Have I blown it?

[meconfused]

like this girl at work and we have actually become good friends.

 

Initially we talked and found out we have some common interests personally and career wise.

 

Im stupid because I always look for a sign from the female first to know if shes interested and I thought I got one because one day when passing her by she looked me directly in the eyes with a big smile.

 

Anyhoo from there we sort of developed a very good friendship. We sit in the same room but we end up on chat all day talking about our lives..Even from the beginning when she didnt know me that well she told me personal stuff about her life and I thought oh she feels comfortable with people easily to talk about stuff..

 

Anyways that progressed into me offering her lifts home now and then but so far the whole thing still feels to me like a friendship and this is where I'm confused if she wants more or not?

 

I'm not the most confident guy in the world but I've touched her on the arm and stuff a few times and tried to let on that I like her but I felt I never got anything back from her so I thought.. ok its just friends.

 

The whole thing went past the point now where I could ask her out on a date because we were already getting to be friends but last week she invited me over to her place on Friday night to watch a dvd and have popcorn

 

Now.. heres where all my mates were like thats a sure sign shes interested girls dont ask guys over to watch a movie as just friends.. maybe Im naive then I know she has other guy friends too which she likes to hang out with so I still didnt know if the night was intended to be more than friends or not and I she talks about not wanting to have a relationship or settle down because she wants to go to the UK next year to work.. So that has confused me again

 

Anyhoo so I went over there Friday night and nothing happened.. just friends I wanted to try and make a move on her but I held back firstly because of lack of confidence, secondly because I was still not sure if we were just friends or not so I didnt want to upset her if she felt me making a move on her was not cool..

 

But after the movie finished I said goodnight and it was actually quite late and it felt like she couldnt wait to get me out of her place.

 

At this point I'm like oh crap I think she was waiting for me to make a move so the next day I sent a text to say I had a good night and thanks for inviting me over.. I didnt get a reply until about 7 hours later to say she had a good time too

 

I sent her a text again that night to ask her if she wanted to come to a convention the next day to which she replied immediately she would like to but already had plans

 

Anyhow.. long story I know.. but get back into work this week and I feel shes gone cold on me.. shes not talking much anymore to me on the chat unless I start up the conversation. I guess now I know that she was interested in me.. So I'm an idiot..

 

Anyhoo.. so what now.. I still really like and I got on well with her.. have i completely blown it with her now or can I still try and get another shot?

 

My only plan was to keep talking to her this week on the chat and try to make her laugh and keep asking her questions about herself etc..

 

Help please!!

[Rorschach]

Sounds like she was waiting for you to make a move, i don't think you've completely screwed the pooch yet, but don't wait much longer to make your intentions clear, next time you guys hang out and you get her alone for a second tell her what you're thinking. At the very least you won't have to beat yourself up over not knowing anymore.

[meconfused]

Thankyou so much feel much better now! I was thinking after I sent her the next day text and asked her out on Sunday she must know I am intetested.

I was sort of hoping then maybe she is making me suffer a bit this week for not making a move by going cold on me. Sound plausible?

Anyways I also told her about I had this realisation over the weekend that I had lost all my confidence and I need to get it back. Hoping she might read that and understand why I didnt make a move.

Well I will be sure to post back what happens.

Thanks for the help!

[Rorschach]

Thankyou so much feel much better now! I was thinking after I sent her the next day text and asked her out on Sunday she must know I am intetested.

I was sort of hoping then maybe she is making me suffer a bit this week for not making a move by going cold on me. Sound plausible?

Anyways I also told her about I had this realisation over the weekend that I had lost all my confidence and I need to get it back. Hoping she might read that and understand why I didnt make a move.

Well I will be sure to post back what happens.

Thanks for the help!

 

Don't tell women you have no confidence, big turn off, it doesn't sound like a reasonable reason it just sounds wishy-washy. But again, if you just see her again make a move then, and I don't mean try to cop a feel or steal a kiss or anything like that, just talk to her and say something along the lines of 'I really enjoy hanging out with you and I was really hoping we might be turning into something more, do you feel the same way'. Talking goes way further (and is way less stressful on you) then trying to 'put the moves' on somebody ever would. (any girls on this site want to back me up?)

 

But don't just spill your guts at the first moment either, you have to wait for an appropriate time otherwise you'll be coming on too strong.

[meconfused]

Ahh thanks so not a good move then telling her about the no confidence thing haha but how true is it because I guess I already knew I need to talk to her properly about how I feel but I am just so scared and nervous to do that!!! Actually but I also thought telling a girl outright how you feel was also a turn off and usually ends in disaster? I thought women would rather it happen naturally where you end up hooking up without having to use many words and the chemistry takes care of it?

