Maybe porn really does more harm than good for men?

[PJKino]

Porn is like any other vice if its in moderation its fine but theyres always gonna be people who abuse things we cant get rid of everyhting to help make sure the weak willed people dont get tempted..

 

Judging by her rants about porn JS has issues and insecurities far deeper then porn with her own self image and sexuality that she neds to fix before she can get into a healthy relationship..

 

JS while obviously some relationships have been ruined by porn there are millions and millions of women in healthy relationships with Men and i bet a decent amount of them watch or have watched porn and it hasnt ruined the relationship or made the women feel inadequate..You need to get in that mindset..

 

Im sorry if you had a past relationship that has scarred you to the level you're on right now but u cant live this way paranoid of every Man whod watched a porn..Trust me theres good guys out there who are trustworhty and even if theyve watched porn arent ruined by it..

 

Standing on a soapbox saying porn is evil and demanding it should be eliminated isnt gonna accomplish anything..

[Engadget]

I actually don't agree with porn viewing while in a relationship but for the single man who does not want to deal with the drama that too many women but certainly not all women come with these days it can be good option. What is so wrong with that?

 

Like when a girl with a boyfriend comes onto you, and you find your car smashed up later that night? Yeah, happened to me.

[sally4sara]

I'll give you a list as to why women are bothered by porn.

 

-Insecurities.

-Control issues.

-Feeling inadequate, like they aren't good enough.

 

Otherwise, what could it be?

 

It could be a woman enters a relationship with no opinion of porn one way or the other but ends up fitting your list because her partner is irresponsible in his use.

 

It could also be that she feels it exploits troubled women.

 

You should hear me when I get on about people who don't recycle their cast of electronics that have resources mined out of the Congo. My views on that are not about the things on your list. If you want someone to hear you out on anything, it helps to allow for more grey than black and white. Your list is also a shaming tactic.

[Stockalone]

I don't think one has to be completely ignoring their SO for porn to be an issue. I always worry about how younger generations of boy are looking at porn and what they take from it. These boys grow up to be men with ideas about women that start at young ages. And if boys and men have a pathora of media images at their finger tips about women that they indulge in regularly, that' going to have some kind of affect.

 

You don't need to watch porn to end up messed up. However, porn certainly can give guys the wrong ideas.

 

Boys shouldn't be watching porn, but it will be very difficult to keep them from seeing it if they are being curious and want to see it.

 

It's important to make them understand that porn is not real and that it isn't a woman's sole purpose to please a man's sexual desire whenever he wants it and in whichever way he likes it.

 

That said, I do believe that men who have the wrong ideas about women and relationships will end up alone. IME, there will be a natural selection. I am alone because women obviously see something in me that makes them run the other way. Plenty of men watch porn and are in relationships with women who obviously don't care. Maybe we will get to a point where porn becomes an issue on a far greater scale, but so far I am not convinced.

 

I'll also admit that I don't see porn use as THE pressing issue. I do believe we need to be worried about who watches porn though, and minors shouldn't be watching it.

 

 

I think that the extreme case you stated is the exception. I think there are many more men in the middle of the road who give their SO attention but also really love their porn and use it interchangable in a relationship and hold a degree of addiction to it.

 

If it is used interchangeably, I would agree that this is a problem. I'd expect most men to use it in addition to their regular sex life, though. Sex with the SO is option number one, and masturbating (with or without porn) is only the consolation prize if sex isn't available.

 

 

Let me ask you this, why can yo usee that women might be bothered by it? Please list all the reasons why you understand women are bothered by it.

 

• A woman could have moral objections.
  
• A woman could see it as cheating.
  
• A woman could be offended by the way porn portrays sex and the role of women.
  
• A woman could feel like she isn't the number one priority if her man looks at porn when she would have had sex with him, had he asked.
  

[Stockalone]

@ stockalone: no need to bash bud. I have my own reasons for toning it down on the porn and they're what I listed. I feel my energy could be applied more constructively. I'm sorry you don't agree with what I stated, but this is how I plan on tackling my own unique situation. And I believe for me, it will yield great results.

 

Have a great day.

 

I was disagreeing with the article from the blog first and foremost.

 

My intent wasn't to bash you. If you feel it'll benefit you, that's what you should do. I agree with you on that.

