Improving sex life without changing anything!?

[Honorable_Venerable]

HV,

Sorry - didn't fully grasp your situation until you reiterated the point about how she was fine with normal variety of sex until marriage at which point she shut you down.

 

Can't help you. You have allowed yourself to be emotionally overpowered - PS - I will define that for you since every guy I say this to spends a lot of ink explaining to me that his partner has not overpowered him.

 

Emotionally overpowered: When the stronger partner egregiously violates the golden rule and the weaker partner allows them to do so without proportional consequence.

 

She did a total sexual bait and switch and your response has been to politely state your disappointment. And her response to your complaints has been to ignore you/blame you for not being smart enough to figure it out.

 

No advice is going to help you because this isn't about making a logical case - you are plenty smart enough to do that. This is about having the courage to inflict consequences on a very ill behaved partner. And you seem to lack that courage.

 

Very few women are able to have truly exciting sex with men they can walk all over.

 

Q1 What is "bait and switch"?

Q2 When you say "inflict consequences" are you suggesting I (essentially) physically or emotionally assault her?

 

I don't like what you say, or how you say it. If this is the limit of your advice, get out of my face.

[Luv2dance]

Ok, this is a totally different problem if she was "into" oral and other sexual acts before marriage. I'm shocked that she has been able to get away with saying good married people or "older" people don't do such things...that is just backward thinking, IMHO! I'm not sure counseling is going to help if she has just decided she doesn't want to do these things and you have allowed it to go on for this many years.

 

I'm pretty sure the "bait and switch" just means she led you to believe one thing prior to marriage and then switch things on you after marriage b/c she had what she wanted...husband/provider. NO one would suggest you emotionally or physically abuse your wife, but she has been abusing you for YEARS. It seems she has things just the way she wants them and she knows you aren't going to do anything about it.

 

She is NOT submissive - she doesn't surrender control of our sex life to me, she maintains complete control on what we do (or rather don't do), hence I can't convince her to try anything different. There seems to be an element of passive-aggressive behaviour, an element of an expectation that nice married people "don't" and an expectation that sex is entirely on her terms "It's not a buyer's market" was how she rather pithily put it once.

 

This right here says it all to me...if this is true she doesn't "get" what a marriage really means!

[mem11363]

1. I have never raised a hand to my wife of 20+ years

2. I never would and

3. I believe that any man who uses physical intimidation or outright physical force on his wife (with the one exception being if she wishes him to do so in the bedroom) is a barbarian and a criminal

 

With that said - a healthy marriage has a LOT of give and take. Me I think I give more than my share outside the bedroom and receive more than a 50-50 shake inside the bedroom. This is an arrangement that we have evolved to over time that I believe we are both very happy with.

 

If you are consistently meeting your wife's needs, and she is consistently ignoring your core needs than the consequence is that you lower her down on your priority scale.

 

 

 

 

Q1 What is "bait and switch"?

Q2 When you say "inflict consequences" are you suggesting I (essentially) physically or emotionally assault her?

 

I don't like what you say, or how you say it. If this is the limit of your advice, get out of my face.

[allanworks]

dude thats f***ed up shes mad at you for something and she may not relize it.women can control there orgazems if you give them enough to work with.your doing 30 min thats above average for some men.shes holding back or your junk isnt up to par if you dont mind tell us your size.so we can tell you.

for exsample i f***ed this one girl for an hour and a half. when she finally had an orgasem she slaped me and sayed i hate you .i said why .she said she didnt want me to have the satisfaction of causing her a orgasem.i told her we would never happen and she was mad about that.

[tnttim]

Giving a women an orgasm has very little to do with your sexual technique. I will say it again, giving a women an orgasm has very little to do with your sexual technique.

 

She needs the build up of sexual tension, and then an orgasm will happen, any kind of orgasm. Women are not like men, what turns us on does not turn them on. They want you to be able to turn them on, they even help us but we do not notice it because we are not looking for the right signs.

 

I have no magic trick, or line that will make her want sex, I do know the states of mind she needs to be in though. I also know that you need sexual value, or worthiness.