[Rorschach]

Ahh thanks so not a good move then telling her about the no confidence thing haha but how true is it because I guess I already knew I need to talk to her properly about how I feel but I am just so scared and nervous to do that!!! Actually but I also thought telling a girl outright how you feel was also a turn off and usually ends in disaster? I thought women would rather it happen naturally where you end up hooking up without having to use many words and the chemistry takes care of it?

 

Hopefully somebody else will come into the thread and tell you what they think of guys who do that, as a guy I tend to think in straightforward no nonsense ideas. I think what would make that a turn off from my point of view is when you come on crazy strong and say **** like 'I want to have a serious relationship' or talk about marriage or anything like that. I think if she's interested in you talking about turning a friendship into a casual relationship is non threatening.

 

If you want to let the chemistry take care of it you can always just try to make your intentions clear with body language, make multiple attempts to hold her hand, or clear hair from her face, or all those other little tricks. But if you're still confused at the end of the night go in for a hug or something drastic because it sounds TO ME (I'm no proffesional) as if you're approaching the friendzone if you don't move quickly.

[meconfused]

Thanks all for your help and I'm happy to say the cold snap appears to be over. The chats on IM are happening again today and all seems well.

Or the thing is maybe the cold thing never happened see I just found out she hasnt been feeling well and she has just gone home sick. So maybe it's just because she wasnt feeling good this week?

Anyhoo im going to say something now next time we are alone and let her know my intentions. Wish me luck!

[Rorschach]

Good luck and godspeed cadet.

[lucy9216]

Saying that you have no confidence or lack of is a HUGE turn off! so don't say that again... I actually dated a very attractive guy with a good career but he had no confidence in himself and I broke it off just cause of that!

 

Just simply tell her the next time you two are alone that you are interested in her and would like to take her out sometime and see where it goes... this wont put any pressure on her and she will know that you like her more as friends.

[Jambalaya]

It does sound like she was waiting for you to make the first move, and that at the end of the evening, she acted like you should leave quickly, simply because you hadn't and she was embarrassed.

 

I'd ask her if she fancied meeting for dinner and drinks and see how she responds.

[meconfused]

Guys, there has been some progress that past week. She is no longer cold on me and things are back to normal

 

A couple of times we have been talking about this festival thing on in a few weeks and months ago before we became real close I said I might go to it.

 

It got closer to the when its on and we talked about it again and she mentioned she will probably go down and I said yeah for sure we should go to it.. To which there was no response

 

I thought ok she didnt seem keen but I am going to mention it like oh I found out the date when its on and do you want to go?

 

But today she emailed me and said hey I found out when its on are you still keen to go and she said if you have some friends who want to go, the more the merrier

 

So of course I replied saying of course Im keen I said I got some friends who would love to go but they are working

 

And after that I was direct by saying lets go on the saturday one so we can come back after and hang out and not have to worry about working the next day

 

She said yeah and oh I have a friend who might want go can I ask her but she said straight after not really sure though she might be busy.. oh and will we stay down there camping or get a hotel?

 

At this point im like ok.... this is sounding good.. I replied back about did you really want to camp because it isnt the most comfortable way to stay but how about a hotel nearby?

 

Anyhoo no real response to that she wrote back saying yeah camping probably wouldnt be that fun and then sort of said later oh well wont worry about the accomodation just make it a day trip

 

Anyways so I said I would let her know when I looked online I was planning to say to her tomorrow yeah there is places we can stay nearby because it would make it a long day if we have to drive there and back

 

If that all works out now comes the question.. I think obviously I cant assume we will share a hotel room.. so I would have to book 2 hotel rooms but is that killing the opportunity for anything to happen? Because then its like if we both paid for a hotel room for ourself its like we are there together but with our own space.. and I guess she wouldnt want to stay in my room if she already paid for one..

 

What to do!!! Should I just say yeah getting a hotel isnt going to work we will just come back and hang out at my place? is that a better way of trying to set up something? I guess doing that there is a risk that she might back out if it turns out to be a tiring day?

 

Or if I go ahead with the accommodation thing how can I get around the question to let her say how many rooms to book???

 

I cant be obvious and say so how many rooms I should book because again thats suggesting i was thinking it could be one??

 

Any suggestions for getting around this?

 

Otherwise I think I will make my plan that I will say lets do that and hang out at my place when we get back and watch movie

 

And that means I need to start my moves during the day at the festival or I risk her not wanting to come around that night..