Is his behavior something to be suspicious of?

[leftfordead2]

Hi there everyone, this story is gonna be a little long so bear with me here. I read a thread below about World of Warcraft (WoW) and this particular guy's relationship with his girl. Well, for me, I met this guy online (let's call him A) through this game too. I have a trouble of trusting people online, because, let's face it, it's too easy to lie and get away with it online.

 

We've been playing together for a while and the feelings we had for each other just grew. One day he just confessed to me that he loves me and after spending more time with him, I realized that I did too. Back then I was in college and was really busy while he had more time to play WoW. Now, whenever I log onto the game, he would usually already be in there. However, almost every time that I log on, I would see him doing stuff together with this other lady whom he met in the game too. It made me a little uncomfortable at first but I thought nothing much of it cause we have barely begin or even met yet right? Right. Also, he mentioned that she was not his type.

 

So fast forward a few weeks, a guy from my college (let's call him B) asks me out on a date. Well, I'm not that kind of person who date multiple guys at one time, especially if I already have feelings for another guy. I didn't reply him yet. I went back to A and discussed with him about where we stand now and what exactly is our status etc., because I don't anything to be the cause for future arguments. So he said technically it's dating and I asked if it was exclusive. He then told me "Let's make it exclusive." Keep in mind that I haven't mentioned anything about B to him yet. I told B that I already have someone else in mind and thanked him for asking me out, but it was not the right time.

 

His constant hanging out and talking on vent with the other lady everyday made me more uncomfortable now and I brought it up to him. He insists that they were just friends. I told him that I don't expect him to stop hanging out with her or stop talking to her but it just made me feel uncomfortable. We had a huge fight about this which I later apologized for as I guess I overreacted on my end. I can't log on vent to hang out together with them as skype is the only voice chat that works on my laptop. I tried everything to fix it but I still can't hear anyone on Vent so it's as good as useless. He did hang out lesser with her in game, which I felt bad for cause it seemed like I caused it. However, the daily vent conversations still continued.

 

Another point was that everytime his guildmates were online (the other lady included), his attention would be all on them and usually it's only after they log off that I can finally have some of his time to myself. We also talked about this before and I told him that that was fine with me, I don't need his attention 100% all the time or every second. However, acknowledging me with a simple text like a hug would be good.

 

Fast forward another few weeks, I told A that I planned to visit him after I graduate, which would be around June this year. There was a summer study session that I could apply for to a college around his area. Although I didn't need the credits, I figured this would be a good idea for us to know more about each other. Also, I won't have to rely on him 24/7 with school to keep me occupied. He was really happy and excited about this too.

 

Now the summer session costs quite a bit of money, so I started saving up by working part time this year. However, I requested to increase the hours because A) I wanted to get something nice for him and B) the deadline for the application was nearing. This made me really stressed out at one point since I had projects, midterms to do and I don't want to fail any units since this is my last semester here.

 

Back to WoW, there are 2 factions that you can play, horde or alliance. He has always been playing alliance characters together with his guildmates. I, on the other hand, have a horde character that I like to play. The interaction between these 2 factions are limited and you can't do quests or play together. I knew he didn't like to play horde as I tried asking him to make one horde character before but he declined. Then one day, out of the blue, he said he wanted to make a horde character and start from Level 1 with me. I was, of course, ecstatic about it because I finally get to spend some time with him, alone, away from his guildmates, although I know he would still be on vent with them. Then about a few days later, he asked if his friends (alliance guildmates) could join the guild we made on horde. Now, lol, no reason to say no and so I said yes. Lo and behold, the other lady joins us too.

 

So, the next day, after coming home from work, tired and exhausted, I logged on to see a message saying that he has leveled his character and asked me to catch up. I wasn't mad about that. However, what made me mad was that I thought it would only be just the both of us on horde, no distractions. If he wanted to play with his friends he could go back to alliance and I was fine with that. So, in a spite, I deleted my character. This blew up into a huge fight where he stopped talking to me for one week and me explaining the above where I thought it would only be the both of us. Again, I apologized for it as I figured it must be the stress from my midterms, work etc. getting to me.

 

Now the last part, (thanks for still staying with me), we talk on skype, but not everyday. If lucky enough, once a week while playing the game together. The reason I do not ask him to get on skype everyday is that I know and he told me before that he logs on vent everyday and I didn't wanna intrude whatever talk time he has with his guildmates. Actually, largely, just him and the other lady are usually on vent.

