Sakura_Aimi Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 (edited) Evening all. Sorry its long, I'm just a little confused and would appreciate any help you can give me. Thanks in advance I have this crush, well more than crush really on a guy at work. I met him about 6 months ago and since then I have felt this great energy between us. I have worked for the same place for about 7 yrs and he started work there about a year ago but as he works in a different part of the section so we didn't come across each other before. He only works 2 days a week at my place and the others days at a different office. We met about November time last year more of by accident really. After this first meeting he started to come visit me. We started chatting and following on from this the following has occurred - At the work Christmas do, i arrived late as was working late and as soon as i came in he found me and asked why I was so late, we spent the majority of the Christmas do and the subsequent nigh club afterward talking to each other about just stuff really and this was for about 7 hrs - since this he has visited me every day when he is our office, sometimes 3-4 time in the day for long periods of time, He has no reason to visit my section. I also would find ways to visit his section lol - he is from a different town so always laughs and makes fun of my accent. We both would make fun of each others hobbies, likes, interests, accents lol - he told me that he was leaving the office as he got a promotion - I told him at this point that I liked him. He responded by saying he could only be my friend. I said okay and backed off - he left my office to work full time at the other office and we went out for his leaving do. He flirted with me all night and when he left he rang me and told me he liked me to. we spoke for over an hr and he said he wanted to see me again - we have been texting and speaking on the phone since then for hrs on end sometimes - he texted me one morning and said he felt uncomfortable by our conversations. I apologied if that's how it made him feel and said we can be friends only if he wants. - I have not seen him in person for a month now as he no longer works n my office and had not spoken on the phone or by text since 6th April. I thought to myself that he had now left the office so was not interested anymore. Yesterday he texted me asking to me to meet him. He said he only had 20 minutes in my town ( he now works out of town) but he wanted to see me. - I met him yesterday, he was waiting for me outside my office . We went for a walk and it felt a little awkward but in a nice way, we couldn't really hold each others gaze and when we did i got butterflies and i could see he was just as nervous. it was great. I asked him why he had not spoken to me for over a week and he apologied and told me how busy he had been ( i do believe this as i know what he does for a job). He had not spoken to any his other work friends from my office either during this past week - we have been texting again yesterday and today. my question is - what do you think is going on. I feel that its hot and cold and not really sure what to make of it. Do you think i should persue it or leave it. He is shy and not very good with emotions ( he told me this ) I am really confused. Edited April 16, 2010 by Sakura_Aimi Link to post Share on other sites
MorningCoffee Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Are you sure he isn't married? His actions sound like a MM kind of wondering about making a move . . . just sayin' Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 I agree with the above poster, check he isn't married or in a relationship first. His behavious is odd: it all points to him liking you a lot but then why did he want to be just friends? Strange. If you are satisfied that he's free to enter a relationship, then I'd suggest keeping it strictly platonic until he says he wants it to be more. I think he needs to make a verbal 'commitment' to be more than friends, otherwise you could end up slipping into a vague 'friends-with-benefits' situation which he doesn't really acknowledge and which would be hurtful to you if you want his mind and not just his body. It could be that he doesn't believe in getting involved with colleagues, in which case that's no longer a barrier. I doubt it would have put him off if he'd been free or really interested though. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 That`s the first thing to pop in my mind as well. Find out if he`s married or in a committed relationship because he`s acting like he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 He was making an effort to see you every day, plus he spent a lot of time flirting and talking and joking around with you - of course you thought he was interested. Then he came out and said up-front that he wasn't interested. At that point I would say, maybe I misread the signals, and I'd just drop it. But then he carries on flirting with you and talking to you for hours on the phone - not the actions of a man who wants nothing to do with you! Then he arranges to meet you alone, and acts all flirty! He still insists that he's not into you, but his actions say otherwise - he clearly likes you, so what is his reason for withholding? It sounds like he is either in a relationship, or has some other reason for holding back from dating you. If you like him, you need to ask him straight out what's going on... if you ask him straight out if he has a girlfriend, very few guys will tell a barefaced lie, most will just confess. The best way to approach it is probably to give him an ultimatum: tell him you like him but you can't continue to be friends if he's not interested because you like him too much, and see which side of the fence he comes down on. Tell him he's sending mixed signals and is confusing you, and ask if he has a gf, and if not, what is his reason for not wanting to date you? If he carries on being flaky, just cut contact with him, because a decent guy should be able to be honest with you about what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 Sounds like it is time for a little investigative work on your part. Find out from others what this guy's situation is. Surely you know enough people to ask around. Google his name, his name and his town together, his university, his work and his name, etc., etc. The guy likes you but something is in the way. That something could be a gf/fiance/wife, or it could be something very different--like he's extremely religious and knows that you aren't of his sect. Sometimes it's easier to do a little homework on your own, then, if you still can't figure it out, text him--"what holds you back from a date?" If he's extremely old fashioned and finds that too upfront, well, you can't wait forever on the guy, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sakura_Aimi Posted April 20, 2010 Author Share Posted April 20, 2010 Many thanks for your replys. Well I asked my "friend" what was going on and explained to him about the mixed messages and stuff and you guessed it. He is married. He said he really likes me and has built a great friendship with me and if he circumstances were different he would want to take things further. I explained to him that although I felt the same, the only way a relationship would happen was when he was single. He is a great guy so I explained that we can only be friends I think maybe underneath it all I kinda knew there was something more going on but probably didn't want to see it. I don't judge others if they decide to take things further with married people, I however don't like to share, i'm very selfish like that lol haha Many Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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