some advice?

[MattT]

Me and my girfriend recently had an argument/fight which led to our breaking up. I must admit that while I don't agree with everythign she did, It was me that was stubborn and really the cause of the situation. Anyway, after a few days, I called her and I was going to aplogize, but she didn't even want to talk to me. About a week later I tried again and she did talk to me, and she said she accepted my apology.

 

The problem is now we are talking, but we aren't seeing each other like we did before. She is friendly and apparently did accept my apology, but i'm having a hard time getting her to spend time together like we did before we broke up.

 

She did hint to me the other day a few things that made me get the idea that while she accepts my apology and is not mad at me anymore...she still doesn't feel a strong desire for me to be around all the time at the moment.

 

So basically, I need to know what to do. She is no longer mad at me, but yet she doesn't seem to want me to be around a lot? what can or should I do?

[buddy]

this sounds oh too familiar..i had a very similar situation with my ex-girlfriend. Her and I had fights, we broke up, and everything was still great with us after a little while. But there was still something wrong. I couldn't understand what it was, I mean we still talked and we even still hooked up every now and then. But she was distant just like your girl was/is. I found that the best thing that I could have done was to just let her do what she wanted to do. I couldn't force her to spend time with me, so why should i beat myself up about it? I found that showing her that I could move on with my life without her and that I respected her space and decision made her want me back in the worst way. You could be trying to smother her, and she could just be getting sick of you. I tried that method of just asking her why we didn't do this or that and constantly wondering why things were the way they were. But i finally realized that there was nothing i could do except hope that she'd come to her senses. I'm not saying to cut her off completely out of your life, but show her that you can go on without her and show her that you can be cool about whats happening...even if you aren't cool about it..you can talk to her about that later. but for now, i'd say play it cool, chill, and see how she feels after she sees that you aren't smothering her.

[Tony T]

Harsh words said in a brief moment of anger can completely ruin a relationship for a lifetime. When you argue, you have to do it fairly and be extremely careful about what you say. Something you verbalized hurt and/or offended her to the extent that she is willing to forgive but she is not willing to forget. Your words, and you probably know what they were, did severe damage.

 

If the fight was so bad the two of you broke up, there must have been some tough vergage pitched back and forth. I can promise you something you said did you in with her.

 

If you somehow lost your temper during this exchange, you may have surprised or shocked her. Many women are not willing to return to a man once they have seen him in a fit of temper, especially if they never experienced that in their families as they were growing up.

 

Perhaps time will warm her up again. If she is known for having a great memory or holding a grudge, don't expect magic here.

 

Life is a learning experience and you have learned a lesson we all learn sooner or later. Watch what you say, watch what you do.

 

The only ally you have in this is time. You will have to sit tight and hope that over time her hurt over what was said will diminish to the point she can warm up to you once again.