Wife moving out monday, and i have a new female roomate

[2sunny]

My boundaries are feeling quite rigid this morning

 

OP, I might have missed something but my take is you are inviting a virtual stranger into your as of yet marital home, and a virtual stranger woman no less. Trust with verification

 

 

 

^^This.

 

I've been gaslighted enough by MW's to have these boundaries now. Think about it. What person, anywhere, who has a married life (or even a single one) has no choice but to sleep in their car. Friends? Family? The Church? Think about that.... and the kind of people you observe daily to be homeless. Does she fit the profile?

 

my boundaries are always looking quite rigid compared to most... it's called DOING the right thing. words are insignificant if they aren't aligned with same actions.

 

i'm skeptical of the new gals back round as well. i'm not buying it.

 

she has NO other options? i doubt it. you have to keep an open mind and your eyes open... i think you are being fooled - and fooled well. a woman who comes from a lifestyle of money, kids etc and is left with nothing - not any money - no kids - no house, didn't get there for NO REASON. she played a part somehow. whether or not seeing willing to own her part in it will show whether or not she is capable of being honest.

 

she participated somehow. what does that look like? if it's all about "poor me, poor me - look what happened to me" something is terribly wrong.

 

also - and more importantly, you wife. why are you willing to risk the marriage to a complete stranger? IF you love your wife as much as you say you do - find out from HER what went wrong! find out how YOU participated in this demise? own it... fix it...and find happiness in the marriage again. or finish the marriage knowing that you tried EVERY possible means to set things right with her and the relationship. THEN, if it ends - you won't be taking that baggage into your next relationship.

 

you have research to do - get busy putting things in proper order... right now everything looks out of alignment.

[Cinnamon2000]

my boundaries are always looking quite rigid compared to most... it's called DOING the right thing. words are insignificant if they aren't aligned with same actions.

 

i'm skeptical of the new gals back round as well. i'm not buying it.

 

she has NO other options? i doubt it. you have to keep an open mind and your eyes open... i think you are being fooled - and fooled well. a woman who comes from a lifestyle of money, kids etc and is left with nothing - not any money - no kids - no house, didn't get there for NO REASON. she played a part somehow. whether or not seeing willing to own her part in it will show whether or not she is capable of being honest.

 

she participated somehow. what does that look like? if it's all about "poor me, poor me - look what happened to me" something is terribly wrong.

 

also - and more importantly, you wife. why are you willing to risk the marriage to a complete stranger? IF you love your wife as much as you say you do - find out from HER what went wrong! find out how YOU participated in this demise? own it... fix it...and find happiness in the marriage again. or finish the marriage knowing that you tried EVERY possible means to set things right with her and the relationship. THEN, if it ends - you won't be taking that baggage into your next relationship.

 

you have research to do - get busy putting things in proper order... right now everything looks out of alignment.

 

 

I am Cinnamon2000 and I approve this message.

[Marko]

Warning .. Warning ... Danger... Danger..

 

You seem like a nice guy so I want to help you and warn you.

 

Having another woman in your house right now is not going to help you..

 

You said you think God hates divorce and by extension you do I guess being a Christian. Then you move in with a recently separated Christian lady who prays a lot and you exchange back massages and foot rubs and then pray for each other's marriages..

 

Sorry but are you reading what you are writing??

 

You have now posted several posts to this thread. You are recently separated but most of these posts refer to your relationship with this other woman with only passing reference to your wife and that relationship..

 

I am not moralising cos I couldn't care a fig about your religion or prayers etc. But I think you are not being fair to yourself and you are in a state of self denial and delusion..

 

Hope this helps.. Tell this other woman to go somewhere else until you can move on enough to get past the 'hating divorce' and praying for your marriage phase..

 

Good luck..

[PWSX3]

I am also a Christian & divorce is as high in the church as out of the church. Even pastors have affairs so no one is safe.....

 

I have to totally agree with 2sunny, you are playing with fire.

 

After my wife & I separated I met a girl in divorce class. We both thought we were meant for each other, we thought we clicked, etc. etc....

Now a year later we broke up, finally figured out we are not meant for each other but you want that attention, you want that companionship & you will find any excuse to believe it.

 

Sure you paths crossed but that doesn't mean you need to live together. Why doesn't she have any lady friends? Why isn't she staying with one of them????

