Show of Hands.... Males only...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

How many are having enough great sex on this Forum????

 

We keep going back and forth on this topic. There are some women who seem quite happy with their sex lives and from my last topic posted many disagreeing with my premise that if a man is getting good quality, regular sex at home, the vast majority would never cheat and those that do, do so because of the lack of it at home.

 

So in this Forum, and I'm not sure how many men actually are here, but of those that I know, only mem11363 is getting plenty at home:cool: (and even for him it is somewhat of a compromise)......

 

The rest of the males here, come here to kvetch and search for a solution/answer/understanding of this issue....

[ADF]

Your premise is absolutely wrong. Not only does it push responsibility for men's behavior onto women--which is unfair--but it is just factually inaccruate.

 

Sure, guys who get lousy or little sex at home cheat sometimes. But guys who get frequent, freaky sex at home also cheat. Guys who cheat are usually after ego gratification as much as sexual gratification. They like the idea of being able to bed lots of different women. It is what makes them feel like "real men."

[tnttim]

I most certainly do. About 3 times a week. It's not always great but it's never bad.

[Lizzie60]

Tooprag... this is YOUR thread.. but maybe if you ask the age and the number of years they've been with the same woman.. and if this is their first long-term relationship.. you'd get different perspectives.

 

I don't think young males who've been married less than 5 years have sexless marriages... methink it's more of older guys who've been with the same woman for a long time...

 

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Tooprag... this is YOUR thread.. but maybe if you ask the age and the number of years they've been with the same woman.. and if this is their first long-term relationship.. you'd get different perspectives.

 

I don't think young males who've been married less than 5 years have sexless marriages... methink it's more of older guys who've been with the same woman for a long time...

 

 

Yes ages and # of years should be added (maybe # of kids....). As I keep saying though, from what I read here, the vast majority of males want to stay with their wives and just want more sex (and not a great deal 1-3X/wk, from what is posted)..... Variety and excitement is there, or not voiced when they do have it.....

 

But Lizzie we've seen a # of posts from young males of late with intimacy and sex problems in their marriages. But you are right that I am not focusing on them as they have different issues to contend with, most of which is due to sexually naive, repressed spouses....

 

Fine I'll start mid 40's, teenage kids, happy marriage, very attractive wife (gotta brag, since I am vain), want some more, but getting a little more recently:cool:........

Edited April 18, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic

[mark982]

been married 25 yrs. what's sex, can't remember the last time.

[linwood]

been married 25 yrs. what's sex, can't remember the last time.

 

I`m 43 my wife is 39

We`ve been married 10 years.

3 kids 2 cats and 1 ferret

Sex 3-5 times a week average.

Very happy with the sex life, romance, and variety.

Wouldn`t even consider cheating at this point.

[xxoo]

....tiptoeing in....

 

getting a little more recently:cool:........

 

Yay!!!!

 

.....tiptoeing out....

[tommyr]

43 years old, married 14 years, 2 kids and a dog.

Great sex twice per week with wife, solo an additional twice per week (usually alone, sometimes in bed next to her).

 

Funny you should ask this because just yesterday she requested we use the HitachiMagic Wand that I bought for her over 3 years ago which was still factory sealed in the box

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t107563/

 

An amazing toy and a fun morning !

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Your premise is absolutely wrong. Not only does it push responsibility for men's behavior onto women--which is unfair--but it is just factually inaccruate.

 

Sure, guys who get lousy or little sex at home cheat sometimes. But guys who get frequent, freaky sex at home also cheat. Guys who cheat are usually after ego gratification as much as sexual gratification. They like the idea of being able to bed lots of different women. It is what makes them feel like "real men."

 

And this is not the question I asked. I stated in the other post that I believe only 10% do it for the ego boost and have multiple affairs. The vast majority of mature males (age 35-50) are never put or in that position and just want a satisfying, regular one at home...... but of course there will be women who just love to paint men with a broad brush as cheating scum......

Edited April 18, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic

[Toodamnpragmatic]

....tiptoeing in....

 

 

 

Yay!!!!

 

.....tiptoeing out....

 

I referred to in the OP, wih a happy, good sex life....

 

You're more then welcome to stay....

[Mutant Debutante]

And this is not the question I asked. I stated in the other post that I believe only 10% do it for the ego boost and have multiple affairs. The vast majority of mature males (age 35-50) are never put or in that position and just want a satisfying, regular one at home...... but of course there will be women who just love to paint men with a broad brush as cheating scum......

 

 

I'm pretty sure ADF is a guy.

