Getting Closure

[FeelingLonely98]

It's a sad thing when all the people who say I'm here if you need me, there's only one that truly is...even sadder that he is the one that checks on you the next morning to see if you are alright....and it's not because he wants something from you, it's because he still genuinely cares. Why does it take a divorce for two people to see each other for who they cared about in the first place and to treat each other with respect eventually??? I will never understand that nor will I ever trust anyone to be there for me again.

 

trip - Don't really know what to say to you... Sorry you're going through such a tough spot now. This thread started out with you being strong and feeling good ... You were even thinking and planning about your future. It's good that you do realize that you are a work in progress - this feeling you're having now is absoutely necessary in the healing - IMO.

 

I don't live up to others expectations and I certainly don't live up to my own

 

Our expectations of ourselves is one thing that is guaranteed to continuously change. What you expect of yourself today is more than likely different than what you expected yesterday.

 

PEACE!

[trippi1432]

trip - Don't really know what to say to you... Sorry you're going through such a tough spot now. This thread started out with you being strong and feeling good ... You were even thinking and planning about your future. It's good that you do realize that you are a work in progress - this feeling you're having now is absoutely necessary in the healing - IMO.

 

 

 

Our expectations of ourselves is one thing that is guaranteed to continuously change. What you expect of yourself today is more than likely different than what you expected yesterday.

 

PEACE!

 

Thanks FL98, low is low....I just tendered resignation to my job. All it has done for the past 3 years is suck the life out of me....left me no room for any happiness....give, give, give until there is nothing left to give with no appreciation. It's been my job to constantly make others jobs easier, make them the priority with no regard to my own.

 

There has to be something out there more worthwhile than this...something at the end of the day, doesn't leave me so empty.

[sumdude]

Trippi, sorry you're going through such a tough spell. At some level I can relate. I lost the three most important people in my life one after the other. Mom, passed, wife left then Dad passed away. A little while after Dad died I realized that the last person on Earth who really had my back no matter what was gone. Except for me of course!

 

I'm swingin' in that trapeze of life and now there's no net.

 

Takes a while to adjust to it.. You're strong and smart, I'm sure you'll get through this.

 

You may also find that people will definitely surprise you. Some people you thought would be there will disappear in a puff of smoke when you need them. Then someone you never expected will come through in spades.

[trippi1432]

True Sumdude - sorry to hear about your losses...it's tough, it really is. I've tried to be strong, really have...but there just comes to a point where you have to let things fall where they will.

 

My HR department called me and asked me to think things over...take some time out on short term leave so that is what I am doing. I may or may not go back, haven't decided yet, but I'm taking some time out for me to get my head together.

 

Last time I was out for an operation, took 10 people to back me up...now they are scrambling to find people to take on those duties...I feel bad....like I failed, but just can't keep taking the beatings at work and work on me at the same time.

 

I had an alternative last night and it's one that I know I need to steer away from...need to come out of the tunnel because there has to be something still in me where I can find happiness.

[trippi1432]

Well, today was first day of group therapy. Didn't get a whole lot done due to filling out paperwork. Seems that there are all types in there, not just those going through one particular stress, but many different stresses.

 

I think I found out more from the lady filling out my paperwork and doing my interview than anyone else. She left Corporate America because she found no happiness there either, now she works as a employee in a treatment center and loves her job. We compared so many notes that it took forever to complete my paperwork.

 

I really barely got time to attend one session to discuss margins....it was very interesting when you think about it. Drawing a large circle, what hats do you wear everyday.....not a single person put employee or really anything to do with their job outside the home....it's where my mindset has been for so long. Made me realize just how much of life and living I have missed out on over the years. When I have always thought of "hats" they were aimed at leadership, team player, devil's advocate...basically, the six thinking hats....not at a family level, but at a work level.

 

I haven't had work/life balance in so long, I have forgotten what that was. In 2006, the week of April 8th, my STBXH and I got married. I was on a corporate wide IT project and almost 1000 of us were locked down to not be allowed to take vacation that year. The company gave us all that one week off....and that was the week we did our quick wedding and short honeymoon. As soon as we got back...right back to the grindstone, late nights, worry....not being allowed to fail. This is mine to own, my short-comings of not being a good wife, friend and supporter to my husband. One night when my husband called me to ask if I had to pay the security guard on the way out the door after a 16 hour day...I should have woken up.....we were leaving each other behind.

