/I'm about to have an extramarital affair. Just meeting my needs./

[ArdeaCandidissima]

I am planning a sex-only affair...I need to get sexual release but don't want to increase the level of stress or unhappiness in my marriage. I'm venting here...I'm excited and a little nervous. My expectations are fairly low - just for maybe a smile on my face afterwards. Extreme discretion, of course.

[Kriz]

How exactly are you 'planning' this? Do you have a partner with whom you would commence this relationship?

 

Extreme discretion in this kind of relationship is only assured when paid for.

 

Wouldn't do it if I were you. Go porn if release is all you need. Or talk to your partner.

[Reckless]

Well AC, knock yourself out!

 

I'm just wondering - don't you think it's a bit of a weird thing to announce on the WWW though - what is the standard response to such a declaration? 'happy bonking'? Awesome Orgasms? May your ways be smooth and your passages moist?

 

I feel hopelessly inadequate here - somebody help me out - - Hmm 21st century etiquette be damned!

 

I'm off for a wee....

[Skittles]

I am planning a sex-only affair...I need to get sexual release but don't want to increase the level of stress or unhappiness in my marriage

 

Ardea, if you figure out how to do this, you need to publish..

 

I am not sure this is going to work for you without some damage. Compartmentalizing looks good on paper, but when you put it into practice it becomes a mind f*ck.

 

If you sex-only affair, you're marriage might crash and burn...

 

..you won't be increasing the level of stress of unhappiness in your marriage because you won't have one.

 

Please re-think.

[jester]

Ardea,

 

I hope you get that smile you so desparately seek. Good luck and have fun.

Let it rip, woman.

[Skittles]

I hope you get that smile you so desparately seek. Good luck and have fun.

Let it rip, woman

 

jester I appreciate your support for her, but my only concern is that ardea doesn't #1 punish herself after the fact and #2 as equally important, devastate her partner.

 

 

I think ardea deserves that smile,...hell we all do....go back to the drawing board maybe?

 

I wish I could have steamy one-time sex with someone...My problem is I would want it alot thereafter..

But hey you know, ardea you may be able to do this...I know I don't have the will-power to make great sex a one shot deal.

 

Good Luck whatever you decide.

[dyermaker]

No mention was made of it only happening once.

[Samson]

Extreme discretion in this kind of relationship is only assured when paid for.

 

Kriz^.....LOL...Youkillme!!

 

Extreme discretion in ANY kind of relationship is probably never assured, but I'd agree payment in kind greatly increases the possibility.

[gecolon]

Well, the guy that I've been living with the past 11yrs started as an affair (the one I'm talking about get married with). I virtually said what you just said in your post, plus some good old fashion revenge was thrown into the mix. He was 10yrs younger than me, and I had nothing (I thought at that time) in common with him. He just looked good and tempting. Well, the sex was too good (and still is). He was very attentive, adoring, supportive, and kind. He was exactly what my husband at that time wasn't. There was so much water under the bridge between my ex and I so I didn't feel guilty at all. All I knew was that what I had found was too good to let go. I used to think that I was the badest B@tch, and that I could just take sex as sex, and up until I met my man I could. So be prepared for anything. Shyt happens.

[ArdeaCandidissima]

Do you have a partner with whom you would commence this relationship?

Yes, I have several identified.

 

Extreme discretion in this kind of relationship is only assured when paid for.

 

Go porn if release is all you need.

Kriz, you don't know my story. I have been without real sex for 3 years! I am at the peak of my sexuality. I do masturbate (and by the way guys, all the porn I need is in my head and funny, it's just the way I like it), but you know, as I believe one poster said on another thread, there's nothing like a real person next to you. Especially if he is not 40 pounds overweight, covered with eczema, and crying and muttering angrily to himself. Oh, my husband hasn't had an erection in my presence for...at least six months.

 

Or talk to your partner.

I can't. He cries, or becomes enraged, and it makes things much worse. Yes, even my saying "I'm unhappy" sends him into a quasi-insane state.

 

don't you think it's a bit of a weird thing to announce on the WWW though?

Yes and no. For discretion's sake, I cannot talk about this with my friends or husband, or in fact anyone who knows me.

 

what is the standard response to such a declaration?

"Best of luck in your activities."

 

But hey you know, ardea you may be able to do this...I know I don't have the will-power to make great sex a one shot deal.

I don't know either. It's an experiment.

 

I think its great if everyone brings something to loveshack. For me, I want to bring the idea that sex in a relationship - especially a marriage - is incredibly important. If you do not support your partner sexually, you've created a big gaping hole that will hurt your togetherness. Some people can continue with that lack, after tears and struggle. But many cannot. If I were 75, I might be able to deal with knowing that I would never have intercourse again. But at 39, I just can't. I just can't.

