should i give him a second chance?

[justsimplegal]

firstly, sorry that it is long story.

But i think i need to tell the story so that you guys can advice me what would be better to do. As I dont know what to do and my heart is so sad. The incidents happened early this month.

 

The story is I met him online few months ago . We have been communicating every day since then. (sms, calls, MMS, chats, photos, cam). All sort of medias. After sometimes we feel that we feel attached emotionally and he confessed that he likes me and falling for me and asked me to be his gf if i like him too. and I said yes.

 

So we decided to meet. He lives in Australia and I live in a country nearby (7hrs flight from AU).

It was on Easter holiday and the next day was his birthday so we thought it would be a good time to meet up & I never been to Australia before. So i thought i could see the place too. i flew to Au and he picked me up in the airport.. and everything went well.

We have the chemistry and it didnt feel awkward. The 2nd day was his birthday, his father n aunt called him and asked him to drive them to their friends funeral, etc.

I was told to wait for 1 -2 hours and it ended up taking more than 4 hrs. I had been waiting at his place and watching TV for 4 hrs. So I texted him and telling him that i went to somewhere nearby his place to walk around since i felt so bored.

He was pissed off knowing that I was upset with him. That's how the fight started. He said he was fighting with his family which apparently they said some bad remarks about me & he didnt like and he fought with them. And when he went home he found out i was not at home , he got pissed off even though i texted him where i went. From there, his mood went from bad to worse. He said that perhaps I should go n stay in the hotel or go to airport and leave.

I was so hurt and I packed my bag as soon as I can. He stopped me and asked me to stay, so I did. For 1 hr he didnt say a word to me and I was discreetly crying. In the end he apologized . So we made up and talked it out.

 

the 3rd day, my mood was really not that well and I was still affected with his words the day before. I became more quiet and then somehow we talked about financial matters. Then the fight started again.

 

We were walking in downtown then he walked so fast n left me alone in the crowd and i got lost. Only after realizing I was not around he called me and tried to find me with angry tones.

I felt terrible and think I shouldnot put up with his behavior. So I said i want to leave that evening . He was angry and called my airlines and changed my tickets right away. He said the relationship is over.

I apologized n told him to calm down and perhaps he and i could make it right rather than fighting . He refused and was furious. I tried to calm him down for 1 1/5 hrs and he didnt listen. I hugged him he pushed me away. I was crying and felt more hurt than before. i felt stupid for flying 7 hrs across 4000miles away to see him just to be treated badly. after 1 hr no talk, i walked to the door. He stopped me , insisted he wanted to send me off to airport.

 

On the way to airport, he was crying and holding my hands. I asked him if i should cancel again the flight and not going back. He said no. So I respected his idea and went in to the airport . He kissed me then left.

I called him from public phone few mins before my flight.

 

When i talked to him, he was crying badly like a mad person. he said on his way back from the airport, he realized he made mistake and he drove back to the airport to find me. He was running around everywhere to find me but was too late. He apologized so many times and sad he doesnt deserve me. etc.when i heard that i was feeling awful . But it is too late, i had gone through the immigration and i coulndt just walk out.it is not a movie.so i flew back.

 

Since then we are talking less and mostly sms and only sometimes calling.

He said he missed me and has been feeling depressed every time he remember he let me go.he said he still loves me and thinks i am the one he loves. I am pretty affected by his behavior and nasty words he said . I am confused and sad.Should I give him another chance?

[TaraMaiden]

No.

he's a jackass and acting like he owns you. Nothing should ever be this hard ON A FIRST MEETING - ?!? Crazy.

He's stupid, complicated and not worth the bother.

And you - don't put all your eggs in one basket and hang your hopes on some stupid jerk who treats you like dirt the first time he lays eyes on you!

For goodness' sake!

 

You're too needy, and he's way too demanding and controlling.

[linwood]

I am confused and sad.Should I give him another chance?

 

Hell no!

 

He`s a jackass, why would you want that in your life?

[linwood]

No.

he's a jackass and acting like he owns you. .

 

LOL.

 

I swear I didn`t even read your response until after I posted.

[aerogurl87]

Lol well linwood and Taramaiden said it all, he's a jackass. On your first meeting things are supposed to flow well, no major problems (unless it's with transportation), or worries between you two. But that didn't happen. He got pissed because you left his house after he'd been gone 4 hours? If my boyfriend left for 4 hours I'd probably go somewhere to if I got bored, and I'm sure he wouldn't get pissed off, especially if I told him where I was going. What you witnessed was a sneak peek of the drama that would continue throughout your relationship with this jerk if you take him back. Wasn't pretty was it? Well neither will your relationship be if you decide to drag it out any further.

[fiatflux]

Should you give him another chance? Absolutely not. Count your lucky stars that he showed his true colors early on. A relationship with him would be a constant repeat of this pattern. Not a healthy relationship! Cut off contact with him.

[hoping2heal]

firstly, sorry that it is long story.

But i think i need to tell the story so that you guys can advice me what would be better to do. As I dont know what to do and my heart is so sad. The incidents happened early this month.

 

The story is I met him online few months ago . We have been communicating every day since then. (sms, calls, MMS, chats, photos, cam). All sort of medias. After sometimes we feel that we feel attached emotionally and he confessed that he likes me and falling for me and asked me to be his gf if i like him too. and I said yes.

 

So we decided to meet. He lives in Australia and I live in a country nearby (7hrs flight from AU).

It was on Easter holiday and the next day was his birthday so we thought it would be a good time to meet up & I never been to Australia before. So i thought i could see the place too. i flew to Au and he picked me up in the airport.. and everything went well.

