Wife moving out monday, and i have a new female roomate

[cherubim]

My wife is moving out next week. She wants a separation and has signed a lease somewhere and has refused to tell me where it is.

Im a Christian. You may ask what does that have to do with anything. Well I believe that God hates divorce. I dont care what the world thinks.

Then last week a veryy good lady i met and who is going through divorce couldnt afford her rent and was sleeping in her car.

So i asked my wife if she could move in and she said okay. She is living with us( or rather me now) cause my wife is away out of town for the week and when she returns sunday she will spend her last night at home and move out Monday.

This lady friend is so prayerful and strong. She like me doesnt believe in adultery. We are good friends. She prays for my marriage every minute and hers too. She is a source of strength.

Last night me and her went shopping for groceries and it was interesting watching her put stuff where she wanted.

Infact i had to to almost demand that she stops sleeping in her car. She doesnt want to be a burden to anyone and i had to assure her that as christian I couldnt let her sleep in that car.

Took alot of convincing.

So yesterday I came home from work and she had made my bed( she sleeps on the couch) and done my laundry. I was like wow.

We are not going to have sex cause we have our eyes on God and marriage reconciliation, but every night she lets me give her a back massage n foot massage. she also gave me a back massage, but no hanky panky.

She misses her kids alot. Her husband who is very powerful has gotten her kicked out of the home and stopped her from seeing the kids. She is the sweetest humblest person you ever met.

My wife doesnt even mind her there.

We are now talking about getting an apartment together and sharing bills.

Its almost laughable, but I dont know what to think? Is this Gods will?

My wife said shes separating and moving out for 6 months so I can work on my weaknesses and so she can rebuild her self after some trauma we went through last year. God bless her .

Im just wondering what yall think?

And just so you know, i love the mature answers here with no cristisims

[Cinnamon2000]

So yesterday I came home from work and she had made my bed( she sleeps on the couch) and done my laundry. I was like wow.

We are not going to have sex cause we have our eyes on God and marriage reconciliation, but every night she lets me give her a back massage n foot massage. she also gave me a back massage, but no hanky panky.

 

Are you attracted to her? Is she attracted to you? How did you meet?

 

She has a powerful husband who kicked her out of the house? How is that possible? If he is powerful/rich, she is entitled to about 50% of that wealth too and she should hire an attorney to take care of that.

 

Something is not right here.

[2sunny]

i think you are playing with fire. help her find another place to live. it's only a matter of time before two vulnerable people sleep together. dude, you are BOTH touching each other's bodies - intimately...

 

i wouldn't think it's a big deal except YOU state your Christian beliefs. would you WANT another man giving your wife a back rub and foot rub? it's inappropriate and you know it.

 

if you are honest you will admit that when you are touching the new gal that you are thinking of having sex with her - even if it's eventually... all men do.

 

change this situation or you will find yourself being tempted into an arena that your belief system tells you is off limits. you're still married - so is she.

 

you asked already knowing the answer... this is your conscience tugging at you - pay attention and back off.

[cherubim]

He 'lied' that she was abusing him physically. So she got put in jail for a month and then he dropped charges. He is seeing someone else.

He filed for divorce. They are awaiting ruling.

She was ordered not go to her house or see the kids whilst awaiting ruling.

In my state if you file for divorce and one spouse is charged with abuse, even if charges are dropped, you still get barred from seeing your kids or going to your house untill the ruling.

 

She has 3 boys and the hubby has a nanny for them. I am wondering how court rules in these cases.

 

Do i find her attractive? Yes.

Does she find me attractive? I dont know.

[stillafool]

My wife is moving out next week. She wants a separation and has signed a lease somewhere and has refused to tell me where it is.

Im a Christian. You may ask what does that have to do with anything. Well I believe that God hates divorce. I dont care what the world thinks.

Then last week a veryy good lady i met and who is going through divorce couldnt afford her rent and was sleeping in her car.

So i asked my wife if she could move in and she said okay. She is living with us( or rather me now) cause my wife is away out of town for the week and when she returns sunday she will spend her last night at home and move out Monday.

