Just can't get from "friend" to "girlfriend"

[J.K.]

I'm 25 and single for the past 4 years. During this time I could not invite a single girl on a date or anything a sort.

 

This has been the case with girls I've known for years or recently met. We would have a great time together for weeks or even months and the girl clearly shows interest, but when I ask her out the answer is always NO, expressed in femminime language (maybe, perhaps, some other time, can't say....).

 

I would like to point out I never hunt for girls or pressure them and so can't understand the negative attitude they return. It's like I'm an ideal fiend, just that and nothing more.

 

After the "rejection" normal communication with the girl prooves difficult if not impossible, so I'm forced to back off and move on. Which I take pretty well but getting constantly heartbroken is demoralizing to say the least.

 

I'm open to opinions or any helpful sugestions, please be kind and hear me out.

[ADF]

I can understand your frustration, but I don't know what you can do beyond waiting for the right person to come along. Men have a right to ask, but women have a right to say no. One thing you might consider is to stop feeling obligated to reamin so friendly with women who reject you. Rejection hurts. You should be polite, but don't out of your way.

[alphamale]

try being a bit more of a bad boy, chicks dig that. like, don't be that nice to them

[WTRanger]

One thing that I've had to teach myself over the years that helps the transition and that is to stop hanging out with these girls. Start dating them.

 

Remember. Dating and hanging out are two completely different things. Hanging out consists of people getting together and doing stuff together. It could be going to a club, a restaurant, or just staying home and playing Wii. The atmosphere is relaxed and relations among opposite sexes never rises above the level of friendship. There is nothing wrong with hanging out, but it is not a replacement for dating. Dating consists of pairing off with someone in a temporary commitment so you can get to know the person better and perhaps start a long term relationship with them.

 

So how do you stop hanging out with girls? The one and only thing to get over is fear of rejection. You are hanging out with them because you are afraid of getting rejected on anything further. Get shot down. Get shot down many times in a row. Get stood up. Go on bad dates. Build up your man skills once again. There are far worse things that can happen to you than a girl saying, "No." She's not going to mace you if you ask her on a date.

 

How many chimps did we lose trying to get to the moon? Did we get there on the first attempt? So what if your rocket blows up. Go find a new chimp and get back to the drawing board and get ready to launch another one.

[J.K.]

try being a bit more of a bad boy, chicks dig that. like, don't be that nice to them

 

Not sure about that, but for some reason keeping girls has become a lot harder now than when I was 18 and I was a jerk back then.

 

It's hard to pretend being someone you're not.

[J.K.]

One thing that I've had to teach myself over the years that helps the transition and that is to stop hanging out with these girls. Start dating them.

 

Isn't it obvious that's what I'm trying to do. But asking for a date is like a doomsday question and they switch to defense mode. Maybe my 6'4" and low voice intimidates them, I can't say.

[J.K.]

Kindness will not help you mate.

What's wrong with being polite?

First, clean yourself up and wear reasonably neat and attractive clothing.

I don't think that's a problem.

Start working out, lose some fat and/or build p some muscle.

I can't loose anymore weight, I'll look too skinny. Maybe a bit more workout, but I am no ways a whimp.

Pay enough money to get a decent haircut.

My hair is just fine.

Remove unsightly facial hair.

 

Use deodorant.

No problems with that either.

Develop a positive mental attitude.

What's that supposed to mean?

[WTRanger]

Isn't it obvious that's what I'm trying to do. But asking for a date is like a doomsday question and they switch to defense mode. Maybe my 6'4" and low voice intimidates them, I can't say.

 

If you are still failing, then you aren't trying hard enough. Or perhaps you try too hard?

 

Also, you may be asking for a date far too long into the friendzone. You've got to make it clear from the start. If they run, DO NOT SETTLE FOR FRIENDS! Drop them, and move on.

[Phateless]

I'm 25 and single for the past 4 years. During this time I could not invite a single girl on a date or anything a sort.

 

This has been the case with girls I've known for years or recently met. We would have a great time together for weeks or even months and the girl clearly shows interest, but when I ask her out the answer is always NO, expressed in femminime language (maybe, perhaps, some other time, can't say....).

 

I would like to point out I never hunt for girls or pressure them and so can't understand the negative attitude they return. It's like I'm an ideal fiend, just that and nothing more.

 

After the "rejection" normal communication with the girl prooves difficult if not impossible, so I'm forced to back off and move on. Which I take pretty well but getting constantly heartbroken is demoralizing to say the least.

 

I'm open to opinions or any helpful sugestions, please be kind and hear me out.

 

I think your problem is that you're going TOO SLOW. If she's showing interest, WTF is making you wait for months to ask her out? They get bored and friend-zone you for exactly that reason.

 

It only takes 3 signs of interest before a girl is ready to be kissed.

 

She holds steady eye contact with you. THAT'S 1

She twirls her hair and plays with it when talking to you. THAT'S 2

She touches your arm when she laughs at your jokes that really aren't that funny... THAT'S 3 AND 4

 

KISS HER.

 

I'm dead serious dude. When I heard this little snippet I put it to the test and didn't get shot down once.

 

Sack up and MAKE A MOVE!

[Phateless]

Isn't it obvious that's what I'm trying to do. But asking for a date is like a doomsday question and they switch to defense mode. Maybe my 6'4" and low voice intimidates them, I can't say.

 

Don't ask permission. Just do it.

 

Girls want someone masculine. Confident, strong, leadership qualities.

 

They don't want a sissy-bitch who asks permission to kiss her. They want a socially intelligent guy who can read her body-language and isn't afraid to take a chance by going for it.

