he bought a ticket already

[bananarama1]

to come and see me. we've been in an LDR for 2 years (just hit 2 years this month)..

but i dont know if i still want to be with him. he bought his ticket last month. hes due to come here around june.

 

im grateful to have this opportunity, of him coming over and seeing me. but i have doubts.

 

i see he frequents going to places w/ pretty waitresses (like hooters, or those coffee shops in OC w/ the waitresses wearing bikinis *they do exist*), and im scared that he will compare me to those. i dont really care for vanity but i take care of myself..i mean if a man likes seeing pretty things, wouldnt he want a pretty gf/wife? if a man values the physical characteristics of a woman wouldnt he get used to these things and look at the opposite to be ..not appealing to his eyes?

 

should i just let him visit me or have the ticket cancelled? we bought it through orbitz.com and i just want him to get a refund or something.

 

reason im asking this here is because, i wonder if anyone has experienced this or its just me

 

thanks

[Els]

Uhhh... You've been together for 2 years, haven't seen each other before, and you want him to cancel everything because he likes looking at pretty waitresses and you're scared he will compare you to those????

 

Honey, I've been illogical many times in my life, but this is so far from logic that I don't even know what to say.

[buentiel]

That's like saying you want to break up with him because he watches porn or likes to look at Victoria's Secret catalogs. If that's enough to cause you to want to break up with someone after two years, my god, you are going to be alone forever. I don't know any men that do not do those things. What you should be thinking about is how honest he is about it with you. He could easily lie. He obviously didn't lie. Sounds like you've got a keeper.

 

If it really bothers you then and you will never accept that then, yes, you should tell him to cancel his flight. No man should be nagged constantly forever for that kind of thing.

 

By the way, looks aren't enough to make someone marry a woman, typically (although old rich men do and, hey, why not? What do they care?). Fact of life: men like looking at attractive women. As a (old) student, I'm surrounded by gorgeous women all the time. I do like to get my looks in, no doubt, but I haven't met any yet that I wanted to be in a relationship with. So, those women? In the cafe and at Hooters? They are essentially inanimate objects. Fun to look at and that is all. What matters is who he loves. He's spent the cash to meet you so he's pretty serious.

 

I get the feeling there's more to it than that and the sexy restaurants are just an excuse. Don't tag him along, save him the money.

[aerogurl87]

 

I get the feeling there's more to it than that and the sexy restaurants are just an excuse. Don't tag him along, save him the money.

 

I agree, something else has got to be going on here. First things first though, you say you've been together 2 years but from the sounds of it this would be your first meeting. So my question is why has it taken 2 years for you two to meet in person?

[Mei Mei]

I have same feeling as you do due to my unappealing appearance and age. I feel myself look better in cam than in real too.I have lots of hesistation and much worries in the first meeting.

 

But the day we first met 1.5 years ago was great, he said that i was the most beautiful woman he could see because I was the type he looked for, with similiar charactiers who could share deep life experiences as his.

 

I then understand that if he really loves you, you are always the best one, no matter how you feel you are inferior to.

 

Just see if he is genuinely in love with you!

 

 

[buentiel]

Mei Mei, you post makes me feel pretty good. I think I will pass it along to my girlfriend The reason is that she feels exactly how you mentioned; she feels that I won't like the way she looks. She tells me that she thinks she looks better via webcam than in person ("Just wait until you see me in person"). We are scheduled to meet in January and she is so afraid because of those same fears you had. I've tried to explain to her that it really doesn't matter to me. How she looks to me is based on how I feel for her. Other Chinese penpals say, "Oh, she doesn't look very good, just an average girl" but to me she's the prettiest in the world and I wouldn't trade her for the hottest model on the planet.

 

Edit: I can't seem to find a way to send a private message. Did they turn that functionality off on these forums? I guess I can ask here. I'd love to hear your first meeting story, Mei Mei, so that I can better understand the things my girlfriend is feeling because it seems you both have identical fears. Plus, I could say, "I know you're afraid but just look at this example here. See how happy she is?" Anything to make her feel better

Edited April 23, 2010 by buentiel

[Romance]

..Have you not met?

 

But lets face it, guys are BOMBARDED with barely clothed, hot girls almost all day. When my bf goes to hooters, I don't care. I mean, he's never going to get with them and he still thinks I'm beautiful, without having huge boobs.