This lady friend is so prayerful and strong. She like me doesnt believe in adultery. We are good friends. She prays for my marriage every minute and hers too. She is a source of strength.

Last night me and her went shopping for groceries and it was interesting watching her put stuff where she wanted.

Infact i had to to almost demand that she stops sleeping in her car. She doesnt want to be a burden to anyone and i had to assure her that as christian I couldnt let her sleep in that car.

Took alot of convincing.

So yesterday I came home from work and she had made my bed( she sleeps on the couch) and done my laundry. I was like wow.

We are not going to have sex cause we have our eyes on God and marriage reconciliation, but every night she lets me give her a back massage n foot massage. she also gave me a back massage, but no hanky panky.

She misses her kids alot. Her husband who is very powerful has gotten her kicked out of the home and stopped her from seeing the kids. She is the sweetest humblest person you ever met.

My wife doesnt even mind her there.

We are now talking about getting an apartment together and sharing bills.

Its almost laughable, but I dont know what to think? Is this Gods will?

My wife said shes separating and moving out for 6 months so I can work on my weaknesses and so she can rebuild her self after some trauma we went through last year. God bless her .

Im just wondering what yall think?

And just so you know, i love the mature answers here with no cristisims

 

 

I say good for you and your new roommate. I hope it works out for you. Also I hope your wife finds what she is searching for.

[Cinnamon2000]

 

Do i find her attractive? Yes.

Does she find me attractive? I dont know.

 

You two are massaging each other. That's foreplay!

[cherubim]

Yeah. On the massages ill back off.

Im just wondering how it is that a prayerful woman who talks nothing but the Bible( even though we all sin - as no man is perfect) and is going through a divorce and me going through wife walking out meet at the same time?

I know no matter what happens me and her will be best of friends for life. Its just all confusing.

No I dont think she'd let me have sex with her.She is very strong on staying pure sexually. In my mind as a man yes, and im sorry to admit this, but i do feel like having sex with her. I havent had sex with my wife in a year.

[2sunny]

Yeah. On the massages ill back off.

Im just wondering how it is that a prayerful woman who talks nothing but the Bible( even though we all sin - as no man is perfect) and is going through a divorce and me going through wife walking out meet at the same time?

I know no matter what happens me and her will be best of friends for life. Its just all confusing.

No I dont think she'd let me have sex with her.She is very strong on staying pure sexually. In my mind as a man yes, and im sorry to admit this, but i do feel like having sex with her. I havent had sex with my wife in a year.

 

i happens all the time because people are human. especially when two desperate and vulnerable people meet. who cares what she says - what is more important is that her words don't equal her actions - that is not a woman of integrity... and you are showing the same character. is that the person you intend to be? looks like it from your actions... words MUST equal actions if your are a man that lives his truth.

[cherubim]

Tough love sunny

[Cinnamon2000]

Yeah. On the massages ill back off.

Im just wondering how it is that a prayerful woman who talks nothing but the Bible( even though we all sin - as no man is perfect) and is going through a divorce and me going through wife walking out meet at the same time?

I know no matter what happens me and her will be best of friends for life. Its just all confusing.

No I dont think she'd let me have sex with her.She is very strong on staying pure sexually. In my mind as a man yes, and im sorry to admit this, but i do feel like having sex with her. I havent had sex with my wife in a year.

 

How did you meet her?

[cherubim]

I met her from the extended stay we stay at and she was only stayng for a week and we started going to church together.

It started with me pouring coffee on her accidentally. Then we both laughed and i got her another cup and we sat down and she started talking about God. We found that we both attend the same church.

Then we got talking and she told me her life and divorce and i did the same.

She didnt tell me she only had money to stay i the extended stay for a week. So a week later i was coming from work at 11 pm and i saw a car like hers in the parking lot. I walked over and looked inside as the light was on, and she was there reading. So we talked a little and i asked what time she was getting back to the extended stay. Thats when she told me she couldnt afford it and was sleeping in her car and taking showers at the ymca.

I didnt believe it and I drove home. At 4 am i drove back there and she was alseep in the parking lot.

