Any second chance success stories?

[sweethearttx]

Just wondering if anyone has had a successful relationship when trying a second time? And I'm talking about it turning into a long-term relationship or marriage (please no responses from people who have been back together for like 3 months:p). If it was successful the second time around, why do you think that is?

[USMCHokie]

No.

 

My recommendation is to not go fishing for successful second chance stories...they provide you with false hope of something that generally doesn't work out.

[dreamer0123]

Just wondering if anyone has had a successful relationship when trying a second time? And I'm talking about it turning into a long-term relationship or marriage (please no responses from people who have been back together for like 3 months:p). If it was successful the second time around, why do you think that is?

 

I know one couple- my best friend actually. There were together for a long time and split up due to some issues.. they both tried dating other people and were separate for about a year before they got back together- but when they finally decided to try it again- they had changed and it worked.

 

The bottom line is that the relationship broke for a reason- and to make it work- it's almost like you have to start all over again or clear up those issues that caused the break.

 

It took them a while to do that- but now they are happily married and I couldn't imagine them with other people!

[USMCHokie]

 

The bottom line is that the relationship broke for a reason- and to make it work- it's almost like you have to start all over again or clear up those issues that caused the break.

 

 

Ding ding ding! And that's the magic formula to a second chance...it's almost like having to treat it as a whole new dating experience...and it usually requires A LOT of time apart...

[georgia girl]

Of course I had to reply!

 

Yes, I was a poster here on LS and got back together with my ex who dumped me and we are now engaged. We're getting married this fall.

 

Here's the thing, though. When he came back, just weeks after we broke up, I asked if he wanted to make our relationship work. He said no. So, I went hard, Caliguy-style no contact. It didn't matter. He kept trying to contact me, decided he would "give in" and give me a second chance and a whole bunch of crap that I never listened to. I just kept rejecting him. I figured, if he really loved me, he would make me stand up and take notice. That included some of the best advice I ever received here - couples' counselling.

 

Being in the deep south and dating a southern gent, my fiance had about 10 seconds of that before he thought, "No way in hell." I said fine. "Have a wonderful life." That was the turning point. I knew I didn't need him anymore and that what I would be getting from him - which was just the tiny pieces he was willing to offer would eventually starve me. Therefore, despite being the love of my life, I was ready to move on, move out and move ahead.

 

My fiance did some very hard thinking and went to counselling with me. We learned a lot. Mostly, about how we're both commitment phobes and while I chased the guy who wasn't likely to offer a commitment (so I didn't have to be the active commitment phobe), he looked for the "ideal" woman and walked away every time things weren't "just right."

 

It's been the most fulfilling period of my life. We've been back together nearly six months and have recently closed on his old house so that we are now living in my house. Our wedding has been a ball to plan and all I know about my honeymoon is that involves beach wear.

 

My point is, second chances can work. But ONLY if both people are fully committed and that means one partner can't "convince" the other partner to work on the relationship. For my fiance, I had to walk away and stay gone. It was the only therapy that worked for him. When he realized that I was not going to accept anything less than a total commitment, he had to choose. I would have been just fine if he hadn't chosen me. I am very grateful that he did.

 

Be prepared to go on with your life. You'll be amazed at what happens when you're not looking!

[Marina09]

What a wonderful story and lesson... I'm trying to take a second chance with my ex but I don't see a total commitment in him. In fact he hasn't mentioned a second chance right now. He said one day we should try again but he didn't say it should be now. I am ready to move on with my life, if we are meant for each other I guess life will bring us together again, if not it just wasn't right...

[sweethearttx]

What a wonderful story and lesson... I'm trying to take a second chance with my ex but I don't see a total commitment in him. In fact he hasn't mentioned a second chance right now. He said one day we should try again but he didn't say it should be now. I am ready to move on with my life, if we are meant for each other I guess life will bring us together again, if not it just wasn't right...

Yeah I was considering giving my ex another chance. But I had a condition that he go to therapy first. IMO he needed it if he was going to be with me, because his issues were affecting the relationship (abusive childhood, intimacy problems, communication problems, walls, commitment fears, etc.). I thought he had gone...he said he realized he did need counseling and was going to go for himself. To improve himself. He was acting differently but as soon as we even started going down a path where we were closer emotionally, he pulled back. So much for that. I had already moved on with my life and was fine with never being with him again, and I didn't invest anything this time around, so I can walk with my heart intact.

