Your Theory on why some races marry more than others.

[Candid]

Hello, I was having a discussion with a few of my close female friends on this topic. We are african american, I am married but my girl friends are not. My friends were saying that black men do not want to marry because they do not value family. I was saying thats not true. We were going back and forth because we all work and are friends with white women that have been married by age 25. What are your thoughts on the difference between race and marital status. Why is it like this?

[Disillusioned]

I was listening to some Irish guy talking about just this sort of thing on a radio program not too long ago. He said that a lot of Irish guys, like a lot of A-A guys, grew up in the shadow of a domineering Anglo culture... and that keeps them from being good fathers.

 

But then there's also the peer pressure factor... as a man, I can say with certainty that we are under a lot of pressure from other men to be sexual performers (gays and asexuals bum up this expectation).

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hello, I was having a discussion with a few of my close female friends on this topic. We are african american, I am married but my girl friends are not. My friends were saying that black men do not want to marry because they do not value family. I was saying thats not true. We were going back and forth because we all work and are friends with white women that have been married by age 25. What are your thoughts on the difference between race and marital status. Why is it like this?

 

 

 

I can sense that your friends are trying, and that they mean well, but while they're seeing exactly what is in front of all of us, from the same viewpoint, it is still too easy to mis-read what is right there in front of their eyes.

 

Using pure race as an example here... of course your friends have every right to get mad when someone summarizes them based on the color of their skin, instead of recognizing a disproportionate correlation between economic level and racial minority status.

 

That is to say that anyone worth his oats can recognize that the color of one's skin is in no way related directly to whether he or she is represents any danger to another person. It could be reasoned, however, that to be in a densely populated area which is known for relatively low income and economic levels is likely to be more dangerous than is a wealthy, gated community across town. It just so happens, in far too many cases, that the population in the lower economic community is more greatly comprised of minorities who have struggled to stay afloat, than is the gated community across town.

 

With all that in mind, it certainly isn't the "blackness" of these men of whom you speak, which determines their unwillingness to marry, it is more of a cultural difference between one culture and another, where each extreme likely exists within every race.

 

In the USA it may well be economic factors once again which render the mainstream (white and particularly the most attractive) whites to marry earlier aaaaaaaaaaaand then raise children in an economically viable atmosphere (while providing the 'familial' example those children know {before they in turn grow up and emulate their parents that way} ).

 

Lets face it... those with enough sense to consider the economics and the security relating to a first marriage are very much in touch with what they can afford beFORE leaping into anything. (the others, you wouldn't really want to marry anyway)

 

SO, rather than relating to the color of one's skin, this may well be still another scenario where economic viability dictates that a greater percentage of whites are willing and financially able to marry when younger, while many persons of minority status cannot do same. This is another situation where economic differences take on the look of racial differences.

[Candid]

I was listening to some Irish guy talking about just this sort of thing on a radio program not too long ago. He said that a lot of Irish guys, like a lot of A-A guys, grew up in the shadow of a domineering Anglo culture... and that keeps them from being good fathers.

 

But then there's also the peer pressure factor... as a man, I can say with certainty that we are under a lot of pressure from other men to be sexual performers (gays and asexuals bum up this expectation).

Oh ok, very interesting.

 

I can sense that your friends are trying, and that they mean well, but while they're seeing exactly what is in front of all of us, from the same viewpoint, it is still too easy to mis-read what is right there in front of their eyes.

 

Using pure race as an example here... of course your friends have every right to get mad when someone summarizes them based on the color of their skin, instead of recognizing a disproportionate correlation between economic level and racial minority status.

 

That is to say that anyone worth his oats can recognize that the color of one's skin is in no way related directly to whether he or she is represents any danger to another person. It could be reasoned, however, that to be in a densely populated area which is known for relatively low income and economic levels is likely to be more dangerous than is a wealthy, gated community across town. It just so happens, in far too many cases, that the population in the lower economic community is more greatly comprised of minorities who have struggled to stay afloat, than is the gated community across town.

 

With all that in mind, it certainly isn't the "blackness" of these men of whom you speak, which determines their unwillingness to marry, it is more of a cultural difference between one culture and another, where each extreme likely exists within every race.

 

In the USA it may well be economic factors once again which render the mainstream (white and particularly the most attractive) whites to marry earlier aaaaaaaaaaaand then raise children in an economically viable atmosphere (while providing the 'familial' example those children know {before they in turn grow up and emulate their parents that way} ).

 

Lets face it... those with enough sense to consider the economics and the security relating to a first marriage are very much in touch with what they can afford beFORE leaping into anything. (the others, you wouldn't really want to marry anyway)

 

SO, rather than relating to the color of one's skin, this may well be still another scenario where economic viability dictates that a greater percentage of whites are willing and financially able to marry when younger, while many persons of minority status cannot do same. This is another situation where economic differences take on the look of racial differences.

Wow that is so interesting. I haven't and certainly my friends, we have never thought about economics or cultural differences. Well we were thinking along the lines of why is it so different for them, why do they do it and african americans do not. I work with a lot of white people and every day it seems like one of my female white counterparts is engaged while my african american co workers are co-habitating, or just have children without being married. I totally agree with your theory.

[ADF]

First of all, you should keep in mind that marriage rates among all racial groups in the US have fallen, while divorce rates have climbed. African-American marriage rates may be somewhat lower than average, but not strikingly so. Just over half of ALL children in the US now reside in one-parent households.

