EnderWiggin Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 I'm sure situations like this have been presented before, but I haven't found one that fits perfectly, so, here goes. So this girl is undoubtedly my best friend, and has been for as long as I can remember. We're very very close, but up until a short while ago, I'd never considered her as being more than my best friend. Lately, when I've been over at her house watching a movie alone with her, we've gotten really close (laying on eachother, playing with eachother's hair, etc.) One particular night, I stayed over really late and we were closer than usual and when I left she kissed me on the cheek. With any other girl I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but somehow since it was her it seemed like a very big deal. Anyway, this got me really excited and I all of a sudden started to think of her as maybe becoming more than a friend. Another night, I drove her around up this road (one of the Lovers Lane types), and we sat up there looking at the view for a couple hours and sooner or later we were holding hands. Again, this would normally be a very small thing, but with this girl it seemed like a big thing. When I dropped her off she kissed me on the cheek again. Since then the "kiss on the cheek" subject has come up in conversation and I asked her if she kisses her other guy friends like that, and she replied "No, just you." The other confusing part is that when I'm around her and we're not in private she acts a little differently. A little more distant, I guess. So it's especially confusing because when we're together alone, she's sending me really good signals, and when we're not, things are different. So now I'm beginning to really have serious feelings for her, and contemplating whether or not to tell her. I hate to hold back and I hate having regrets, but it's complicated because I value our friendship so much. I don't think I could deal with it if my confrontation drove us apart. Especially if it was the kind of thing that drove a wedge between us, and we were never the same again, but never spoke of it. So on one hand I'm afraid of damaging our friendship, but on the other I really like this girl. Tell her? Not tell her? How should I do it? How shouldn't I? Help... Link to post Share on other sites
Helpme2004 Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 well if u tell her how u feel then she may not feel the same way i know i went with one of my friends and it was a nightmare it ended badly and we havent spoken in 9yrs and i lost my best friend.so its totally up to u if u want to tell her noone can tell u not to .good luck Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Ender, how old are you? In my own opinion if you don't let her know how much you care about her you might always regret it. I wouldnt jump right in & tell her you love her, or asking about a bf/gf thing, but maybe talk to her & tell her that she means alot to you, and that you have feelings for her. Giving her a rose w/ it won't hurt either. Its hard when you are always facing the possibility of rejection, but its a risk everyone takes. If you don't take it, you'll be alone for the rest of your life. If she does not recipoicate the same feelings you have for her, that dones't mean the end of the friendship. I was friends w/ a woman for a year when I told her I loved her, but she didnt say it back. It wasn't for another 2 months before she told me she loved me. I'd say go for it, she is probably somewhat laid back in public because she is still trying to feel things out. Also she doesn't know what you are thinking/feelings as well. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 "Confront" isn't the right word. Just gently continue to share, as jmargel suggested. She's into you, that's clear. Take it slow, but not so slow that you both fall asleep. Every time, go a little farther with the feelings and the closeness (physical and emotional). And keep enjoying. If at some point it begins to feel not right, then you pull back just a little. Don't just dive into the deep end, there may not be water there. Link to post Share on other sites
RobertoPNW Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 Why not allow her to make the next move? You know how you feel, see if she will move forward to the next step. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EnderWiggin Posted January 21, 2004 Author Share Posted January 21, 2004 Originally posted by jmargel Ender, how old are you? I'm 17. Thanks for the replies. I still can't really get a handle on why she acts so differently in public than in private. I understand that she might be a little unsure, but then again, so am I. What do you think about writing her a letter saying how much she means to me, and that I have feelings for her (rose maybe?)? I was considering this, but somehow I get the idea that it would create a sort of long, awkward period of silence. Would it be better in person? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 21, 2004 Share Posted January 21, 2004 It's always better in person. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted January 23, 2004 Share Posted January 23, 2004 well it's up to you want u want to do. but IF I WERE U. i would definitely find out if she was truly interested in me....if she sent me enough signals that is. if i didnt have enough clues, id just cont being her friend. but to tell u the truth...it's hard to tell if someone is interested in you or is treating you in those ways because you are their friend... but if u dont care about staying friends with her either way, then be my guest and tell her. she said she kissed u on the cheeks? it's possible she considers u a very good friend and someone she can trust. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHW Posted January 23, 2004 Share Posted January 23, 2004 normally unless you are French... people don't kiss people on the cheeks!!! especially if she says she doesn't do it to anyone else! some people are naturally more withdrawn in public as opposed to a private situation, i am like that and have been informed i seem colder when around friends!!! i think there is maybe something there, take it really slowly and let her make the significant moves... just be calmly receptive to any moves she makes maybe tell her you like her a bit more than just a friend but no statements like undying love or whatever because she will run away this way if a romance doesn't blossom you can still continue a good everlasting friendship Link to post Share on other sites
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