Am I a bad guy?

[Badguy]

Hi all

 

My situation is as follows I have been married 7 years we have 2 children 6 and 2 me and my wife have been growing apart for a few years we recently started counselling. After our 3rd session my wife said she wasn't getting anything out of it and wasn't sure she wanted to contiune. After a long talk she told me she still loves me but isn't attracted to me anymore.

 

We still get along well but I don't want to be in a sexless marrage for the rest of my life. When our 1st was born I gave up a well paying job because there was alot of travel involved and my wife made enough money for us to be comfortable. Now I have been out of the work force for a long time and have no interest in returning to my old line of work.

 

So my question is does it make me a bad guy to stay in the relationship and retrain to get a decent paying job as well as waiting until our kids are a bit older before I ask for a divorce and move on to a new relationship with some one who is attracted to me. I feel a bit like I am using my wife if I do things this way at the same time I did give up a well paying job to stay home with our kids.

 

The other issue here being while we are comfortable a divorce now would cause finacial hardship for all of us and I would prefer to be able to take care of myself and contribute to raising our kids financialy after we are divorced

[seibert253]

ILUBINILWU usually equals OM.

Not putting any effort in MC on top of that. Usually means you have an interloper intruding on your M.

Any suspicions about her seeing someone else.

IMO you havn't been married long enough to get that speech

[alphamale]

no you are not a bad guy but you are now essentially the wife, that is why your old lady isn't attracted to you any more

[Badguy]

I am pretty sure there isn't another guy.

 

The job I gave up was with a large security firm working as a private investigator, I will be having an old friend look at her to make sure.

 

As for me being "the wife" I am aware for traditional gender roles, thanks for the constructive help asshat

[floridapad]

badguy

 

Alphamale wasn't taking a shot at you to make you feel bad. It happens often that roles can reverse in a relationship and the "man" that your W married has somehow become domesticated, soft and not the man she married. Only you know if that is the case. But, if you want to stay married and have a fulfilling relationship with your W it is still possible. How? Do alot of reading and most importantly be honest with yourself as your reading. You may want to try "light her fire". It gives a man alot of insight into the female brain and what turns a woman on. Just because she is not attracted to you now doesn't mean she can't be attracted to you in the future. Also may want to read "no more mr nice guy" and "divorce rememdy". You children and family are worth the fight. Don't roll over.

 

People on here will give you great advice, some may be a bit abrupt like alphamale and others might be more explanatory. Keep your mind open to it all.

 

Lastly, I tend to agree with some of the other posters on here. IMHO your W may be attracted/flirting with another man and may be in an EA. Don't bother asking her now because she will deny deny deny. My W gave me the same speach as your and behold 3 months later I caught her in the affair.

Edited April 21, 2010 by floridapad

[Green]

I also agree with what alphamale has said, you have reversed the roles. Feel free to retrain and get a divorce when you feel it is strategicaly correct but it might be a better mind set to retrain and at the same time continue to hope and try to fix your mariage. Women often lose attraction, you have to use good old fashioned romance and rekindle that flame.