Cheating friend using me as skapegoat

[Queenie]

Hi everyone! I have a friend who just a few months ago separated from her husband, started seeing an "old flame" while her husband was moved out of the home - he saught counselling for his inability to communicate, they got back together meaning her husband moved back in with the idea that they would work things out and she (my friend) is still sleeping with this "old flame" and using myself and my boyfriends offers to get together for coffee as a cover.

 

I'm not exactly comfortable with this and I told her so, she basically retorted by saying that I was bailing on her as a friend and that if I was really her friend I would stand by her. We have an 8 year friendship together and I've never gone through anything as tough as this with her.

 

What do I do? Stand by her and continue being her cover or walk away until she makes a permanent decision about what man she is going to be with?

 

Help !

[Tony T]

Your "friend" is asking you to act contrary to your ethics and morals and for you to do something very uncomfortable as a condition of remaining your friend? You don't need that.

 

If you have to cover for a friend who is having an adulterous affair as a condition for maintaining that friendship, then no friendship exists. Friends don't ask each other to do that.

 

You and your friends simply don't need to expend the energy to participate in this situation. Tell her you will keep everything quiet regarding this situation forevermore but that you will have no further part in it.

 

I make this recommendation because from your post it doesn't sound like you are into continuing the assitance with the coverup.

[billy the kid]

walk.... read your post again!!!! now what do you think????

Hi everyone! I have a friend who just a few months ago separated from her husband, started seeing an "old flame" while her husband was moved out of the home - he saught counselling for his inability to communicate, they got back together meaning her husband moved back in with the idea that they would work things out and she (my friend) is still sleeping with this "old flame" and using myself and my boyfriends offers to get together for coffee as a cover.

 

I'm not exactly comfortable with this and I told her so, she basically retorted by saying that I was bailing on her as a friend and that if I was really her friend I would stand by her. We have an 8 year friendship together and I've never gone through anything as tough as this with her. What do I do? Stand by her and continue being her cover or walk away until she makes a permanent decision about what man she is going to be with?

 

Help !

[Queenie]

Thank you guys both (Tony and billy the kid) for your advice

 

I know already that walking away is going to be a struggle. Boy, I just can't believe how much this hurts me. I feel already like there has been a death I know maybe that's a little extreme verbally but my heart is aching. We have been friends for so long.

Your "friend" is asking you to act contrary to your ethics and morals and for you to do something very uncomfortable as a condition of remaining your friend? You don't need that.

 

If you have to cover for a friend who is having an adulterous affair as a condition for maintaining that friendship, then no friendship exists. Friends don't ask each other to do that.

 

You and your friends simply don't need to expend the energy to participate in this situation. Tell her you will keep everything quiet regarding this situation forevermore but that you will have no further part in it. I make this recommendation because from your post it doesn't sound like you are into continuing the assitance with the coverup.

[Med]

Sink her sorry, pathetic ass. Sell her out she does not respect you or you friendship. Plus when the husband does find out (& he will) you will be blamed equally or more so by him & everyone he associates w/ if/when he finds out that you knew & did nothing &/or acted as a cover.

Hi everyone! I have a friend who just a few months ago separated from her husband, started seeing an "old flame" while her husband was moved out of the home - he saught counselling for his inability to communicate, they got back together meaning her husband moved back in with the idea that they would work things out and she (my friend) is still sleeping with this "old flame" and using myself and my boyfriends offers to get together for coffee as a cover.

 

I'm not exactly comfortable with this and I told her so, she basically retorted by saying that I was bailing on her as a friend and that if I was really her friend I would stand by her. We have an 8 year friendship together and I've never gone through anything as tough as this with her. What do I do? Stand by her and continue being her cover or walk away until she makes a permanent decision about what man she is going to be with?

 

Help !

[Queenie]

So, are you saying I should tell her husband?

 

Oh, my God! Do you have any idea how I would

 

go about doing this without him taking a swing at me?

Sink her sorry, pathetic ass. Sell her out she does not respect you or you friendship. Plus when the husband does find out (& he will) you will be blamed equally or more so by him & everyone he associates w/ if/when he finds out that you knew & did nothing &/or acted as a cover.