We have the chemistry and it didnt feel awkward. The 2nd day was his birthday, his father n aunt called him and asked him to drive them to their friends funeral, etc.

I was told to wait for 1 -2 hours and it ended up taking more than 4 hrs. I had been waiting at his place and watching TV for 4 hrs. So I texted him and telling him that i went to somewhere nearby his place to walk around since i felt so bored.

He was pissed off knowing that I was upset with him. That's how the fight started. He said he was fighting with his family which apparently they said some bad remarks about me & he didnt like and he fought with them. And when he went home he found out i was not at home , he got pissed off even though i texted him where i went. From there, his mood went from bad to worse. He said that perhaps I should go n stay in the hotel or go to airport and leave.

I was so hurt and I packed my bag as soon as I can. He stopped me and asked me to stay, so I did. For 1 hr he didnt say a word to me and I was discreetly crying. In the end he apologized . So we made up and talked it out.

 

the 3rd day, my mood was really not that well and I was still affected with his words the day before. I became more quiet and then somehow we talked about financial matters. Then the fight started again.

 

We were walking in downtown then he walked so fast n left me alone in the crowd and i got lost. Only after realizing I was not around he called me and tried to find me with angry tones.

I felt terrible and think I shouldnot put up with his behavior. So I said i want to leave that evening . He was angry and called my airlines and changed my tickets right away. He said the relationship is over.

I apologized n told him to calm down and perhaps he and i could make it right rather than fighting . He refused and was furious. I tried to calm him down for 1 1/5 hrs and he didnt listen. I hugged him he pushed me away. I was crying and felt more hurt than before. i felt stupid for flying 7 hrs across 4000miles away to see him just to be treated badly. after 1 hr no talk, i walked to the door. He stopped me , insisted he wanted to send me off to airport.

 

On the way to airport, he was crying and holding my hands. I asked him if i should cancel again the flight and not going back. He said no. So I respected his idea and went in to the airport . He kissed me then left.

I called him from public phone few mins before my flight.

 

When i talked to him, he was crying badly like a mad person. he said on his way back from the airport, he realized he made mistake and he drove back to the airport to find me. He was running around everywhere to find me but was too late. He apologized so many times and sad he doesnt deserve me. etc.when i heard that i was feeling awful . But it is too late, i had gone through the immigration and i coulndt just walk out.it is not a movie.so i flew back.

 

Since then we are talking less and mostly sms and only sometimes calling.

He said he missed me and has been feeling depressed every time he remember he let me go.he said he still loves me and thinks i am the one he loves. I am pretty affected by his behavior and nasty words he said . I am confused and sad.Should I give him another chance?

 

There is a big difference between a couple having quarrels and fighting and the kind of manipulation and abusive tactics this man is using on you. He is grooming you for abuse - maybe emotional..maybe it will escalate to something more. Either way? It's all bad news - you will never trully be happy or feel safe and right in an abusive relationship.

[SouthernSunshine]

Run as fast as you can in the other direction. Already, so many red flags! That guy is a fruitcake.

[Romance]

no. he's a jerk, clearly. He freaks out about little things. of course you're bored, sitting somewhere you dont know for four hours. Save your time, an ldr is sooo much work, dont put yourself through it for him

[nowvoyager]

Don't do it. You'll find your real someone another time, soon. Let this one go...

[justsimplegal]

thanks for the feedback. Finally, after contemplating it for a while and reading all your comments, so I did it. I told him last night that I want to break up. Because I cant take it anymore all the yelling and screaming and I feel he didn't respect me. I said to him whatever I needed to say.

He couldnt take it and constantly contacting me and telling me that I am hurting him again , he is lost, the only hope he had was me, God is punishing him, he is a broken man, ...etc . He asked me if i have someone else and he said he will come and see me. I feel bad and it feels like i abandoned a puppy with broken legs. But I think I did the right thing. Good thing is he is far away.

[TaraMaiden]

There is nothing more undignified than a snivelling desperate man who thinks begging will cut it.

Really.......!

 

Don't play into his drama. Do not accede to his demands.

Cut him off completely and go total No Contact.

Do not check up on him, check mail to see if he's written, accept texts, PMs e-mails, phone messages, nothing.

Cut it all off, shut it all down, and move on.

Great learning curve.

Good thing it never got any further than this.

Thank your lucky stars.... You now have something to go on, when you seek someone worth dating. What NOT to do.

[bananarama1]

hell no way girl. he shouldve come to u in the first place.

 

that is understandable that he got mad at his family, but he shouldnt have gone mad at u. he shouldve sat beside u and hugged u. he let his family affect him too much. what a weak guy.

 

u deserve more, and if u just believe, u will have more.

 

my friend went to london, 18 hr flight..her last money. when she got there all her bf did was play computer games. wouldnt even go out w/ her. wouldnt sleep with her. she left for vienna to live at my friends house. he didnt even look for her. she was hungry in the streets of vienna cause she was too proud or shy to ask my friend for money.

 

 

dont allow these things to happen to you cause there is a guy out there waiting for u to find him. just need to clear the weeds out first but u'll get there eventually.

 

i hope for me too.

 

btw australia is an awesome place! it took a lot of papers/documents for me to visit my boyfriend there (my ex now) it was great...awesome!!! i absolutely loved it.

australia is so rich in culture and FOOD..i gained 10 lbs in 2 weeks .. i would go to bakeries and the women there keep offering me and i didnt have the heart to say no..they made great pastries!!!

Edited April 22, 2010 by bananarama1