Is it Wrong to Have Close Friendships with Married Men? How to Act Around Their Wives

[KismetGirl]

Ok, please read this before you go on, I think the title might be misleading, but I couldn't figure out how to succintly pose this query.

 

SO, my whole life, I've had way more male friends than female. And I mean this in a TOTALLY platonic way....I have NEVER had sex with, kissed, hooked up with, or anything remotely close to any physical or whatever thing with my close guy friends. In fact, I have been friends with a group of them comprising our "close circle" for something like 13-15 years on average. Long time.

 

Now, they have had girlfriends and things over the years, and the last 5-8 years most of them have been in serious relationships with the same girl, and I've gotten on fine with all those girls, no problem. I've never given reason for any of them to think there's anything going on with their boyfriends and me at all, but lately I'm starting to feel really uncomfortable around the girls and how they are making me feel.

 

I am at that age when the guys are all starting to get married to respective girlfriends one by one. I'm the girl-friend that hangs out with the boys on "boys nights out". I get invited to bachelor party type of things, and I can't stress this enough, I am treated as if I am PURELY one of the boys.

 

The last time I did this, a couple of the guys told me their girlfriends had expressed annoyance, not necessarily with me personally, but in generall that I am allowed to participate in these "boys only" events, but they are not. The guys explained to the girlfriends that I just have a long standing friendship, and a special type of friend relationship with the guys, and that it is all purely platonic, and that it's ok for me to be there because I am NOT any of their girlfriends so I don't alter the "boys only" mindset they go on sometimes. I really don't....the guys can say and do anything in front of me they would do only in front of other guys, but obviously that's not the case if all their girlfriends were there. I do understand to an extent where jealousy can factor in with the girlfriends, but these guys are complete gentlemen, and in the decade+ I have known them, they have never done anything nearing infidelity or whatnot, so these girls should know better than to distrust them after all these years. It's not like the guys met me recently and became friends....I was friends with them years before they met half the current girlfriends.

 

So now recently, sometimes I feel as if the girls just don't like me. I have tried immensely to be friendly with them, I tried having a "girls night out" a year or so ago that I organized, everything....but they never invite me anywhere. One of the guys recently got married and I thought maybe they were being friendly to me again, but once in a while i almost get the impression that they are scolding me if I do something for one of the guys, as if i should have asked the girl first.

 

Let me give an example: One of the guys just turned 30. I did want to suggest a surprise party, but I let his wife organize instead, which she did. But, since some of our friends wouldn't be able to make it to the party, and I normally like to give a little gift to my friends on "special" birthdays, I sent out an email to everyone in the group stating I wanted to put together a collage of photos spanning our friendship. All the guys and me have been friends probably 13 years, and most of their girlfriends have been in the picture anywhere from 2-10 years. I thought it would be a nice thing to have photos of everyone from childhood to present, and then in the email I also said "and i think we should put a card signed by everyone, or in the case of people that can't make it to the party, maybe you can send seperate cars with messages and we'll include that too".

 

I got an email the next morning from the birthday boy's wife's blackberry stating a very succinct "Already got a card for everyone to sign. No need." And nothing else. She did that as a "reply to all" to everyone I sent my original email out to requesting help with collecting old photos.

 

I now kind of feel like she scolded me in front of the group, basically annoyed at me for attempting to do something for HER husband, even though I had completely friendly intentions and just wanted to do something nice for him that I would do for any other friend. So, i sent back a "reply to all" telling everyone to forget it, and then a private email to her saying i was sorry if she felt like i was impeding on her birthday planning, and that i just wanted to do a nice picture collage that takes a bit of work , and that i would not do anything if she didnt want me to, no worries.

 

She writes me back, now sounding much more friendly saying that she already bought a big card but that if i wanted to make a photo album or something that that would be ok. As if now that I sort of submitted to her to ask if it was ok or not, that it was now ok.

 

Am I being paranoid? I feel like I dont know how to act around them anymore. Around the guys I still feel normal and can say whatever i want, but i swear in front of the girls i feel like i have to act fake and on some weird set of societal norms that i am not used to. i've never felt this way in all these years before...you think that now that the guys are getting married there are a new set of rules in how our friendship is supposed to be? Like, all things go through the wife now? I don't get it. I would never be that way with my husband.