 

I take my part...but I don't take all the ownest...neither of us did right in our marriage....we know that now and we also know that it was a hard lesson learned. There's no going back...only looking forward and learning from our past mistakes.

Edited April 29, 2010 by trippi1432
Edited for typo....yep...lol

[trippi1432]

Second day of group....tried to get out of it as I wasn't really in the mood to be there. Instead I made myself the guinea pig to the emotions, beliefs, thoughts and behaviors around anger management.

 

So:

 

Beliefs:

1. I must live up to a certain standard to be worthy and be worthy of love

2. I must have the approval of certain people around me to have any self worth

2. I am hopeless, I cannot change

 

Thoughts:

1. "I'm not a good mother because my son won't listen"

2. I'm not a good employee - I'm a failure

3. I can't please everyone at work

4. I can't please myself because I am helpless

5. I can't please anyone because they tell me how to act

 

Emotions:

1. Depressed

2. Suicidal

3. Unloved

4. Worthless

5. Tired

6. Washed-out

7. Burned-out

8. Used

9. Angry

10. Sad

11. Frustrated

12. Guilty

 

Behaviors:

 

1. "Gave up"

2. Stopped going to work

3. Loss of production at work

4. Withdrawal from children

5. Can't finish tasks

6. Lack of concentration

7. Stopped eating

8. Stopped usual activities

9. Lack of interest

10. lack of or too much sleep

11. Stopped socializing

12. Stopped going outside

13. Stopped enjoying life

 

It takes working backwards to get to the beliefs....the thoughts, the behaviors, the emotions....those are the things that get to the beliefs. The beliefs can come from traumas in your life, job stress, loss of a family member, divorce, even having your head played with by someone you thought cared for you (false friends). It's all there.

 

Take for example....someone tells you that you are overweight....the behavior, I need to stop eating...the thought/emotion...can be any of those and the belief can be set from childhood of being hopeless, unloved, needing acknowledgment for worthiness....all the same.

 

It works this way in all relationships...friendships, marriage. Tell someone, hey, you are just like my ex-wife/ex-husband...work your way through this thought process. The choice is that you don't have to live up to a certain standard to be worthy of love or friendship from that person. If this is the standard they set for you or see you as, then how are they worthy of being in your life? You set the standards, you control the emotions, the thoughts and the behaviors...and you have the right to put people out of your life that treat you like this because they are truly not friends.

[trippi1432]

It's amazing how much you can learn in a day, especially when you do start talking to your ex again. I asked him if he thought I put him second in my life...his answer..no, we did that to each other equally. He didn't blame me for finding the things I needed to in our relationship because he did that too.

 

His advice to me today, find someone who makes me happy, that I want to spend time with. Someone who doesn't judge, criticize or compare me to others because I am better than that. It was something he wished he could have done as that is what two people who care about do for each other. He has learned that.

 

What have I learned, I'm learning to be selfish....time to stop giving to all people because they really don't care anyway. Time for me to find what I want and my list just grew by leaps and bounds. Good men....they don't exist....it's just an enticement to pull you in and play with your heart and mind. Whether it's a date, a relationship or the job....it's not about what I can do for you anymore....it's about what you can do for me....nuff said. :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

 

20 years of loving, caring....taking care of people....done....at the end of the day....none of them are there anyway and never cared to begin with.

[trippi1432]

Jaded....it was a place that I didn't want to get to again...I refused to get to after my ex.....just too easy to get there and bring excess baggage to any type of relationship. Now I find myself there, why....because I tried to genuinely be me and instead I was crucified for being someone I am not...put into a bucket of women who are cast off because flaws are not allowed, even if those flaws are caring about someone and not pointing out theirs.

 

Show me the perfect man with no flaws and I will show you a gay man. Today, I will be forever jaded....no man will ever get to me, to know me well enough to hurt me....and if that leaves me alone for the rest of my life, it's better to be that than to be compared to someone else that you can't live up to.

 

Is that pride, no...it's genuine hurt and it's the stupidity of letting someone get that close to you to hurt you that way. Advice....don't ever act like you care and NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU ARE ONLY AN OPTION IN THEIRS!!

