teenage puppy love gone adult

[tuscansun]

I will try my hardest to make this short and to the point because the issue itself is anything but..

 

So there's this guy, we'll call him Jeremy. And when we were teenagers we had the most intense puppy love. He was 16 I was 15, and he was my very first kiss, so yah, I'll never forget him. well over the years some things happened of course. HIs mother passed away when we were 17 or so and shortly after that he joined the military. We did not stay a thing, he went his way and I definitely went mine. I had the random highschool boyfriends, he had his share of girlfriends. Every year or so he would call me and tell me he wanted to get back together at some point, I would usually laugh and say 'as if' just because our lives had grown so different. I think the straw that broke the camels back was when I began dating a man ten years older than me at age 19 and things just got super serious with this dude right away. Jeremy was hurt and told me so and I actually didn't hear from him for a couple years. I did get in contact with him around 21 and we talked for about a week. I found out he was stationed in Germany and had been for about a year. He told me once again that his heart had always been with me and that he wishes we could have gotten together. Some disagreement followed and we lost contact again.....

 

Well since that, I have had the worst break up of all time with Mr. ten years older. Ive been single for going on two years and definitely over the grieving time. Funny thing is over the years Ive been trying to find Jeremy, on facebook on yahoo, everywhere. I was worried after not hearing from him, I had remembered him saying hed be in Iraq a couple times and that worried me a lot.

 

Anyway, long story short, Jeremy found me. a few weeks ago he just popped up on Facebook. The last month has been so intense....I'm talking 5 to ten emails a day...we're IMing constantly (he's in Iraq right now). We are just loving getting to know each other again as adults and its fun, it's hot, it's sexy...

 

Problem.....

 

Jeremy is married with a kid....Or a better way to put it perhaps would be, Jeremy has a kid and is married. While in Germany, he got a girl pregnant. Girl did not want to keep the baby, Jeremy had a fit and insisted she keep it. Now they're married. According to Jeremy this marriage is over, theyve only been married a year, the kids' a year old and it was clearly something he felt he should do. When I pry into why he doesnt want to stay with her, tho he confesses deep feelings for me and a deep desire to be with me, he claims that his seperation from now wife was imminent way before I came along. He says all she does is spend his money and the situation is almost "meal ticket"ish. He says hes told her on multiple occasions that this isn't going to work out and clearly he has only stayed because of the baby, but she completely glosses over an issue presents. Continues to spend the money and pretend they have no problems.

 

What makes it worse, Is I am falling and falling fast. He was always a weakness for me and he's an amazing boyfriend, an amazing friend---------------BUT I cannot feel okay about this marriage thing. Even now he talks about how badly he wants to be with me and get me pregnant and really give ourselves a chance to be together as adults. I am SO torn. I cant deny these feelings that are intensifying every day, but I don't want to break up his marriage. He gets upset and practically yells at me that the marriage is already over and that it was a mistake to marry her in the first place...I just don't know what to think...I'm falling for him.................HARD. Clearly he can't really do much while deployed, but he says that as soon as he gets home (to Germany) he's going o take care of business and come after me. He is very driven and I've seen him do crAzY things to get my attention so I dont question his sincerity. I just feel so in love and so stupid and I don't know what to do

[Green]

I only skimmed over this, but you are fallng for a guy you had a thing for back when you were a teenager who is now married and has a kid? DONT DO IT, GET IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD

[tuscansun]

Green, not to be rude, but before you act like a complete tool, at least do me the courtesy of READING the post....thx

[LucreziaBorgia]

he wants to be with me and get me pregnant

 

This concerns me since he clearly did this to someone else as well. What does 'getting someone pregnant' mean to him exactly? Why is he intent on having children?

 

I don't really blame his wife for taking advantage of the situation. He bullied her into having a baby, marries her and then treats her like crap and cheats on her. If I were her, and he left - I'd make sure he'd leave poor and would spend the rest of his life heartily supporting the baby he fought so hard for and then subsequently abandoned.

 

You don't bully someone into doing something life changing like having a baby, and then dump them to be a single parent for the rest of their life and not expect to pay for it in some way. Honestly, I hope she wrings him out and leaves him flat broke for life. That is a terrible thing he did to her and to the child he claimed he wanted so badly.

 

He is in the process of leaving one woman with a small baby. You really looking forward to being the next one?

 

I don't see any indication of a stable adult coming into your life. I see a rash, immature and unstable young man who makes impulsive life changing decisions for people and then leaves them in the dust when he goes running away like a little boy.

 

There is no way I would be with this guy, but if you are intent on it - I would make sure before I even laid eyes on him or spoke to him again that he is

 

a. legally divorced

b. paying adequate child support for the infant he abandoned

c. using protection (or you should use protection) until he gets over this ridiculous "I want to get you pregnant" stuff so soon after doing the same to someone else and dumping them

d. consider a prenup in case you get stuck being a single parent getting even less than the other single parent he is getting ready to leave behind with a one year old