 

*sigh* I don't know if Im expressing myself right here as Im, yet again, exhausted, so this is part rambling, but any responses that are positive would be helpful. No insults, please.

[Eeyore79]

I wouldn't mind a female being friends with my boyfriend, but it would bother me if she got invited to boys' nights when I wasn't allowed to go, unless she was a butch lesbian who was like a man anyway.

[2sure]

Regarding the card/photo collage thing:

 

Since she is the one organizing the event, any kind of group thing should have been brought up to her first. Not a big deal though. Her reply about the group card sounded fine, and so did her saying the pictures would be appreciated. 2 big group cards is just silly.

 

As to the rest , some wives and girlfriends are going to have a problem with their SO hanging out with single women. Especially if they are excluded from a social event. Sure, the circumstances are not one on one and platonic...but still, some will be offended. They might be insecure or jealous. Their BF/H may or may not have given them a variety of reasons to feel that way. 30ish, when people start getting married is when we lose touch with many of our single friends of the opposite sex, some we keep, most we dont. Thats just the way it is...dont take it personally.

[KismetGirl]

Regarding the card/photo collage thing:

 

Since she is the one organizing the event, any kind of group thing should have been brought up to her first. Not a big deal though. Her reply about the group card sounded fine, and so did her saying the pictures would be appreciated. 2 big group cards is just silly.

 

As to the rest , some wives and girlfriends are going to have a problem with their SO hanging out with single women. Especially if they are excluded from a social event. Sure, the circumstances are not one on one and platonic...but still, some will be offended. They might be insecure or jealous. Their BF/H may or may not have given them a variety of reasons to feel that way. 30ish, when people start getting married is when we lose touch with many of our single friends of the opposite sex, some we keep, most we dont. Thats just the way it is...dont take it personally.

 

Right. I get the part about two group cards being silly, and so ok, that's why i sent a note to her apologising and stating i should have double checked with her first to see if she got one also. The picture collage thing was something i thought of on my own, and she never said anything about that. I didn't think its a big deal to make a gift for your friend. It's not like I invited him to a private dinner with just him and I or something totally inappropriate.

 

As for losing touch...that's my point. With the guys, they treat me the same, they invite me to the same outtings, they don't treat me differently at ALL after all these years.

 

It's the girls I'm unsure how to act with. They are friends-by-proxy , as in, I never hang out with them unless the guys are also around. I've tried to be friendly, but we've just never hung out without the guys also there. Perhaps that's partially my fault, but as I said, Ive made some effort in the past. They've never once invited me on their girly outtings, and I don't care usually because it is what it is, but lately I've just felt weird around them, as if they no longer think its ok that I am friends with their BF/H's. It just doesn't make sense to me because I've never given them reason to think there is anything unsavory going on, unless they think I am just having big mass orgies with all their boyfriends/hubband's when we all hang out for chrissake.

 

 

I am not the one that forceably invites myself to boy's nights out. The guys invite me themselves, because that's how it's always been. I don't see why I should have to decline invitations to hang out with people that have been my friends for over a decade just because their girlfriends might now have decided all of a sudden they don't like it? That is silly. I would NEVER ask my boyfriend to stop hanging out with a female friend of his that was single if I knew they've been friends for years and years and nothing has happened before. I'm not some new co-worker their boyfriends just met and have decided to hang out with....I'm like their sister, or another one of their guy friends only I happen to be a chick. I look at them like my brothers, there is not one iota of sexual tension between any of us when we hang out. I'm sure at some point early in our friendship some of them might have found me attractive because by nature you assess how someone looks when you first meet them, but that is a superficial thing that has since never been an issue in our entire friendship. Ever.

 

I have accepted that as we get older we don't hang out every weekend like we used to, trust me, least of which because alot of the guys moved out of the city and into the suburbs and surrounding states with their SO's so they just aren't around like when we all went to school together.

 

I guess I am just wondering if there is some weird girly expectation on the women's part that "ok, now that he's married to me, he cant have single female friends anymore that he hangs out without without my being there as well"?

