aerogurl87 Posted April 24, 2010 Share Posted April 24, 2010 Ok this is mostly a rant but if anyone wants to mention their thoughts on it feel free. My guy and I have had two fights in two days. The first one was Friday night over something I can't even remember, but we got over it. Then last night fight two started. All was going well until he got home from hanging out with his friends. We were on skype and he was tired. I asked him if he wanted to talk, he said yeah, so I tried talking, but then he started giving me these one word answers to all my questions. I asked "how was your day", he answered "ok". Then I asked "what do you want to talk about" and he said "I don't know". Nothing really to hold a conversation about so I started listening to music. Then he gets mad because I'm listening to music and not talking to him he says (although I was trying to talk to him but he wasn't saying anything). Ok so then he gets upset and tells me he feels unappreciated. That he gives up time hanging out with his friends and going out so he can talk to me. This pisses me off because 1) I never told him not to hang out with his friends so he can talk to me and 2) that night he told me he was gonna go over another friend's house after they went out to eat and I told him he could go if he wanted to but HE decided to come home and talk to me. So I get pissed off and I interrupted him midsentence to defend myself. So he hangs up and gets upset when he texts me and I don't answer him. Anyway, we end up talking about everything around 4am my time when I finally calm down enough to talk to him. He apologizes and we talk things out in a more calm manner, but in a way I'm still a bit pissed off. I don't know if it's the distance, our impending visit, or what but we both seem to be stressed out more now. Well he's been having job issues and I'm just nervous so maybe it's a combination of the two, I dunno. Just needed to get that out. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 24, 2010 Share Posted April 24, 2010 Clear communication is critical in a LDR. It is important in all intimate relationship, but especially so in a LDR, IMO. Perhaps you can, when together, spend a short while (relevant to the length of visit) laying out some communication ground rules which you both agree upon. 'Hon, I love talking with you. Tonight I want to spend the evening with my friends. Can I call you tomorrow morning (or time convenient to both of you) and catch up then?' 'Hey, hon, have a great time with your friends. I'm looking forward to hearing all about it. Talk to you then. xoxo' To me, the crucial part is the *tone*. Flowing one communication into another in a positive way. Sprinkling in a bit of personal flirting (which I didn't do above) in accordance with your unique style of romance. This is a two-way street, which is why it should be talked about, using *positive* descriptors, meaning 'I like it when you do/say xxx' as opposed to negative words like 'can't' and 'don't and 'won't'. Then, trust that each of you has the others feelings and best interests at heart. Without that, IMO, the foundation of the relationship is really nebulous. Oops, it was a rant.... meh Hope it works out Link to post Share on other sites
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 24, 2010 Author Share Posted April 24, 2010 Lol, thanks carhill. Usually we don't get into big arguments and we did communicate alot better after I had calmed down and called him back. He basically told me that he feels underappreciated because I have a tendency of saying "I guess you don't want to talk" when he doesn't say much (but hey that's the impression I get) and I told him I don't appreciate being attacked for something I don't do. So we both said we'd work on everything but to be honest I don't really feel like talking to him that much this weekend. I don't want/need space per say but I just feel like I need sometime to get my emotions together. Link to post Share on other sites
Deeblondie82 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 I TOTALLY understand what you are saying! lol I had a few disagreements a few days ago then he fiinally open up to me. I think it has to do with the distance and just frustration of not seeing that person. The attention we arnt getting at the moment.. and the upcoming visit too.. mine is next weekend. So as long as your honest and up front and give the other person time to calm down too both of you will be ok. I agree with the other poster...Talking to your partner in a "nice" tone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aerogurl87 Posted May 2, 2010 Author Share Posted May 2, 2010 Not yet SaintDragon, we meet in exactly 18 days though and I'm gonna be with him for 2 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Deeblondie82 Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Dragon I agree. Me and him are taking it as friends for now till we meet for the first time in 5 days and if it works out and we want something more then we will figure that out. He is a great friend and if things dont work out I want us to be good with being just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aerogurl87 Posted May 2, 2010 Author Share Posted May 2, 2010 I don't think if him and I were just friends, I'd be going to see him, as bad as that sounds. My ex and I tried that, and had we not gotten to the point where he point blank said he wanted to try a LDR with me, him and I would've never met in person. I just don't see myself spending money to go meet a long time friend from cyber space (unless they live within driving distance) but that's just me I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aerogurl87 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 Yep, I've done this before... and with my ex it wasn't really something I wanted at the time, things sort of just happened. He fell in love with me, pursued me till I gave in, and then we met. I'm glad I met him because he taught me alot about myself although he turned out to be an egotistical, selfish, *******. But that's all in the past now, as they say you live and you learn. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 I don't think if him and I were just friends, I'd be going to see him, as bad as that sounds. My ex and I tried that, and had we not gotten to the point where he point blank said he wanted to try a LDR with me, him and I would've never met in person. I just don't see myself spending money to go meet a long time friend from cyber space (unless they live within driving distance) but that's just me I guess. I'm sure you will find, once you meet in real life, and assuming the chemistry is there, that you can agree on how best to deal with the occasional argument and what your communication needs are on both sides. It slightly surprises me that you say you wouldn't really want to be friends with this guy if it wasn't a relationship. My SO is in New Zealand and I am in the UK (12,000 miles and a 30 hour plane trip away) and we were just online friends to start with. However, the emotional connection between us was so strong we both agreed, before we met IRL, that we would have to be friends and see each other regularly somehow - even if the chemistry wasn't there. Thank goodness it was - what an expensive friendship that would have been. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aerogurl87 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 I'm sure you will find, once you meet in real life, and assuming the chemistry is there, that you can agree on how best to deal with the occasional argument and what your communication needs are on both sides. It slightly surprises me that you say you wouldn't really want to be friends with this guy if it wasn't a relationship. My SO is in New Zealand and I am in the UK (12,000 miles and a 30 hour plane trip away) and we were just online friends to start with. However, the emotional connection between us was so strong we both agreed, before we met IRL, that we would have to be friends and see each other regularly somehow - even if the chemistry wasn't there. Thank goodness it was - what an expensive friendship that would have been. No, lol, I wouldn't mind being friends with him, but I wouldn't be willing to spend lots of money to go out and see him. I didn't mind being friends with my ex when we were just friends, but unlike him, I wasn't interested in spending lots of money to fly up to see him if we would've just stayed friends. One nice thing he did do for me was work his butt off to come see me that first time for one week. We did have some good memories, even if they are few. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 No, lol, I wouldn't mind being friends with him, but I wouldn't be willing to spend lots of money to go out and see him. I didn't mind being friends with my ex when we were just friends, but unlike him, I wasn't interested in spending lots of money to fly up to see him if we would've just stayed friends. One nice thing he did do for me was work his butt off to come see me that first time for one week. We did have some good memories, even if they are few. I'm glad you like him enough to be friends and it's just the money that's the issue. We obviously have a different take on this though cos I would have spent the cost of a plane fare to New Zealand now and again to see my SO, even if he was just a friend. Chemistry or not, he's still the best man I've ever met and the best friend I've ever had - he'd be my soulmate even without the sex . Link to post Share on other sites
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