I really don't believe God would put the opposite sex in your house, that is something you have done.

 

If you really want the marriage to work, then you will be spending this time to look at yourself, look at what part you had why it is bad.

[hopesndreams]

Yeah. On the massages ill back off.

Im just wondering how it is that a prayerful woman who talks nothing but the Bible( even though we all sin - as no man is perfect) and is going through a divorce and me going through wife walking out meet at the same time?

I know no matter what happens me and her will be best of friends for life. Its just all confusing.

No I dont think she'd let me have sex with her.She is very strong on staying pure sexually. In my mind as a man yes, and im sorry to admit this, but i do feel like having sex with her. I havent had sex with my wife in a year.

 

The enemy has a hand in this.

 

Let's just see how strong both your faiths are.

[Lizzie60]

Come on.. geeezzzz

 

We're all adults here.. you are attracted to each other and it's so flagrant.. massaging each other.. her doing all kinds of stuff for you.. like someone said.. this is 'foreplay' whether you want to admit it or not.. and whether you are NOW ready to ADMIT it.. you are both very much attracted to each other..

 

People have emotions.. we cannot control what we feel for others ... even christians are no 'holier than thou' people when it comes to sex and feelings.. come on..

 

God will slowly lead both of you in the same bed..

[Marko]

Cheribum just a couple of other thoughts about this situation.

 

Are your prepared to go through the situation of having everything you have done and said with this woman put out in the public forum, perhaps at your church.

 

Do you live in a state with no fault divorces or are you in a state where yours and your wife's behavior will be drawn out for all to see?

 

If this woman stays in your home you will have sexual relations. Are you prepared to do a Jimmy Swaggart or Rev Bakker and go public about your 'adultery' can you handle that personally? Will it make you feel guilty, will this then weaken your focus and your resolve during the divorce where you could be easily manipulated because of your guilt to give up your rights?

 

Has it occurred to you that this woman could be manipulating you on behalf of your wife? What if every exchange you and her had was recorded to be used in a different context.

 

If I were you, this woman would be on the street today now and if you feel you need to have human contact with someone, call up some of your football buddies or get a professional counsellor, it will work out much cheaper in the end..

 

Like I said, I don't really have a position on the religion thing as that is personal. But the thing is you are set up for some big social, monetary and emotional/psychological damage here if you let this continue..

 

All the best. Good luck..

[tnttim]

You and her are on the rebound so to say. Each one is looking for someone to help lick their wounds, ie: the talks, praying, foot rubs, and her doing your housework. Your mind should be sounding the alarm right now, you flight response should be kicking in, but because of your pending D, your mind is short circuited, literally.

 

You came looking for justification, and you are going to get the exact opposite here. We all have been down this path before in some way, not exactly like your present situation, but emotionally the same. Your mind is the most powerful organ on the planet, do not under estimate it's power of persaution on your emotions.

 

God has not sent you a savior, he sent you a test. You are at the weakest point in your life, and it's a great opprotunity for him to test your will. The anti-christ is the nicest, most charismatic person next to Jesus, sound like your wholesome homeless chick? In gods eyes you are still technically married until you get that D. Are you going to let both of these women destroy the one thing that you should never let go of, FAITH????????????

[Chrome Barracuda]

As much as i want to tell him to not deal with this woman... I want to end up telling him to go for it.

 

Yep, i said it.

 

And i tell you why:

 

His wife is abandoning him preferably for another man or woman, she's a coward. She doesnt want him! WTF how does one take a break for the marriage. Cheribum, for all intents and purposes your marriage is over. From all your posts your wife doesnt give a jack **** about you....

 

Period!

 

Now with that being said, your not clear headed about the choices your making. Your lonely i get that, but you cannot do anything sexually with this friend until you have seperation papers drawn up and filed up. Your a christian, then you know what im saying is right, morally you gotta do the right thing, ethically too.

 

You and your friend is really close, i ask you, dont do anything until your certain about your marriage. Your STBX is walking away from you, because her reaction to this woman moving in, says it right there within itself. She doesnt give a damn about you. So get to indifference and move on.

 

I wish you the best, but right now limbo is not a good thing for you. And if your ex tries to come back, tell her to stay gone, she has treated you like crap and you really deserve better.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Cheribum's First Post:

 

My wife had an abortion last yr after our stupid decison to try swinging. She hates me( we both agreed t it) and blames me. I can understand.