[CaliGuy]

Of course I had to reply!

 

Yes, I was a poster here on LS and got back together with my ex who dumped me and we are now engaged. We're getting married this fall.

 

Here's the thing, though. When he came back, just weeks after we broke up, I asked if he wanted to make our relationship work. He said no. So, I went hard, Caliguy-style no contact. It didn't matter. He kept trying to contact me, decided he would "give in" and give me a second chance and a whole bunch of crap that I never listened to. I just kept rejecting him. I figured, if he really loved me, he would make me stand up and take notice. That included some of the best advice I ever received here - couples' counselling.

 

Being in the deep south and dating a southern gent, my fiance had about 10 seconds of that before he thought, "No way in hell." I said fine. "Have a wonderful life." That was the turning point. I knew I didn't need him anymore and that what I would be getting from him - which was just the tiny pieces he was willing to offer would eventually starve me. Therefore, despite being the love of my life, I was ready to move on, move out and move ahead.

 

My fiance did some very hard thinking and went to counselling with me. We learned a lot. Mostly, about how we're both commitment phobes and while I chased the guy who wasn't likely to offer a commitment (so I didn't have to be the active commitment phobe), he looked for the "ideal" woman and walked away every time things weren't "just right."

 

It's been the most fulfilling period of my life. We've been back together nearly six months and have recently closed on his old house so that we are now living in my house. Our wedding has been a ball to plan and all I know about my honeymoon is that involves beach wear.

 

My point is, second chances can work. But ONLY if both people are fully committed and that means one partner can't "convince" the other partner to work on the relationship. For my fiance, I had to walk away and stay gone. It was the only therapy that worked for him. When he realized that I was not going to accept anything less than a total commitment, he had to choose. I would have been just fine if he hadn't chosen me. I am very grateful that he did.

 

Be prepared to go on with your life. You'll be amazed at what happens when you're not looking!

 

Glad my advice helped you. I really believe that second chances are very rare when a woman leaves you (it's about zero!). When a guy leaves the odds are better because they don't ponder their thoughts before they go.

 

If you're female, follow this advice and perhaps a second chance comes.

If you're male, I'd follow this advice and move on with your life.

 

Cheers!

[northstar1]

Glad my advice helped you. I really believe that second chances are very rare when a woman leaves you (it's about zero!). When a guy leaves the odds are better because they don't ponder their thoughts before they go.

 

If you're female, follow this advice and perhaps a second chance comes.

If you're male, I'd follow this advice and move on with your life.

 

Cheers!

 

well said sir.

[tnttim]

I'm not that far into mine, 5 months, but I am very optimistic we will make it.

 

I think change and open communication are the foundations of a successful reconciliation. Without both a relationship will not have the support it needs to continue.

 

The last word you ever want to equate to any relationship is WORK. If you think of it as work then it is doomed to fail.

 

I also think learning about the opposite sex through reading and talking with them is also very fundamental.

 

My final point is to treat your wife/husband like you are still trying to wim their love. Basically do the things you did whe you first met. Men chase, women love being chased.

[Big Al Snow]

13 years I met a girl that absolutely blew me away. It was a different relationship because it was pretty much purely sexual. She would come to my house for the night then leave and vice/versa. We are both very independent, opinionated, and comfortable in our own skin. We would do stuff together for multiple days but not very often.

 

We were together for about two years doing this. Her mom started dying of cancer and things started falling apart. She was the caretaker of her mother during this period because none of her family would help. Her mother begged her for more medication because of the pain from chemo and my girlfriend administered heavy doses of meds.

 

She started lashing out at me about the weirdest things, and finally one day I said "I don't think it's me your mad at me." That pretty much nailed it on the head. She soon after called me and said it wasn't going to work any more between us. We went our separate directions without even raising our voices about the situation but we both knew something great was being lost. For all these years I always thought about how much I loved her and how I had wished it had worked out, even though we never talked about being in love.

