jmargel Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 I've known my gf for a year and a half, and been with her since september. We are truly in love and we talk about marriage quite a bit. On Saturday I was just in the mall looking for engagement rings, not expecting to find anything. I was going to ask her this spring. However I found a ring I really like, but they only have one & they said it would take a couple of weeks before another one would come in, but they couldnt promise the clarity would be as nice. So, I am wondering if I should buy it & ask her this v-tines day. Problem is, she has an ex-bf who she was with for 8 years, and back in the summer I remember her saying that was their anniversary date. My problem is, I dont want her to remember the day I proposed to her as the annverisary date of her ex. For you women out there, if you were her, would you think that kinda thing? He treated her pretty bad, and I know she is over him. I dont know if its just a stupid thought of mine, or should it be a legitimate concern. She plans on moving in with me after school in March. I'm 29 & she's 26. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 I am very happy you are so happy with her Personally I would pick another day. Something unique and special to you guys and maybe a little more alternate than Valentine's Day. I think I would prefer that if I was her. Good luck with it. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 I agree about picking another day. A day unique to the two of you sounds like the best idea. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 Yup, pick another day, and make sure that the ring can be exchanged if necessary. If you are buying a diamond, choose a smaller, high quality stone in preference to a larger, lower quality one. I've done lots of comparisons and find that the greater fire more than makes up for the lesser shine. But pearls, moonstones, sapphires and rubies are lovely too.. If Brandy wears mostly gold jewelry, choose a gold setting, and likewise choose platinum or white gold if she mostly wears silver. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmargel Posted January 21, 2004 Author Share Posted January 21, 2004 Well I talked to her last night we went out & she had a couple of drinks. That usually gets her talking quite a bit. We were speaking of the marriage thing and she kept asking when I was going to ask. I wouldnt tell her, didnt want to spoil the surprise. She then started guessing dates, one being v-tines day. She was first like 'Its v-tines day because you know I love that day'. Which she does, she has books on the history of it, etc.. I then mentioned her b-day, and she's like 'Ew, no.. I dont want anymore going on than what already is'. *shrugs* so there goes the b-day idea. She is going to move in, in march & I asked her would your decision be any different if I asked you before or after you moved in? Only reason why I asked was because I didnt know if she wanted to see how we worked out living together first. I've lived with someone before, so its not a big thing but to her this is a first. She told me it wouldnt make any difference. I then asked her if I would to ask her tomorrow what would you say? After her joking around some she then said 'I wouldnt be with you if I didnt want to marry you'. This has made me confident enough that I want to ask her on v-tines day. She was trying to guess the place, which she did but I wouldnt tell her if she was right or not. What I really wanted to do was to tie the engagement ring around the collar of her new puppy I was going to buy her for her b-day and give her the puppy & see if she notices the ring on its collar. But since she didnt like the b-day idea, i'm going to propose on this one bridge that we walk on together (cars can't drive on it). I'm already getting nervous. lol But first im going to do the right thing & talk to her dad and get his blessing as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Kriz Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Jmargel, I'm no girl but... I figure Valentines day would be fine. It'll make her forget about the anniversary. I'ld think marriage proposals outrank ex-boyfriend anniversaries, no? GL! Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Valentine's Day sounds perfect! Dude, if you've found the perfect ring, and you have the perfect girl - and you just established the perfect date - it sounds...well...perfect *I would rethink the puppy thing, though - unless it's well trained. I've had a friend recently "lose" a ring to his dog. He had to wait 24 hours to get it back, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted January 23, 2004 Share Posted January 23, 2004 Don't let the ring availability impact your decision. There's lots of diamonds in this world, and you'll find another if this one gets sold. Also, as far as the ring goes, maybe they only have one, but you can remember what it looks like and many small shops will make a custom one for you that looks like it. The salesperson was just trying to pressure you into a sale. Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted January 23, 2004 Share Posted January 23, 2004 It's true that a lot of places say that whatever they have out front is the last one simply to make a sale. I'vie always known that, but it hasn't stopped me from making any of my "wow" purchases. If it's a sensible purchase, and it's the ring, he's going to kick himself if he can never find it again. I wanted this ring from Tiffany that my boyfriend later admitted was out of his price range. We then went all over the place trying to find a store that would set the ring the way we wanted it, but no place could do it as well - which is probably one of the reasons the ring was so pricey. I was crushed, because when we found the ring, he had made it seem as though we could afford it, when in reality, he just didn't want to hurt my feelings, figuring I'd forget the ring. I think I'm rambling now, just trying to get over that ring...