 

My point was that the article isn't in accordance with my own experiences at all; except for the part where it says that "be yourself" can be horrible advice.

 

That said, not being yourself and changing into something that isn't you can be just as bad as far as advice goes.

 

We all have to decide what approach makes the most sense for us.

[Engadget]

You don't need to watch porn to end up messed up. However, porn certainly can give guys the wrong ideas.

 

Boys shouldn't be watching porn, but it will be very difficult to keep them from seeing it if they are being curious and want to see it.

 

It's important to make them understand that porn is not real and that it isn't a woman's sole purpose to please a man's sexual desire whenever he wants it and in whichever way he likes it.

 

That said, I do believe that men who have the wrong ideas about women and relationships will end up alone. IME, there will be a natural selection. I am alone because women obviously see something in me that makes them run the other way. Plenty of men watch porn and are in relationships with women who obviously don't care. Maybe we will get to a point where porn becomes an issue on a far greater scale, but so far I am not convinced.

 

I'll also admit that I don't see porn use as THE pressing issue. I do believe we need to be worried about who watches porn though, and minors shouldn't be watching it.

 

 

 

 

If it is used interchangeably, I would agree that this is a problem. I'd expect most men to use it in addition to their regular sex life, though. Sex with the SO is option number one, and masturbating (with or without porn) is only the consolation prize if sex isn't available.

 

 

 

 

• A woman could have moral objections.
  
• A woman could see it as cheating.
  
• A woman could be offended by the way porn portrays sex and the role of women.
  
• A woman could feel like she isn't the number one priority if her man looks at porn when she would have had sex with him, had he asked.
  

 

People act as if a 16 year old kid reads a Playboy or Penthouse, or sees Jenna Jameson going down on some guy that they're going to turn into sex-crazed objectifying whackos. Does it happen to some? Sure, but usually that indicates a problem other than the porn underlying the issue.

 

I found my grandfather's stash at 13-14, and it was awesome. I didn't turn out that way, and most people don't.

 

Porn has never once made me think of a woman in a different way, or compare them to her. It's like saying a woman watching a Soap opera suddenly thinks real life is like it's portrayed there, and that's horse****.

 

Once again, some are affected negatively but the porn didn't cause this in most cases.

[silic0ntoad]

Your list is also a shaming tactic.

 

 

Of course it's a shaming tactic. It's specifically aimed at JS and other posters who fail to listen to other POV's. It's not meant to be serious, more of a jab at those who insist porn and the men who watch it (Yet so dilligently ignoring the fact that women also watch it) are evol peoplez who seek to deztroyz the werlds.

 

I obviously think their are many other reasons people dislike pornography. But the link below:

http://men.webmd.com/guide/is-pornography-addictive

 

Just shows that even EXPERTS can't specifically qualify excessive porn use as an addiction, as JS so liberally throws the term about.

[sally4sara]

Of course it's a shaming tactic. It's specifically aimed at JS and other posters who fail to listen to other POV's. It's not meant to be serious, more of a jab at those who insist porn and the men who watch it (Yet so dilligently ignoring the fact that women also watch it) are evol peoplez who seek to deztroyz the werlds.

 

I obviously think their are many other reasons people dislike pornography. But the link below:

http://men.webmd.com/guide/is-pornography-addictive

 

Just shows that even EXPERTS can't specifically qualify excessive porn use as an addiction, as JS so liberally throws the term about.

 

My pardons then. I have seen your words posted by others with seriousness and yes, I thought it just as bad. Well illustrated!

[Engadget]

Of course it's a shaming tactic. It's specifically aimed at JS and other posters who fail to listen to other POV's. It's not meant to be serious, more of a jab at those who insist porn and the men who watch it (Yet so dilligently ignoring the fact that women also watch it) are evol peoplez who seek to deztroyz the werlds.

 

I obviously think their are many other reasons people dislike pornography. But the link below:

http://men.webmd.com/guide/is-pornography-addictive

 

Just shows that even EXPERTS can't specifically qualify excessive porn use as an addiction, as JS so liberally throws the term about.

 

Porn addiction is a behavioral thing that becomes a chemical thing in the brain, but the term addiction to me has been so overused in the last decade it's become hilarious. People treat a kid who's "addicted" to TV the same as a hardcore heroin addict, I'm sorry they are NOT the same.