 

I am a woman, I am straight, I am feminine, but I have to tell you those type of thoughts would never cross my mind in the case of a female friend of my boyfriend that he has known as long as I have known my guy friends. The ONLY way I would be minorly nervous is if I knew there was a romantic history between them, and even then I would tell myself that if I can't trust him around other women in my absence, then there's no point to this relationship.

 

These guys, as I've said, and I have a purely platonic history for running on 15 years. Maybe my boy-way-of-thinking is why them and I are such friends to begin with, but I gotta tell you, I have trouble thinking from this girl vantage point sometimes. I just don't get it. I've never been that way in my past relationships. I had a 4 year relationship where my boyfriend had a close female friend from high school, and on top of it they had dated for a year when they met, and I didn't care if they hung out without me.

 

Oh well. I guess I just have to make more effort to be "girly"? I don't know anymore. I like the girls, don't get me wrong. Some of thm I think are really great, and some of them are just ok, but they are all really nice otherwise, which is why I never paid attention to this sort of thing before, but only lately have I occasionally noticed a *slight* change in their attitudes about certain things, so I guess I was wondering if the coincidence was in regards to the fact that they're all getting married now, whereas before they were all just "girlfriends"? Hmmm.

[sb129]

Kismet, I used to be like you and had alot of guy friends.

 

I am still in touch with those guys, but now that most of us are married with kids, the dynamics of the friendships have changed significantly.

My H and I socialise mostly with other couples who have kids, because thats just how its worked out.

(We moved here as newlyweds and didn't really know that many people, so thats how we met people).

 

Its kind of the same as when you have children and your friendship dynamic with child free friends can change (some, not all).

 

Peoples lives change, and things don't stay the same as "the good old days". This can be good and bad.

 

Ultimately you may need to accept that the wives are married to your friends, and if they aren't happy about their husbands hanging out with you, there isn't a hell of alot you can do about it.

[sally4sara]

It is a loyalty issue. You said yourself, you are only their friend by proxy. You've invited them to whatever and they've not returned the effort.

 

It is about the part where you say the nature of your friendships with these guys does not prevent them from enjoying their all guy events that the GF/wife might or will put a dent in. Whatever that entails, it is behavior they don't want their GF/wife witnessing. It may not even be bad behavior, but some aspect of it would not be appreciated by their GF/wife. And this is their worry; that their guy is out misbehaving, you witness it, and then smile in their face. You feel you have to act fake, they just assume you are to begin with.

 

So too is the behavior during a girls night out. It might well be benign and harmless, but since your loyalty lies with their SO, they feel watched. You might take something the wrong way and report back. This would be a concern ESPECIALLY if they wonder what your motives are. What lie you might make up about the night's events to achieve whatever motive they suspect you have. You are not trustworthy for double reason in their eyes.

 

You're tolerated because you make no waves, but you are not trusted because you run with the guys where the girls are not invited.

Not saying its right or wrong - but I've seen it play out like this for these reasons.

[hardcandy]

 

Ultimately you may need to accept that the wives are married to your friends, and if they aren't happy about their husbands hanging out with you, there isn't a hell of alot you can do about it.

 

I think this is your answer, in fact, EVERYTHING they wrote is right on, and will have to accept it.

 

In my opinion, the problem you are experiencing is the problem with having friends of the opposite sex. It may not be fair, but more often than not it is the way it is.

[D-Lish]

As much as it might not seem fair, it's not surprising the wives and gf's resent you.

 

I've been in your situation- my closest friends are a large group of men I met back in uni. There was myself, my best female friend, and 8 guys. SLowly, but surely, the guys got gf's, my friend and I got bf's, and the closeness didn't make our SO's feel comfortable.

 

As others have stated, sometimes there comes a time when you have to take a step back and let the SO's take their rightful place. It hurts, and it's hard- but I believe it keeps things running smoothly.

 

I lost my closest male friend a few years back when he met a woman who forbade him from seeing me or talking to me. I had such a hard time coming to terms with it, but ultimately, I had to accept it.

 

I am lucky that my male uni friends met some pretty great girls over the years. I am friends with most of those girls, and am happy to call some of them better friends than the guys at this point.

