getting courage to call half brother...

[longlegzs80]

I have not talked to my half brother in 14 years. And he talked to my mom last May because he wants to be apart of my life and gave my mom the number. Well, the number has been in plain view, I just can't seem to get the guts to call him. What do you say to someone who has not talked to you in so long? Then my father who I have not seen in over 18 years soon to be 19 called in November and sent money to me because he felt the need to, but that is the last time he has called. And apparently he is dying of cancer.

 

I do want to talk to my half brother, but I don't know what to say, where to begin, how to approach it, just anything. HELP ME OUT. I do want to call, but scared.

[SoleMate]

"Hi, it's me. How are you?"

.....

"Yeah, it's been a long time. It's good to hear from you."

.....

"How is Dad?"

.....

"I wish we hadn't been separated. I feel so confused about our family relationships."

.....

No need to say anything amazing. He's your brother, he's family, even though there clearly is some history there. But with your father's health issues, maybe everybody can do their bit to scrape aside the old crud that doesn't really mean so much anymore when you think about it. Just say what you feel, as long as it's not an attack.

 

The worst thing would be not to call at all.

[HokeyReligions]

Hello, my mother gave me your number.

 

Then let him take it from there.

 

 

There have been some massive family separations in my family ---some people never even knew their dad (my brother) and I have cousins I've never met and neices and nephews who are grown with children of their own and I have not seen them since they were babies, etc.

 

My brothers 38 y/0 daughter-in-law called him. She'd been leaving voicemail messages on answering machines and talking to anyone in the area with the proper name. She left a message on my brothers machine.

 

Hi, I'm looking for xxx xxxxx the father of xxx xxxxx. I am yyy yyyyy and I'm trying to find my husband's father. Please call me at ### #### if you are the right person.

 

 

My brother had not been part of their lives since they were babies. He didn't think he had a right to be and had always believed that his kids were better off without him. Talk about a difficult call to make!

 

Now my brother has a family that he visits, visits him, and has something like 16 grandkids to bounce on his knee!

 

Just call -- the rest will come naturally and if you are uncomfortable -- just say "I'm a little uncomfortable right now and don't really know what to say"

[Samson]

where to begin, how to approach it, just anything.

 

Well, what's the worst thing that could possibly happen Longlegzs?

 

I do not think you're as afraid as you are overwhelmed. Why not approach the reconcilliation as a series of steps. You don't need to catch up on 18 years the first time you speak. Ask about the weather, (Yeah, a little silly, but it doesn't matter) or something equally mundane. Keep it light.

 

The only thing that will count is that you called, introduced yourself, and that you'll call again soon.