 

Just two days ago, I finally got enough money to send my summer study application along with the money as the money is needed along with the application. I woke up in the morning and he was still online. So I asked him if he wants to get on skype because I wanted to tell him about this good news. He said he was too tired and that he was going to bed. Sounds reasonable right? Yup. However, I don't know what hit me. I signed into vent and lo and behold, he was on together with the other lady, early in the morning. I logged off vent immediately. Told him over IM that I sent my application but that seemed like a bad idea now. He said why and I told him that he could have just told me he was talking to someone else right now. I'm not mad because he is talking to that lady again, but because he lied, like he had something to hide. This makes me suspicious. He gave me the excuse that he was always on vent, just like MSN. But the truth was that both of them just signed in a few minutes ago on vent prior to me joining. Also, I do not even request that we skype every night. I respect his vent time with his friends and even if we do, it's late at night when everyone else has gone to bed.

 

I told him I gotta go and haven't spoken to him since. He hasn't made any effort to talk to me either. Thus, can anyone advise if I should call the school to cancel my application? Frankly now, it feels like there is something going on . They stay on vent for hours EVERYDAY and god knows how many mornings they have spent together on vent like that. He wants this to be exclusive, but his actions are making me think otherwise. An addition is that sometimes when he is online, he doesn't let me know, as in, he would just ask the other lady to go on vent without logging into the game, IM, skype etc. and it would be just the both of them.

 

Hope you guys can help me and thank you very much.

Edited April 19, 2010 by leftfordead2
fixed typos

[Eeyore79]

Call the school, cancel your application, and keep your money. This guy is totally not into you. He's spending an inappropriate amount of time with another woman, chatting in private, lying to you about talking to her, and he didn't even want to play with you alone because he invited this other woman too. He can't even be bothered to chat to you every day, and only plays with you once a week. He is making no effort to meet you; you're having to make the effort and pay the money, which seems totally wrong to me.

 

The rule is: if a guy makes you feel bad then he isn't worth it, because the right guy will love and respect you enough that you won't feel bad. If I were you, I'd cancel my application, cut contact with guy A, and call guy B to see if he's still interested in a date.

[leftfordead2]

Ah, the thing is, he does chat and play with me almost every day. However, the chat is text chatting as he would be on vent with his guildmates or the other lady. He told me that he wouldn't even make an effort to play and level a character with me if he didn't care about me, which is true. I'm just confused by his actions. Also, he is broke atm too, which is why I offered to go over instead.

 

And I really wanted this to work out too...sigh...

[Eeyore79]

So prefers to voice chat with another woman than with you? BIG red flag! If he really liked you, he'd prefer to chat with you than with this other woman or his guildmates. Your attention probably boosts his ego, but he isn't making any effort to show you that you're special or that he's interested in you exclusively. It's entirely inapropriate for him to be chatting privately with another woman when he's supposed to be with you, especially if he chats to her more than he chats to you.

 

I stand by my previous advice - if you are in any doubt about whether he's into you, then he isn't into you. I think you should cut your losses on this one and give guy B a call...

[Els]

Yes I'm sorry but it's definitely something to be suspicious of! Besides the fact that he didn't offer to come and see you (you had to take the initiative completely to go see him), didn't offer to assist with the payment even though you were doing it just to meet him, and various other factors.

[Romance]

uh, does he have a life other than WoW? Doesn't seem like it.. he is always on. And I'd be angry. Cancel the summer session, go on a date with B. guy A is a waste of time.

[hoping2heal]

Hi there everyone, this story is gonna be a little long so bear with me here. I read a thread below about World of Warcraft (WoW) and this particular guy's relationship with his girl. Well, for me, I met this guy online (let's call him A) through this game too. I have a trouble of trusting people online, because, let's face it, it's too easy to lie and get away with it online.

 

We've been playing together for a while and the feelings we had for each other just grew. One day he just confessed to me that he loves me and after spending more time with him, I realized that I did too. Back then I was in college and was really busy while he had more time to play WoW. Now, whenever I log onto the game, he would usually already be in there. However, almost every time that I log on, I would see him doing stuff together with this other lady whom he met in the game too. It made me a little uncomfortable at first but I thought nothing much of it cause we have barely begin or even met yet right? Right. Also, he mentioned that she was not his type.