Edited April 30, 2010 by trippi1432

[44caliberloveletter]

Jaded....it was a place that I didn't want to get to again...I refused to get to after my ex.....just too easy to get there and bring excess baggage to any type of relationship. Now I find myself there, why....because I tried to genuinely be me and instead I was crucified for being someone I am not...put into a bucket of women who are cast off because flaws are not allowed, even if those flaws are caring about someone and not pointing out theirs.

 

Show me the perfect man with no flaws and I will show you a gay man. Today, I will be forever jaded....no man will ever get to me, to know me well enough to hurt me....and if that leaves me alone for the rest of my life, it's better to be that than to be compared to someone else that you can't live up to.

 

Is that pride, no...it's genuine hurt and it's the stupidity of letting someone get that close to you to hurt you that way. Advice....don't ever act like you care and NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU ARE ONLY AN OPTION IN THEIRS!!

 

Nobody is perfect. Truth. When people try to hard to solve other's problems, it's typically because they are running away from their own problems. I've done the same thing, and still do. It's easier sometimes to focus on someone else's problems and try to "fix" them rather than dwell on what's going on in my life. It's not healthy. And there is a time in every person's life where they should learn to just focus on themselves instead of everyone else around them. Screw pleasing everyone else and taking care of everyone else around you, it drags you down and only hurts you in the end.

 

Focus on YOU. It's not being selfish, it's being responsible. If anyone else deems it selfish, it's because they haven't walked in your shoes. It doesn't make anyone else's problems any bigger or smaller than yours, but sometimes people are too pig headed to take that into consideration. And all I have to say in that case is F U.

 

You're not selfish in trying to better yourself. You haven't abandoned anyone or anything. YOU and your health are the important thing here, and if that means washing your hands of the people and things in your life that are interfering with you making the ideal person out of yourself, then do it and let go of the past. The past is the past for a reason, but you have to make sure that you leave it there.

[trippi1432]

Nobody is perfect. Truth. When people try to hard to solve other's problems, it's typically because they are running away from their own problems. I've done the same thing, and still do. It's easier sometimes to focus on someone else's problems and try to "fix" them rather than dwell on what's going on in my life. It's not healthy. And there is a time in every person's life where they should learn to just focus on themselves instead of everyone else around them. Screw pleasing everyone else and taking care of everyone else around you, it drags you down and only hurts you in the end.

 

Focus on YOU. It's not being selfish, it's being responsible. If anyone else deems it selfish, it's because they haven't walked in your shoes. It doesn't make anyone else's problems any bigger or smaller than yours, but sometimes people are too pig headed to take that into consideration. And all I have to say in that case is F U.

 

You're not selfish in trying to better yourself. You haven't abandoned anyone or anything. YOU and your health are the important thing here, and if that means washing your hands of the people and things in your life that are interfering with you making the ideal person out of yourself, then do it and let go of the past. The past is the past for a reason, but you have to make sure that you leave it there.

 

44, you make a lot of sense....for too long I have been sitting back waiting on something that was never going to happen, someone who never cared enough about me. Time to get out and test the waters. Updating profiles...sat home too long and turned down too many opportunities waiting for the one that I thought was right.

 

Other people here have moved on, taken up dating....it's time for me to do the same....brushing off the profile and putting my self out there and it's about time. Going out with the girlfriends is great, but I need the attention of a man who is going to treat me well. It's actually exciting as I have some good prospects already and the profile has only been up for 24 hours. I never knew that there were so many men with the same interests so close to home. Wish me luck. ;);)

[44caliberloveletter]

44, you make a lot of sense....for too long I have been sitting back waiting on something that was never going to happen, someone who never cared enough about me. Time to get out and test the waters. Updating profiles...sat home too long and turned down too many opportunities waiting for the one that I thought was right.

