My Boyfriend gets private calls....

[Maria Cobral]

I have been in a 10 month relationship, we care for each other and I have never been so in love.

But the first 3 months in he got a private call at 1am, and he asked me to answer it.....the person hung up.....I told him that made me uncomfortable. And he said it was his ex and that she calls randomly every couple months. They dated for 2 years, 7 months before he meet me.

He broke up with her, and has never looked back but she still calls, and at first he would coach her when she would cry, but now he doesn't answer. So he says.

So the first time when I witnessed a call, he said "I wanted her to know I had a girlfriend, I figured shed get the idea, so thats why I got you to answer." Then 3 or 4 months later he got a sires of calls around 12am and he never answered by the 7th call he picked up and no one spoke he could just hear background noises. He told me all this and said he wants me to know and he has nothing to hide.

Now the third time was the other night at 2:50 am....unknown number. made my stomach turn. I picked up and the person hung up....do you think it's still her and why after over a year is this still happening?????

Could it be she cant get over him....and why does she hang up on me???

And shouldn't someone be moved on after a year??? That makes me think they still talk, or that she feels in tittled.

I wanted to email her and tell her to stop but my boyfriend said it might not even be her cause his number in posted on the Internet and he said that would be childish of me something the ex would have done.....he said he doesn't want to start unnecessary drama and also he doesn't want to deal with her....

what do I do??

[RobM]

why can't he just block her number?

[make me believe]

She sounds crazy and your boyfriend has been completely honest with you, so I don't think you have anything to worry about. If he starts taking these calls & acting differently then you can be concerned. But your boyfriend should definitely block her number if possible, or just continue to ignore her if that's not possible. Any amount of attention is going to encourage her, so he should flat out reject every single call that comes from her.

[norajane]

Your boyfriend has handled this very well. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

As for her, who knows if it's even her calling since the number is Private? I'd suggest you not let your insecurities get the better of you. She only has as much power of you as you give her.

[bradedvin]

You have to talk about this matter with your boy friend. You should ask him to block this private call.

If your boy friend is honest with you, then you should not feel uncomfortable.

[norajane]

How do you block a Private number? The number doesn't show up on the cell - just the word Private.

[CarrieT]

Is there any other reason he has to have his phone turned on in the middle of the night? (i.e., he could get an emergency phone call from aging parents or children or something?)

 

Because if not, perhaps asking him to just turn his phone off when you go to bed would be best. Then you wont' be disturbed in the middle of the night.

 

My last Ex would call me in the middle of the night and I had been in the habit of having my phone next to my bed stand for years, for emergency calls. Now I turn it off; NOTHING is that important to disturb my few hours of sleep and maybe that is a boundary you can request with him.

[In_Repair]

This sounds like my situation too. If it's not my ex wife, it's the MW I was seeing or the girl I was messing with when I met my current girlfriend. My girlfriend laughed it off at first, just referring to them as my crazy exes... but she has been physically threatened a few times now and it's getting really old. I HAVE to answer the wife's calls because we have children together and I'm not going to ignore a potential emergency involving my kids. It's just a big mess.

 

Just like your boyfriend, I've asked her to answer the phone instead, so that I am somewhat removed from it, but she is understandably timid about doing so at this point.

 

What can I say... women are crazy...

[whichwayisup]

So the first time when I witnessed a call, he said "I wanted her to know I had a girlfriend, I figured shed get the idea, so thats why I got you to answer."

 

He's a p*ssy. What a stupid way of handling it. Honestly, he should just tell her the truth. "Please don't call me anymore. Sorry, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I'm with someone else now and it's not cool for you to call me, especially at 2am!"

 

Instead, he's chickening out and acting wimpy. She's HIS EX, HE needs to be the one to tell her goodbye forever, not put that on you, hoping the ex will get the hint.

 

Or, he can change his cell number.

[goatee]

your boyfriend is doing everything right and you're doing everything wrong. He's telling you what's going on and you to believe him and you don't. Your boyfriend is in your bed making love to you everynight and you love him very much so what are you afraid of? that some stranger than creep calls him at night is going to steal him?

 

Here's a warning for you, keep doing this thing about not trusting him and he'll start hiding things from you and it will get worse and you'll lose him over nothing. He's yours now so act like it.

[make me believe]

He's a p*ssy. What a stupid way of handling it. Honestly, he should just tell her the truth. "Please don't call me anymore. Sorry, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I'm with someone else now and it's not cool for you to call me, especially at 2am!"

 

Instead, he's chickening out and acting wimpy. She's HIS EX, HE needs to be the one to tell her goodbye forever, not put that on you, hoping the ex will get the hint.

 

Or, he can change his cell number.

 

Yeah, I agree that he was a big p*ssy to "handle" the situation by making his gf answer the call. How lame!! If my bf tried to do that I'd tell him to grow some balls and deal with his ex properly. And that means telling her straight out to stop calling, and changing his number if necessary.

[bati]

This would be called harrassement. Id get him to talk to the phone company, stat that he is being harrassed in the middle of the night by a caller. If you have the number give it, if not state when the calls came in. You could even talk to the local police and see if they can recommend something.

 

This behavior is dangerous.

[Template]

If it's adversely affecting your relationship, then you BOTH need to do something about. Aren't you BOTH in this relationship? People advising that HE, or YOU, or HE, needs to do something about it BS. For he to have you as a tool to communicate to her that he's now taken is a bit of BS. For him to go through avoidance, is also complete BS. How about this, you all meet somewhere, and have he introduce you by saying, "This is my girlfriend, the person you've been hanging up all this time." There will be a little bit of drama, sure. I also like someone else idea for him to change his number - it's just a number.

[Mutant Debutante]

I had a friend once who was like the ex, calling her previous bf, couldn't let go. Turned out she wasn't just a drama queen she had a personality disorder and needed help. OP it sounds like your man is really trying to handle this all above board and you are being too suspicious. I do agree he should have told the ex about his new girlfriend himself, but how do we know he didn't? He might have said something and she just didn't listen or rationalized it away. Still, he should have given you a heads up before you picked up the phone so you weren't taken off guard, OP.

 

She is unbalanced. Maybe she needs help. Maybe she's scary, maybe she should be pitied. Whatever, the bf needs to change his number, and stop posting his number on the internet. And the OP should relax her suspicions a little bit it sounds like this guy is trying to keep her in the loop. Sometimes things like this happen when we choose the wrong people and they can't let go.

[2sunny]

he may have been partially honest with you - but he hasn't made things PERFECTLY clear to his ex that it's over.

 

IF he were completely honest with her he'd ask her to never call again.

 

since he hasn't been perfectly clear about your relationship - she figures she's got the green light to continue contact.

 

IF he said DO NOT CONTACT ME - i think she'd get the message - but he hasn't.

 

he enjoys the ego strokes. i think it's not nice at all that he's playing such a mean game of jealousy at your expense.