It took me 2 days to convince her not to sleep in her car.

So i told my wife upfront. We cant let this lady sleep in the car. I told her id invite a male from church too if he was homeless and she understood.

[2sunny]

Tough love sunny

 

not at all - i am only honest... i work from YOUR written words... that's all i get here.

 

your words state you know what the right thing is... your actions state that you are willing to ignore doing the right thing even though your conscience is telling you it's the wrong thing.

 

you just want her - even at any expense at this point.

 

where did your integrity go? stop thinking with the wrong head - God gave you a brain and you're not using it.

 

if you intend to be friends for life - then act like a friend for life. my male friends would never use me for selfish reasons. they always look out for my best interest without crossing a boundary. THAT is why they are still my friend.

 

if you intend to use her for sex - then just be honest with her - so she knows if she agrees to it - she understands that it's just sex because you are both lonely and horny.

 

call it what you want - but i think it's just the lonely and horny side of you taking precedence.

 

that's ok - as long as you are honest with her. what's wrong with being THAT honest? especially if you consider her your friend for life...

[2sunny]

I met her from the extended stay we stay at and she was only stayng for a week and we started going to church together.

It started with me pouring coffee on her accidentally. Then we both laughed and i got her another cup and we sat down and she started talking about God. We found that we both attend the same church.

Then we got talking and she told me her life and divorce and i did the same.

She didnt tell me she only had money to stay i the extended stay for a week. So a week later i was coming from work at 11 pm and i saw a car like hers in the parking lot. I walked over and looked inside as the light was on, and she was there reading. So we talked a little and i asked what time she was getting back to the extended stay. Thats when she told me she couldnt afford it and was sleeping in her car and taking showers at the ymca.

I didnt believe it and I drove home. At 4 am i drove back there and she was alseep in the parking lot.

It took me 2 days to convince her not to sleep in her car.

So i told my wife upfront. We cant let this lady sleep in the car. I told her id invite a male from church too if he was homeless and she understood.

 

this role of being "the rescuer" can be very dangerous and lopsided. now she feels like she "owes you."

 

that's not a healthy place to start.

 

help her without violating her. without taking anything from her. without expecting ANYTHING... THAT is God's way.

 

YOUR agenda is getting in the way and YOU know it...

[Cinnamon2000]

I met her from the extended stay we stay at and she was only stayng for a week and we started going to church together.

It started with me pouring coffee on her accidentally. Then we both laughed and i got her another cup and we sat down and she started talking about God. We found that we both attend the same church.

Then we got talking and she told me her life and divorce and i did the same.

She didnt tell me she only had money to stay i the extended stay for a week. So a week later i was coming from work at 11 pm and i saw a car like hers in the parking lot. I walked over and looked inside as the light was on, and she was there reading. So we talked a little and i asked what time she was getting back to the extended stay. Thats when she told me she couldnt afford it and was sleeping in her car and taking showers at the ymca.

I didnt believe it and I drove home. At 4 am i drove back there and she was alseep in the parking lot.

It took me 2 days to convince her not to sleep in her car.

So i told my wife upfront. We cant let this lady sleep in the car. I told her id invite a male from church too if he was homeless and she understood.

 

How old is everyone involved here?

[cherubim]

2 sunny thanks. No i dont want to use her. Im not that type of person.

I just stated that maybe its natural to be attracted to her. And maybe its coz of all thats going on now.

Using her is the last thing on my mind. She is toooooooooooooo sweet for that. I wouldnt do that to any one.

She provides companionship and laughter and honesty and friendship love. I havent had that in my marriage. I love my wife dearly though.

I guess id be lonely right now and thinking of my wife being away etc, but my friend encourages me and she is doing things like cleaning the house and doing my laundry. My wife never did that. So you have to understand from my point of view, im attracted to her, not sexually, but as a person.

[2sunny]

you are only a Christian if your actions show it... words actually don't mean a thing.

[cherubim]

30's. Early Thirties.

 

I mean cant an unfortunate situation bring two people together?

I dont mean for sex.

But for friendship etc.