[Stung]

It could be a woman enters a relationship with no opinion of porn one way or the other but ends up fitting your list because her partner is irresponsible in his use.

 

It could also be that she feels it exploits troubled women.

 

You should hear me when I get on about people who don't recycle their cast of electronics that have resources mined out of the Congo. My views on that are not about the things on your list. If you want someone to hear you out on anything, it helps to allow for more grey than black and white. Your list is also a shaming tactic.

 

I have to agree with this.

 

I am certainly not perfect about it, but I try to pay attention to my consumerism, try to keep my choices environmentally sound or pro-small business. And my engagement and wedding rings have no diamonds because I take issue with the diamond industry/mining conflicts.

 

I look at porn occasionally and while my husband is not a porn guy some of my ex boyfriends were, and it didn't particularly affect me on a sexual/security level. I certainly never tried to control their viewing habits. Yet I still have mixed feelings about porn, because of the fact that the industry often exploits troubled women, women whom I view as human beings potentially similar to myself, not just sex objects to masturbate to.

 

Another issue I personally find of some concern with porn is how widespread and ubiquitous it's become, to the point where many young men get a ridiculous amount of their sexual 'education' from watching porn. I am in my thirties and I ran across this in my single days, men who thought particular porn moves were pleasurable for women or perfectly okay to do without even asking, like the guy who tried to gag me with throatf***ing the very first time we slept together because he was into choking porn. I hear more and more stories like that from younger women, whose contemporaries were raised more on streaming porn media than mine were (most of my age-mates grew up still pilfering sexy magazines) and find it a sad state of affairs.

 

Before everyone piles on to let me know what sensitive lovers they are, notice how I never once said this was a problem with/for every man, please. I'm sure it's still a minority, but that doesn't mean it's not a problem. Nor do I think the last issue necessitates a full ban on porn, although I might be interested to hear plans for more regulations. And of course I have always been a huge proponent of more and better sexual education, at home and in school. The advent of 'abstinence only' education going hand-in-hand with the pornography explosion just can't have been a good thing, IMO.

[silic0ntoad]

My pardons then. I have seen your words posted by others with seriousness and yes, I thought it just as bad. Well illustrated!

 

 

Yeah, lot of guys can be judgemental on this subject, as can (clearly) women.

 

I don't think porn is evil. The only thing I take offense to is people saying porn "addiction" is more harmful then hard drug addiction (The person who said that knows who they are), since my brother is struggling with hard drug addiction (Cocaine).

 

A closed mind is like a closed book, it's secrets forever kept in the darkness of itself.

[Woggle]

Like when a girl with a boyfriend comes onto you, and you find your car smashed up later that night? Yeah, happened to me.

 

Yet I bet he is still with that woman and has yet to confront her on it. He shouldn't blame you because his girlfriend can't be trusted.

[norajane]

I actually found an interesting blog on this. It dealt with men, virginity, and why they may struggle with women. I found it a rather interesting read, and the porn section really stuck out to me in particular. Maybe porn really isn't the culprit, but rather more importantly, it doesn't help either.

 

It centered around the question: "How would you be motivated to improve your skills with women, when you can achieve sexual gratification quickly and easily with the click of a mouse?"

 

One could see how that could potentially become a vicious cycle.

 

Maybe women just want men to fuel that sexual energy away from porn, and into improving their skills with them, chasing them, and wooing them?

 

Anyway here's the blog:

 

http://themodernsavage.com/2008/09/30/the-dilemmas-of-male-virgins/

 

What do you think?

 

This article also speaks to some of your questions. It's rather long, but I think you'd find it interesting.

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/nov/08/gender.weekend7

 

I had to laugh at the last sentence:

 

And, anyway, what do you want to say when you get to the end of your life? That you wish you'd spent more time wanking on the internet? I hardly think so.

[Woggle]

I am sure there are men who have been through the ringer in their relationships with women who wish they spent more time wanking on the internet.

 

I think the author made a good point about porn being a fantasy for men. Many men find it damn near impossible to find a happy relationship with a real woman and are utterly clueless as to how to make it happen so they turn to their porn fantasy world. I think porn is more of a result of men's experiences with women rather than a shaper of our attitudes.

