moimeme Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 I wish everybody would copy down this sentence and memorize it: "If you aren't smart enough to appreciate me for who I am, then you don't deserve me" I see nice men bemoaning the fact that women don't respect them. I see good-looking people worrying because some people don't like their looks. I see women saying they can't attract the 'exciting' guys. It boggles my poor little noggin. Why, why, why, oh why do you bemoan the fact that somebody hasn't the good sense to appreciate you? Clearly, if they don't like you for who you are, it is THEIR problem, not yours. Every single one of you is a treasure. Every single one of you is beautiful. I'm not saying we're all flawless and can't work on ourselves, but still, each of you has a core that is beautiful. That is the reason you should be loved. It is unfortunate that not everybody will see the beauty in you. However, you need nothing less in your life than to have a person who appreciates your beautiful self. If it's only one person every twenty years - fine. In the meantime, have friends, FWBs, whatever, but don't accept less just to have company. Or, if you do, understand that's what you are doing and be prepared for the pain which will follow. You don't need a companion who has contempt for kindness or for whatever quirkiness is yours. You need THE person who sees the treasure in you. But rather than focusing on how to find that person, you try to change your dress, attitude, life, whatever to attract people who may never appreciate you. It's all screwed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 I hear you. But everybody's wired differently. Some people need the thrill of the chase. Some people don't want to be handed love on a silver platter. Some people love root canals while others prefer to have the damned thing pulled. I don't mind root canals but where women are concerned, I prefer those who are inclined towards a quick dick-lay in open turkey position. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted January 19, 2004 Author Share Posted January 19, 2004 Some people don't want to be handed love on a silver platter. Those may be the people who think that anybody dumb enough to like them must be a pushover. You can't win with that sort. They actually look for people who reinforce their sense of unworthiness because it's all they know. Because they don't value themselves, they don't value people who value them. Kind of a Gordian knot. They are like the dogs who chase cars - they'd not know what to do with approval if they actually got it. It's very, very sad. Actually, come to think of it, isn't there a theory of 'victimhood'; that people get used to being in the role of being treated badly and that becomes their comfort level? That they really can't easily break out of the trap of finding people who treat them badly because they can seek sympathy for having been treated badly - and that's how they get attention? That could explain the women who find the selfish men and the men who find 'users'. I don't even know if those people can ever break out of that loop! Link to post Share on other sites
Kriz Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 It's all about balance, really. I've changed since I got with my girl. I believe they were changes for the better. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 Nice guys don't finish last. It's the guy she DIDN'T WANT who finished last. (Same way for males.) People who expect love to happen because they were nice to someone.....is fooling themselves and is a complete DUPE! Being nice is a wonderful characteristic.....it is not the deciding factor in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted January 19, 2004 Author Share Posted January 19, 2004 Nope, you're right. The person you're being nice to has to be nice back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 You can be nice....but not be perceived as being nice. Such as.....there is no 'nice' way to break up with someone. YOU can think it's nice....but THEY won't. If they can't whine about HOW you did it....they will whine about WHY you did it. It's a losing situation. They aren't going to walk away thinking you are nice. Link to post Share on other sites
silk_sword Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 i don't even know if those people can ever break out of that loop! they can. perhaps they need the right person. i feel the same way u do about these individuals. they say that they can't stand people who r emotional (claiming that they r easy idiots), but in truth they r afraid inside. one day though they will be forced to open. although, only a select few will ever see their changes, i believe these individuals will find salvation. salvation from another person who was able to enter their hearts. yes - these people who use go through many people, hiding from true feelings and denying real love, but in the end they find the right person to save them. well that is what i think. sometimes people become blinded. it's extremely hard for another person to come along and strip these individuals' blindfolds. however, it's never impossible. it's just that both people need to be willing, but with the right person i think any person allows themself to change. y u may ask? because, their soul just can't seem to let that person go. sometimes u just can't say no. perhaps there is fate, or maybe angels watch us after all, directing and guiding us to our future path. hope moi. always hope. don't let anyone steal that from u - no matter what. if hope is gone then u r left in the darkness either until someone brings it to u once more or until u let the void consume u. u r very passionate and sensitive. i enjoy reading your words moi. very deep, emotional. i'm glad u r a loveshacker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted January 19, 2004 Author Share Posted January 19, 2004 I enjoy reading your words moi. very deep, emotional. Thanks much, silk_sword, and the same back to you. I'm in your corner Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 Originally posted by silk_sword [perhaps there is fate, or maybe angels watch us after all, directing and guiding us to our future path I believe in this concept...we can make choices for ourselves, definately, however a higher purpose is also at work, as we learn the lessons we came here in this lifetime to learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted January 20, 2004 Author Share Posted January 20, 2004 Above, I said: I don't even know if those people can ever break out of that loop! One more possible from the 'codependents' site (link below) Unfortunately in childhood the people whom we trusted the most - were the most familiar - hurt us the most. So the effect is that we keep repeating our patterns and being given the reminder that it is not safe to trust ourselves or other people http://www.joy2meu.com/Fear_of_Intimacy.html silk-sword: perhaps there is fate, or maybe angels watch us after all, directing and guiding us to our future path Sometimes in the oddest of ways Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 I don't think it's screwed up at all, Moi. "If you aren't smart enough to appreciate me for who I am, then you don't deserve me." I look at this in a different light. To me, it's more like, 'If you can't appreciate me for who I am, then I hope you will find someone whom you can appreciate. No hard feelings and I'll go and find someone else who will appreciate me.' I have seen beauty in people, but not in everyone. Not everyone is meant for each other. What if I were to shack up with a lady who is dirty and lazy, with no ambition, no direction in life, but had a heart of gold? Would the relationship last? Probably not. Would I be an a**h*** for not wanting to be with her? To her, probably, but to me, I don't think so. Sorry, but all the flaws would outweigh that heart of gold! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted January 20, 2004 Author Share Posted January 20, 2004 'If you can't appreciate me for who I am, then I hope you will find someone whom you can appreciate. No hard feelings and I'll go and find someone else who will appreciate me.' Oh sure, and that's great. It's just that so many people think there is something wrong with them when their relationships fail or don't get off the ground. That line means one ought not question oneself when these things happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 I can truly say....I've never questioned myself.....or have seen the need to. If it didn't work out.....it didn't work out. Doesn't mean either partner is DEFUNCT......it just didn't float into eternity on the love boat. I only say this because I know some wonderful guys who have NOTHING wrong with them....they just weren't right for me at the time we met. I would HATE to think they are second guessing who they are because we met at a time when the 'click didn't happen' as far as romance. Who am I to make them feel 'less than'?? If anything, I'm the one who is losing a great opportunity.....certainly not them. With that in mind....I realize I can meet someone I AM attracted to....but they aren't in sync with me. Nothing is wrong with EITHER of us. There is no reason to 'contemplate'. The timing just wasn't there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted January 20, 2004 Author Share Posted January 20, 2004 Wouldn't it be great if everyone had that much aplomb? Too bad you can't sell it or give it away or something. Link to post Share on other sites
silk_sword Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 lol - essence of confidence - only $29.99 Link to post Share on other sites
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