Should I wait to see what happens? Cause I dont want to be wasting my emotions& time

[Tragedi67]

Howdy all, well here's another post of ya'll. I just got divorced last year, was seeing a separated guy with three kids who broke up with me cause he thought I should go out and have fun cause I have many platonic guy friends. So I let him go. Since then I've been on three dates with three totally different guys, but have seen one of them more than once. This guy is also separated but his wife filed for divorce and I believe he has the papers. He really likes me, but tells me he's a little commitment phobic, I guess because when his ex left him for another person and he thinks he rushed into marrying her. They have no kids, but I've seen this guy twice, and we intimately click very well. I asked him last week, cause I was curious what he's looking for, as I am looking for another relationship. He told me that he really likes me but doesn't want to rush into things. I also told him that the more time I spend with him, if he doesn't want a relationship with me, I want to know so that I'm not wasting my emotions and time. I guess my question is should I wait and see what happens? Cause we're already quite attached to each other and call each other pet names. We only see each other on saturdays i am off sundays or monday after he's off from work or tuesdays. So what should I do?

[Tony T]

It's always a bad idea to start seeing somebody who has recently divorced. They are often committment phobic and even more often on the rebound and looking for a healing relationship...that won't last. Why don't you go out and find someone who is emotionally healthy with little baggage. If you hang in there with men who are on the rebound or otherwise in a bad emotional space, you're going to make trouble for yourself.

 

You also need to know a lot of men you may date will be suspect of a lady with lots of platonic guy friends. That's not a bad thing at all but it takes a man who really understands this concept and is very confident in himself to get used to the idea.

[jester]

It's always a bad idea to start seeing somebody who has recently divorced

 

Unfortunately, that observation is frequently true. Many recently divorced, "commitment-phobic" men play the field like Viagra-fueled bunny rabbits.

 

Be very careful with this wounded fellow, or you might join the wounded, too.

[Arabess]

Originally posted by jester

"commitment-phobic"

 

I've seen this word a few times. Is it really a 'phobic' if you just refuse to be in a miserable, boxed in, controlled, manipulated, can't get out of it marriage/relationship......ever ever again?

 

It's kind of like calling a person who has starved....but now finally has their face in a plate of food....that they are a glutton. LOL!

 

Just because someone doesn't want to commit to a relationship doesn't mean they are PHOBIC. Maybe they just don't want to.

 

Just a thought.

[jester]

And a good thought it is, Arabess.

 

I agree, and stand corrected.

 

These guys just want to have fun.

 

Phobic is both too harsh and inaccurate.

 

There are valid relationships one can have that do not have to be monogamous or a prelude to marriage or some other form of commitment. It's called dating.

[Tragedi67]

Well, some of you were right, especially tony. I made the mistake of showing him this post and he freaked out and said i was lying about what i had said about him and that I regretted to say I was co-dependent and easily falling into love. His last thing he said was that he was no longer interested in seeing what could happen between us anymore. So I was pretty upset, but I guess I should be glad too that I didn't stick around too much longer and get more hurt cause all he wants is sex and no commitment.