[SoleMate]

Like others, I'd love to know how you are "planning" to ensure "extreme discretion". If discretion fails at some point, is that a disaster or just a minor mess?

 

And why are your expectations so low? Don't you deserve anything better?

[yes]

why do you stay in your marriage, if you don't mind me asking?...

 

good luck w/ the affairs.

-yes

[moimeme]

I like sex, too, LOTS, but there is no way on the planet I'd do it with someone I didn't care about just to do it with a human. People go way longer than 3 years and manage just fine. I suppose if you can manage to have meaningless sex - well, I don't think I can even say 'good for you' because I think you're missing out.

 

I guess not everybody has their emotions attached to their sexuality in the same way. Me, I know that I will fall victim to the oxytocin so I don't mess around with it because otherwise I'll pay in pain.

 

I think you should speak to your husband's doctor and ask him to assist you in figuring out how to divorce your husband because if he finds out about your affair, I fear for his health. And he might. You simply cannot 'guarantee' discretion unless, as Dyer suggests, you pay a gigolo. People will delude themselves into believing these things can be conducted coldly and surgically. It rarely succeeds.

[lostforwords]

And why are your expectations so low? Don't you deserve anything better?

 

come on you guys.... get a damn grip....... shes been through this with everyone on here as it is for how long..... whats with the analyzing crap?????? ofcourse solemate she deserves better..... but ya know.... when it comes to having sex it doesnt get much better than an orgasm.... and im pretty sure thats what she meant by it!!!

 

Ardea.... Good luck to you and your adventure!! Listen to your heart!!

[Errol]

I really feel sorry for you Ardea. I feel sorrier for your husband and not because of his health/emotional problems, but because he's married to someone who would cheat on him and not care about his feelings. The decent thing to do is to divorce him. He can find state aid if he has to and you can be free to pursue your own happiness. What you are doing is selfish and childish.

 

You knew you were going to do this and have been planning it for a while -- why did you bother to post about it? Any encouragement you get here is false security at best. There are people in the world - some have posted on this board - who have gone without sex for decades. It's emotionally painful for them, but they have enough integrity to not hurt their partners by cheating. They either accept and deal with it, or get a divorce.

[moimeme]

it doesnt get much better than an orgasm

 

You absolutely do not need another human to have a perfectly wonderful orgasm.

[mintjulep]

Originally posted by moimeme

it doesnt get much better than an orgasm

 

You absolutely do not need another human to have a perfectly wonderful orgasm.

And the best of the best happen with someone you really care about (like the Rabbit ).

[moimeme]

And the best of the best happen with someone you really care about (like the Rabbit ).

 

:lmao:

[EnigmaXOXO]

My sympathy goes out to you and your family. What a shame it has come to this. All may be lost for the sake of a 5 second orgasm...but the intimacy and emotional bond you are really searching for will not be found in a fling.

 

Just be careful, Ardea. Internet hookups are dangerous. And if you can not tell anyone where you are or who you're with, you may be putting more at risk than just your marriage.

[moimeme]

All may be lost for the sake of a 5 second orgasm...

 

And there is the crux of it. It's SUCH a small thing in the whole scheme of things. And SO easy to manage on one's own.

[Kriz]

I really hate to ask. What is 'the rabbit'? I have a feeling it's not the fluffy animal you're talking about.

[Kriz]

I really hate I asked

[moimeme]

Can't post any links since they are all commercial. Go to Google and search on "the rabbit" and "sex toys".

[Samson]

You have actually entered lower circles of maritial hell than me:

 

he is not 40 pounds overweight, covered with eczema, and crying and muttering angrily to himself

 

My god, people: This is not fiction.

 

come on you guys.... get a damn grip....... shes been through this with everyone on here as it is for how long..... whats with the analyzing crap??????

----Lostforwords, I couldn't express my own reaction any better.

[jester]

I think its great if everyone brings something to loveshack. For me, I want to bring the idea that sex in a relationship - especially a marriage - is incredibly important. If you do not support your partner sexually, you've created a big gaping hole that will hurt your togetherness. Some people can continue with that lack, after tears and struggle. But many cannot. If I were 75, I might be able to deal with knowing that I would never have intercourse again. But at 39, I just can't. I just can't.

 

 

I, for one, am proud of you, Ardea. You want to remain married but you're willing to experiment outside of marriage to obtain that which you have been denied these many years. And then you announce this to the world. You sound like a woman with nothing to lose.

 

If you find sexual gratification outside of marriage, and this strengthens you in your marriage so that you're better able to stay with your dependent spouse, that is a good outcome. You are fortified in your determination to remain with, and support, your disabled husband.

 

You have extramarital sex and your husband has your continued spousal support and assistance. This might be one of those rare occasions where one spouse must cheat to save her marriage. Who knows? It just might work.