 

Build the tension:

 

1. Do not be always ready to have sex
   
2. Ignore her little attempts to feel sexy
   
3. If she asks if she is sexy, avoid the answer, or do not answer
   
4. Tell her she looks like someone, then call that someone a turn off
   
5. Make her believe that you think everyone wants sex from you
   
6. Be the bad guy once in a while, do not do everything she asks
   
7. Ignore her sexual advances until she gives in and takes it from you
   
8. Figure out her taboos and mimic them
   
9. Do not be predictable, do not be predictable
   

Your sexual value:

 

1. React happily if she turns you down
   
2. Sex is no longer top of your list
   
3. Do things you would expect sex from, and then do not have sex
   
4. Wait for her to initiate sex, but build the tension in the mean time
   
5. Make sure she knows other people respect you, and want to be your friend
   
6. Have compassion, when she is hurting, help her heal
   
7. Do not do every little thing she asks you to do, say NO once in a while
   
8. Keep other females interested in you
   
9. Stop anti-seductive behaviors immediately
   
10. Find out what shes proud of most and use it to prop her up when she needs it
    
11. Sex is not a god given right
    

The biggest thing is to learn about your women, educate yourself about what makes her tick. We are all different, but we are made up of the same things. Somethings that are important to some, are less important to others. So find out what she wants, and needs and give it to her.

 

Make sure before, during and after sex you mention what shes proud of. You want her to feel good during the whole process, again it has very little to do with performance. If she is smiling and in good spirits before, during, and after the better and easier it will be next time.

 

Time is very important, give the above suggestions some time to sink in. You have been exhibiting anti-seductive for a lot longer than you think. She needs to adjust to the new you, and she still fears the old you will return. So be patient, do not rush, and pay attention to her. I can guarentee results.

[crazycatlady]

Giving a women an orgasm has very little to do with your sexual technique. I will say it again, giving a women an orgasm has very little to do with your sexual technique.

 

She needs the build up of sexual tension, and then an orgasm will happen, any kind of orgasm. Women are not like men, what turns us on does not turn them on. They want you to be able to turn them on, they even help us but we do not notice it because we are not looking for the right signs.

 

I have no magic trick, or line that will make her want sex, I do know the states of mind she needs to be in though. I also know that you need sexual value, or worthiness.

 

Build the tension:

 

1. Do not be always ready to have sex
   
2. Ignore her little attempts to feel sexy
   
3. If she asks if she is sexy, avoid the answer, or do not answer
   
4. Tell her she looks like someone, then call that someone a turn off
   
5. Make her believe that you think everyone wants sex from you
   
6. Be the bad guy once in a while, do not do everything she asks
   
7. Ignore her sexual advances until she gives in and takes it from you
   
8. Figure out her taboos and mimic them
   
9. Do not be predictable, do not be predictable
   

Your sexual value:

 

1. React happily if she turns you down
   
2. Sex is no longer top of your list
   
3. Do things you would expect sex from, and then do not have sex
   
4. Wait for her to initiate sex, but build the tension in the mean time
   
5. Make sure she knows other people respect you, and want to be your friend
   
6. Have compassion, when she is hurting, help her heal
   
7. Do not do every little thing she asks you to do, say NO once in a while
   
8. Keep other females interested in you
   
9. Stop anti-seductive behaviors immediately
   
10. Find out what shes proud of most and use it to prop her up when she needs it
    
11. Sex is not a god given right
    

The biggest thing is to learn about your women, educate yourself about what makes her tick. We are all different, but we are made up of the same things. Somethings that are important to some, are less important to others. So find out what she wants, and needs and give it to her.

 

Make sure before, during and after sex you mention what shes proud of. You want her to feel good during the whole process, again it has very little to do with performance. If she is smiling and in good spirits before, during, and after the better and easier it will be next time.

 

Time is very important, give the above suggestions some time to sink in. You have been exhibiting anti-seductive for a lot longer than you think. She needs to adjust to the new you, and she still fears the old you will return. So be patient, do not rush, and pay attention to her. I can guarentee results.

