Tony, please help

[Mike]

Me and my Girlfriend of 2 years was talking about getting married and stuff. We was both said that we was in love with each other. She does have a little problem i noticed. She is depressed ALL the time and cries alot. She has really low self esteam also. Im her very first boyfriend by the way. About 3 months ago she dumped me saying she just wants to be alone and that she's confused about what she wants in her heart. Afterwards she started dating this guy, and what kills me is that she never even seen him before and she was saying that she thinks she loves him and stuff. Of course it didn't take long before the guy dumped her because he found out that she is a virgin. Who does she call crying to? ME!!! Then we start talking and stuff again and she was acting REALLY nice to me like we was going to get back together and stuff. Then this other guy comes in that one of her friends knew. She started talking to him on the phone and another thing that kills me, she hasn't seen this guy in 6 years and she says they are dateing and stuff. EVEN though she hasn't seen him in in that long. She has only been talking to him for 1 WEEK!!! She NEVER gets a guy to date her for very long, so im wondering how long its going to be. lol Tony, I REALLY WANT HER BACK WITH ME!!!! I know its more than likly over for good, but if there is ANY chance at all, I WILL TAKE IT!! I need to find out if she still likes me or not. When i ask her if she still has any feelings, she just says "I don't know" I don't want to just give up yet but im really unsure on how i should try and get her back!! I know there has to be a way to see if its still there or not but HOW do i found out? Tony, if your there, please please help me. You give such great advise.....

[Tony T]

This girl has lots of problems. I wish you gave her age but she is extremely fickle now and my guess is she is pretty young.

 

You can't allow her to use you between other guys and jack you and your feelings around like she is doing. Don't become her buddy or you'll really screw things up.

 

Stand back and let her do her thing. Don't talk to her often. You don't really need to know about what she is doing with other guys, when she starts seeing them, when she breaks up. Because she is not experienced in dating, it is really to your advantage for her to get some experience in that arena to see just what is out there. She is just getting into the social scene and seems to have the desire to blossom into a social butterfly. Don't try to control that.

 

Expect her meanderings to get a lot worse before things get better. Her inexperience coupled with her youth and immaturity are sure to lead to increased activity on her part. Right now she wants to explore and, again, you should not try to control that.

 

Also, I will ask you to take a good look at yourself and ask why you are attracted to someone who does not want a relationship with you. Why would you want someone like this so badly when there are so many wonderful girls who would readily offer you the love and attention you deserve. Like attracts like and she seems to have the same problem.

 

There will come a day when she is ready to settle down. That could be a year or it could be ten years. At that time, she will be ready for someone who is kind and nice to her.

 

I do want to warn you. If she had deep feelings for you now she would not be acting like this toward you, unless she has serious intimacy problems and fears of being close to someone. Regardless, if this issue exists it could be years before she works through it.

 

You would be best served by seeing and enjoying other ladies and letting time take its course. For now, you've got a better chance of making it with Salma Hayek or Christina Aguliera than you do with this girl.

 

Let her know you are interested but you are not going to allow yourself to be bounced around like she's doing. Tell her to call you if she ever feels like she may want to seriously date you. If you every hope to get something going with her, she will have to respect you and there's simply no way she can respect a man who let's her jerk him around like she's doing right now.