 

So fast forward a few weeks, a guy from my college (let's call him B) asks me out on a date. Well, I'm not that kind of person who date multiple guys at one time, especially if I already have feelings for another guy. I didn't reply him yet. I went back to A and discussed with him about where we stand now and what exactly is our status etc., because I don't anything to be the cause for future arguments. So he said technically it's dating and I asked if it was exclusive. He then told me "Let's make it exclusive." Keep in mind that I haven't mentioned anything about B to him yet. I told B that I already have someone else in mind and thanked him for asking me out, but it was not the right time.

 

His constant hanging out and talking on vent with the other lady everyday made me more uncomfortable now and I brought it up to him. He insists that they were just friends. I told him that I don't expect him to stop hanging out with her or stop talking to her but it just made me feel uncomfortable. We had a huge fight about this which I later apologized for as I guess I overreacted on my end. I can't log on vent to hang out together with them as skype is the only voice chat that works on my laptop. I tried everything to fix it but I still can't hear anyone on Vent so it's as good as useless. He did hang out lesser with her in game, which I felt bad for cause it seemed like I caused it. However, the daily vent conversations still continued.

 

Another point was that everytime his guildmates were online (the other lady included), his attention would be all on them and usually it's only after they log off that I can finally have some of his time to myself. We also talked about this before and I told him that that was fine with me, I don't need his attention 100% all the time or every second. However, acknowledging me with a simple text like a hug would be good.

 

Fast forward another few weeks, I told A that I planned to visit him after I graduate, which would be around June this year. There was a summer study session that I could apply for to a college around his area. Although I didn't need the credits, I figured this would be a good idea for us to know more about each other. Also, I won't have to rely on him 24/7 with school to keep me occupied. He was really happy and excited about this too.

 

Now the summer session costs quite a bit of money, so I started saving up by working part time this year. However, I requested to increase the hours because A) I wanted to get something nice for him and B) the deadline for the application was nearing. This made me really stressed out at one point since I had projects, midterms to do and I don't want to fail any units since this is my last semester here.

 

Back to WoW, there are 2 factions that you can play, horde or alliance. He has always been playing alliance characters together with his guildmates. I, on the other hand, have a horde character that I like to play. The interaction between these 2 factions are limited and you can't do quests or play together. I knew he didn't like to play horde as I tried asking him to make one horde character before but he declined. Then one day, out of the blue, he said he wanted to make a horde character and start from Level 1 with me. I was, of course, ecstatic about it because I finally get to spend some time with him, alone, away from his guildmates, although I know he would still be on vent with them. Then about a few days later, he asked if his friends (alliance guildmates) could join the guild we made on horde. Now, lol, no reason to say no and so I said yes. Lo and behold, the other lady joins us too.

 

So, the next day, after coming home from work, tired and exhausted, I logged on to see a message saying that he has leveled his character and asked me to catch up. I wasn't mad about that. However, what made me mad was that I thought it would only be just the both of us on horde, no distractions. If he wanted to play with his friends he could go back to alliance and I was fine with that. So, in a spite, I deleted my character. This blew up into a huge fight where he stopped talking to me for one week and me explaining the above where I thought it would only be the both of us. Again, I apologized for it as I figured it must be the stress from my midterms, work etc. getting to me.

 

Now the last part, (thanks for still staying with me), we talk on skype, but not everyday. If lucky enough, once a week while playing the game together. The reason I do not ask him to get on skype everyday is that I know and he told me before that he logs on vent everyday and I didn't wanna intrude whatever talk time he has with his guildmates. Actually, largely, just him and the other lady are usually on vent.

 

Just two days ago, I finally got enough money to send my summer study application along with the money as the money is needed along with the application. I woke up in the morning and he was still online. So I asked him if he wants to get on skype because I wanted to tell him about this good news. He said he was too tired and that he was going to bed. Sounds reasonable right? Yup. However, I don't know what hit me. I signed into vent and lo and behold, he was on together with the other lady, early in the morning. I logged off vent immediately. Told him over IM that I sent my application but that seemed like a bad idea now. He said why and I told him that he could have just told me he was talking to someone else right now. I'm not mad because he is talking to that lady again, but because he lied, like he had something to hide. This makes me suspicious. He gave me the excuse that he was always on vent, just like MSN. But the truth was that both of them just signed in a few minutes ago on vent prior to me joining. Also, I do not even request that we skype every night. I respect his vent time with his friends and even if we do, it's late at night when everyone else has gone to bed.

