I have a rather unusual decision to make

[Els]

Background: I have the opportunity to go for a working holiday in my bf's country for 6 months - I can stay and work there for that period of time. I have already had my visa approved, and I planned to go after my convocation because I thought my parents would vehemently oppose me missing it.

 

Now, I have discovered today that they aren't all that much opposed to me missing it - they were opposed to the working holiday idea in general, but they said that if I was to go, it doesn't matter all that much to them whether I go before or after my convocation. So the decision is mine.

 

If I go before my convocation, I can reduce the long-distance waiting time by about 1.5 months. I should tentatively be able to leave by early May, once I get my paperwork done, as opposed to late June. And truly, the time and distance has been taking a horrendous toll on both of us. I believe that many of our issues would not have sprung to such proportions had we just been together IRL. Going there earlier may very well save my relationship, but there is of course the unlikely possibility that it may not make a difference.

 

But, should I miss my convocation??? Would you?? It's just an event, a photo, but it's the kind of photo that people hang in their house for a lifetime. Like a wedding photo, y'know. The cumulation of all four years of study. Also, the bf is going through the toughest part of his year right now, so he may not have all that much time for me til June anyway. But at least there would still be some time...

 

Also, wouldn't I be the dumbest person in the world if I sacrificed a relationship for a photo?

 

Edit: Some of you may say, if my relationship is in such a precarious state, why am I going? Well, the working holiday visa is a once in a lifetime thing. I applied for it a long time ago, and if I forfeit it, I won't ever get the chance again.

Edited April 16, 2010 by Elswyth

[Romance]

I would honestly..probably..just go ahead with the visa and go.It doesn't sound like the photo is a big deal to you.

 

I'd ask my bfs opinion too though, what if he is like 'no please wait til june, I'll be so busy and stressed" then I'd wait. no use in going early if you won't ever see him anyway.

[TMichaels]

Elswyth,

 

I'd wait and go through your convocation. You worked hard for four years to get your degree and you deserve a chance to experience and celebrate that accomplishment -- just for *you*.

 

You'll never have a second chance to re-live or relish this phase of your life again -- so why set yourself up to regret later in life *you didn't* experience the "capstone" event of your undergraduate academic career?

 

I honestly think a few more weeks separation won't make any difference to your relationship. You know your BF is going to be busy until June anyway. And, quite frankly IMO, chances are arriving early will put more pressure on him and your relationship than you need.

 

Spend the time between your convocation and your departure preparing for your trip and pampering yourself a bit -- and arrive in your BF's country rested, relaxed and eager to embark on the next chapter of your life with the satisfaction of knowing you have a lot to be proud of and memories to share.

 

All the best,

TMichaels

Edited April 17, 2010 by TMichaels

[kbh]

I think you should wait. Think about this, if you leave a month and a half later and get to do the things for you, then you also get to stay a month and a half later and most likely not regret missing your convocation

Why rush and possibly have mixed feelings versus taking your time, and getting to spend more quality time with your man later?? Easy decision for me...

[SarahRose]

For goodness sake, go to your convocation.

 

You really will regret not going 10 -20 years from now.

[Gradschooler]

Go to your convocation You will REALLY regret it later.

 

Also, going early might create an element of pressure in the relationship, and its the last thing you need right now

[Els]

Yeah, I figured I should. There is another factor that caused me to consider skipping it though. My parents, even though they aren't outright stopping me, are very much against me going. They have tried to talk me out of it like 5 times already... in the past few weeks! The longer I stay around, the more they'll do it - and it just drives me bonkers!

 

I'm also afraid that they might change their minds sometime down the road before I go - then I'd be really screwed. But I suppose if I elect to go before my convocation they'll be unhappy and call me desperate. Ah, well.

[befreckled]

Yeah, I figured I should. There is another factor that caused me to consider skipping it though. My parents, even though they aren't outright stopping me, are very much against me going. They have tried to talk me out of it like 5 times already... in the past few weeks! The longer I stay around, the more they'll do it - and it just drives me bonkers!

 

I'm also afraid that they might change their minds sometime down the road before I go - then I'd be really screwed. But I suppose if I elect to go before my convocation they'll be unhappy and call me desperate. Ah, well.

 

What holds you back from not attending the convocation? That you'd regret not to be able to take those pictures, to actually be there with your class mates etc?

 

I hold more value in an experience of travelling..I've never gone on a trip wishing that it'd end quickly..the longer the better! A convocation is not a huge deal personally, if I wanted pictures i could just go to a studio and get them taken. As for missing my classmates, we'd still be friends. We just won't have the on the actual day pictures. So it depends where your values lie..it doesn't have to be about the bf. If your other ducks line up, then that's what you ought to do.