Wondering whats going on...

[bonomarine]

Hello everyone,

 

Let me thanks for taking the time to read this post.

 

I’ve posted here before and have received some great feedback.

 

Well the saga continues, my wife of 20+ years continues to want a divorce. We have three daughters 20, 14, and 7. About two weeks ago we told the kids that we are planning on getting a divorce. I stupidly thought that we wouldn’t go through with it but my wife didn’t blink. We are still living in the same home together and sleeping in the same bed. We are not fighting, we are being even friendlier than before we told the kids. This is driving me crazy.

 

Because of the housing market, I’ve decided to move out of the bedroom and into the basement. Over the past two weeks we have been working together to finish the basement and we will be done this weekend. In the past we have worked together on many remodeling projects. It hurts sometimes to think of what a great team we are and yet we are still getting a divorce. Some days, it feels as if everything is normal because we are not at each other’s throats.

 

I told her last weekend that I don’t want a divorce and she simply stated that we are in two different places. She called our marriage mediocre and she said to me that if and when she finds someone else she wants to do it right next time. Needless to say, this is all I’ve been thinking about since. I recognize that I can’t change the way she feels. I hope we can sell the house this season. I just think it is weird that we are getting along and still heading for a divorce that I do not want. I’m not saying that I want to be fighting but she could at least demonstrate some type of trauma. I just don’t see any sadness in her and it really hurts that we are ending our 20+ year marriage and it doesn’t seem to affect her.

 

I wonder if it’s because things really haven’t changed. We do everything we did before we decided to get a divorce. It’s very confusing.

 

Thanks for you time and your ear

 

v/r,

Confused

[worldgirl]

Hi Bonomarine - When you said that you were a great team, I felt a pain in my heart, because my husband (who deserted me without warning after 28 years) and I were the same. I think, though, that it is wise that you are moving into the basement, because doing so many things together is very possibly torturing you emotionally.

 

I can understand it's not easy to sell a house these days, but is it wise to even be in the same house with her all the time. My brother did this for four months with his ex-partner and I think somehow he always hoped she'd change her mind although she didn't. I just thought it was torturing him, and I will bet your children can really feel it, underneath your current friendliness. In my awful saga (summary execution out of the blue) at least I can say that my husband immediately moved abroad, so I have never had to see him since that day.

 

Will she not consider going to relationship counselling? It's a lot to throw a long marriage away like a Kleenex - there is so much shared history, laughter, experiences. I really feel for you in your suffering, God knows I've had almost five months of it now, and hope you can find a way through.