[OneTwo]

I'm 43, married 7 years, and sex starved. We have one 18y/o daughter (from her previous M) going off to college. Sex has steadily dwindled with each passing year. I have been increasingly stepping up my game to no avail. I am at a loss. We have been in M/C for 5 years now. The sex has gotten less and less. We are now down to once every 2-3 weeks -- just enough to piss me off. I am here to hopefully discover what I am doing wrong.

 

Before I got married, I was having sex 2-3 times per week. Sometimes, it was with mulitple partners. When I turned 36, I met the love of my life and got married. Now I am semi-celibate because of her lack of desire. She says she wishes she had a higher libido as she can see how much it hurts me. But, that still hasn't changed anything. The more I read, the more I tend to agree with most of Lizzie's posts. Like James and some others, I plan on sticking it out. Since I have nothing but time, I am trying various approaches to see what works.

 

What I have found so far is that when she sees me as manly and in control, she has high desire. When she sees me as conquered (by her), she has little desire. I truly believe that most women in general crave strength even to the point of disfunctionality. When I become too nice, I become undesireable to her. I think she only wants what she can't have. Once she can have something, it is no longer of interest to her. Short of divorce, I do not see a direction I can march toward to fix my situation.

[giotto]

47, married 20 years, together 25. 4 children (18, 15, 12, 9), 3 cats + 1 dog... Wife is also 47...

 

Sex once every 10 days on average, quality is usually good, although sessions a bit short (not because of me...) To me, once a week would be fine... I'm sure she could go 3 months without even noticing... she has no sex drive...

 

But you know my story...

[shadowofman]

Male age 30. SO is 25. Together 8 years. The best sex I've ever had with anyone at least every other day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Will not cheat (only because it is dishonest), but I would have sex with someone else if it was allowed. I think about it daily.

[Lizzie60]

I'm 43, married 7 years, and sex starved. We have one 18y/o daughter (from her previous M) going off to college. Sex has steadily dwindled with each passing year. I have been increasingly stepping up my game to no avail. I am at a loss. We have been in M/C for 5 years now. The sex has gotten less and less. We are now down to once every 2-3 weeks -- just enough to piss me off. I am here to hopefully discover what I am doing wrong.

 

Before I got married, I was having sex 2-3 times per week. Sometimes, it was with mulitple partners. When I turned 36, I met the love of my life and got married. Now I am semi-celibate because of her lack of desire. She says she wishes she had a higher libido as she can see how much it hurts me. But, that still hasn't changed anything. The more I read, the more I tend to agree with most of Lizzie's posts. Like James and some others, I plan on sticking it out. Since I have nothing but time, I am trying various approaches to see what works.

 

What I have found so far is that when she sees me as manly and in control, she has high desire. When she sees me as conquered (by her), she has little desire. I truly believe that most women in general crave strength even to the point of disfunctionality. When I become too nice, I become undesireable to her. I think she only wants what she can't have. Once she can have something, it is no longer of interest to her. Short of divorce, I do not see a direction I can march toward to fix my situation.

 

Trust me.. you're probably NOT doing anything wrong.. this is life.. most women lose their libido at one point.. could be because of the kids, too much work (household, kids, etc.) or boredom... everyone is different.... will it change.. nope..

 

I had a deep discussion with my MM last Friday and he's in the same boat as MOST men... but he is willing to 'compromise' and stay with her, although he gets it on the side with me.. but he said their life is PERFECT except for the sex department...he said she's an amazing mother (they have one child that they both adore)... she's a good cook, attractive, his best friend, they have a nice house, a very large circle of friends, everything and he meant everything is great.. except that.

 

I guess I fulfill his needs then he can keep his perfect life..

[flc]

Divorced 52 with 2 kids at home. GF is 50 and the sex life is great 3-5 times a week. had a good sex life with my ex as well but the frequency was more like 1-2 times a week.

[USMCHokie]

26. Single. No kids. No sex in 8+ months.

[quankanne]

26. Single. No kids. No sex in 8+ months.

 

well, there ya go, kiddo: No kids, no pets = no sex. Though I'm still trying to figure out how the ferret fits in

 

very interesting topic here, though I'm really interested in hearing from men in committed relationships who have little to no sex drive, but who consider their 1-2 times a year of sex as satisfactory AND who still feel they're in an incredible marriage ...

[Lizzie60]

IMO.. single guys don't count for this 'survey'... and also guys who are dating.. (of course the sex drive will be good )

[OneTwo]

Trust me.. you're probably NOT doing anything wrong.. this is life.. most women lose their libido at one point.. could be because of the kids, too much work (household, kids, etc.) or boredom... everyone is different.... will it change.. nope..