 

Other people here have moved on, taken up dating....it's time for me to do the same....brushing off the profile and putting my self out there and it's about time. Going out with the girlfriends is great, but I need the attention of a man who is going to treat me well. It's actuainglly exciting as I have some good prospects already and the profile has only been up for 24 hours. I never knew that there were so many men with the same interests so close to home. Wish me luck. ;);)

 

Just please remember that you don't NEED the attention of anyone. You have to be content with you, yourself, and your life before you can offer anything to anyone else. If you feel that you need attention from another person, you will hurt yourself. It's like an addiction...the need for attention. I've been there, we've all been there. That's where you lose yourself and who you are, in my opinion. (Not you personally, just in general...if you get what i'm saying)

 

Blah, I need to not post anymore tonight already. I'm lost in my own head, for multiple reasons.

[trippi1432]

Just please remember that you don't NEED the attention of anyone. You have to be content with you, yourself, and your life before you can offer anything to anyone else. If you feel that you need attention from another person, you will hurt yourself. It's like an addiction...the need for attention. I've been there, we've all been there. That's where you lose yourself and who you are, in my opinion. (Not you personally, just in general...if you get what i'm saying)

 

Blah, I need to not post anymore tonight already. I'm lost in my own head, for multiple reasons.

 

Ah, no offense taken....some things I have learned about myself, I get hooked to one person and that tends to end badly. Time for men to come to be instead of vice versa....time to test the waters for a few years and see what nets out. Love is overrated, so is commitment.

 

Just to put it bluntly, the last guy didn't work out too well and neither did the 16 year relationship. Shame, in both instances, I would have given them my world....now I realize that it IS my world....thank you both for that. I'm beginning to realize that there is more to just a good heart seeing the person someone is through the windows of the soul. Time to go through life with my eyes closed....might come up lucky.

Edited April 30, 2010 by trippi1432

[Gunny376]

Your first problem is that your a 2010 Western Woman that's being culturally and socially conditioned to be any and all to any and all the people that come in contact with in! Be it work, your homelife with the STBXH, the DS, the DD, the in-laws, the out-laws.

 

You've got it in your head that your suppose to have all the answers to the questions and all of the solutions to the problems!

 

Any and everyone around you is trying to use you for their own selfish purposes. And you need to tell them to back to hell off and get the hell off of you!

 

Don't life to work! Work to live! Telll HR, yea I'll come back but these are my terms and conditions and if you can't deal with that? You can shove it on down the line. The reason they want you back so badly is because they know they can't replace you with just any fool off of the street.

 

The DS? Lay down the law! This is the way it is and this is the way its going to be! And if you can't deal with that? You can just move it on down the line.

 

And you need to seriouly get yourself some "me" time, and if someone has some problems with that? That's what the Hell its is! They're problem!

 

And I would seriously forget this "group thing" because those people in thast group? They're not living your life, they're not having to deal with what your having to deal with. Get yourself one on one with a pyschologist. I spent 45 minutes with one and he told me I was suffering from long term depression, anxiety, PTSD, needed to quit self medicating with alcohol, and to just put out my side of the truth with my children.

 

He got e an appointment with my MD the next day, got me on AD's and anxiety drugs. Took about three weeks for them to kick in, but I'm neither high nor low.

 

I'm 90% + back to being the care free, happy go lucky guy I was thirty years ago before I joined the Corps, went through the seperation and divorce.

 

I'm sleeping better and sounder, having "happy' dreams, drinkning 98% less, sleeping sounder and deeper, awakening refreshed!

 

I'm listening to music again which is a biggie because after my divorce I quit listening to it for the mot part!

 

Take it from a combat vet!

 

See a pyschologist get on some AD and anxiety pills

 

Your living your life way too hard ~ way to fast!

 

BTW? It took me fifteen freaking years to figure that out!

Edited April 30, 2010 by Gunny376

[trippi1432]

Your first problem is that your a 2010 Western Woman that's being culturally and socially conditioned to be any and all to any and all the people that come in contact with in! Be it work, your homelife with the STBXH, the DS, the DD, the in-laws, the out-laws.

 

You've got it in your head that your suppose to have all the answers to the questions and all of the solutions to the problems!

 

Any and everyone around you is trying to use you for their own selfish purposes. And you need to tell them to back to hell off and get the hell off of you!

 

Don't life to work! Work to live! Telll HR, yea I'll come back but these are my terms and conditions and if you can't deal with that? You can shove it on down the line. The reason they want you back so badly is because they know they can't replace you with just any fool off of the street.