 

I told him I gotta go and haven't spoken to him since. He hasn't made any effort to talk to me either. Thus, can anyone advise if I should call the school to cancel my application? Frankly now, it feels like there is something going on . They stay on vent for hours EVERYDAY and god knows how many mornings they have spent together on vent like that. He wants this to be exclusive, but his actions are making me think otherwise. An addition is that sometimes when he is online, he doesn't let me know, as in, he would just ask the other lady to go on vent without logging into the game, IM, skype etc. and it would be just the both of them.

 

Hope you guys can help me and thank you very much.

 

I haven't seen one example in your entire story of this guy being anything OTHER than a pile of words. Secondly, be practical. If a guy wants to play video games & such that is one thing. However, it sounds like this guy just lives online in games & "vent" whatever that is. How does he hold a job? He probably doesn't. Here you are; a smart girl with motivation and goals and you do not want to be the babysitter to this man. Sociopath's are not a made up scary monster. They are real and they are thriving. Thanks to the internet? They are able to thrive stronger than ever.

 

Get your money back and get your life on track with someone who can show you they care about you, and not just say it.

[Mary3]

The internet is a * Smorgasboard * of women in abundance. 1,000's of them. He is eating a * feast * of any woman he wants , anytime he wants , selects the one he wants to talk to ( and it does not seem to be you ..)..

 

Big Mistake to ask him : "Where do we stand " ? The man should always initiate this talk. I KNOW we want to know, all women want to know , but men lead this talk otherwise you take the * work * out of it for him.

 

He is interested in HER. BIG time. Not trying to hurt you. Trying to get you disgusted enough to cancel your school , take back the gift you bought him and go out with the other guy.

 

He is not interested in you because you take away his play day. The way he wants to play, long conversations with another women , he likely really likes her and feels you are too much work...They call it work when they have to choose right from wrong..

 

I wonder too, this guy , does he work ? Is he a WOW addict ? ( I bet )

[aerogurl87]

He sounds like a WoW addict, and unless you're a WoW addict yourself, these people are undateable. Think of it this way OP, if your best friend was dating an alcoholic who said he'd rather spend his time talking to another woman who liked to drink way too much, would you tell her to give him a chance? No, you'd tell her to run far far away. Well same scenario just different addictions. So please do yourself a favour and let him go. I dated someone who was addicted to an online game and the game WILL always come first unless they get some help. It sounds like this game is his addiction, and if you try to come between him and his addiction he will choose his game over you. In fact it seems that he already has.

[standablaze]

Seems like you're the only one who is putting any effort to want to meet/be together. From your post alone you sound like a great catch and deserve better than him.

[D-Lish]

I don't understand why you would put all your eggs in this one basket for a guy you have never even met. That's ridiculous.

 

Accept the date with the RL guy, and live in the moment.

[leftfordead2]

Hi all, thanks for the replies. I really appreciate it. Guess I better call the school tomorrow to retract my application.

 

He does have a job, just that it's lesser hours so he has more time to play than me. The other lady has work too, so it's usually till her bedtime, I think. It's difficult to find work in his area and in a few months, he'll be going to graduate school. Another thing is, he has her number, not sure if that is significant or not.

 

The thing is, when I told him I was stressed out about school/work etc., he quit WoW immediately and said he didn't want me to think I was less important than his friends. It was done in a not-so-nice manner and I could sense he was upset after that, but he still continued talking to me. After a few days, I didn't want to see him upset or find things awkward between us, so I told him I won't think that way again. We then started playing again till a few days ago where that thing happened. Yet again, his actions are confusing me cause it really seems like he cares but then again it seems like he does not.

 

He does talk about what we can do when I get there and he seemed genuinely excited about it. He also said we will be quitting WoW when I get there.

 

About the skype part, I think part of it was my fault as I am a very shy person and it took me a while to talk on skype with him. I started taking the initiative to ask but I guess it's too late.