 

13 years later she tells my old boss she wants to see me. I had to see her. Our first date, the second time, was on New Year's Eve and it was like we were never apart. We have talked about all those things we never talked about before. We talk about everything with no judgements being passed. We talked about how angry she was about her mothers death, how much we both love each other, how we always thought about each other, no other sex comparing to ours, and how we never should of broken up the first time.

 

This time around my career had changed and she knew I worked in the Persian Gulf twice a year and would be going away in 2 months. Then work called and said instead of two months I had to fly out the next day. This was just 8 days after getting back together. I leave for 3 months and then home for 3 months of freetime. She has survived this for a year now with no problems.

 

If she can deal with that she can survive anything. Everything just seems so right, I'm hoping this is one success story on this Second Chances link.

[KafkasLastWords]

I have 2 stories...

 

1) On Friday, I attended the wedding of a second chance success story. They'd been together since high school - were together for about 5 or 6 years when he broke up with her but that lasted only about a month. 2 years later he broke up with her again and said this time it was for good and they just weren't going to work out. After 4 months of NC, she called him in a moment of weakness to tell him she missed him and he told her to move on and get over him... that it was really over. After that she really accepted it and moved on and 3 months later (so 7 months of being broken up in total), guess who came out of the woodwork? He called her to say he missed her like crazy and no girl out there came close to comparing to her. They took it slow at first and she was reluctant but he proposed mere weeks later. That was about a year and a half ago and, while it took them time to heal the wounds and genuinely work through everything that had happened - they are now blissfully happy. At the wedding everyone agreed there was this overwhelming feeling of ah everything is exactly as it should be (when it comes to them).

 

2) This is about a friend of a friend. She and her boyfriend had been together for 5 years and he moved for work - NYC to Boston is only 2 hrs so the move wasn't that big a deal really. He broke it off with her and said it wasn't going to work out and they didn't speak at all. She moved on with her life, took care of herself, dated etc. About 6 months later, she was in NYC for business and let him know she was in town. They met up to hang out and had an incredible time together - just a lot of fun - and remembered everything they had. They got back together soon after and are now married with a baby on the way.

 

Noone should think that these stories are the norm but from what I've seen in stories of friends and friends of friends, it usually seems to work out when the relationship was long with a strong foundation/history in place.

[bluewolf17]

My ex and I broke up in the Spring, got back together in the winter. Things are great, better than ever. We are graduating and looking at rings and things. I broke up with him, and then had to work things out. It took him 9 months to finally trust that I did want him back.

 

 

You have to have a mutual respect and understanding. It took him figuring out some things in his personal life, and me figuring out what I really wanted. I was a pain, took things for granted. Looking back..uh. You forget how good you have it until you don't!

 

And it's a lot of hard work. I basically broke up with him because I was tired of trying, I thought it was getting to hard while we were in a rough patch. Little did I know he also knew we were in a rough patch, but never would have considered ending the relationship. I quit instead of giving it the effort.

[KafkasLastWords]

I actually have yet another story - a couple that I know in their mid-30s were together for 6 years, living together and one day he said he just didn't think he ever wanted to get married. She said well it was important to her so they parted ways. For a month they were in limbo and after a month he told her that they were really broken up. She was devastated but tried to move on and be ok. 2 months later (so 3 months apart in total) they got together to talk and he told her he didn't want to live without her. A few months later he proposed and their wedding is in September. I am not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing that I know so many couples that got back together... I don't really want to keep any hope alive.

[Welp]

Just wondering if anyone has had a successful relationship when trying a second time? And I'm talking about it turning into a long-term relationship or marriage (please no responses from people who have been back together for like 3 months:p). If it was successful the second time around, why do you think that is?

 

 

I don't have a 2nd chance success story, I have a 5th chance failure (on my part) story.. If you really love each other, 2nd and maybe even 3rd chances should be a possibility, 4th chances are extremely rare, and well.. 5th chances.. you get the picture. She's not stupid, she's extremely socially aware. She just really really loves me (and I really really love her, but started dealing with my personal issues waaay too late into the relationship!) So, complete idiot here speaking, who threw away a very special, once in a lifetime encounter type girl..