Right now I'm about to meet

[mammax3]

my (boy)friend to have a 'talk'.

 

This is something that's been coming for a few weeks now, and although I want it to happen, I'm also quite anxious. I think it's mostly because it's a precipitor to change, and I'm not sure where we'll come out on the other side.

 

We've been together for over a year with ups and downs, and he's been instrumental in my self discovery process. He's not ready or able to be a proper bf, and I'm not content with the lack of communication and affection (although we share quite a bit of physical and emotional intimacy).

 

I know that we can't control others no matter which tactics we use (pleasing, manipulation, etc) and that his path and process is his own - as is mine - and I guess we're just near the end of where our paths converged.

 

As carhill says about some relationships, I think we're just incompatible given where we each are at this point in our lives. It's sad.

 

I really wish I could have been more to him; more of what he wanted and needed; more positive; more fulfilling. I'm trying not to take this as a personal failure, especially if I'm looking at it through the lens of personal responsibility, but it's hard right now. We each made choices in this and this is where we are. No wishing can make it undo.

 

I'm not sure what I'm looking for by talking about it here. I guess just some understanding and empathy (if you have it) or input about what I might do differently in the future (if you have suggestions about that).

 

thanks for reading.

 

mx3

[Itsnotme]

You're right, you cannot change others as might as you might wish too or as much as your current situation might hurt.

 

Have the talk and listen to what he has to say. If he's not ready to be a proper boyfriend as you put it, you have to consider your needs and wants and act accordingly. If your needs are not being met (I'm not sure how long you've been together) then you clearly have a choice of whether to continue or cut loose. I would explain to him, calmly, what it is that is bothering you the most. Communication is key.

 

I can't say what it is that you might do differently in the future as there is limited information in your post about the background.

 

Are you in a LDR?

 

I wish you good luck.