[Peaceful Guy]

Is it Wrong to Have Close Friendships with Married Men? How to Act Around Their Wives

 

no, its not. with understanding, kindness, and a gentle humor about the whole thing!

[2sunny]

it's not wrong to be friends. you never act as if you are a threat to the marriage. you never give the wife a reason to wonder if you would cross a boundary (hers) with her husband.

 

i have many male friends. NONE of them - or their wives - EVER wonder if i would be inappropriate to them or the marriage. that is why we are still friends.

 

don't ever do or say anything inappropriate and there is never a worry.

[dazzle22]

I think the others are spot on.

 

I think that you should try to read your post from a wife's perspective. What would really bother me as a wife, is that you get to go to 'guys night' and I don't. Actually, I'd be pissed.

 

Because then that puts you, another woman, in a 'special' place that I am not part of and that would not be ok with me. I would not allow any other woman (other than his mother, sisters, cousins, or older mother types) to have a 'special' relationship with my husband. Nope! (Nor would he tolerate that with me BTW. I have some great guy friends that my husband doesn't know, but have not kept that up since I started dating my husband. Wouldn't be proper for them to have that 'place'..)...

 

The other big piece would be how attractive you were. If you are really good looking, Xnay on that....haha:laugh:

[and.then.some]

I agree with what Dazzle said. I've always been like you in that I've had more male friends than female friends. People I've been friends with for 7-11+ years. I am/was pretty close to a few of them, in that we hung out all the time, talk[ed] all the time, that sort of thing. When I started a relationship or they started a relationship, that time spent is automatically cut drastically.

 

Even though there may have never been any romantic involvement, out of respect for who I was dating, or respect for who they were dating, we backed away from one another a bit. Don't call as much. Don't hang out as much. Invite boyfriend/girlfriend to tag along. I didn't want any problems with jealousy. They didn't want any problems with jealousy. We didn't want to offend anyone or make anyone feel insecure or disrespected. It was mutually understood. It wasn't even something that needed to be discussed.

 

When some new guy I was dating had a problem with a male friend, I let him know that I wasn't about to toss a friend to the side. However, out of respect for him, I would limit the time spent with male friends automatically, without being asked. It's just a given that we will call less. Male friends with girlfriends or wives, I usually let them do most of the calling.

 

How often do you attend these boys nights? Family life is very busy, but I would consider trying to hang out with the guys and their girls more, and attend fewer of the all guys nights. It's just a sign of respect for their ladies' feelings. I get that you may feel you shouldn't need to back down. Yet, doing something that you know makes them uncomfortable, despite their discomfort, sends a message that you may not be trying to send.

 

The issue changes from you simply being there to no one caring that your presence at these events is making them uncomfortable. You may feel entitled to your friend because you've been there the longest, but the wife comes first.

 

We understand that most male-female relationships start out with someone being put in the friend zone. You may be like one of the guys, but you're still not a guy. And if I were the wife in that situation I would say "but she's still not a guy". Even if nothing ever actually happened between you and any of them, it will usually be assumed that there's some shadow truth in there somewhere. A romantic love that was never expressed. Something. Beyond even that, you're being allowed into a personal space of their husbands'/boyfriends' lives that they're not allowed to enter. You may be like one of the guys, but, no matter which way you cut it, you're still not a guy.

[norajane]

You may be like one of the guys, but you're still not a guy....Beyond even that, you're being allowed into a personal space of their husbands'/boyfriends' lives that they're not allowed to enter.

 

This. Yes.

 

I agree with everyone else - wives just aren't going to be comfortable with you having a special relationship with their husbands. I'm not surprised they're wary. Right now, in their eyes, you're a loose cannon who could explode at any moment...into an affair with HER husband...no matter how innocent your relationships are.

 

Do you have a boyfriend? Do you bring him around? Maybe if they saw you were with someone, they'd feel more comfortable with you.

[stillafool]

My h has female friends and it doesn't bother me in the least. My intuition will tell me if it's platonic or not. It's very keen. I don't think you should worry about the other women. Why try to be friends with them if they don't want to be friends with you? You are friends with their husbands and bfs and thats where your loyalty should be - to your friends. Afterall if you were the womens friends only would you try to get in with the guys? NO, so forget them.

