!!!!! I desperately need about my relationship.

[jerseyprincess]

Please help. I deperately need advice about my relationship. I am involved in an almost five year relationship, with my boyfriend who I love deperately. I am mostly happy with my relationship, in that we get along great, always agree and enjoy a great sex life. The problem is that my boyfriend keeps cheating and talking to other women behind my back. It first started the year we got together. I suspected him of cheating with a girl from a few states away from where he attended high school. He would take frequent trips there to "visit family" but I always had my concerns. When I would confront him he would deny anything and say he loved only me. After much snooping I found undeniable proof about his betrayal. When I confronted him he was so sorry, said she meant nothing, and that he only wanted to be with me. I took him back... and then found out he was still seeing her! After much fighting we got back together,the other girl got pregnant and married to someone else and our relationship went back to being great. Until I found out, that he gave his number to a girl he met at work and was flirting behind my back.( Let me mention he works as a doorman in the building were I live!) I confronted the girl and she stopped calling. Well our relationship has been going on this way for years. Everthing will be great and then I will see texts from a new strange girl on his phone. I confront the girl and him and it stops, but in a few months it's a new girl all over again. I even came back from vacation last summer to find out he had a fling with a girl in his car the night I came back after I read his email. Well that was almost a year ago and I was finally starting to trust him again. He went to a local bar/club in our town about two weeks ago with his best friend for a guys night out and I didn't think much of it, until I noticed new late night phone calls. He now locked his phone so I can't check it but I saw his phone bill and that he was calling and texting this girl several times a day and night. ( Sometimes while I was in bed with him watching TV!) I called the girl who confirmed he met her at the bar, told her he didn't have a girlfriend and she said that he was pusuing her. I asked him to stop speaking to her and he said he was sorry and would. I then found out from his phone bill that he did not. When I texted the girl to ask her to please stop, she told me it's not her fault that my man wants her. He told me he would stop speaking to her but I don't believe him. He now changed the password on his online mobile account so I can't check. He says that he loves me with all his heart and he doesnt know why he does these stupid things. I don't know what to do. I love him so much but feel I deserve better. I just want to cry all the time. I don't want to waste five years and he's my best friend also. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I also want to get married but he always says he's not financially secure enough. I can't tell my friends or family because they can't understand why I'm still with him. They don't know about all the girls only the first few. Let me also say that I am an attractive, sweet, college educated woman working on my MBA. I cook, clean, do his wash and have sex whenever he wishes. I know I can have probably any other man but I only have eyes for him. Let me also add that we have lived together for three years, during which I paid the rent and bills!( and no I'm not ugly.I'm actually a very humble but model pretty girl that turns heads every day!) Please offer any advice you may have. I just feel so awful right now. Thanks.

[Woman In Blue]

Sigh.

 

Why do you keep contacting these WOMEN and asking them to stop talking to your sleazeball boyfriend?

 

HE'S the problem. He's a serial cheater and won't change.

 

You can contact woman after woman after woman and try nipping it in the bud, but all he'll do is just find ANOTHER one and start the whole cycle all over again.

 

And YOU keep letting it happen.

 

Over and over and over and over and over and over.

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again - and expecting DIFFERENT results.

 

Your results will NEVER be different if all you're doing is stopping the current sleazy behavior and then forgiving him. All you've shown him is that he can do it again and again and again - and there are NO consequences for it.

 

You can be "model pretty" and wash this loser's dirty underwear every day of the week, cook gourmet meals for him, clean his house AND give him sex 8 times a day. IT DOESN'T MATTER. He's a serial cheater and will continue to cheat over and over again no matter what you do.

 

You even mentioned that your friends and family don't see why you're still with him, and those opinions are based only a PORTION of what this guy has done.

 

Do you disrespect yourself SO much that you think this treatment is fine? Do you have so little self esteem that you're willing to continually let him treat you like this over and over?

 

Sometimes, you just need to say "enough."

[Twenty-ten]

I am involved in an almost five year relationship, with my boyfriend who I love deperately.

You love him "desperately" is right. Loving with desperation is the most toxic form of attachment you can have with another human being, that is not love that is anxiety and a sick attachment. It sounds like you would greatly benefit from therapy. I am shocked that a woman of your intelligence who is studying to obtain an MBA can be this far removed from her own reality.

 

That isn't love that is a toxic attachment that you have with this guy and you more than likely are suffering from low self esteem and can't see your own worth.

 

 

WHAT SHOULD I DO? I also want to get married but he always says he's not financially secure enough. I can't tell my friends or family because they can't understand why I'm still with him. They don't know about all the girls only the first few. Let me also say that I am an attractive, sweet, college educated woman working on my MBA. I cook, clean, do his wash and have sex whenever he wishes. I know I can have probably any other man but I only have eyes for him. Let me also add that we have lived together for three years, during which I paid the rent and bills!( and no I'm not ugly.I'm actually a very humble but model pretty girl that turns heads every day!) Please offer any advice you may have. I just feel so awful right now. Thanks.

You have supported him financially, he has repeatedly cheated on you, he lies to you, and he won't marry you because he makes excuses about his finances (as if the habitual cheating weren't enough or a tip off that this guy does not care for you let alone want to marry you) and yet you still "only have eyes for him?" Girl you need a a good shake. This man does not respect you and you are allowing him to disrespect you. You have given him permission to walk all over you and now you want to know how you can reverse this? you can't. All you can do at this point is leave him and show him that you are no longer going to be a participant to his game of abuse, but you are clearly not going to do that so I am not sure what you wish to get from posting your situation here????

 

There is no magic answer.

[make me believe]

My god!! Do you really even need to post this thread? Can anybody be so stupid??? I'm literally shaking my head over here!

 

This guy has cheated on you CONSTANTLY for five years. Meanwhile, he's bumming off you, you're paying all of the bills, cleaning up after him, doing his laundry, and fcking him on a regular basis. Wow! He's got it made! He can fck another girl, then come home to a nice place (which you've paid for & kept clean) and fck you too! And if he gets caught? Who cares? You may get girl A to quit taking his calls, but he's got countless other girls waiting in line.

 

I sure hope you're making him wear condoms when you have sex, cause he is probably a goldmine of STDs. :sick:

 

He is NEVER going to change. But why should he? You've showed him time & time again that you'll put up with whatever BS he flings your way. Have some respect for yourself and leave this disgusting loser!!