Won't let me sleep

[peace_of_mind]

Hi, my name is Carla and I'm 24.

So, I really need some advise. I'll explain how this all started..

Back in 2003, I finished high-school, and I started studying Design at college. But then I decided I didn't want to do that for the rest of my life, so I changed to Multimedia in the year after, 2004. To me this course had some problems in its structure, I found it a little superficial, easy and I was afraid I wouldn't get a job with it. So in 2005 I decided I wanted to get out, and I came to my hometown, to live with my parents again. We have a University here and since I was so confused about what to study, I shouldn't keep them paying for my confusion, and living at my parents home is a lot cheaper. In 2005 I choose a course that later that year I was informed it would extinguish. It would no longer exist, because it didn't follow some protocol.. Me and my colleagues, we were advised to change to Informatics Engineering because we had a lot of similar subjects, it was in the same department and the change would be automatic. So I agreed. I thought «Ok if I do this, I may have a good job, a good future..» But I wasn't prepared to a engineering course. So now, my parents think I'm in my 4th year at the course, only need one more year to finish, but I'm on my 2nd. I've been in college for 7 years (since 2003), and I'm in the 2nd year. I don't want to tell them, because I know they would feel ashamed and get me out.. And I think, I really need to do this, so I can have a degree.. and so I keep the silence. But all this guilt won't let me sleep at night. I wish I could tell them so I could take this off my chest, but, I'm afraid they would take me out.

I can't sleep, which makes my studies a lot harder. I miss classes.. For about 2, 3 years I have insomnia, some nights I feel I was awake the whole time.

 

Really would appreciate some advise, thanks for your time.

[RainDown]

Hi, Carla. I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma.

 

In my opinion, nothing in life is more important than peace of mind. It's important to be "right" with yourself and the people in your life. Your worry and insomnia are signals that you are not right with yourself right now and something needs to change.

 

I understand your worry that your parents will put you out if they learn the truth about your college situation, and maybe they will. If they do, you'll have to find another way. And you will.

 

Be honest. Tell them. Living this lie is obviously something that is fracturing your mind. It's not worth it. You may have to work your way through college in the end, like many of us here have, but you'll sleep better at night.

[Ronni_W]

I don't want to tell them, because I know they would feel ashamed and get me out.

Do you 'know' that they'll "feel ashamed", or do you suspect that they'll be pissed as hell at you? Because it rather sounds that, at this point, YOU are feeling ashamed over your dishonesty and wasting your time and your parents' money, and just projecting your own feelings onto your parents.

 

The thing about becoming an adult -- you gotta face the consequences of your own decisions and actions, no matter how uncomfortable those consequences may be.

 

The way you explained it in your post sounds reasonable enough. Tell it to them like that, add an apology for not being mature enough to know what to do, tell them you've been suffering terribly for your dishonesty, ask for their understanding and forgiveness on the grounds that you're still learning about life...and you have learned a valuable lesson about honesty and consequences. And apologize profusely for your lack of maturity (not for lying to them..."lack of maturity" is easier for most parents to accept and excuse, for whatever reason.)

 

Look at it this way: They've been paying your way for 7 years -- chances are good that they are not going to want that to be for nothing (in part because they won't want to acknowledge that they were duped by their child; they won't want to face the consequences of their actions, either) and also that they obviously do want to support you to get an education that will aid your future success.