[gorgeous1]

I always had a healthy view of porn, sex and relationships until i discoevered my bf was cyber sexing every day (webcamming) with strangers, turned my life upside down it went on for the first year of our relationship and was with men/women and couples. (without me knowing). Very upsetting and now Im left hating men, loathing my body and viewing any form of porn/other women with suspicion. Sorry my opinion but the porn industry/ swinging and dating websites have ruined my life. Im a shell of the woman I once was.:mad:

 

he said he did it out of habit and boredom and it was a fantasy. He said he never once thought of me and how i would feel whilst he did it and always said he never thought he was doig anything wrong. He wont talk about it....4 months after I discovered what he was doing. Its sooooo upsetting.

Edited April 27, 2010 by gorgeous1

[Engadget]

I always had a healthy view of porn, sex and relationships until i discoevered my bf was cyber sexing every day (webcamming) with strangers, turned my life upside down it went on for the first year of our relationship and was with men/women and couples. (without me knowing). Very upsetting and now Im left hating men, loathing my body and viewing any form of porn/other women with suspicion. Sorry my opinion but the porn industry/ swinging and dating websites have ruined my life. Im a shell of the woman I once was.:mad:

 

he said he did it out of habit and boredom and it was a fantasy. He said he never once thought of me and how i would feel whilst he did it and always said he never thought he was doig anything wrong. He wont talk about it....4 months after I discovered what he was doing. Its sooooo upsetting.

 

Porn and webcamming aren't quite the same thing. Webcamming is basically cheating with a live person, not watching a pre-recorded non-interactive video.

 

Yet I bet he is still with that woman and has yet to confront her on it. He shouldn't blame you because his girlfriend can't be trusted.

 

Yeah probably, but he's a cheater and psychotically paranoid about her cheating because of it. Then my car happens to get smashed up after he flips out.

Edited April 27, 2010 by Engadget

[sweetjasmine]

Another issue I personally find of some concern with porn is how widespread and ubiquitous it's become, to the point where many young men get a ridiculous amount of their sexual 'education' from watching porn.

 

A real conversation I've had:

- So what exactly would you like me to do?

- I don't know, go watch some porn and see what they do, then try that.

[Ruby Slippers]

Am I the only one who sees many correlations between the 'porn is bad' and 'video games are bad' trains of thought? They both seem to focus on peoples inability to separate fantasy from reality. Granted it's probably harder *snicker* to separate reality from fantasy in porn than it is in video games, but I see both as faulty lines of thinking.

 

Radio and Television were victims of this as well, actually.

One very important difference is that when you play video games, watch TV, and listen to the radio, there's no powerful, high-reward payoff of an orgasm and the ensuing rush of feel-good euphoria and relaxation neurohormones oxytocin and prolactin in the brain, as there is with masturbating to porn. The orgasm euphoria is almost as intense as the euphoria that results from injecting heroin. Video games, radio, and TV consumption do foster certain hormonal patterns that can be habit-forming, but the intensity is notably lower than when orgasm is involved.

[somedude81]

A masturbating to porn orgasm is pitiful in comparison to a sexual orgasm.

 

I can jack off to porn 4 times in an hour and still feel empty. When I've had a couple orgasm's from sex I feel like my life is complete.

 

In my case, porn is only a poor replacement to the real thing. I have no idea why a man who has a steady partner would masturbate to porn.

[Jersey Shortie]

Sally:

Perhaps I've missed it, but none of your views on this subject ever includes female porn addicts. They do exist. I don't enjoy sexist views on any subject and you edge into this territory more often than you remain objective.

 

I am not here to cater to your specific and personal views of what construes as being sexist in your minds eye. I never said women couldn't become addicted to pornography, not one time did I ever say anything so ridiculous.

 

And my comment about being ashamed is more about the tactics you employ when you talk about porn then anything else. That is why I said it was likely due to the shaming tone you use that I feel this way, but yeah, it is also about how you think this is a male issue. You use porn to shame men when women can also act the same way. I get that you believe porn addiction is more common while others believe it is the rarer occurrence. It still remains possible that you just lack enough personal exposure to really make this claim.