 

I had a deep discussion with my MM last Friday and he's in the same boat as MOST men... but he is willing to 'compromise' and stay with her, although he gets it on the side with me.. but he said their life is PERFECT except for the sex department...he said she's an amazing mother (they have one child that they both adore)... she's a good cook, attractive, his best friend, they have a nice house, a very large circle of friends, everything and he meant everything is great.. except that.

 

I guess I fulfill his needs then he can keep his perfect life..

 

This is what I don't understand. Every single married guy I know -- friends, coworkers, acquaintances, etc. all have the same complaint. They all say that they need about 4 time as much sex in their marriage than what they are getting. I am sure out of this bunch of guys, there are some that are real a--holes and don't deserve a good marriage. But what about the rest of us 90 out 100 guys that are doing everything right? Is the ideal life for a woman to be comfortable, safe and secure, and only have sex 5 times a year? Is that truly the dream life that most women desire?

 

What about us guys? Is the only way for us to have satisfying life for us to get a little on the side? This seems to be one of the biggest fears that women have. In almost any woman's magazine, infidelity is a hot topic: is he cheating, how to tell if he is cheating, what to do if he is cheating, etc. Yet, every single married male I know complains that they are not getting enough at home.

Before I got married, I could have sex nearly every night of the week if I wanted to. I used to get booty calls from women at all hours of the night. I had lots of good friends . I was the guy that all the other guys used to talk about that could get a different woman to go home with him every night at the bar. But, I wanted more out of life and (get this...) I no longer wanted to be treated like a piece of meat . Oh my gosh if I only knew.

 

So I got married, and now I am in the same boat with every other married guy I know. What is it about marriage that empowers a woman and chastises a man? Why do married women seem to want to destroy the one thing that they covet the most: their cherished, loyal relationship? The only couples I know with happy marriages, the man is getting a little on the side and the wife is blissfully ignorant. The men that have confided in me have told me it was either that or let the marriage die on the vine. Not one of the men said they needed more variety, or liked the thrill of the kill, etc. It has always been either cheat a little, or starve to death.

 

My search for answers continues....

[Lizzie60]

I am sure out of this bunch of guys, there are some that are real a--holes and don't deserve a good marriage.

 

I also totally agree... some men wonder why they don't get enough sex at home.. weeeeeeeelllll..maybe they're too lazy around the house or with the kids... maybe they drink too much... maybe they let themselves go physically... maybe they are ignorant with their wife.. who knows..

 

 

But what about the rest of us 90 out 100 guys that are doing everything right? Is the ideal life for a woman to be comfortable, safe and secure, and only have sex 5 times a year? Is that truly the dream life that most women desire?

 

To be honest.. I think women, after a few years.. get comfortable at home with their H and children.. they do like that security... their sex drive slowly diminishes... they don't really notice it.. then their H argued about it.. they find all kind of excuses.. then the H stops nagging... the W is happy.. she thinks that he finally came to his senses and that he's now happy like her in their comfy life..

 

What about us guys? Is the only way for us to have satisfying life for us to get a little on the side?

 

That's why soooo many men cheat... men just like you.. good decent H who are just frustrated about how their marriage turned out to be.. a daycare...

 

And you're right.. cheating topics are everywhere.. it is women's biggest fear.. but then again.. they wonder why their H cheat..

 

So I got married, and now I am in the same boat with every other married guy I know.

 

Like most men.. you're soooo not the only one..

 

The only couples I know with happy marriages, the man is getting a little on the side and the wife is blissfully ignorant.

 

You said it.. these are the happiest couples..

[xxoo]

Trust me.. you're probably NOT doing anything wrong.. this is life.. most women lose their libido at one point.. could be because of the kids, too much work (household, kids, etc.) or boredom... everyone is different.... will it change.. nope..

 

But why do women lose their libido? You've shared that your libido came back with a new partner, and I suspect that is common for many women. Why do many married women lose libido with their husbands?

[allanworks]

if a man is getting good quality, regular sex at home, the vast majority would never cheat and those that do, do so because of the lack of it at home.

i agree to what you said:)

[Lizzie60]

But why do women lose their libido? You've shared that your libido came back with a new partner, and I suspect that is common for many women. Why do many married women lose libido with their husbands?

 

 

If only we knew that answer...

 

In my case, I just 'liked' my partner.. I wasn't 'in love' with him anymore.. he was still very attractive.. I just don't know why I fell out of love... I was a total of 29 years with him..

 

Maybe.. men and women are NOT meant to be with each other for a long period of time.. maybe we need to change partners ...

 

bottom line.. men and women are NOT sexually wired the same way...