 

I dont know guys im just confused.

[2sunny]

2 sunny thanks. No i dont want to use her. Im not that type of person.

I just stated that maybe its natural to be attracted to her. And maybe its coz of all thats going on now.

Using her is the last thing on my mind. She is toooooooooooooo sweet for that. I wouldnt do that to any one.

She provides companionship and laughter and honesty and friendship love. I havent had that in my marriage. I love my wife dearly though.

I guess id be lonely right now and thinking of my wife being away etc, but my friend encourages me and she is doing things like cleaning the house and doing my laundry. My wife never did that. So you have to understand from my point of view, im attracted to her, not sexually, but as a person.

 

so she is an angel - of sorts. appreciate the angel for what she is - not what you can get from the angel. simple as that.

 

stay on your own side of the street - remember what you say you believe in. stay true to that and you can't go wrong - as long as you can be honest with yourself and others... which you seem to be doing a pretty good job of - even here.

 

best wishes...

[cherubim]

Yes sunny im honest. I just needed answers. We all struggle with hings. EVEN CHRISTIANS.

[Cinnamon2000]

2 sunny thanks. No i dont want to use her. Im not that type of person.

I just stated that maybe its natural to be attracted to her. And maybe its coz of all thats going on now.

Using her is the last thing on my mind. She is toooooooooooooo sweet for that. I wouldnt do that to any one.

She provides companionship and laughter and honesty and friendship love. I havent had that in my marriage. I love my wife dearly though.

I guess id be lonely right now and thinking of my wife being away etc, but my friend encourages me and she is doing things like cleaning the house and doing my laundry. My wife never did that. So you have to understand from my point of view, im attracted to her, not sexually, but as a person.

 

What's the story here? Why are you and your wife seperating/divorcing? Is there another man involved? Are you sure?

 

Who's more attractive, this other woman or your wife?

[carhill]

Good soul.

 

Go ahead and verify the legal stuff she shared with you. It's really easy to do. Once done and verified, enlist the help of church members. Everyone should know she's in need of help. I'm sure many will step forward. No need to share this burden alone.

 

Also, contacts at the church can help her get legal assistance to protect her property and custody rights. Surely, they know her family and the kind of person she is and will be willing to rally to her side.

 

I wish you well. If you erect healthy boundaries and follow my advice, the chances of succumbing to the weaknesses of the flesh are much reduced. Get started today

[cherubim]

My wife is the most attractive woman on earth and i Love n one more than her.

We had some problems last year that has led to this.

But i dont know if my wife is seeing another man. She tells me she isnt. She just wants a break and thats why shes moving out so i work on me and she works on her but wont tell me where in this city she is moving to.

 

Carhill good suggestion.

[Cinnamon2000]

 

I wish you well. If you erect healthy boundaries and follow my advice, the chances of succumbing to the weaknesses of the flesh are much reduced. Get started today

 

Poor choice of word in this situation.

 

On a serious note, I wonder how much she is telling you is really the truth, such as her falsely accused of abuse and falsely inprisoned by the system, etc.

[Cinnamon2000]

My wife is the most attractive woman on earth and i Love n one more than her.

We had some problems last year that has led to this.

But i dont know if my wife is seeing another man. She tells me she isnt. She just wants a break and thats why shes moving out so i work on me and she works on her but wont tell me where in this city she is moving to.

 

Carhill good suggestion.

 

Does your wife know about all these massages? If she did, would she be okay with it?

[carhill]

My boundaries are feeling quite rigid this morning

 

OP, I might have missed something but my take is you are inviting a virtual stranger into your as of yet marital home, and a virtual stranger woman no less. Trust with verification

 

I wonder how much she is telling you is really the truth, such as her falsely accused of abuse and falsely imprisoned by the system, etc.

 

^^This.

 

I've been gaslighted enough by MW's to have these boundaries now. Think about it. What person, anywhere, who has a married life (or even a single one) has no choice but to sleep in their car. Friends? Family? The Church? Think about that.... and the kind of people you observe daily to be homeless. Does she fit the profile?

Edited April 24, 2010 by carhill