He's ignoring me after a fight...did we break up? when they don't say?

[nauum]

Well to make the long story short my BF (37 yrs old divorced no kids) and I (37) have been dating for 3 months. He did come on strong in the beginning with tons of dates, compliments, etc, but in the last few weeks it seems that everything else (golf drinking hanging with buddies) is way more important and I have brought that up a few times that I don't feel like I'm a priority or that he truly wants a relationship but he never wants to talk and pretty much shushes me down.

 

Anyway, we did get into a stupid fight two weekends ago (my ex called while we were at dinner and I didn't answer but he kept calling) and I feel like he used it against me to have a foot out the door (not sure if I'm dealing with a committment phobic...I always do!) Anyway, after me apologizing all week long (not sure why actually) he ignored me wouldn't talk and only text me (rather rude messages about how he's evaluating if he still wants to be in the relationship) we did end up seeing each other last weekend.

 

For some odd reason, we proceeded to get into a fight bc he was late for a Sunday afternoon movie and fell asleep during it (this was after playing golf and having a few drinks with the golf guys). We went to a pub bar and ordered drinks and food and when I questioned why he fell asleep and that I was concerned that he drank too much with the boys after golf he stormed out of the restaurant and said he was done. I ran after him and he basically said, "No, you think I have a drinking problem and since I'm a drunk...why would you want to be with me". He drove off, I kept texting and finally he came back in and we didn't say a word through dinner.

 

This whole past week we haven't talked on the phone and he has only text like twice stupid messages or jokes...NOTHING ELSE SAID about our lack of communication or our fights. Now, its the weekend and actually the first weekend we haven't hung together or he hasn't even texted.

 

What the heck should I do? Did he just split without saying goodbye or does he need that "guy" time to cool off? I did though send a text on Wed. night saying that it's OK if he wants to split but that he needs to tell me and that I'm tired of gluing this together, visiting him, wanting more. He never responded to that, but did send a stupid joke a day later. I really don't want to deal with someone who I thought cared and now is turning into someone I don't even know and is like a snake, but to not even text or call? What do you all think?

 

Lynne

[D-Lish]

Yes, I do think he was looking for a way out.

 

After only a few months, he may have felt like his freedom was threatened. You made it known you didn't like him spending too much time with his friends and that drinking was an issue for you. This probably caused him distress.

 

I'm not criticizing your actions or requests, only answering from his possible POV. I think many men are afraid of getting involved in a relationship and losing themselves. They will view any criticism, no matter how small as an indicator of losing their freedom. That sends certain men running.

 

Sounds like you guys weren't a good fit.

[threebyfate]

I think you should stop chasing after him and apologizing. Maintain your distance and if he comes back, make sure he realizes that this type of distancing behaviour and an inability to communicate are not acceptable.

 

Relationships aren't about withdrawing and ignoring. You have to work through issues and permanently resolve them. If you can't, consider the relationship done.

[Enema]

He is split between two ideals:

 

1) Keep having sex with new woman

2) Never be judged / critizied since getting divorced

 

Eventually, #2 will win out. No one wants to be told that the person they are is "wrong". I'd dump you too.

[2sunny]

He's ignoring me after a fight...did we break up?

 

yep, looks like he's gone. at least his actions are showing you that. know that his actions will tell you everything you need to know - including what his words won't.

 

i'm sure you hit a nerve with him... something he doesn't intend to change for himself - so the answer is simply to get rid of you.

 

don't take it personally, it's not you - it's him.

[SilentVoice]

He is trying to get you to do the dirty work of breaking it off by giving you all the signs

[PhillySpecial]

Well to make the long story short my BF (37 yrs old divorced no kids) and I (37) have been dating for 3 months. He did come on strong in the beginning with tons of dates, compliments, etc, but in the last few weeks it seems that everything else (golf drinking hanging with buddies) is way more important and I have brought that up a few times that I don't feel like I'm a priority or that he truly wants a relationship but he never wants to talk and pretty much shushes me down.

 

Anyway, we did get into a stupid fight two weekends ago (my ex called while we were at dinner and I didn't answer but he kept calling) and I feel like he used it against me to have a foot out the door (not sure if I'm dealing with a committment phobic...I always do!) Anyway, after me apologizing all week long (not sure why actually) he ignored me wouldn't talk and only text me (rather rude messages about how he's evaluating if he still wants to be in the relationship) we did end up seeing each other last weekend.

 

For some odd reason, we proceeded to get into a fight bc he was late for a Sunday afternoon movie and fell asleep during it (this was after playing golf and having a few drinks with the golf guys). We went to a pub bar and ordered drinks and food and when I questioned why he fell asleep and that I was concerned that he drank too much with the boys after golf he stormed out of the restaurant and said he was done. I ran after him and he basically said, "No, you think I have a drinking problem and since I'm a drunk...why would you want to be with me". He drove off, I kept texting and finally he came back in and we didn't say a word through dinner.

 

This whole past week we haven't talked on the phone and he has only text like twice stupid messages or jokes...NOTHING ELSE SAID about our lack of communication or our fights. Now, its the weekend and actually the first weekend we haven't hung together or he hasn't even texted.

 

What the heck should I do? Did he just split without saying goodbye or does he need that "guy" time to cool off? I did though send a text on Wed. night saying that it's OK if he wants to split but that he needs to tell me and that I'm tired of gluing this together, visiting him, wanting more. He never responded to that, but did send a stupid joke a day later. I really don't want to deal with someone who I thought cared and now is turning into someone I don't even know and is like a snake, but to not even text or call? What do you all think?

 

Lynne

 

Communication is key in any relationship. If he won't even talk to you then you pretty much don't have a relationship. Your behavior is a little desperate. Why would you apologize because your ex kept calling your phone, not your fault. (On a side note: why not place the phone on silent during dinner. Its rather rude to have your phone going off constantly while at dinner, had the phone been on silent he would have never known ).

 

Then following after him when he left you sitting alone in a restaurant... What??? Seriously, I would have let him go, finished my meal and kept it moving. When you constantly chase after him like that you're giving him all the power. He knows he can act like an ass and you'll call, text, beg him to come back.

 

The last act of desperation involves constantly texting him all week when he's clearly ignoring you and doesn't want to be bothered.

 

Yeah I agree that he wants out, or at the very least only wants to deal with you on his terms and is not willing to change any of his behavior whatsoever in order to save your relationship. Let him go, he's a loser. An emotionally under-developed man child.

[EYECANDY000]

Seeme like hes not interested in the relationship anymore.