 

I don't employ any tactics. I talk about my personal opinion. If someone feels ashamed because of my personal opinion, there isn't much I can do about it. I am not going to sit around and prattle PC stuff I don't believe because someone gets their feelings hurt about my personal view on pornography. Anymore then any of the guys on here are going to sit here and curb their real feelings on porn themselves under the guise of what is PC even if some of the women here get their feelings hurt.

 

I never made a direct comment to anyone as nasty as the comment you made. It belittled your own viewpoint more then it belittled me in my minds eye. I've said I'll I need to say on that matter. Please go back and review my intial comments on it if you have any questions.

 

 

 

 

PJKino

Judging by her rants about porn JS has issues and insecurities far deeper then porn with her own self image and sexuality that she neds to fix before she can get into a healthy relationship..

 

JS while obviously some relationships have been ruined by porn there are millions and millions of women in healthy relationships with Men and i bet a decent amount of them watch or have watched porn and it hasnt ruined the relationship or made the women feel inadequate..You need to get in that mindset..

 

Im sorry if you had a past relationship that has scarred you to the level you're on right now but u cant live this way paranoid of every Man whod watched a porn..Trust me theres good guys out there who are trustworhty and even if theyve watched porn arent ruined by it..

 

Standing on a soapbox saying porn is evil and demanding it should be eliminated isnt gonna accomplish anything..

 

And standing on a soapbox saying porn is fantastic and encouraging the use of it isn't going to accomplish anything either PJKino. Which is what alot of men here do. They defend porn and they encourage the use of it and they don't question the images, ideals or objectification it places on women.

 

And I never denied I don't have insecurities. But all this lamenating for pornography and defending of it, is breed out of it's own masculine insecurity about being accepted by women. Porn itself is a fantasy ideal that caters to every question men have about their size and performance and the level of attractive women they can get. Porn is not just an issue of female insecurity. And in all honesty, I totally get why women are insecure over it. Here you have average men who are fathers, brothers, son's and husbands and boyfriends looking at completely over the top fantasy ideal images of the kind of women they telling us they like. These women are young, surgically enhanced and do crazy things. And average men eat it up like kittens to cream. So much infact that they defend it more times then not over the real women that have to deal with their men looking at this stuff in a world where it's at your finger tips 24/7. Lets not pretend that porn is kind towards women and that the images it projects of women is healthy.

 

Perhaps instead of telling me what you think I need to fix, you should look at yourself and other men and ask yourselves why so many men today feel they need porn to be self satisfied. Why men choose to defend pornography over real women more time sthen not. Why men, even though they know porn doesn't treat women well and objectifies them tries to make it seem like women are the ridiculous or "unhealthy' ones for questions the messages thsi industry that is beloved by men is sneding out.

 

 

Stockalone

Boys shouldn't be watching porn, but it will be very difficult to keep them from seeing it if they are being curious and want to see it.

 

Of course they will be curious. But that doesn't mean it doesn't infleunec their idea of sex and women. And boys grow up to be men. Stastically, most boys start viewing porn at about 11 years old. That is alot of formative years a man spends lookign at images of women that aren't exactly very positive for women or what real sex and relationshisp should be like.

 

I have been with a number of men that have tried very porn-like moves on me and they though this made them good exciting lovers. I just ended up feeling cold after it all because I am a human being. And I don't want to be treated like crap or see other women treated like crap. Sue me. It's too bad that most men don't seem to mind seeing women treated like crap for their sexual enjoyment.

 

I think we see alot of how culture today is influenced by things like porn where it's now common to shave your private bits and do anal where that was never common before. Men have expectations about women that they never had before and I think alot of that has to do with the industry. Becaues men buy into the industry on some level. they know it's fantasy but it doesn't stop them from wanting or asking their female partners to be or act more like something they saw in a porno.

 

It's important to make them understand that porn is not real and that it isn't a woman's sole purpose to please a man's sexual desire whenever he wants it and in whichever way he likes it.

 

Look at the world around you and society. how many men and young boys do you really think truly believe that deep in their hearts? You can give it lip service and that's the right thing to say but I don't think it's what men really believe.

 

 

I am so sick and tired of men not caring about this. And men don't care because it's not their gender being degraded most of the time. And it's not their gender being called four letter words and used. But it certainly is women that are. And all the good little women at home are just expect to shut up and let him be a *man* and enjoy getting off to using women all the while stroking his ego and telling him he really does respect women even though he sure does love to see the 18 year old school girl get bent over a desk while his wife is feeding his kids supper.