 

He talks to me about his family, family gatherings etc. and from what I gather, he does care about other people and has a good heart.

[Liveinthenow]

"He talks to me about his family, family gatherings etc. and from what I gather, he does care about other people and has a good heart"

 

So what?

 

Sociopaths will say anything to keep you baited to their hook.

 

Actions not words are what is important and this clown has lied to you repeatedly.

 

You love the feel good moments you've had conversing with him and thats what brings you back, the high of that, hoping that version of him will remain forever but it never does.

 

Its always back to talking with that girl and emotionally manipulating you.

 

All the fights, your hopefullness that things will get better, his strategic planning of acting in such a way that you feel guilty for taking him away from his lady friend all of these things come together and work to play on your emotions and make you obsessed with issues all relating to him.

 

It all works to make him seem more fascinating than he really is.

 

A parlor trick of the sociopath.

 

Once he gets tired of the other girl and he will, she will be discarded.

 

You are both simply toys to be used and thrown away.

 

Think about it.

 

You were so enamoured with this stranger from the internet you were willing to make life altering decisions to go and be with him ignoring the fact that he is a pathetic liar that lied to you.

 

If something seems too good to be true it usually is.

 

This is one of those things.

 

The thing about sociopaths people always get wrong is to think they'd be instantly recognizable wielding a bloody knife and being obviously insane.

 

It just ain't the case.

 

They are the person next door or that one lover you can't seem to ever forget or stop obsessing about, they seem to be the perfect person at just the right time but its all just an act, all just a mask, reflected light from the personalities of other people whom they are mimicking for you because they judged that, that particular personality would be what it would take to manipulate you.

 

Your role in this guy's life as others said was for ego gratification only.

 

Just another obsessed woman he can sit back and laugh about and tell himself how great he is due to your being so madly in love.

 

Don't waste another second of your life listening to this piece of garbages lies allowing yourself to get sucked back in and "forgive him" only for him to repeat the cycle which he WILL do.

 

They can't be fixed, changed or negotiated with, they can't be healed by your love, they are what they are and that is all that they will ever be.

 

Empty soulless and devoid of true humanity.

[leftfordead2]

Well he just told me today that he did not think I'll take this relationship seriously and that he is only playing. I guess I got my answer now...can't believe how much that hurts...I haven't been able to concentrate on anything after that call...

[Els]

I'm sorry. But it does happen if you've never managed to get together IRL before... and sometimes even after that. Still, better to know now than later, right?

[ann09]

I'm not familiar with WoW or skype or vent or any of the things u mentioned. But it sort of feels creepy to me. Like its all virtual and not real. I can't imagine wanting to be with someone who spends all his time playing a game. Sorry - I know ur hurting and don't want to hear this. Go meet a real man - one that you can see and touch and one that has a life other than a video game.

[Mary3]

"He talks to me about his family, family gatherings etc. and from what I gather, he does care about other people and has a good heart"

 

So what?

 

Sociopaths will say anything to keep you baited to their hook.

 

Actions not words are what is important and this clown has lied to you repeatedly.

 

You love the feel good moments you've had conversing with him and thats what brings you back, the high of that, hoping that version of him will remain forever but it never does.

 

Its always back to talking with that girl and emotionally manipulating you.

 

All the fights, your hopefullness that things will get better, his strategic planning of acting in such a way that you feel guilty for taking him away from his lady friend all of these things come together and work to play on your emotions and make you obsessed with issues all relating to him.

 

It all works to make him seem more fascinating than he really is.

 

A parlor trick of the sociopath.

 

Once he gets tired of the other girl and he will, she will be discarded.

 

You are both simply toys to be used and thrown away.

 

Think about it.

 

You were so enamoured with this stranger from the internet you were willing to make life altering decisions to go and be with him ignoring the fact that he is a pathetic liar that lied to you.

 

If something seems too good to be true it usually is.

 

This is one of those things.

 

The thing about sociopaths people always get wrong is to think they'd be instantly recognizable wielding a bloody knife and being obviously insane.

 

It just ain't the case.

 

They are the person next door or that one lover you can't seem to ever forget or stop obsessing about, they seem to be the perfect person at just the right time but its all just an act, all just a mask, reflected light from the personalities of other people whom they are mimicking for you because they judged that, that particular personality would be what it would take to manipulate you.