 

The DS? Lay down the law! This is the way it is and this is the way its going to be! And if you can't deal with that? You can just move it on down the line.

 

And you need to seriouly get yourself some "me" time, and if someone has some problems with that? That's what the Hell its is! They're problem!

 

And I would seriously forget this "group thing" because those people in thast group? They're not living your life, they're not having to deal with what your having to deal with. Get yourself one on one with a pyschologist. I spent 45 minutes with one and he told me I was suffering from long term depression, anxiety, PTSD, needed to quit self medicating with alcohol, and to just put out my side of the truth with my children.

 

He got e an appointment with my MD the next day, got me on AD's and anxiety drugs. Took about three weeks for them to kick in, but I'm neither high nor low.

 

I'm 90% + back to being the care free, happy go lucky guy I was thirty years ago before I joined the Corps, went through the seperation and divorce.

 

I'm sleeping better and sounder, having "happy' dreams, drinkning 98% less, sleeping sounder and deeper, awakening refreshed!

 

I'm listening to music again which is a biggie because after my divorce I quit listening to it for the mot part!

 

Take it from a combat vet!

 

See a pyschologist get on some AD and anxiety pills

 

thanks Gunny, you are always the voice of reason. I have been seeing a psychologist since late last year, he wanted me to go directly to the group thing but I couldn't....had my son and the job to think about. Got my meds, which have helped, have a great therapist who has helped me work on my inner issues. The problem is stress from work and stress from a particular person who has not been such a nice person lately (and not the ex this time).

 

I'm still not sure about the group....may even skip it tomorrow as I was in a very pissy mood about it today due to some other issues. Luckily those issues have now taken the stand to move themselves completely out of my life so I can continue on my own life. That will be a roller coaster for a while, but I can manage it since I know I meant very little to them.

 

In the meantime, it is Me time...I'm going to get out with my friends, get off this damn computer as it is wasting my time and meet some decent guys to date to find one that does treat me well. The first time I can't be ME, well, they can screw off....they are a dime a dozen. Nothing is about love and commitment anymore....those things don't exist. It's about having fun for me and I deserve that. Yeah, I know...sounds selfish....guess what....it is and I make no apologies for it since it's all I have ever been.

[Gunny376]

You need yourelf some "me" time! Your giving so much of yourself to the STBXH, the DS and DD, your family, your in-laws, out-laws, your job, your career!

 

Its consuming you! American - Western women think that they've got to be everything to everyone!

 

I did the same thing for my country, as a Marine, as a father, as a husband?

 

 

Guess what? It wasn't enough!

 

I was institionized by the Marine Corps! I was like the old guy who had spent forty years in prison in Shackshank Redemption.

 

I got out of the Corps and I didn't know how to deal with the real world! The civilian world. I knew about 60mm and 80mm mortors. I knew about 105's. I knew about 50. caliber and .30 caliber machine guns, and Mark-19 gernade launchers.

 

I didn't know spit about how to get a civilian job!

 

I know all about how to drive and fire an M-1 Abrams, an Amtrack

 

But out here in civilian la~la land I've got to take a class to drive a forklift?

[You Go Girl]

"It's not just hell Gunny, it's knowing that the only reason why you are here, why you are on this Earth, was to keep your parents together, to get your mom away from a dad that beat her constantly."

 

There it is...right there.

You were raised the caregiver, the peacemaker, always putting yourself second and trained to believe the VALUE in who you are is to fix others...

 

I'm sure your psychologist has talked to you about this? The results of believing that your purpose in life is to be a caregiver, fixer-upper, peacemaker?

And that it trains you to NOT MAKE OTHERS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS, but instead you jump in to save the day?

You take on anxiety that belongs on their shoulders?

Responsibility without authority?

Life is never about your wants or needs?

You self-worth is directly attached to being there for others all the time?

 

So ultimately, one of your goals, would be to hear the bad news or difficult spot your child, husband, other relative, friend, etc., has gotten themselves into...some pickle of a situation, and to NOT FEEL THEIR ANXIETY FOR THEM, but to calmly offer a suggestion, or hear them out, but refrain of taking on their problems onto your shoulders...

to eventually get to that place where you hear other's problems and you don't get emotional about them because they OWN their problems, not you?