 

The areas I bolded .... I don't know a single woman that would work for. In fact it would backfire so darn fast. Women have an even harder time having their advances turned down. In fact, especially with a woman who rarely even initiates, this could be a real killer.

 

And a woman who has lower self-confidence, a few of those could be a real killer egowise.

 

I don't understand the mimic taboos. Are you saying have the same taboos? Or do her taboos? Because if its do her taboos, that's just downright disrespectful.

 

A few of those I do agree with whole heartedly. Nothing is sexier then a man with a nice sized ego who knows he's attractive. And I've seen some nice things happen for a friend whose wife is rather sexless when she saw some women flirting with her H. He actually got some that night. She was very much trying to stake her territory.

 

CCL

[xxoo]

The areas I bolded .... I don't know a single woman that would work for. In fact it would backfire so darn fast. Women have an even harder time having their advances turned down. In fact, especially with a woman who rarely even initiates, this could be a real killer.

 

I agree, CCL. Those "games" would turn this sexual woman cold.

 

Some of the advice tnttim gives is good, but boils down to: be a strong, confident man, and don't pester for sex.

[Ronni_W]

Build the tension:

2. Ignore her little attempts to feel sexy

3. If she asks if she is sexy, avoid the answer, or do not answer

4. Tell her she looks like someone, then call that someone a turn off

7. Ignore her sexual advances until she gives in and takes it from you

8. Figure out her taboos and mimic them

As the guy from Monty Python used to say, "Stop it! This is silly!"

 

Whatever 'How to Build Sexual Tension' manual from which you excerpted this list is so far out to lunch that you ought to demand your money back, tnttim. At least, you'd be wiser to completely ignore those specific five suggestions.

They will not work on women or men. Well...they will work if the 'tension' one is trying to build is of the acrimonious type; will work very well, for that.

 

HV, I honestly think that the real changes necessary to improve your sex life need to take place within your wife's mind. You can feel and act as confident and sexy as God himself...but your wife is still going to be governed and limited by her own beliefs.

 

That is, you aren't lacking anything and you haven't done anything "wrong". The current conditions are simply the result of how your wife interpreted the sexual messages she received growing up, and which of those (screwed-up) messages she chose to adopt as her own beliefs about sex and her sexuality. There is nothing that is your "fault" and there is nothing that you can change all by yourself.

 

Hugs.

[MichelleZB]

Your wife has never had an orgasm. I don't know if you've mentioned that in the thread, but it's true. You say that she "almost orgasms" sometimes, but she doesn't--she doesn't know what an orgasm feels like, so she doesn't know what getting close feels like, either.

 

Never having masturbated, not really wanting sex, not liking foreplay, and then getting her husband to pump in and out of her for a short time in missionary position--no, your wife is NOT getting close to orgasm in this scenario. It's physically improbable.

 

What has been making your wife so closed off about sex? Was she sexually abused as a child? The kind of language she uses: "Only sluts like..." "Dirty and disgusting..." certainly could suggest it.

 

Therapy?

[MichelleZB]

I have something else to add: In her mind, sex is something that is DONE to her, not something she does. Whether she enjoys herself or not is entirely up to you--the perpetrator of sex onto her. It does seem like a fishy mindset, doesn't it?

 

But the end result is that she has unsatisfying sex. But she is justifying this in her head by telling herself that at least she is doing her job; she's holding up her end of the bargain. She is satisfying you, she thinks.

 

You need to stop asking her, "What can I do to make sex better for you?" because she doesn't know the answer to that question. She hasn't the foggiest idea what will make sex better for her, so you should stop bugging her about that.

 

The thing is, there's something she may not realise. Sex sucks for YOU--you don't have the kind of open exchange and mutual pleasure that makes sex really hot. Stop asking what you can do for her--she doesn't know--and start telling her what she needs to do for you. Tell her, "Honey, our sex life is dead and it's not going well for me. I need more openness. I need to talk about sex. I need you to explore sex with me for me to get off on it. This closed off area in our lives is poisoning our marriage. I'm happy to be understanding, to talk, to give you time--but I need to move forward with this for my own pleasure. Our sex life is killing me inside."