 

Just one thing though. When you get married or get a SO, don't get angry when he has close females friends. Afterall, you already understand this type of relationship.

[Stung]

It is a loyalty issue. You said yourself, you are only their friend by proxy. You've invited them to whatever and they've not returned the effort.

 

It is about the part where you say the nature of your friendships with these guys does not prevent them from enjoying their all guy events that the GF/wife might or will put a dent in. Whatever that entails, it is behavior they don't want their GF/wife witnessing. It may not even be bad behavior, but some aspect of it would not be appreciated by their GF/wife. And this is their worry; that their guy is out misbehaving, you witness it, and then smile in their face. You feel you have to act fake, they just assume you are to begin with.

 

So too is the behavior during a girls night out. It might well be benign and harmless, but since your loyalty lies with their SO, they feel watched. You might take something the wrong way and report back. This would be a concern ESPECIALLY if they wonder what your motives are. What lie you might make up about the night's events to achieve whatever motive they suspect you have. You are not trustworthy for double reason in their eyes.

 

You're tolerated because you make no waves, but you are not trusted because you run with the guys where the girls are not invited.

Not saying its right or wrong - but I've seen it play out like this for these reasons.

 

This.

 

My husband has female friends, some of them are single, and he occasionally goes out with them alone--and I have male friends. If my husband was inviting his female friends to events that no other women were allowed at, including myself--yes, of course that would be an issue. And like many others in this thread I speak as someone who used to also be 'one of the guys' in my own circle of male friends at one time. If my guy friends had tried to pull that crap on their girlfriends/wives I'd've popped them on the back of the head for being idiots.

 

One turn of phrase that stood out to me and I wondered about, you mentioned that you wanted to throw a party for a friend but decided to 'let' his wife do it instead. You also mention a few times how much longer you have known these guys than their wives have. Just how possessive of these friendships are you? Most of my husband's female friends I have always been cool with and rather like myself, they're smart, interesting people; one in particular had the subtle attitude that she was there first, and had some kind of deeper connection with him than I could understand, because I was just one of the girls and she was different . I can tell you, I was having none of THAT.

[Els]

I think it's more about them than you. Some girls can accept it, some can't. There's nothing 'wrong' with what you're doing, it just makes some people uncomfortable.

 

I used to hang out with a group of guys to cybercafes/arcades, some of their gfs were cool with it. Granted though, those weren't outings where the girls were 'forbidden', but simply outings that they had no interest in participating in (it gets real boring watching people play a game that you know nothing about for 6 hours straight). If those guys had actually 'forbidden' their gfs from coming along, I would have frowned upon that. What exactly do your guys do in front of you that they can't in front of their gfs??

 

There was, however, a long-distance gf of one of the guys who just creeped me the eff out. She got my messenger from him (he pleaded with me to approve her), and EVERY TIME we hung out she kept messaging me about what he was doing, when he was going back, was I going back at the same time (!?!?). Eventually I got so creeped out that I just blocked her, and advised him to communicate a little bit more with her.

[mamabear187]

I have 5 brothers and also have many more male friends then female. One close friend's wife after about three years started acting the same way went so far as to accuse him of being involved romantically. I use to babysit when they both worked( treat the kids like my own ), both family's know one another really well spouses and kids. When I spent the night I brought my youngest daughter. I love my friend, I love his family, never spoke to his wife about this. They moved across the country, he calls two, three times a week . We talk about work ( same male dominated field,worked together 5 years) and family.She is still jealous no reason I am older, overweight and married 28 years we even triple dated at times but accepted that she has issues that she can't move past...what to do ? Love them unconditionally maybe someday she will come around.

[greengoddess]

I would have a problem with you being friends with my husband. Not because you are a woman but because you have demonstrated poor boundaries and a lack of respect for marriage by being involved with a married man for so long. I would not trust you knowing you lack respect for "your" married mans wife and family. Knowing that, you would not be my friend either. I need to respect people I am friends with and I would not respect someone who snuck around with a married man day in and day out.

 

Do these male friends know your involvement with the married man? If they do thn you can bet their wives do.