 

Your role in this guy's life as others said was for ego gratification only.

 

Just another obsessed woman he can sit back and laugh about and tell himself how great he is due to your being so madly in love.

 

Don't waste another second of your life listening to this piece of garbages lies allowing yourself to get sucked back in and "forgive him" only for him to repeat the cycle which he WILL do.

 

They can't be fixed, changed or negotiated with, they can't be healed by your love, they are what they are and that is all that they will ever be.

 

Empty soulless and devoid of true humanity.

 

Beauuuuuuuuuuutifully Spoken

[Mary3]

Well he just told me today that he did not think I'll take this relationship seriously and that he is only playing. I guess I got my answer now...can't believe how much that hurts...I haven't been able to concentrate on anything after that call...

 

They can be cold and disconnected. You really dont KNOW what happened in his life to make him this nonchalent about what you both had. He might have been abused. He might just be a bad seed.

I know it hurts because of what you wanted. I think all of us can raise our hands here thinking back to someone we really cared about but it just did not work...

[aerogurl87]

Well he just told me today that he did not think I'll take this relationship seriously and that he is only playing. I guess I got my answer now...can't believe how much that hurts...I haven't been able to concentrate on anything after that call...

 

Ouch, well better to know now rather than later. Someone is out there waiting, hoping, and searching for someone exactly like you. I think if you keep this in mind for the future, once your done healing your broken heart it'll be easier to pick up the pieces and move on. But know this isn't your fault, there's nothing wrong with you, but he's a broken guy. He's the one with the problem, not you.

[leftfordead2]

Thank you all for your encouragement. Not sure how long I'll take to get over this, but I'm sure I will. I'm soooo glad I found this forum..

[ukguy1985]

Thank you all for your encouragement. Not sure how long I'll take to get over this, but I'm sure I will. I'm soooo glad I found this forum..

 

do not worry you are not online from meeting someone from a game. mine ended sept and 7 months later i am still thinking about her. til jan i was doing fine til she sent a tell saying she would to be friends or at civil towards her. before anyone asks if i went towards verbal curses no, just did not speak in guild chat when she was online. i regret the day i spoke to her for the first time and find out from her she has a crush on me considering how crappy i feel now. first time a girl has said that in my 25 yrs of living and now im all emo lol.

 

let us know how you do with getting over him.

 

and as a recommendation to any readers never fall for a person in a videogame, it is not meant to work out at all.

[bananarama1]

to be honest? dont waste your time with him.

 

i know uve spent a considerable amount of time, emotions, laughter, tears and/or money with this guy. uve formed ur world around him and have included him (even subconsciously) in ur future plans. uve locked ur windows to other opportunities (in relationships , etc) because of him. but to just not waste more time , please just dump him (if ure even still together).

 

he wouldnt be trying to "hide", being on vent and w/ another person. ive heard this story a million times.ok not a million, but a similar story and the girl was extremely crushed. she even spoke to the other girl, that she wants her guy back. but i guess she didnt get what she wanted.

 

there is no strong relationship if ur competitor is determined..

 

it is bound to break..unless there is a miracle (miracles do happen..)

 

ur relationship's foundation is pretty weak, and think about this guy..he doesnt have his priorities straightened out. if he wants u, he will pursue you. if he doesnt, he wouldnt go out of his way to talk to u. let alone hide from you.

 

my resources?

we play the same game. ive been friends w/ a lot of guys there who tell me their deepest darkest dirtiest secrets..and to be honest..most of them are durty!

 

takes one to know one i guess.

 

but good luck. just dont be w/ him anymore. dont get too used to being hurt. dont give him permission to hurt u.

[leftfordead2]

I'm feeling somewhat calmer now, I just hope he doesn't contact me anymore because frankly speaking, I might just cave in and listen to his lies again...weak I know...

[Mary3]

I'm feeling somewhat calmer now, I just hope he doesn't contact me anymore because frankly speaking, I might just cave in and listen to his lies again...weak I know...

 

You are most vulnerable right now. He may mess with you just to see if he has his MOJO still on....Either way , cruel and insensitive..

[leftfordead2]

Lol, coming back to this thread I started a few months ago, I can see how stupid I was then. Anyway, if anyone is interested to know, about a month ago, I found out that he flew to that girl's state to visit her and stayed there for about a week or so.