where do I go from here

[EDD36]

My wife and I have been in our relationship for 15 years and we have two boys. We have recently agreed to seperate which came as a bit of a shock to me, we have had our share of problems with a short seperation just before christmas 09 but went to relationship counselling and things seemed a lot better and I truly believed we were doing ok, then out of the blue she said that she loved me as a friend but is no longer in love with me in the romantic sense. It felt like my heart had been ripped out because despite our problems I still love her.

the background to this is that I feel she has difficulty expressing her emotions and it always felt that it was me who initiated any sort of cuddling or physical contact, which has gotten worse over the last few years and I have come to realise that our problems probably go further back. Recently I probably stopped trying so hard and let things slide a little which led to the episode at christmas but after the counselling I was trying much harder to make things work.

My wife is blaming herself for all this as she says she is the one ending things and feels guilty for hurting me, there is no one else involved and things are amicable its just a very sad situation, I have asked if further counselling would help but she says she feels nothing now towards me but friendship.

We have decided for the time being to continue to share the house due to finacial constraints and the kids and are looking to rearrange the sleeping situation as at the moment we are sharing the same bed still with a no touch agreement which is so hard as I am used to being able to cuddle up when were together.

I guess I am just feeling lost at the moment and dont know where I go from here, I realise cohabitating may put both our lives in limbo for a while but at least I get to stay near the kids and be a part of their lives for a little longer, I worry that after we split up properley I wont see as much of them as I am used to and that hurts too.

friends tell me I will get better and eventually move on but at the moment that seems like a million miles away and i just feel wrecked, not eating properley, cant sleep, no energy.

Its funny but we are talking now probably better than ever and being completely open with each other, and I know no one is to blame but I feel guilty that I let things get to this state and helpless that I cant do anything about it now.

[EDD36]

We have changed the bedroom situation today so that may make things a little easier.

I dont totally blame myself there have been times that I felt like leaving and I think both of us would say that there are things about each other that we dont like.

I have suggested counselling but I dont think she wants to go in terms of improving our marriage, maybe she will get some for herself to sort her head out, she is feeling guilty for hurting me but at the end of the day I dont want to be with someone who does not love me and I dont want her to be unhappy in our relationship.

it justs hurts at the moment, my feelings are just so raw its difficult to see how I get past feeling like this.

[hopesndreams]

What investigation have you done to confirm there is not an OM lurking?

[EDD36]

I dont think there is an OM, to be honest she hasn't been out enough to have started another relationship, and I have asked her and she has said no and I believe her, she has said that she needs to sort her own head out before she even thinks about trying to meet someone else.

[hopesndreams]

Does she work? Is she on computer for countless hours on end? What personality changes have you noticed?

 

It's not often a woman, with 2 kids, will leave a M and embark on her own, unless, you have been so very terrible toward her. You are certainly blaming yourself for the demise of the M, and it sure makes things easier for her to know that and to use it to her advantage.

[EDD36]

She works , goes to evening school once a week and does use the computer alot but I still dont think she is having an affair, we have just drifted apart and I am going through a guilt trip at the moment, I dont think I have been a terrible husband and she has not been a terrible wife we have just come to a point where one of us wants something different than the other and because her feelings have changed there isn't any way back for her.