[KismetGirl]

I would have a problem with you being friends with my husband. Not because you are a woman but because you have demonstrated poor boundaries and a lack of respect for marriage by being involved with a married man for so long. I would not trust you knowing you lack respect for "your" married mans wife and family. Knowing that, you would not be my friend either. I need to respect people I am friends with and I would not respect someone who snuck around with a married man day in and day out.

 

Do these male friends know your involvement with the married man? If they do thn you can bet their wives do.

 

One decision doesn't mean that I would A) ever hook up with a MM again or B) that i have some weird attraction to any men who is not single. I really don't think someone should be shunned because they had one such situation in their life. I think some of the girls know about my former situation, but it shouldn't have any bearing on how they act towards me, it never has in the past before, so I don't see why it should suddenly be an issue after all these years. If anything I feel the occasional weirdness whenever I'm invited to a boys-event, but those events are far and few between nowadays anyway. 99.9% of the time when I hang out with the guys....the girls are there too. It's mostly a couples affair, with a few of us single folk scattered in.

 

Not that it makes it better, but I never met my old MM's wife long enough to hang out with her, it's a different situation. I've know my guy friend's wives a very long time, and there has NEVER been any hankly panky between me and my guy friends. They are like my brothers, and their wives know this. I am friendlier with some of the wives than others, but thats to be expected in any group. You can't be best friends with every person you meet. The "trepidation" i occasionally feel is from a very, very small minority, maybe only one or two out of the whole bunch. The rest are very friendly to me at all times, even if we dont hang out on our own. It shouldnt be an issue because I quite like the girls to be honest, I think they are generally very good matches for my guy friends, which Im happy about because I want them to be happy, of course.

 

I've come to the conclusion that it was a moment of paranoia. If they have a problem with me, they aren't showing anything recently. I may never be best friends with all the girls, but thats ok. I have my own girlfriends outside of that group, and it is what it is otherwise.

 

Everyone has their own opinion on things. I've never been a jealous person, and when I am IN relationships, I've never been worried when my boyfriend hung out with a female friend without me. I have more reason than many to suspect cheating because I've seen it first hand and how sneaky it can be, but I'm not ever suspicious about people I date. My theory is if they ever cheat, I can't stop them, and living in a relationship constantly suspicious is pointless. The point is to trust who you are with, and if you can't there's a problem. This does not apply to situations in which someone has already cheated on you and you have to REGAIN trust. Those establish different dynamics, and even then if you're going to continue with the relationship you have to either eventually choose to trust them again, or spend the rest of your life being paranoid every time they leave the house without you.

 

Oh well, I think I was just lamenting that friendships in general start to change when you get older, and I read too much into something, I hope. Seems like all the friends are about back to normal....as normal as I can say considering everyone is starting to do their own thing now, but that's life!

[greengoddess]

I'm glad you decided it was just paranoia. I'm curious do you ever bring a boyriend around them? Maybe since you act like one of the guys and were in a hidden relationship for so long that you couldn't talk about they think you are gay.

 

You said the point is to trust the one you are with and that's just it you need to trust yor friends. With your past of sneaking around with a married man and having a very lengthy affair behind the woman's back I would not trust you. If you culd lie about relationship for that long what ele can you lie about. It's all a matter of character and you have proven your character to not be trustworthy if you would have an affair with another woman's husband. I would be uncomfortable around you because you lack boundaries.

[bluestraps]

Women are protective of their man, just like Men are protective of their women. Some of these wives of your guy friends dont like it when another woman comes in and moves in on their territory. Even if its just friendships, I dont think its you so much but just the natrual urge to protect the nest .

 

If I were in a relationship I would not really be hanging out with other women , I dont really have any close female friends, so maybe I just dont understand

[DreamerGirl27]

I only read the first half of that, but I can tell you it bugs me just having a lot of girls be friends with guys I just like, so I can understand where they are coming from. Most of the time when couples get together and are serious about each other, they usually don't end up hanging out with members of the opposite sex very much anymore. Not always...but a lot of the times this happens. I wouldn't care if your relationship is strictly "platonic". Fact is, you are still a girl and they are still guys and just that idea of you being invited to a "boy's night out" when I wasn't would bug the living crap out of me. I am very possessive and get jealous very easy, though. I am admitting it. When my dad first started getting together with my mom, he didn't even want her to have any other GIRL friends. She put of a stop to that, but she still doesn't hang out with too many other men. She has a facebook account and has guy friends on there and stuff...but she doesn't see them. It's just kind of an odd situation for some people to have your SO hanging out with another girl/guy. I don't know why....but it is.