 

If you're able to talk to her about this sensitively, you might be able to start a dialogue. The first thing you should ask her is, "Tell me what you think about sex and why." If domineering parents/guardians don't come into the story somehow, I'll be pretty surprised.

[Honorable_Venerable]

As usual – comments in italic, replies in plain. Thanks for point out to tnttim how unhelpful his advice is. Perhaps he has cross posted to my question from someone else’s by mistake? I can’t see any other reason why.

I have something else to add: In her mind, sex is something that is DONE to her, not something she does. Whether she enjoys herself or not is entirely up to you--the perpetrator of sex onto her. It does seem like a fishy mindset, doesn't it?

 

But the end result is that she has unsatisfying sex. But she is justifying this in her head by telling herself that at least she is doing her job; she's holding up her end of the bargain. She is satisfying you, she thinks.

No, I don’t think so. I don’t think she cares whether or not I’m satisfied. There’s a strong element of “You’ll have what you’re given, and like it”.

You need to stop asking her, "What can I do to make sex better for you?" because she doesn't know the answer to that question. She hasn't the foggiest idea what will make sex better for her, so you should stop bugging her about that.

 

The thing is, there's something she may not realise. Sex sucks for YOU--you don't have the kind of open exchange and mutual pleasure that makes sex really hot. Stop asking what you can do for her--she doesn't know--and start telling her what she needs to do for you. Tell her, "Honey, our sex life is dead and it's not going well for me. I need more openness. I need to talk about sex. I need you to explore sex with me for me to get off on it. This closed off area in our lives is poisoning our marriage. I'm happy to be understanding, to talk, to give you time--but I need to move forward with this for my own pleasure. Our sex life is killing me inside."

I see what you’re saying – I’m not sure that it will work. She considers that what she does should more than enough for me both in terms of the frequency and variety of the act. We have discussed it. She “knows” her position is absolutely correct and will not compromise. I think you’re right that my asking her what to do is a bit pointless – she probably has not got a frame of reference to tell me, but I’m not convinced she wants one. It doesn’t feel like she wants to be “helped”, because to her way of thinking she doesn’t NEED to be helped. She thinks I need to manage my expectations downward.

 

If you're able to talk to her about this sensitively, you might be able to start a dialogue. The first thing you should ask her is, "Tell me what you think about sex and why." If domineering parents/guardians don't come into the story somehow, I'll be pretty surprised.

You may be right – I know her sex education from her mother was “a man has his thing, and he puts it in your, you know...”.

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[Honorable_Venerable]

Your wife has never had an orgasm. I don't know if you've mentioned that in the thread, but it's true. You say that she "almost orgasms" sometimes, but she doesn't--she doesn't know what an orgasm feels like, so she doesn't know what getting close feels like, either.

 

Yes, she has. I didn't make myself clear. She has, and did very frequently before we were married. She still does if she lets me masturbate her (this is however very infrequent). Sorry for the confusion.

 

Never having masturbated, not really wanting sex, not liking foreplay, and then getting her husband to pump in and out of her for a short time in missionary position--no, your wife is NOT getting close to orgasm in this scenario. It's physically improbable.

 

Half an hour is short!? Hit me where it hurts, go on;). How long is "long enough" I.Y.O? She is getting close - I have brought her to orgasm sufficiently often to be able to say this is the case. I couldn't put a number on how far along she is (e.g. 75% or 90% or w.h.y.), but she is along the road.

 

What has been making your wife so closed off about sex? Was she sexually abused as a child? The kind of language she uses: "Only sluts like..." "Dirty and disgusting..." certainly could suggest it.

 

I couldn't rule it out, but I have no evidence to suggest this is the case.

