When he only wants to see you when he's drunk.

[raisondetre]

Sober: he says hi, we have brief conversations, but he never seems too keen to talk or kind of shys away from the conversation. To sum it up, its AWKWARD.

 

Drunk: suddenly, I am the only person he wants to talk to. Extremely affectionate. Has never "tried anything on", though we have kissed before a few times - all of course whilst drunk.

 

I dont get it. I havent slept with him, and I dont want to unless things stop being so damn awkward when we are sober. I quite fancy him though, and would like to take things further. To make it worse, we are neighbours in a complex of apartment type things. I see him all the time. Why is he so awkward and not friendly when sober?

 

It seems like a bad thing... right?

[EasyHeart]

Sober: he says hi, we have brief conversations, but he never seems too keen to talk or kind of shys away from the conversation. To sum it up, its AWKWARD.

 

Drunk: suddenly, I am the only person he wants to talk to. Extremely affectionate. Has never "tried anything on", though we have kissed before a few times - all of course whilst drunk.

 

I dont get it. I havent slept with him, and I dont want to unless things stop being so damn awkward when we are sober. I quite fancy him though, and would like to take things further. To make it worse, we are neighbours in a complex of apartment type things. I see him all the time. Why is he so awkward and not friendly when sober?

 

It seems like a bad thing... right?

 

Some people are emotionally inhibited (usually because of messed up childhoods with domineering parents) and have trouble expressing their feelings. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and lets their true nature come out. I've seen this in women, mostly, but it can happen with men, too.

 

Or he could just be a dick.

[Rorschach]

Some people are emotionally inhibited (usually because of messed up childhoods with domineering parents) and have trouble expressing their feelings. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and lets their true nature come out. I've seen this in women, mostly, but it can happen with men, too.

 

Or he could just be a dick.

 

This, he might just have issues expressing himself from behind his own defensive wall that he puts up around himself, that wall lowers as BAC rises. Or he could just be a jerk.

 

Either way you have to ask yourself if it's really worth it to deal with the negative issues even if he is just socially stunted.

[LoveLace]

I know a guy like this; he was drunk everytime I saw him, and very flirty, he would also text me constantly when drunk. But if I texted him on an off day when he was likely sober...he sometimes wouldn't even respond..as though his desire to be social is totally opposite of the way he is drunk. It's a shame because he's a nice, good looking and smart guy, but apparently with a drinking problem.

 

My theory is, if you have trouble socializing when your sober and your a heavy drinker that needs that in order to BE social, that's a major issue. Shyness plays into it, yes, but when social skills appear to be plain lost with sobrierty, to me that's a flat out alcohol problem. Likely they are suppressing something about their life that holds them back while sober; but the discovery that alcohol loosens them up is exactly what makes them love drinking. If a person is only able to be fun and open when they are drunk, and not sober...again, something else is going on here.

 

Alcohol will make anyone more social and/or loose, but a mentally healthy person shouldn't have a problem being this way to an extent while sober, either. Going from shy to outgoing is common and expected; but in this case the personality is completely transformed, indicating deeper issues of the psych and usually, a certain amount of dependence on alcohol to escape these issues.

 

Sober interactions with this guy are not going to magically turn from awkward into comfortable. He's that way for a reason, and until he learns to deal with these reasons in a healthy way, he's in no position to maintain a normal, healthy friendship with anyone.

 

And like everyone else says, he could also be just a dick.

 

Either way, the guy isn't worth your attention.

[amymarieca]

I believe this is an exact title from the book "He's Just Not That Into You." Need I say more?

[LoveLace]

I believe this is an exact title from the book "He's Just Not That Into You." Need I say more?

 

Pretty much only it's not because of anything about her, it's just because of his own issues.

[Agent Thomas]

Could be because alcohol makes him inhibited and careless, carefree. Could erase all the anxiety he has in sobriety. I know I am far more outgoing while drunk.

 

Or it could be something like you look better to him when he's drunk lol. Or maybe he's just a dumbass.

[Bartender]

Sober: he says hi, we have brief conversations, but he never seems too keen to talk or kind of shys away from the conversation. To sum it up, its AWKWARD.

 

Drunk: suddenly, I am the only person he wants to talk to. Extremely affectionate. Has never "tried anything on", though we have kissed before a few times - all of course whilst drunk.

 

I dont get it. I havent slept with him, and I dont want to unless things stop being so damn awkward when we are sober. I quite fancy him though, and would like to take things further. To make it worse, we are neighbours in a complex of apartment type things. I see him all the time. Why is he so awkward and not friendly when sober?

 

It seems like a bad thing... right?

 

I used to habitually do this and unfortunately for you he doesn't really have feelings for you, trust me, i know.

 

There'd be girls Id have on the side whom I liked as friends for the most part but wouldn't think twice about sober yet the moment I have a few drinks in me and get a little lonely and want some company we call you and transform into somebody that's not really us, telling you the cheesiest BS just trying to get laid and end up hurting you in the process.

 

The next morning we comeback to reality ashamed of what we've done and whom we done it with and distance ourselves as far as possible from the situation. Bottomline................the guy's a douchebag and stay as far away from him as possible.

[EasyHeart]

I'd agree with that except that he hasn't tried bed her down while drunk. If I've got my beer goggles on, I'm usually trying very hard to seal the deal.

 

I'd wager it's more anxiety/insecurity. Either way, it's probably best to let someone else deal with this trainwreck.