Woman in sexless marriage - thinking of having a one night stand

[jenifer1972]

I have to side with Lecturer, that the reasons for men's lower libidos are fewer. Women's low libido's can be complicated by so many things.

 

I personally am going to go out on a limb and say I don't understand men who say their libido is low. That is not normal for the male of the species.

There has to be a reason.

 

Definitely get the blood work before doing anything else. The one other thing that hasn't been mentioned, and it may not apply to you, is that a guy like this could be gay and deep, deep in the closet. I have seen that several times, and everyone was very surprised. I guess, I'm just saying, if you love him and he loves you, fix the libido chemically - there are great meds out there rather than introduce a third person into your marriage! Because even a FWB comes INTO a marriage.

[ADF]

You and your husband are sexually incompatible. HUGE problem. There are really only three choices here:

 

1) He needs to find a way to increase his libido. It sounds like you've already tried that, to no avail.

 

2) You need to divorce.

 

3) You need to open up your marriage just enough for you to get your needs met. We're talking "open" as is doors flying off the hinges; we're talking just a little bit open.

 

Depriving someone of a sex life is cruel and unreasonable. Either you husband needs to meet your needs, or he has to allow someone else to.

[Holding-On]

You and your husband are sexually incompatible. HUGE problem. There are really only three choices here:

 

1) He needs to find a way to increase his libido. It sounds like you've already tried that, to no avail.

 

2) You need to divorce.

 

3) You need to open up your marriage just enough for you to get your needs met. We're talking "open" as is doors flying off the hinges; we're talking just a little bit open.

 

Depriving someone of a sex life is cruel and unreasonable. Either you husband needs to meet your needs, or he has to allow someone else to.

 

I wish you the best. It is hard when you marry so young. Doubtless then your libido was probably less than it is now and your husband's more that it is now just due to your ages.

 

One of the reasons that I am glad my husband and I always had an open marriage is because his sex drive is really off the charts. It would be very hard for me (especially back in my twenties and postpartum) to have satisfied him solo.

 

Do not throw away your integrity just for some booty. I hope you will continue to be open and honest with your best friend of 14 years. If you try to work through your problems then you will be able to say that you did what you could if it proves unworkable. It is better to try and try and try together and then to end up friends with trust in each other if you both end up realizing it can not be worked out.

[janie423]

You and your husband are sexually incompatible. HUGE problem. There are really only three choices here:

 

1) He needs to find a way to increase his libido. It sounds like you've already tried that, to no avail.

 

2) You need to divorce.

 

3) You need to open up your marriage just enough for you to get your needs met. We're talking "open" as is doors flying off the hinges; we're talking just a little bit open.

 

Depriving someone of a sex life is cruel and unreasonable. Either you husband needs to meet your needs, or he has to allow someone else to.

 

this is exactly where I stand on this . . . well said, simplifies the issue.

I guess from a moral standpoint some posters will disagree strongly, but if the marriage can be saved by having an affair, I really do not see the harm. And sometimes, a marriage can improve because of an affair. But that is just my opinion.

[Darth Vader]

this is exactly where I stand on this . . . well said, simplifies the issue.

I guess from a moral standpoint some posters will disagree strongly, but if the marriage can be saved by having an affair, I really do not see the harm. And sometimes, a marriage can improve because of an affair. But that is just my opinion.

 

 

See, that's the thing, sure you could get together with this OM, straddle him and ride him like a bucking bronco while having extremely intense mind blowing orgasms for hours on end and walk funny for days afterward. You will become attached to the OM, pining away for him, remembering the great sex you had with him, perhaps continuing the sex and getting caught in the act! Or perhaps getting pregnant with OM's baby!

 

But here's the thing, what if, or rather when, your husband finds out about your sexcapades with OM, your husband will feel like he can't/couldn't measure up (perhaps literally) compared to the OM! You will see his pain that you caused him.

 

Have you even asked your husband about how he would feel if you had sex with the OM? He may want to watch you ride OM!OK, I was ONLY KIDDING about that one, but seriously, your hubby should know what you're thinking about doing with the OM, hubby may take that as a wake up call to get those meds so he could have you ride him all night long!

 

But, if you're not willing, personally I'd say that you're just looking for a little strange on the side!

[You Go Girl]

A few concerns. First, the OP writes that she has had sex only with her H, yet he had 3 before her.

She seems to want to settle the score, else why post those statistics?

Honestly, she's never known another different man, and she wants to know what it is like!

 

Secondly, is anything ever really as simple as a 'little open' marriage? I think not.

I imagine hubby questioning what went on. And then the horrible questions, such as: Is that guy better than me? Bigger than me? Do you scream when you O?

The jealousy issue. Resentment is a HUGE factor here. Then comes the grudges, vengeance, and the rest of the mucky things that destroy the marriage.

Meanwhile, the W is all out there in affair fog land, starts to not care about taking care of things at home, her mind changes in ways she never anticipated, never thought would happen, and then, the worst: she falls in love with the OM.

Of course it's not really love. But the sex is so darn good that she thinks it is.

Then let's see...oh yes, the usual fix my life, love you but not in love with you, MLC, and the rest of it.

OP--you're not immune to these things in an affair--nobody is--what is more vulnerable than your sexual side? I'm not calling you weak or shallow. I'm pointing out probable future realities. You can't put up an emotional suit of amour when you have sex with someone and it's so hot and new. Thinking you are falling in love is the standard result.