A real second chance, or just reassurance?

[VeloFellow]

Hi all,

 

Thanks for reading and any advice or thoughts. I'll do my best to contribute to other's questions and threads too. This stuff is easier with a bit of support.

 

I met a girl who lived a few hours away and we started to date. It was fantastic, great chemistry, lots in common. She told me she thought I was 'the one' and even told some friends this. But things started to deteriorate. She finished school and moved in with me, but couldn't find work and couldn't work in my state. We made it work but there was lots of tension and anxiety. We both were opening up but both knew she would have to leave. She was applying for jobs in her home state and then, finally, got one. We talked about making it work on long distance, and I think I would've been ok with that, except for a couple of things.

 

- she had started texting and communicating with a 'friend' that she had met from the city she's moved to. She met him when there for a week of interviews.

- just before she left she rather mysteriously removed the relationship status from her Facebook account. She didn't change it to 'single', just removed it

- she also joined a couple of online clubs on that site that this new friend was a member of

 

Those things sure make it look like she's creating the appearance of being available. It's pretty blatant to me, actually.

 

So we had a dramatic blow up the night before she was driving out. Up until then we had talked about 'making it work', but after the fight? Gone. I said some things, she denied everything and left, dramatically, a few hours before she was supposed to.

 

That was two days ago. Since then we've texted a little bit. I just wished her luck and that kind of thing.

 

I was supposed to fly out there this weekend, but since the fight and breakup and me accusing her of keeping her options open in a new city, I told her I wasn't going to do that anymore because what she'd done seemed fishy.

 

However, today, I floated it out there again. But said, 'just for fun', 'no commitment', 'no relationship' - maybe not this weekend, but sometime. She told me really wanted me to come out, that she 'luved' me, and that everything she saw she wanted to share with me. She said she wanted to see me whenever I could make it.

 

So, now what? We haven't really cleared the air with the whole FB relationship update issue. Should I push it? Should I ignore that? Should I go out there this weekend, or give it some more time? I like her, but I have options in my city, for sure. I thought that two can play at the 'available' game. I could go see her once in awhile, have three or four days together having fun, and then pursue my options in my city. Should I just tell her that's what I think we should do?

 

Thanks for reading, any help or advice is really appreciated.

[USMCHokie]

Long distance relationships on their own are tough as it is, but if they start on such a bad note as yours apparently has, it is just trouble waiting to happen. I'm sure the two of you are great together, but oftentimes life gets in the way of what could have been a great relationship. This was one of the biggest lessons I learned from my ex...sometimes it's best to let go of something that was good and move on to something that has a better chance of working out...

 

I know this is going to sound a bit ridiculous, but if she truly wanted to be with you, she wouldn't have taken the job. Again, sometimes life gets in the way and people have to move on and do their own thing.

 

If you're thinking of continuing this charade and playing these bullsh*t games back and forth with her, what's the point of staying in contact?

 

My strong recommendation is to LAUNCH. It's over. Don't visit her. Don't talk to her. Let her go and move on.