 

If race is a factor, I suspect it reflects the fact that African-American men tend to have higher rates of unemployment and to earn far less money than their white counterparts. This makes it more difficult for many AA men to play the role of husband--i.e. to contribute the support of a family and financial upkeep of a household. If some AA men "don't value family," maybe it is because, in their circumstances, becoming a family man seems like a sucker's bet. People who barely have enough to get by themselves are not often eager to share what little they have with others.

Edited April 19, 2010 by ADF

[Candid]

First of all, you should keep in mind that marriage rates among all racial groups in the US have fallen, while divorce rates have climbed. African-American marriage rates may be somewhat lower than average, but not strikingly so. Just over half of ALL children in the US now reside in one-parent households.

 

If race is a factor, I suspect it reflects the fact that African-American men tend to have higher rates of unemployment and to earn far less money than their white counterparts. This makes it more difficult for many AA men to play the role of husband--i.e. to contribute the support of a family and financial upkeep of a household. If some AA men "don't value family," maybe it is because, in their circumstances, becoming a family man seems like a sucker's bet. People who barely have enough to get by themselves are not often eager to share what little they have with others.

That makes sense. I hear a lot about a man wanting to be ready financially well at least stable before he marries. I discuss this a lot with my friends and neither of us have thought of the things you all have mentioned. I just love to have open dialogues on topics like this. I appreciate your input guys.

[Green]

I really never thought about it. I have heard it said that african american men are less likely to comit to women even after getting them pregnant. I don't know if some one actualy has a link to a statistic about this kind of thing.

 

The only theory I could have on why some races marry more then others would be a cultural phenomenom.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

If race is a factor, I suspect it reflects the fact that African-American men tend to have higher rates of unemployment and to earn far less money than their white counterparts.

 

 

 

That's just it... it is entirely incorrect to suggest that "race is a factor" (or even that it could be).

 

Race, independent of other tangents, is clearly NOT a factor. Do you really think that the color of somebody's skin has anything to do with the subject?

 

 

(We'd have to live in a world where, for some reason, weddings were made to take place at mid afternoon in direct sunlight and not undercover, lasting for hours on end in very hot weather, to reach a point where skin color was a factor) (*or something else along those lines)

[goatee]

i dont buy the employment nonsense. when you're the minority, you have less of a pool to choose from. For example your typical black female wouldn't have as many choices as your typical white female.. basically the argument is flawed because marriage rates in predominantly black countries are quite high

[Candid]

I really never thought about it. I have heard it said that african american men are less likely to comit to women even after getting them pregnant. I don't know if some one actualy has a link to a statistic about this kind of thing.

 

The only theory I could have on why some races marry more then others would be a cultural phenomenom.

I think its cultural. I just observe, and since I am an AA myself, I know. I am married, but like I said earlier, many men and women that are AA are not. Many say women only want money, women cheat too much, they dont want to be tied down.

[Candid]

i dont buy the employment nonsense. when you're the minority, you have less of a pool to choose from. For example your typical black female wouldn't have as many choices as your typical white female.. basically the argument is flawed because marriage rates in predominantly black countries are quite high

Ok well I was talking about in the US. Why aren't aa marrying in the us. I do agree with what you said about not having as much to choose from.

[Template]

Well who's says you have to be married by 25? Maybe that's why the divorce rate has been steadily creeping up over the last 20 years. People marrying when they aren't ready to.

 

Regardless of race, this is what I observe. If you grow up in a healthy loving 2 parent family, you are conditioned to think that's what being a happy adult is. In this day of single parent homes, as a child you see your mom or dad making it on their own, would also condition you to think that marriage is not a prerequisite for a healthy adult life. I'm not going to isolate this strictly to AA, as that's just profiling, but I've seen all races go through this.

[ADF]

I think its cultural. I just observe, and since I am an AA myself, I know. I am married, but like I said earlier, many men and women that are AA are not. Many say women only want money, women cheat too much, they dont want to be tied down.

 

But doesn't culture have to come from somewhere?

 

I don't think culture is something fixed, like genes, passed down from generation to generation and never changing. I think culture is fluid and always changing. This business of women wanting money and men wanting to bed lots of women fits in with the economic deprivation I talked about before.

 

Women struggling to make ends meet are going to be especially desirous of men who are well off. If a woman grew up poor, having nice things both feeds her sense of security and allows her to show others she is doing well.

 

Men who cannot realistically prove their manhood in traditional ways--e.g. supporting a family, buying a home, succeeding at a challenging job, etc--are likely to look for alternative ways of proving it. One way is to be a successful ladies' man--i.e. to bed large numbers of women.

 

Again, I think "culture" is largely a response to material conditions. I don't think AAs are naturally greedier or more promiscuous than anyone else.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

i dont buy the employment nonsense. when you're the minority, you have less of a pool to choose from. For example your typical black female wouldn't have as many choices as your typical white female.. basically the argument is flawed because marriage rates in predominantly black countries are quite high

 

 

 

Dude, this doesn't even make any sense. Unless, of course, you're into polygamy. Once a woman of either race has made a selection, she's done! And your far-out statistical analysis would make some sense were it not legal for so-called "minorities" to marry just about any adult of the opposite gender.

 

 

Some here are trying to suggest that the color of somebody's skin has something to do with why women won't make a choice, regardless of whether she has 4 options or 110 million options.

[wierdmunky]

I don't think skin color affects think ability. I also feel most cultures in the US feel the same way towards marriage. I'd like to open that to anyone who feels different, that would be interesting. That being said, seeing the differences between marriage rates between races (to me race is an indicative of a culture of a society that happen to have distinguishable features) shows an inequality in the system somewhere. Like the economic constraints of certain localities already mentioned.