 

Just grab your balls and go forward.

[BlueHarvest]

Honestly, I cannot believe some of the faux pas moves I'm hearing here. Did you guys just watch every masculine movie on TV to get your "dating habits" here? Yes, they may work against the witless, but against woment with intelligence I highly doubt your "moves" will work...

 

try being a bit more of a bad boy, chicks dig that. like, don't be that nice to them

 

Confidence=/=Bad boy. Being witty and charming with a sprinkle of confidence will take you much further then being a douchebag. I'm sure college chicks can't tell the difference which is why it probably does so well for you.

 

One thing that I've had to teach myself over the years that helps the transition and that is to stop hanging out with these girls. Start dating them.

 

Remember. Dating and hanging out are two completely different things. Hanging out consists of people getting together and doing stuff together. It could be going to a club, a restaurant, or just staying home and playing Wii. The atmosphere is relaxed and relations among opposite sexes never rises above the level of friendship. There is nothing wrong with hanging out, but it is not a replacement for dating. Dating consists of pairing off with someone in a temporary commitment so you can get to know the person better and perhaps start a long term relationship with them.

 

So how do you stop hanging out with girls? The one and only thing to get over is fear of rejection. You are hanging out with them because you are afraid of getting rejected on anything further. Get shot down. Get shot down many times in a row. Get stood up. Go on bad dates. Build up your man skills once again. There are far worse things that can happen to you than a girl saying, "No." She's not going to mace you if you ask her on a date.

 

How many chimps did we lose trying to get to the moon? Did we get there on the first attempt? So what if your rocket blows up. Go find a new chimp and get back to the drawing board and get ready to launch another one.

 

Going to the moon is not really a great analogy for dating. One is a science, the other is about human emotions which are the most complicated thing on the earth.

 

As for "hanging out" versus dating...I'm sure that there are some well formed relationships out there that were formed from dating from the get-go. But DO NOT discount the fact that having a friendship prevents a relationship from forming. Some of my best friends have known each other for years and were friends before getting married. The difference is making a move and letting them know. Pining away for someone with whom you have a feelings for is not healthy. I should know.

 

 

 

OP, just think strongly about how you feel, read body language. Build up a rapport, then make a move. Each girl is different.

[WTRanger]

Honestly, I cannot believe some of the faux pas moves I'm hearing here. Did you guys just watch every masculine movie on TV to get your "dating habits" here? Yes, they may work against the witless, but against woment with intelligence I highly doubt your "moves" will work...

 

 

 

Confidence=/=Bad boy. Being witty and charming with a sprinkle of confidence will take you much further then being a douchebag. I'm sure college chicks can't tell the difference which is why it probably does so well for you.

 

 

 

Going to the moon is not really a great analogy for dating. One is a science, the other is about human emotions which are the most complicated thing on the earth.

 

As for "hanging out" versus dating...I'm sure that there are some well formed relationships out there that were formed from dating from the get-go. But DO NOT discount the fact that having a friendship prevents a relationship from forming. Some of my best friends have known each other for years and were friends before getting married. The difference is making a move and letting them know. Pining away for someone with whom you have a feelings for is not healthy. I should know.

 

 

 

OP, just think strongly about how you feel, read body language. Build up a rapport, then make a move. Each girl is different.

 

Hanging out with a girl means zero, zilch, zip, none, nadda, etc sexual tension/attraction on one (in this case, her) side. When people get together in a relationship after starting as friends, there was always sexual tension/attraction. Once I stopped trying to hang out with a girl first, I found myself a lot more successful. There was no pressure. I knew if I struck out, whatever, I'll go on another date with another girl. It seemed to work for me. Dating, and making sure the girl knows you want to date her is not a "move."

 

Acting like a girlfriend with a dick around her hoping that she'll all of a sudden fall for you, is a move. It's the same crap about "nice guys" finishing last. They ain't nice.

 

While he's spending time thinking, decoding her body language, posting here about it, thinking some more, playing it slow, and building up a rapport, she'll be off screwing some guy who has motivation, confidence, and the stones to just make a move without thinking about it first.

[BlueHarvest]

Hanging out with a girl means zero, zilch, zip, none, nadda, etc sexual tension/attraction on one (in this case, her) side. When people get together in a relationship after starting as friends, there was always sexual tension/attraction. Once I stopped trying to hang out with a girl first, I found myself a lot more successful. There was no pressure. I knew if I struck out, whatever, I'll go on another date with another girl. It seemed to work for me. Dating, and making sure the girl knows you want to date her is not a "move."

 

Acting like a girlfriend with a dick around her hoping that she'll all of a sudden fall for you, is a move. It's the same crap about "nice guys" finishing last. They ain't nice.

 

While he's spending time thinking, decoding her body language, posting here about it, thinking some more, playing it slow, and building up a rapport, she'll be off screwing some guy who has motivation, confidence, and the stones to just make a move without thinking about it first.

 

Well, that methodology works for you. But what's good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander, if you'll pardon the old expression (with a twist).

 

I never stated that your methodology didn't work, I'm merely stating that precluding certain relationships with a genuine friendship can be the most rewarding thing in this world. Simply put, when befriending someone, I rarely change my actions if they have a vagina.

 

Your stating that if he wishes to "get a relationship" (or in your experience "screwing a guy who has motivation, confidence....") he has to be like that guy.

 

Maybe I'm finally seeing women who aren't acting like sorostitues, but I'm trying to get the point across that befriending someone first doesn't mean you can't have a relationship with them. You shouldn't think that just because she's a girl means you have to put your dick in her, maybe that's why you are here on the forums in the first place. Might want to think about that.