How do I dissociate the memory of my ex with certain activities?

[EyeAlone]

I broke up with my ex boyfriend a couple of weeks ago and now I can't do anything that remotely reminds me of him. I also can't enjoy anything, too. For example...

 

I enjoy watching movies. I have a long list of movies on my Netflix account that I used to want to watch. Unfortunately, my boyfriend also was interested in them. Now I can't watch them because they remind me too much of him.

 

I cannot cook for myself anymore. It just depresses me too much because he liked to cook a lot. Now I'm resorting myself to frozen pizzas every f***ing day.

 

I used to enjoy going to the many museums and parks that the city has to offer. Unfortunately, so did my boyfriend. The only place I feel like he hasn't "tainted" is the gym.

 

I can't listen to my music anymore. I love listening to music and searching for new and interesting bands on iTunes. So did my boyfriend. Can't motivate myself to do that anymore.

 

It's like everything that used to define myself is RUINED.

 

Is this normal??? I can't enjoy myself at all because so many things remind me of him. The same thing happened with my previous ex boyfriend. Fortunately I didn't date him long enough so he didn't taint a lot of things that I enjoyed. But there were some things that took me FOREVER to learn to enjoy again. How do I get over this?

[skydiveaddict]

lol yea dont worry, its normal I have the same troubles. so does everyone else going through this . you will be ok

[USMCHokie]

Go skydiving.

[skydiveaddict]

very funny

[EyeAlone]

It just sucks because the only things that are safe to do are go to the gym, eat frozen pizza (which negates everything I do at the gym), and surf the internet.

[USMCHokie]

But seriously though, this may or may not work for you...perhaps you should just go ahead and do all those activities...it will help you accept your loss and cope with the emotions that come along with the breakup. Don't avoid dealing with those emotions by avoiding these activities...

 

Eventually, you're going to need to eat more than just frozen pizza...so why delay the inevitable and p*ssyfoot around avoiding your life? Yes, these activities are emotionally linked to your ex, but the only way you're going to heal is to keep your head up, tackle these activities, and redefine yourself without him.

[skydiveaddict]

It just sucks because the only things that are safe to do are go to the gym, eat frozen pizza (which negates everything I do at the gym), and surf the internet.

 

Then you need to think outside yourself. do things you have never done before. take risks. live. forget "safe"

[confused and broken]

Totally normal, but sh*tty.... Honestly I haven't figured out what to do... One thing I know for sure is that some days are so much easier than other days and it really helps to be around people who make you laugh...

[McGrupp]

hobbies, new places, new memories.

 

take up a cool new hobby with people, join a different gym, rearrange your apt. (this is huge), also you if you can...move!

 

change everything...

[KewlBum]

EyeAlone, I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! It sucks so hardcore. I can't watch certain movies, listen to certain songs, eat certain foods, think of certain restaurants, can't set foot in a movie theatre....everything. Too many things remind me of her. The worst part is when I think I'm having a good day where she's not on my mind too much, then BAM a song comes on reminding me of her.

[mickleb]

But seriously though, this may or may not work for you...perhaps you should just go ahead and do all those activities...it will help you accept your loss and cope with the emotions that come along with the breakup. Don't avoid dealing with those emotions by avoiding these activities...

 

Eventually, you're going to need to eat more than just frozen pizza...so why delay the inevitable and p*ssyfoot around avoiding your life? Yes, these activities are emotionally linked to your ex, but the only way you're going to heal is to keep your head up, tackle these activities, and redefine yourself without him.

 

This is absolutely correct.

 

You have to reclaim 'your stuff'. At the moment you're on your way to making yourself ill. That won't help to heal your broken heart.

 

Take yourself back, bit by bit. Start with your favourite food, or film. Something you got a lot of pleasure from before you met him. Then continue to bite the bullet and claw your life back.

 

You've got to keep trying. You've got to want to heal and remember your self-worth. Stick up for your poor self!

 

Do some new stuff too, as McGrupp suggests. Write a list of all the things you always wanted to do and work towards achieving those things. It's a wide world out there - get discovering.

 

Be tough on yourself, here. As the state of mind you've found yourself in is a recipe for long-term depression. If you find yourself in the same situation in a month, visit your doctor.

 

x

[Marina09]

For a few weeks I totally avoided all the activities that reminded me of him. But after some days you have to face them and do them. You have to have in mind that now you are an independent person that is capable of doing everything by herself. Of course he will come to your mind... But it's all part of the breakup process, it something that you gotta do, you can't live your life not doing the things you like just because he likes them too. I know it's very painful but the sooner you make them the sooner you will get use to doing them by yourself. I read that to disassociate a place or an activity from your ex you must create a new memory. For example go to the museum with friends or family members, and create a new memory of that place. I know it sounds easy but it's not. But keep in mind that you are strong and you are capable of doing it. Good luck!