thread. You can't get human emotions from 1,000 text messages. Your crush caused your brain to interpret the words on the screen as lovey-dovey words. Again, he could have talked about his most recent dump he took, and your mind would take it in a completely different way. I also got the part where he tried to ask you out, but since you weren't interested you didn't go or you waffled in your decision. So rather than deal with that, he took out some other girl who wasn't going to be so wishy washy with her plans. I got the part where he's been very direct that he doesn't like you in that way, yet you continue to hang around him hoping that he'll come around. Hoping that your feelings are big enough for the both of you.

 

The issue here isn’t really about ‘him’ as he’s not really part of the equation when you’ve created an illusion rather than keeping your feet in the real world – the issue is about you and the fact that you don’t want to let go of your feelings, your obsession, your drama.

 

Remember, it’s a bit difficult to make someone accountable for something that is a grand illusion in your head when you could have been making them accountable for real behaviors. Likewise, you can’t wonder why someone isn’t being and feeling what you want them to be when they’re not part of the relationship in your head.

 

Quite frankly, any misery you are feeling is for the most part, your own creation because you are not interested in keeping your feet in reality and have been too busy wallowing in your own world. In doing this, you’re not seeing signs that you need to get real, and you’re not hearing signs that you need to get real. In fact, the person may have no clue that you are even interested in them, or if they do, they may have told you that they’re not interested and you switched to unreciprocated feelings mode and hovered there expecting him to see you in the way that you want to be seen and magically catch up with your feelings.

 

Until you remove yourself from this, you are just doing it to yourself. Not him. YOU. SO LET GO! You have no friendship with this guy at this point. Not with your feelings in the way. You need to cut him out of your life until you can get those under control. Then you might see if you can be friends with him. You may see that you were just physically attracted to him, and there was no real emotional connection.

 

and if you EVER text a girl 1,000 times and then tell her you don't like her, I hope she calls you out for the faggot you are. Go rot in hell.

[WTRanger]

Apparently, since I have the prestige of 3 responses I've hit the mark. I feel honored. So thank you for making my point. I would never text a girl 1,000 times. I prefer to do this completely idiotic thing call human interaction.

 

I've been in hell. I've chased a girl who had little interest in me other than a close friend, yet I thought if I just tried a little harder I'd win her over. So rot in hell? No thanks. I was just visiting for a bit. I now prefer to spend my time with a great girl who actually reciprocates my feelings, and it's a lot sunnier here and the grass is very green. It's amazing how much better this feels rather than obsessing over a girl that was all but in my head.

 

Until you realize that despite the fact he contacts you a lot and everything else he does, you respond to each and every bit of it which means YOU are the enabler. That doesn't make you a great person, that makes you a doormat. So just keep doing what you have been doing. It seems to be working quite well for you. Keep seeking that loaf of bread when it reality there are almost no bread crumbs. I'm sure within at least 100 years he'll wake up and realize he's been in love with you since day one. Keep holding your breath, you haven't even turned blue yet. A little red with rage, but that's normal.