*sigh* but the point is, even if it took me a while to get there - that sometimes when you see the ring, you know it's the right ring immediately. It's not like it's a person - with rings, there is such a thing as love at first sight, and as long as he's been in the market for a ring for a while, it's not as though it was an impulse buy. Also, I just thought of something jmargel. She didn't say V-day was her favorite holiday in the same breath that she said it was she and her ex's anniversary, did she? I happen to have two very similar anniversaries with my current boyfriend and an ex-boyfriend. It's good to have the new memories associated, and I would imagine that in a few years, I might not even remember, since as it is, I can't remember if it's the exact same date, or if the numbers are inverted...or what. So unless she said them within a few minutes, or even days of each other, I wouldn't worry about her associating V-day with her ex. I had a lot of Valentine's - and all of them were special, in their own way, but they never "interfered" with each other in my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmargel Posted January 26, 2004 Author Share Posted January 26, 2004 Well I bought the ring last Wednesday, so i'm all set. I just hope its not too cold out when I ask her. I know she's gonna look at me weird when I tell her I want to take a walk along that bridge & its 20 degrees out. lol When I came in a few days later, because they had to size it I saw that the spot where the ring was in the counter was still vacant. So I guess they weren't lying to me. But about the v-tines day thing, she only mentioned that it was her anniversary once, back in the summer. She's told me quite a few times how much she loves v-tines day but never mentioned him or the anniversary part. She has books on the history of v-tines and she has her place decorated already in hearts. So I know its just the day itself. I think she is sensing that I might be asking, because she keeps asking about marriage, and has brought up a number of conversations when 'we get married'. I hid the ring, but I hope she doesnt snoop. She did for her xmas present. But then again, I told her it was in the house (stupid me). The only thing that has bothered me, is something within myself. Since buying the ring I've thought about my ex-fiancee a couple of times, and the time when I asked her. I don't want to be with my ex, and I dont have any feelings like that for her. It was just a good time in my life, and the way she reacted totally surprised me. When I asked she couldnt stop crying enough to say yes. Maybe its wrong to think back to those things, I dont know. I'm in total love with my girlfriend and me & my ex have had closure and did talk about what went wrong, etc.. She's happy in her life & im happy in mine. I just didn't know if past thoughts like that were normal. I don't obsess about them, its just popped into my head a few times. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Originally posted by mintjulep I happen to have two very similar anniversaries with my current boyfriend and an ex-boyfriend. It's good to have the new memories associated, I agree with Mint. Take a great holiday and make a new memory. If it somehow bothers you, ask her the day before V-day. That way, you've got the jump on the day. If she asks you why.....you can always say...."So you will remember that the relationship we have comes 'BEFORE' any relationship you've had in the past.". Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 The only thing that has bothered me, is something within myself. Since buying the ring I've thought about my ex-fiancee a couple of times, and the time when I asked her I think it would be unusual if this occasion did not recall the previous one. This gal may not be as overcome as the last; I suspect your biggest struggle would be to think this one isn't as affected by it but you're a sensible sort so I'm sure you'll not let any such ideas mess up the occasion. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Hey jmargel- I'm really happy for you! Hope all goes well. Good luck. Hope the weather comes to the party! moimeme, slightly OT, but do you think people think much about their first wedding/engagement when they are heading into their second one? (yes, it's neurotic Thinkalot talking here, I have to confess, no doubt I am quite transparent anyway!) Or do you think it is just a fleeting recollection, prompted by the events. I would like to think my partner will be thinking only of me and of us when we eventually head down that road! I suppose everything new supercedes the old anyhow, and is even better! (rational me talking now ) Link to post Share on other sites
town and country Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 I'm a firm believer that past experiences (good or bad) are part of what makes you who you are, and that we should never pretend like they never existed, or feel guilty about remembering certain things. It's hard not to have expectations when you've 'been there and done that' before - I'm doing this right now with my proposal dilemma (wanting it to be better than a previous proposal). Don't worry - it'll be perfect and unique in it's own way. I occasionally think about my ex - much less frequently these days - but not in a comparative way - just in a kind of "closed chapter" way, just smiling back on the good times. I think that's all you're doing jmargel? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 but do you think people think much about their first wedding/engagement when they are heading into their second one If they are no longer in the first relationship, it's highly likely that they'll be reviewing what went wrong before and resolving not to let whatever happen again. Remember that past, failed relationships hold lessons to be learned which, one hopes, don't get forgotten. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 Yep OK. I get it. I've learned through my own past also. Link to post Share on other sites
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