[DreamerGirl27]

Question: Why do you have to be such good friends with a bunch of guys anyway? Can you not make friends of your own gender? I really don't understand the logic behind girls having tons of guy friends. I know it happens, but the majority of my friends are girls. I have guy friends...but I don't talk to them/they don't talk to me. It's just...awkward. I am also kind of one of those people that doesn't really believe men and women can strictly be "just friends", though. I learned that in church. I used to be the kind of girl that hung out with all the guys, and some high school youth leader told me once that I need to be careful, because as "innocent" as I think it is, when you spend a lot of time together with someone, you wind up "fingerprinting" their hearts. It's true, too. I will never forget the majority of the guys I hung out with in high school. This doesn't mean I like all of them...but it does sort of hurt that I can't talk to them/hang out with them anymore because they don't talk to me anymore. I'll never forget them, either. It's not like it is with my girlfriends, either. I have girlfriends come and go and I don't think twice about it. But the guys I hung out with who I don't anymore...I remember them. Even if I didn't like them like that. I especially remember the ones I did like.

 

You'd have to be super religious and really into God and stuff, though to believe something like that. I'm not necessarily "super religious", but I do believe in God, and there is no marriage in Heaven. So, getting married and finding "the one" while I'm on Earth is the most important thing to me, and I think once you get married, all you really wanna do is spend time with that person, so having another girl around your guy can be stressful. I hope some, if any, of this helped. If not, then sorry, but I still can totally see where these girls are coming from and I would agree with them 110%.

[D-Lish]

Oh well, I think I was just lamenting that friendships in general start to change when you get older, and I read too much into something, I hope. Seems like all the friends are about back to normal....as normal as I can say considering everyone is starting to do their own thing now, but that's life!

 

Hi Kis- I am glad things seem back to normal. I have a great circle of friends just like you do, that include both genders. I hung out in a big gender mixed group in Uni. I've known these people for 18 years now- and we all still see each other on a regular basis to this day. I'll still have coffee or lunch with some of my guy friends that are married. I also hang out with the wive's and gf's on my own. There is the odd wife that doesn't like it, but the majority are secure enough in their relationship and confident enough not to care.

 

For me, I always make sure to know my place. I am just a friend, not a priority. I accept that role.

 

I did have to end a friendship with a close friend (not related to my uni friends) who started dated a girl that forbade him from having any female friends. It was tough for me- and for him, but her ego couldn't handle it.

 

Men and woman can be just friends. I have dated many guys with close female friends, and it doesn't phase me. I make an effort to get to know them because they are important to him, and he is important to me.

 

Not everyone is mature or confident enough to deal with this- and that's unfortunate.

[DreamerGirl27]

Hi Kis- I am glad things seem back to normal. I have a great circle of friends just like you do, that include both genders. I hung out in a big gender mixed group in Uni. I've known these people for 18 years now- and we all still see each other on a regular basis to this day. I'll still have coffee or lunch with some of my guy friends that are married. I also hang out with the wive's and gf's on my own. There is the odd wife that doesn't like it, but the majority are secure enough in their relationship and confident enough not to care.

 

For me, I always make sure to know my place. I am just a friend, not a priority. I accept that role.

 

I did have to end a friendship with a close friend (not related to my uni friends) who started dated a girl that forbade him from having any female friends. It was tough for me- and for him, but her ego couldn't handle it.

 

Men and woman can be just friends. I have dated many guys with close female friends, and it doesn't phase me. I make an effort to get to know them because they are important to him, and he is important to me.

 

Not everyone is mature or confident enough to deal with this- and that's unfortunate.

 

It has nothing to do with being mature or confident. I find it immature when girls need to have a ton of guy friends. What's wrong with your own gender?