Steve2usa Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 First off for those who are not familiar with my situation I invite you to read my past posts. Basically my ex broke up the day before New years without any explanation and was very bitter towards me. I know I screwed up on some things and so did she, but we never communicated with each other although I did try. At first I had minimal contact with her because of some legal issues and I left it at that. After a week I decided to take the issues upon myself and had her exonerated from the case. That allowed me to follow the no contact rule. I did call her last week and suggested that we exchange each others stuff back and that we could leave it at. To my surprise she called me two days later and we talked for about 20 minutes about nothing, but it was nice to hear from her. I was late for work and she said she would call the next day and never did. Then yesterday after I got home from watching football and working a special event I had 3 messages from her on the machine and she called again this morning after I had already left for work. She called again in the afternoon and we chatted for a couple minutes and she asked if I had plans for the evening. I did not and she told me not to make any and call her later after work. Well I called her and she asked if I wanted to come over and we could exchange each others stuff. I agreed and went to her house and it was the oddest feeling I ever had. Part of me wanted to reach out and take her in my arms and the other part of me wanted to tell her how much she hurt me and that I never wanted to see her again. In the end I let fate step in and decided to do niether. I spent an hour just hanging out with her and her daughter and played until her daughter went to bed. She asked if I wanted to stay and watch a DVD with her. We started watching for a while and spoke gradually until the ice melted away and we were able to speak openly. I finnally got the answers I was searching for and I guess I got more than I imangined. She asked me bluntly if I wanted to make out and have sex and hinted to the fact several other times. I told her I still had strong feelings for her and loved her more than she knew and that it would only complicate things and mess me up more than I already was (I hope I did the right thing). She told me the reason she did not call me back the next day was because she was not ready to see me and realized that she still liked me (Then she paused and said no I still, you know the other L word). I was floored, she still loves me and I'm more confused now than ever. As my last post I said I had met a real nice girl, that I would be interested in getting to know a whole lot better, and now my head says one thing and my heart is saying something else. I did tell my ex that I want nothing more than to be back together with her, but I can only be her friend for now, because we still have issues (Even though we got to talk them out) that take time to resolve and that if we got back together now we would probably be back in the same spot within 2 weeks. I Love this girl, I know I want her back and want her to be part of my life for a long long time...So what is my next step? How do you proceed after the no contact has been lifted? And yes the no contact does work!!! Any advice is well appreciated and I hope this gives some inspiration to others, that just because she or he says its over and they are angry, does not mean that there is not a chance, because time does heal all wounds, yours and thiers. Steve Link to post Share on other sites
mandrews1119 Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 Congratulations, so far, You have achieved something a lot of us hope for, a chance at least to make a new start! Your heart is already telling you the main things to keep in mind. You still love your ex, and want to try - the question now is how to. You sound as if you are still hurt (angry?) over what has happened, you must not let that stop you from putting your best foot forward! The fact that you met someone interesting only illustrates the fact that there are people out there to meet, but your obvious feelings for your ex have let you know WHERE your heart is at this time. The "new" girl will not then be a spin-off or rebound then. As long as you are honest with her, she will both be there for you if things do not go well, or she will understand if they do. Take it easy, with patience, but not TOO slow, or your ex may think you are not giving your all. Set some comfortable rules for you both, work at the issues without pressing too much, and go for the love you both must feel. My heartfelt congratulations, and we hope to hear of progress and success. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve2usa Posted January 20, 2004 Author Share Posted January 20, 2004 Thank You Mandrews... I guess I already know the answers, I just need to know how to persue the obvious. I will keep every updated, and I will stick around this forum for a long time and hopefully with any luck I will be able to inspire and advise others and help out where I can. I can only speak from my past experiences and everyone is different and unfortunately not everyone will have the same results, but without this group I would have lost the chance I have now and I hope I can give that back to somebody else so they to may get to the point I'm at. Unlike others who have volunteered to tell thier stories, I will remain and tell everyone who needs or wants to know. Thank you everyone for your support so far, It's not over yet and I still need you, but Thanks for getting me this far. Steve Link to post Share on other sites
mandrews1119 Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 Hang in there, hopefully we will all be as fortunate as you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve2usa Posted January 21, 2004 Author Share Posted January 21, 2004 My ex has me so confused right now my head is spinning in circles. I know now that she cares about me and still loves me, but cannot tell me what she wants. I would love to know what she is thinking about, trying to work things out or just stay friends or at the least tell me she still needs more time to figure it out. I enjoy seeing her again and spending time with her, but I'm walking on pins and needles because I don't want to scare her away again. I told her I love her and want to work things out, but I have gotten no response as of yet. And NO, she does not know I had gone out with the other girl, because I feel that would sway her decision one way or the other. And as for the new girl, she is the most understanding person I have ever met. She knows my situation and feelings and yet she still wants to stand by me. I hope I figure this out soon, with no games and at least get my life moving again. For now, I'm just more confused than ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Originally posted by Steve2usa I know now that she cares about me and still loves me, but cannot tell me what she wants. If she can't or won't tell you.....how do you know? Even if she did use those words......words are empty without applicable actions. If you don't FEEL loved and SECURE.....then what difference would the words make anyway???? There comes a day when you have the face the point.....that this person is NOT making you happy. As a matter of fact, the person is making you miserable. It's then....you have to make the ultimate decision...to walk away. It'll be the hardest decision you'll ever have to make......but it's about the only way to keep your own sanity and have a chance of finding some peace and joy somewhere else. That's just my personal opinion though Steveb....I know you've invested a lot in your marriage and it means so much to you to work out the kinks. I DO hope you get some resolve soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve2usa Posted January 22, 2004 Author Share Posted January 22, 2004 Arabess...Your words are like poetry to my heart. She did say she still loves me, but actions do speak louder than words. I guess I should just be satisfied for now that she has at least opened a line of communication. I realize that we still have many issues that need to be resolved and only time can resolve them. I am pleased that we were able to at last get the issues out on the table and now we see if they can be worked out. I would like very much to try and I guess I would hope she would too, perhaps that is why she broke the no contact, which I was maintaining. As for making the decision to walk away, I feel it would be to hasty at this time, since the communication just started. I do know that if things do not feel as though they are moving towards reconciliation then I may have to make that decision. I know from past experience that if I do intend to remain at the very least friends with her that there still needs to considerable time and space to allow the emotional healing. Thanks for you insight, and everyone else's...I believe that everyone here already knows the answers to thier questions, but sometimes we need to hear it from someone else to get off our butts to make it happen. Steve Link to post Share on other sites
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