 

Therapy?[/QUOTE]

 

You could be right, but she isn't a fan of "therapy" - sees it as an excuse for weak people who can't sort themselves out:confused:

[allanworks]

Giving a women an orgasm has very little to do with your sexual technique. I will say it again, giving a women an orgasm has very little to do with your sexual technique.

 

She needs the build up of sexual tension, and then an orgasm will happen, any kind of orgasm. Women are not like men, what turns us on does not turn them on. They want you to be able to turn them on, they even help us but we do not notice it because we are not looking for the right signs.

 

I have no magic trick, or line that will make her want sex, I do know the states of mind she needs to be in though. I also know that you need sexual value, or worthiness.

 

Build the tension:

 

1. Do not be always ready to have sex
   
2. Ignore her little attempts to feel sexy
   
3. If she asks if she is sexy, avoid the answer, or do not answer
   
4. Tell her she looks like someone, then call that someone a turn off
   
5. Make her believe that you think everyone wants sex from you
   
6. Be the bad guy once in a while, do not do everything she asks
   
7. Ignore her sexual advances until she gives in and takes it from you
   
8. Figure out her taboos and mimic them
   
9. Do not be predictable, do not be predictable
   

Your sexual value:

 

1. React happily if she turns you down
   
2. Sex is no longer top of your list
   
3. Do things you would expect sex from, and then do not have sex
   
4. Wait for her to initiate sex, but build the tension in the mean time
   
5. Make sure she knows other people respect you, and want to be your friend
   
6. Have compassion, when she is hurting, help her heal
   
7. Do not do every little thing she asks you to do, say NO once in a while
   
8. Keep other females interested in you
   
9. Stop anti-seductive behaviors immediately
   
10. Find out what shes proud of most and use it to prop her up when she needs it
    
11. Sex is not a god given right
    

The biggest thing is to learn about your women, educate yourself about what makes her tick. We are all different, but we are made up of the same things. Somethings that are important to some, are less important to others. So find out what she wants, and needs and give it to her.

 

Make sure before, during and after sex you mention what shes proud of. You want her to feel good during the whole process, again it has very little to do with performance. If she is smiling and in good spirits before, during, and after the better and easier it will be next time.

 

Time is very important, give the above suggestions some time to sink in. You have been exhibiting anti-seductive for a lot longer than you think. She needs to adjust to the new you, and she still fears the old you will return. So be patient, do not rush, and pay attention to her. I can guarentee results.

 

holly s*** it sounds like your training a dog

[MichelleZB]

You could be right, but she isn't a fan of "therapy" - sees it as an excuse for weak people who can't sort themselves out:confused:

 

I mainly agree with her, except in a few cases. And don't take the abuse thing too seriously. I brought it up in case it rang bells with you and explained some things--but it is a big assumption to make and I only brought it up as a possibility.

 

More seriously: I'm sorry to play the devil's advocate, Honorable Venerable, but how do you know your wife wasn't faking it all those times she allegedly had an orgasm? She may have just wanted you to quit what you were doing and pretended to have an orgasm to get you to stop. This seems likely if not probable to me.

 

I know lots of women who have done that. It makes sex even harder later, when you don't want to pretend anymore. You have no idea how to get there, and you just lay there hoping that this time you'll have one so the lies can stop, but you never will because of the incredible guilt and pressure.

[Honorable_Venerable]

I mainly agree with her, except in a few cases. And don't take the abuse thing too seriously. I brought it up in case it rang bells with you and explained some things--but it is a big assumption to make and I only brought it up as a possibility.

 

More seriously: I'm sorry to play the devil's advocate, Honorable Venerable, but how do you know your wife wasn't faking it all those times she allegedly had an orgasm? She may have just wanted you to quit what you were doing and pretended to have an orgasm to get you to stop. This seems likely if not probable to me.

 

Playing devil's advocate myself..., then why not fake one during sex? She never, ever has. To fake one every time before we were married, nearly every time I use my hands on her but NEVER during sex? I wouldn't rule it out entirely, but it sounds somewhat unlikely.