And that's why you've felt that everybody wants a piece of you and there isn't enough to go around, and nothing left over for yourself?

[trippi1432]

"It's not just hell Gunny, it's knowing that the only reason why you are here, why you are on this Earth, was to keep your parents together, to get your mom away from a dad that beat her constantly."

 

There it is...right there.

You were raised the caregiver, the peacemaker, always putting yourself second and trained to believe the VALUE in who you are is to fix others...

 

I'm sure your psychologist has talked to you about this? The results of believing that your purpose in life is to be a caregiver, fixer-upper, peacemaker?

And that it trains you to NOT MAKE OTHERS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS, but instead you jump in to save the day?

You take on anxiety that belongs on their shoulders?

Responsibility without authority?

Life is never about your wants or needs?

You self-worth is directly attached to being there for others all the time?

 

So ultimately, one of your goals, would be to hear the bad news or difficult spot your child, husband, other relative, friend, etc., has gotten themselves into...some pickle of a situation, and to NOT FEEL THEIR ANXIETY FOR THEM, but to calmly offer a suggestion, or hear them out, but refrain of taking on their problems onto your shoulders...

to eventually get to that place where you hear other's problems and you don't get emotional about them because they OWN their problems, not you?

And that's why you've felt that everybody wants a piece of you and there isn't enough to go around, and nothing left over for yourself?

 

Wow, you hit the nail on the head here....responsibility without authority, been fussing about that at work for years. And yes, life is never about my wants or needs, always about someone else. If I mention my wants or needs, I'm being selfish. If I do something for myself, I'm being selfish...No more, I'm done with that.

 

I remember when my daughter was born, my mother brought down all these baby clothes for her. I was so excited going through them and thinking how adorable they will be on her. Then I pulled out this huge purple sweater....at first I thought it was a blanket, then I realized it couldn't be. I just looked at my mom and asked her if she had put that in there by mistake and she no it's for you silly. I broke down in tears, it didn't dawn on me that someone would think of me.

 

My therapist and I have been talking about boundaries...I've been working on them at home, with a particular friend (which has definitely worked now since they are no longer speaking to me), and at work. It has really made people mad that I am doing this, but it's because they are always expecting me to be the one with all the answers, to fix everything, to always be there, to be the first one to say good morning, to spend all my time with them, to take on more than I can handle. It's one of the reasons I am in group therapy now and on a leave of absence from work....time for people to fly by themselves for awhile while I work on me.

 

I've really been a shut-in for several months, this wasn't like me a while back and I have missed a lot of opportunities to be with people who don't have issues, don't need me to fix them or vice-versa. I think that it's time I lived in the real world and give these guys a chance, have some fun and live instead of being miserable.

 

My STBX has moved on and he's happy. Even he has told me that it's time for me to be happy, and if I'm with someone who doesn't make me happy, I have the strength in me to move on to someone else who does....not to settle because I deserve better. This coming from my STBXH is shocking, but it's because he knows, admits and regrets that he couldn't be the right man in my life. Even more shocking, he said that he would be happy to sit down with any man and tell them they had better not hurt me, I've been through enough. It's a shame that it takes divorce to realize how much two people cared for one another but just were right for each other.

[trippi1432]

Your first problem is that your a 2010 Western Woman that's being culturally and socially conditioned to be any and all to any and all the people that come in contact with in! Be it work, your homelife with the STBXH, the DS, the DD, the in-laws, the out-laws.

 

You've got it in your head that your suppose to have all the answers to the questions and all of the solutions to the problems!

 

Any and everyone around you is trying to use you for their own selfish purposes. And you need to tell them to back to hell off and get the hell off of you!

 

 

NOTED, WRITTEN IN STONE AND NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN WITH A PARTICULAR PERSON WHO DOES NOTHING BUT HURT ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I am WHO I am....and if someone wants to compare me to something I AM NOT, then they just hit the bottom of the barrel for me....yes, time to tell them to back the hell off me.

 

Thank you Gunny for that, a very good affirmation and one I will live by from now on. Of course, it is something that they will never see for themselves and that is sad.

