Moving On

[Aria]

I just had a thought. People on here, myself included are always telling others to "move on" when they're in a relationship or situation that doesn't seem to be working for them. But normally, that's all we say. Does anyone have any real tips or ways of moving on? I know I could sure use some, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

[Tony T]

There are no rules for moving on. It's an individual thing and everyone must do it in a way that's best for them.

 

We can write all we want on this forum but if an individual has abandonment issues, for example, he/she can obsess with a loss and dive into a deep depression and stay there for years.

 

Those insightful enough to realize there's more to life than one specific person and, while it may be nice to have that person, they certainly aren't required for our happiness are likely to move forward far more rapidly.

 

Moving on is a decision. When we look at our lottery tickets, we check them against the winning numbers. If we don't have three or more of the required numbers, we have no problem throwing the non-winning tickets in the trash and "moving on." We don't go on for days hoping the numbers on our tickets will change.

 

Unfortunately, love matters aren't that closed and shut. We have a tendency to want to give dead relationships CPR in the event there may be a morsel of life still left in them. Doing that requires sticking around on the part of one person and usually a lot of aggravation and annoyance for the other.

 

When we get older, we can look at these situations more objectively and see just how foolish we looked in our younger days. Some wish they could go back and live those days again differently and be able to "move on down the road" instead of making the fools of themselves that they did.

 

Sorry to get off on a tangent. Back to your question. If there are some tips for moving on, I think the first step is taking the power you gave the other person to affect your life back from them. Second step is to just forget the person and the hope that one day all will be well and you'll be back together. Fact is, when this does happen it is seldom, if ever, the same.

 

Third step is to discontinue contact. No meaningful purpose is served with trying to immediately transition a romantic relationship into a friendship. It lays the groundwork for heartbreak in most cases. After time passes, there can be some good friendships if that's what the two really want.

 

Fourth step is not to rush out and find a transitional or healing relationship that will hurt someone else. Take some time for yourself to enjoy the things you've always wanted to do before resuming serious dating.

 

Fifth step, along with the fourth, is to give up the absolutely insane notion that we can't be alone or we won't be able to stand not having someone around. To tell you the truth, when you get used to being alone, it's really awkward having someone around at times.

 

The sixty step is not to mess your mind up with what ifs. If you were supposed to be with a certain person, you would be with them. Whatever state we are in at the time is exactly where we are supposed to be. Plain as that. Otherwise we would be elsewhere.

 

There are many support groups, especially in larger cities, that hold workshops on healing from broken relationships and these can be helpful in the moving on process. Contact local mental health facilities, university psychology departments, etc., check for scheduled workshops in specialty newspapers.

 

So many people make such incredible fools of themselves by trying to patch things up and get back with the party that dumped them. If they could just see a video of how they looked to other people, they would move on real real fast.

[moni]

I just had a thought. People on here, myself included are always telling others to "move on" when they're in a relationship or situation that doesn't seem to be working for them. But normally, that's all we say. Does anyone have any real tips or ways of moving on? I know I could sure use some, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

i agree, it is very hard to say just move on in a relationship, especially if there are "emotional baggage". just take one day at a time and just evaluate to yourself the pros and cons of being with that person; did he/she "bring you down", meaning when you wanted to accomplish more and there wasn't any support, emotionally, spritually, and mentally.

[Taressa]

Here, here, Cheers to Tony for nailing down so well the moving on plan.

 

If I may insert one point in the plan...

 

Moving on begins with facing down the reason you've been holding onto a relationship that is not happening. Is the hope you hold for the beloved based on changes he/she is making that will rectify problems in the relationship or is the hope you hold based solely on wishful thinking?

 

"Hope deferred dries up the soul"

 

The Book of Psalms