 

 

Stung

Another issue I personally find of some concern with porn is how widespread and ubiquitous it's become, to the point where many young men get a ridiculous amount of their sexual 'education' from watching porn. I am in my thirties and I ran across this in my single days, men who thought particular porn moves were pleasurable for women or perfectly okay to do without even asking, like the guy who tried to gag me with throatf***ing the very first time we slept together because he was into choking porn. I hear more and more stories like that from younger women, whose contemporaries were raised more on streaming porn media than mine were (most of my age-mates grew up still pilfering sexy magazines) and find it a sad state of affairs.

 

Yes, I have had these experience all too much and I suspect alot of women have. But men don't want to admit it. They will say things like "well that's not me. I'm not like that.." and shake their hands of it. well sorry guys, even if you don't want to admit it, women are telling you that in their sexual experiences men try to do things they saw in porn with more regularlity today in the bedroom. There seems to be less care about what really brings woman pleasure and more care about the entertainment level of seuxal imagery that brings men pleasure and how women should adabpt to it.

[RobM]

There seems to be less care about what really brings woman pleasure and more care about the entertainment level of seuxal imagery that brings men pleasure and how women should adabpt to it.

 

Sorry to tell you but I'm not like that.

[Engadget]

Sorry to tell you but I'm not like that.

 

She's convinced all men watch porn, and then try to emulate it. It's horse crap, but she's too entrenched in her beliefs to ever be swayed.

 

It's like saying every woman who watched Sex and the City tries to emulate them.

[RobM]

It's all part of her plan to post more and more anti-porn messages and slowly use more and more bandwidth until the internet is too slow to actually watch porn videos and we all have have to go back to looking at playboy mag's we find hidden at the bottom of underwear drawers.

[sally4sara]

I never made a direct comment to anyone as nasty as the comment you made.

 

Ever heard of "the unexamined life"? This might be why you feel this way. A lot of people cannot see their own actions or the snide tone they use in conversation. Maybe this is the byproduct of people not caring to cater to anyone at all?

 

 

well sorry guys, even if you don't want to admit it, women are telling you that in their sexual experiences men try to do things they saw in porn with more regularlity today in the bedroom.

 

And there is nothing in porn someone didn't think up and try in the bedroom (barn, woods, beach, etc.). Porn caters to people's preferred kink. The over use of porn can be a problem. Being too immature when exposed to porn can be a problem. When two people with conflicting sexual preferences try to have a relationship, it can be a problem.

But the acts found in porn are inspired by the fantasies of REAL PEOPLE. There is even porn that caters to your sexual fantasies. Not that I think of porn so much as artistic - it can be, but it is expression. Art imitates life, people imitate art. And this edges into first amendment territory. Cater to people's views on it or not. It is still protected by law and so is your right to not participate in expression you don't support.

[Jersey Shortie]

She's convinced all men watch porn, and then try to emulate it. It's horse crap, but she's too entrenched in her beliefs to ever be swayed.

 

I'm convinced many men watch porn and do at times, try to emulate it or ask for things that they saw in porn. I've had enough experiences with guys to experience this. So no, it's not horse crap and I think you know that.

 

Sally, try taking your own advice in regards to not being able to see what they are putting out there or their snide comments. The hypcrosicy in that amazes and titilates me.

 

 

But the acts found in porn are inspired by the fantasies of REAL PEOPLE. There is even porn that caters to your sexual fantasies. Not that I think of porn so much as artistic - it can be, but it is expression. Art imitates life, people imitate art. And this edges into first amendment territory. Cater to people's views on it or not. It is still protected by law and so is your right to not participate in expression you don't support.

 

Never denied this to not be the case. Put porn is not only fantasies inspired by real people, it's also a media driven market that is manipulated to push the boundries on what most people might be normally satisifed with. By the way, I've always said that the kind of porn a man likes is a good reflection of what he enjoys and says alot about a man. And while art imiates life and vice versa, again something I never claimed didn't happen, you can't ingnore the market value and how the product is manipulated for the market value.

 

Lastly, what does the first amendment have to do with anything? Did I ask porn to be banned?