 

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I still feel self conscious and sometimes wish i was prettier or thinner etc for my boyfriend but we judge ourselves way too harshly.

[bananarama1]

well we met online 4 years ago, and we were friends for a while but we became a couple around 2008. im abroad because of school, and i just finished 2 months ago. he decides he wants to come here but we have made a bunch of plans to meet prior to that, they just didnt push through (due to money, schedule conflict, etc).

 

and yes i do look better on cam (i think) than in person, i dont lie about how i look, i dont send photoshopped pics ..i just havent gone full nude or anything that will make him see that i have fats here and there. school was depressing and most of the time i come home at 12:30am without having anything to eat..so i ate at odd hours and had very little exercise.

 

anyway yeah..i just have these weird feelings. doubt, paranoia..fear. i have been working out like a wild animal for the past week. i spoke to his friend online about 2 days ago and he goes on a long rant about what girls wear in that coffee shop my bf frequents. i'd rather not post anything here (pictures) but its not like hooters..its kind of like a stripper place w/o the poles. like the girls wear 2 peice bikinis and w/ thong bottoms. hes been going there forever, i just didnt know that they wore those kinda things.

 

i dont know if its just a mixture of lacking food or too exhausted from working out but i feel very angry for some reason. i saw the facebook and myspace page of this coffee shop and i got even angrier.

 

sorry if my issues seem shallow.

[Romance]

You dont seem shallow, just self conscious

 

but i mean are you thin in your face and overweight everywhere else and your bf of 2 years doesn't know this? Or are you not overweight?

[Island Girl]

i just havent gone full nude or anything that will make him see that i have fats here and there

 

There are women out there who would look perfect nude -- or great in clothes that most men will tell you when they hold them and touch them -- they feel like they are holding a bag of bones.

 

Most men like a softer woman -- not going overboard of course -- but a woman with some curves is usually preferable when touching kissing or holding a woman.

 

He knows what you look like. Men do not expect their women to be absolutely perfect unless they are all about superficial things -- and a man like THAT wouldn't be with you for two years not seeing you because to a man like that seeing you is all he cares about -- not talking, sharing, laughing, and loving you.

 

He doesn't want those other girls or he would invest time into THEM. He wants you because it is you --- unique and special YOU.

 

Learn to see yourself through his eyes. He isn't picking you apart. He is finding joy and wonder in who you are. Revel in it. Enjoy it. Let him enjoy you being you.

Just like you will enjoy watching him and loving him because of who he is.

[bananarama1]

if he bought a ticket does that mean he really loves me with all his soul?

 

last year i opened his email and saw he was talking to his ex..she has a kid now and he was talking to her using "hun" and "love, ___" i totally lost it.

 

i almost had an emotional affair w/ someone else because i was totally destroyed about it. i managed to forgive him cause he told me, hes been emailing her like that for years even when they already broke up. and he just got used to it.

 

i too, like everyone else, believe in the old adage that just because he bought a plane ticket and come over to see me, he loves me. but how true is that?

 

romance: im not overweight all over, just totally not toned, lots of flabs. school took a toll on me.

islandgirl: thats what he is telling me but sometimes its not what i see

[Island Girl]

islandgirl: thats what he is telling me but sometimes its not what i see

 

Not what you see because of your own insecurities?

 

If it is what you "see" or know about, is that because of his actions toward you or because he sees pretty women around?

[Romance]

Okay, just checking I mean I didn't know if you were like 250 pounds and he was going to be totally shocked

Don't worry about it girl! you'll be perfect in his eyes no doubt. plane tickets arent cheap! be excited!

[Mei Mei]

if he bought a ticket does that mean he really loves me with all his soul?

 

 

Just feel free, you will know a lot more when you meet him in real. Relax and enjoy a good time!

 

 

 

 

Btw, Buentiel, you may start a new thread on this topic, I will share there.

[buentiel]

Btw, Buentiel, you may start a new thread on this topic, I will share there.

 

Good idea; done!

[Deeblondie82]

Him going to these restaurants shouldn't be a problem, if he is with you it shouldn't be a issue. If he was going to a strip club alot thats different. But you haven't even met yet.. I wouldn't even worry bout all that. If you have trust in him then why think those things. I haven't met mine yet and ive known him 9 years. First meeting next weekend and I mean we got something serious going but im not going to know more till I meet him and know if its for sure. So dont take all that seriously.