Its been a year.

She wants to move out as everytime she sees me she gets angry.

I a have sought counselling andrehab therapy for the summer. She is doesnt want to go for counselling together and i respect that. I am not however into the idea of a trial separation.

Half my family lives in Europe and i havent seen them in ten years. We were talking yesterday how things have gotten hard in the USA( I was born here) and maybe i should try a hand at business with my well to do releatives in Europe. I thought i may travel there in December to see how things are. She said why wait that long when you can go in June and she said i should get a one way ticket and spend time there and fine myself and establish some business and then by a return ticket to the states when im ready. She in the mean time will be busy with school.

Any advice.

 

And your fighting for what again???

[whichwayisup]

My wife is moving out next week. She wants a separation and has signed a lease somewhere and has refused to tell me where it is.

Im a Christian. You may ask what does that have to do with anything. Well I believe that God hates divorce. I dont care what the world thinks.

Then last week a veryy good lady i met and who is going through divorce couldnt afford her rent and was sleeping in her car.

So i asked my wife if she could move in and she said okay. She is living with us( or rather me now) cause my wife is away out of town for the week and when she returns sunday she will spend her last night at home and move out Monday.

This lady friend is so prayerful and strong. She like me doesnt believe in adultery. We are good friends. She prays for my marriage every minute and hers too. She is a source of strength.

Last night me and her went shopping for groceries and it was interesting watching her put stuff where she wanted.

Infact i had to to almost demand that she stops sleeping in her car. She doesnt want to be a burden to anyone and i had to assure her that as christian I couldnt let her sleep in that car.

Took alot of convincing.

So yesterday I came home from work and she had made my bed( she sleeps on the couch) and done my laundry. I was like wow.

We are not going to have sex cause we have our eyes on God and marriage reconciliation, but every night she lets me give her a back massage n foot massage. she also gave me a back massage, but no hanky panky.

She misses her kids alot. Her husband who is very powerful has gotten her kicked out of the home and stopped her from seeing the kids. She is the sweetest humblest person you ever met.

My wife doesnt even mind her there.

We are now talking about getting an apartment together and sharing bills.

Its almost laughable, but I dont know what to think? Is this Gods will?

My wife said shes separating and moving out for 6 months so I can work on my weaknesses and so she can rebuild her self after some trauma we went through last year. God bless her .

Im just wondering what yall think?

And just so you know, i love the mature answers here with no cristisims

W..T..F? Are you kidding me?

 

Then last week a veryy good lady i met and who is going through divorce couldnt afford her rent and was sleeping in her car.

 

Did you JUST meet her or have you known her for years? I mean, to let a stranger move in (I doubt she was sleeping in her car, does she not have other friends, even family? Her husband has allowed her to sleep in the car?? I find this hard to believe, reguardless if they are divorcing)

 

So i asked my wife if she could move in and she said okay. She is living with us( or rather me now) cause my wife is away out of town for the week and when she returns sunday she will spend her last night at home and move out Monday.

This lady friend is so prayerful and strong. She like me doesnt believe in adultery. We are good friends. She prays for my marriage every minute and hers too. She is a source of strength.

 

The more time you spend with this woman, the chances are going to be higher and higher that you two will end up in bed. GOD or not, religion or not makes NO difference.

 

This is a total disaster waiting to happen, it just blows me away that you can't see it and this woman you allowed to move into your house is VUNERABLE too, let alone sneaky. To do what she's doing is kind of creepy if you ask me.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Cheribum is not stupid whichway, he knows exactly what's happening. The question is is he strong enough to do the right thing.

 

I wonder if he knows what he's doing, But again I reiterate if his wife is leaving him, is he single??? or in limbo?

 

I ask him to clarify where he stands on his marriage and to take appropriate measures to do so.

[Royce]

I my friend have to say, you are one lucky guy. I believe god has given you an angel. Like it was said, ""Be kind to strangers, because you could be entertaining angels" I wish you the best of lucky in life. You are truly good man.

[stillafool]

Maybe you and this woman will end up together afterall. Your wife has moved on to her new place and more than likely will not be back. I would give it 6 months and if you still like her tell her so and ask your wife for a divorce.