[trippi1432]

Oh, and one more thing....on this:

 

My therapist and I have been talking about boundaries...I've been working on them at home, with a particular friend (which has definitely worked now since they are no longer speaking to me....because the truth hurts doesn't it?), and at work. It has really made people mad that I am doing this, but it's because they are always expecting me to be the one with all the answers, to fix everything, to always be there, to be the first one to say good morning, to spend all my time with them, to take on more than I can handle. It's one of the reasons I am in group therapy now and on a leave of absence from work....time for people to fly by themselves for awhile while I work on me.

[Gunny376]

Its time to catch the bus to Mexico trippi

Its time for you!

[44caliberloveletter]

Oh, and one more thing....on this:

 

My therapist and I have been talking about boundaries...I've been working on them at home, with a particular friend (which has definitely worked now since they are no longer speaking to me....because the truth hurts doesn't it?), and at work. It has really made people mad that I am doing this, but it's because they are always expecting me to be the one with all the answers, to fix everything, to always be there, to be the first one to say good morning, to spend all my time with them, to take on more than I can handle. It's one of the reasons I am in group therapy now and on a leave of absence from work....time for people to fly by themselves for awhile while I work on me.

 

1. Good for you.

 

2. When you spend your whole life living by other's expectations, you lose the focus on yourself and who you are. You can't be your own person when you are constantly trying to please everyone. And it's hard, in my opinion, to just basically say "F**k off" to those people. Because that's all you've ever identified with. It's the same as relationships, really. You spend so long in a relationship with someone, and you lose who you are in the drama and stress of everything...and when it ends, that's where you are left wondering who you were before that person came into your life, because every activity of your day involved them. And that's where you have to start picking up the pieces and finding YOU again. Stop basing your happiness on other people's happiness, and search for your own happiness.

 

3. Invest in a velociraptor to sic on the dumbarses that can't respect your need to work on yourself. I'm ebaying it right now!

[trippi1432]

1. Good for you.

 

2. When you spend your whole life living by other's expectations, you lose the focus on yourself and who you are. You can't be your own person when you are constantly trying to please everyone. And it's hard, in my opinion, to just basically say "F**k off" to those people. Because that's all you've ever identified with. It's the same as relationships, really. You spend so long in a relationship with someone, and you lose who you are in the drama and stress of everything...and when it ends, that's where you are left wondering who you were before that person came into your life, because every activity of your day involved them. And that's where you have to start picking up the pieces and finding YOU again. Stop basing your happiness on other people's happiness, and search for your own happiness.

 

3. Invest in a velociraptor to sic on the dumbarses that can't respect your need to work on yourself. I'm ebaying it right now!

 

Yeah, well find that for me.....in the meantime, I already have a date this weekend.....someone I have been turning down for 8 months already.

 

Time to find me...and it's about time...been waiting on other people and fogs to lift for too long.

[44caliberloveletter]

Yeah, well find that for me.....in the meantime, I already have a date this weekend.....someone I have been turning down for 8 months already.

 

Time to find me...and it's about time...been waiting on other people and fogs to lift for too long.

 

(Cheers for you!) :bunny::bunny:

 

Get it, get it!

[trippi1432]

(Cheers for you!) :bunny::bunny:

 

Get it, get it!

 

:o:o Been basing my happiness on others for far to long...time to live for me....thought I was...but I was wrong....moving those memories out of my mind even though they were short-lived...if it makes you feel good, it cant' be good.

[44caliberloveletter]

...if it makes you feel good, it cant' be good.

 

Eh, I don't entirely agree with that statement, though I admit that I'm one to immediately start preparing for the other shoe to drop as soon as I realize that I'm happy. I still do it...gloom and doom and all of those shenanigans, but I'm getting better about just...I don't know, best way to put it is just being and appreciating the small things that go right in my life instead of focusing on the bad things and the impending doom of everything that could go wrong. Being suspicious of every good thing that comes into your life sets you up for disaster, something that someone very close to me has helped me realize...that's the same person that instilled the morals, values, and respect that made me who I am today.

 

And said person will find their way, they're strong...passionate...just one hell of a person. We're all a work in progress from birth to death, anyone who disagrees with that and thinks that there's nothing to work on with themselves are doomed to living a mediocre life with no strong relationship or ties to any other human being. We're works of art, love.