[MichelleZB]

Playing devil's advocate myself..., then why not fake one during sex? She never, ever has. To fake one every time before we were married, nearly every time I use my hands on her but NEVER during sex? I wouldn't rule it out entirely, but it sounds somewhat unlikely.

 

Just to clarify, when she had orgasms before you were married, was that also just with manual stimulation?

[Honorable_Venerable]

Just to clarify, when she had orgasms before you were married, was that also just with manual stimulation?

 

No, not only manual stimulation, but also from / during intercourse and oral sex.

[MichelleZB]

No, not only manual stimulation, but also from / during intercourse and oral sex.

 

Okay, and sorry for additional questions, but I'm trying to figure out her sexual response. If might have a few pointers--from an extremely orgasmic woman--but I need to know how she works.

 

How long ago were you married? (I.E. when did the intercourse orgasms stop?) How old was she then and how old is she now?

 

And before you were married, what was different about the intercourse you had then? When she had orgasms during intercourse, were you guys in a different position? Did you or she have a finger involved? Or were you still doing missionary mostly?

 

Also, back when she had orgasms during sex, how were they timed? Did she have one well before your orgasm, pretty close to your orgasm, or well after your orgasm? (I.E. did you have to go at it twice or something for her to get there?)

 

When she allows you to finger her now, how wet is she--or do you use lube? How long do you usually have to rub, and do you finger just her clit, her vagina, or a little of both?

[Luv2dance]

 

1. Ignore her little attempts to feel sexy
   
2. If she asks if she is sexy, avoid the answer, or do not answer
   
3. Tell her she looks like someone, then call that someone a turn off
   
4. Make her believe that you think everyone wants sex from you
   
5. Be the bad guy once in a while, do not do everything she asks
   
6. Ignore her sexual advances until she gives in and takes it from you
   
7. Figure out her taboos and mimic them
   
8. Do not be predictable, do not be predictable

I agree, CCL. Those "games" would turn this sexual woman cold.

 

Some of the advice tnttim gives is good, but boils down to: be a strong, confident man, and don't pester for sex.

 

Add another sexual woman who would NOT be impressed by these methods. Other than maybe the "do not be predictable" I can see the rest of these either turning me off or just worsening the self esteem issues I already have going on. I sort of get needing tension, but if you are already dealing with a fragile person I can't see how this is going to help?

 

You could be right, but she isn't a fan of "therapy" - sees it as an excuse for weak people who can't sort themselves out

Well, I might have thought this before starting MC w/ my husband but honestly sometimes just having a 3rd party to bounce ideas off of is a huge eye opener. I guess when you are dealing with someone so self centered it is going to be hard to "talk" them into anything.

[mem11363]

I think the key to any of these situations is to first try to reach agreement on the facts and then analyze what those facts mean.

 

The first and most critical fact to confirm is that a spouse's premarital behavior in a core area (could be sex, money management, income earned, generosity, kindness, consideration, etc) was very different and much more appealing than their marital behavior in that area.

 

The most common response to this type of discussion is:

 

"Well everyone does that kind of stuff while dating - but married people don't do that"

 

And that particular reaction has a very specific meaning:

1. I never liked doing that (even if I came - I was self conscious/etc)

2. I did however know it was a BIG DEAL to you so I did it as part of binding you to me emotionally

3. Not only do I dislike doing this stuff but everyone does which is why once they marry they stop doing it (the implication is that no one likes this stuff - therefore as soon as they have the commitment they want they shut it down)

 

And this is all part of the mindset that:

- Sex is about ME or mostly about ME

- I don't care if you don't like it - you have no real choice

 

Everyone handles this stuff differently. I addressed this in a very blunt way before proposing. Told my wife that I really did believe in monogamy, if we married she would be the only person I had sex with from that point forward and because of that our sex life had to at least be good. And she got that and really there was no perceptible change in our quality/quantity after marriage other than a very gradual decrease in frequency and a gradual increase in quality as we have aged.

 

With that said I have been on the receiving end of many many blunt comments from my W over the years. Just about anything that has a meaningful impact - good or bad - on her desire for me - I know about it. If she says "it is a turn off/turn on when you do x y z" I only have one external response to that which is "thank you for telling me". I don't say it hurts my feelings - even if it does. I don't argue. I just "do"

 

I also think this can be addressed after marriage - if you are willing to say "it is not acceptable to act one way pre marriage and a totally different way after marriage" But "not acceptable" needs to mean something real.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Add another sexual woman who would NOT be impressed by these methods. Other than maybe the "do not be predictable" I can see the rest of these either turning me off or just worsening the self esteem issues I already have going on. I sort of get needing tension, but if you are already dealing with a fragile person I can't see how this is going to help?

 

 

Well, I might have thought this before starting MC w/ my husband but honestly sometimes just having a 3rd party to bounce ideas off of is a huge eye opener. I guess when you are dealing with someone so self centered it is going to be hard to "talk" them into anything.

 

 

 

 

 

Add another sexual woman who would NOT be impressed by these methods. Other than maybe the "do not be predictable" I can see the rest of these either turning me off or just worsening the self esteem issues I already have going on. I sort of get needing tension, but if you are already dealing with a fragile person I can't see how this is going to help?

 

 

Well, I might have thought this before starting MC w/ my husband but honestly sometimes just having a 3rd party to bounce ideas off of is a huge eye opener. I guess when you are dealing with someone so self centered it is going to be hard to "talk" them into anything.

[tnttim]

It works if you try it................

[tnttim]

The areas I bolded .... I don't know a single woman that would work for. In fact it would backfire so darn fast. Women have an even harder time having their advances turned down. In fact, especially with a woman who rarely even initiates, this could be a real killer.

 

And a woman who has lower self-confidence, a few of those could be a real killer egowise.

 

I don't understand the mimic taboos. Are you saying have the same taboos? Or do her taboos? Because if its do her taboos, that's just downright disrespectful.

 

A few of those I do agree with whole heartedly. Nothing is sexier then a man with a nice sized ego who knows he's attractive. And I've seen some nice things happen for a friend whose wife is rather sexless when she saw some women flirting with her H. He actually got some that night. She was very much trying to stake her territory.

 

CCL

 

So if I held a chocolate cake in front of you and each time you grabbed for it, I said "no". Your gonna tell me you wouldn't want it more, especially if you were really hungary?

 

The last part about the women's flirting H. Don't you think the fact that her H had sex with her justified her beuty, ie. making her sexier than the flirty women?

Edited April 20, 2010 by tnttim

[xxoo]

So if I held a chocolate cake in front of you and each time you grabbed for it, I said "no". Your gonna tell me you wouldn't want it more, especially if you were really hungary?

 

I'd sweetly tell you to shove the cake where the sun don't shine. And then I'd go get my own cake.

[crazycatlady]

So if I held a chocolate cake in front of you and each time you grabbed for it, I said "no". Your gonna tell me you wouldn't want it more, especially if you were really hungary?

 

The last part about the women's flirting H. Don't you think the fact that her H had sex with her justified her beuty, ie. making her sexier than the flirty women?

 

I thought she was a b**** for depriving him in the first place, and complaining when he tries to masterbate. She's the type of woman who uses sex as a commodity and I feel very bad for her husband and I do tell him he needs to divorce her because he's unhappy. I found the whole thing revolting, to be honest and would never treat my H that poorly.

 

Course he would never attempt to pull something so disgusting as the cake thing.

 

I'd sweetly tell you to shove the cake where the sun don't shine. And then I'd go get my own cake.

 

Ditto ditto ditto. Only I think I would shove the cake into his face, tell him not to let the door hit him on the butt on the way out, but he better not be here when I get back with my own cake.

[SavannahSmiles]

Giving a women an orgasm has very little to do with your sexual technique. I will say it again, giving a women an orgasm has very little to do with your sexual technique.

 

 

 

 

Uhhh... it has a LOT to do with sexual technique and the other stuff too. I don't care how aroused I am, if the technique isn't right, ain't nothin gonna happen. Sorry!