For OW from MM

[White Flower]

Hello-

I'm in love with the other woman.

I posted a thread on the infidelty board and if you are an OW can you please read it and give me your opinion about what I should do now?

 

If you were my OW based on everything I've written how are you feeling? Do you know I still care about you? Are you so mad that you'll never speak to me again? SHould I just leave you alone?

 

Please help

Has this thread been pulled? I can find it, not even in TS's stats.

[Just a stone's throw]

It was gone first thing this a.m. Not sure what happened.

[joey66]

You are lazy and when I say lazy I mean disgusting lazy. I haven't read your other thread yet but I will.

 

BTW, what I just posted is the reason many MM don't post at all. Thanks for taking it and sticking around; it sounds as though you're really trying to figure this out.

 

Soooooo right. It certainly seems to me that MM get far worse treatment than OW, or even MW. Why is that?

 

TS1 - From one wishy-washy, lazy, good-for-nothing, disgusting, POS MM to another, I can empathize with your pain.

[hopeless4u]

Hello-

I'm in love with the other woman.

I posted a thread on the infidelty board and if you are an OW can you please read it and give me your opinion about what I should do now?

 

If you were my OW based on everything I've written how are you feeling? Do you know I still care about you? Are you so mad that you'll never speak to me again? SHould I just leave you alone?

 

Please help

 

OK TS, not sure if you are reading the replies but if you really want to know how the OW feels when her MM sh*ts on her you should read my threads....

 

I'm on the verge of 8wks NC now and just beginning to function without a bottle of wine every night just to sleep, only to dream of him all night and then to wake up with him in my head and to spend all day at work in a daze, with him in my head and to get home and open another bottle of wine to start all over again!!

So my answer to you is if you can't make a decision then leave the OW alone because it is just the worst heartbreak and loneliness I have ever had to suffer and I am a strong person....

 

Over the last 8wks I have pretty much had a mental breakdown but as I have no one to lean on except friends who TBH have had enough of my moaning I have locked myself away and just suffered in silence and put a brave face on.

 

If your OW feels anything like I have over the last few months then, like I said, if you're not leaving your W don't give her any hope and let her move on.

 

Sorry if that sounds harsh but it is what is is I'm afraid...

 

Good Luck

[TroubledSoul1]

Joey- thanks for the support.

Got beaten up pretty bad over the last few days....

 

And where is that whole post I wrote? DO you have any idea how long it took me? And hard it was to write????????

 

Why would they just take it off? Did I write something I wasn't supposed to?

Gosh aren't I messed up enough and now people who moderate LS don't even want me to speak? I feel pathetic and crappy enough...

 

I don't understand????????

[hopeless4u]

I wasn't giving you a bashing TS, just saying how I felt being the OW when thrown under the bus, sorry if you thought I was.

 

Everything you say about how you feel for your OW is just what my xMM said about how he felt for me until his W found out....

 

I wanted to reply earlier but TBH it hurts to go back there:( It takes alot of strength for me to give advice right now, my wounds are still very much open:o but I just felt you needed to know so you don't put her through the pain I went through as that is just not fair....

[TroubledSoul1]

Oh- not talking about you H4U- but on the other thread there were several posters who were pretty nasty. Now don't get me wrong- I know I made a mistake and there were a lot of posters who pointed that out in a nice way- which I appreciated and they were really trying to help me.

 

I still can't believe they took my whole story down.......does anyone know why they would do this?

 

Sorry your MM hurt you...and glad your better- hope my fOW is ok too.

[hopeless4u]

Oh- not talking about you H4U- but on the other thread there were several posters who were pretty nasty. Now don't get me wrong- I know I made a mistake and there were a lot of posters who pointed that out in a nice way- which I appreciated and they were really trying to help me.

 

I still can't believe they took my whole story down.......does anyone know why they would do this?

 

Sorry your MM hurt you...and glad your better- hope my fOW is ok too.

 

No idea why they took it down, I read most of it and didn't see anything wrong. Did you mention another site?? Or maybe your OW or W has been on this site and asked for it to be taken down??

 

Yeah it can get pretty nasty sometimes, reason why there are not many WS on here, especially men for some reason....best just to let it go over your head.

My xMM wanted to post but was to scared of what he would be faced with and surprise...he bottled it, balls and backbone still in the glass at the side of his W's bed!!

 

Sorry but its true:o At least you have the balls to post...more than most!

[White Flower]

Soooooo right. It certainly seems to me that MM get far worse treatment than OW, or even MW. Why is that?

 

TS1 - From one wishy-washy, lazy, good-for-nothing, disgusting, POS MM to another, I can empathize with your pain.

Hey Joey, nice to meet you.

 

You ask why? Because it us USUALLY the MM who is having his cake and eating it too without shedding a tear over anybody while everyone else in his life suffers. That is why. But we're all glad you're here taking your punches because deep down we REALLY want you to understand your predicament and will gladly help you in your process to get out of it.

 

Unless of course you just want to gloat (I don't know your story yet) and post about how much fun you're having but gloating won't last too long around here I'm afraid.

 

MW DO take crap here, but as the more sensitive human we tend to feel more anguish over our A than MM do. Demonstrating anguish over hurting two people in an A calms bashers down a bit I would say.

Edited April 28, 2010 by White Flower

[White Flower]

If your OW feels anything like I have over the last few months then, like I said, if you're not leaving your W don't give her any hope and let her move on.

TS and Joey, THIS is the very heart of the issue. It seems that your selfishness is more important than your W's or OW's suffering. Does hopeless4u's post do anything to you at all? I mean, do you lay in bed at night all cuddled up to your W and think about your OW drinking just so she can sleep? Or do you force images of her crying, tears that you caused, out of your mind?

 

Further, I'd like to know how hard or how easy it is to brush those images off. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most difficult, how easy or hard do you find it to brush those images out of your mind?

 

Joey, THIS is why MM give up on posting. They are hard questions to answer. But when you guys DO show up here I am impressed by the guts it took to be present.

[bananalaffytaffy]

I still can't believe they took my whole story down.......does anyone know why they would do this?

 

It may have been taken down for cross-posting, posting the same question on two different boards. But I didn't see it as cross-posting, because two different issues with the same person(s) were being discussed. I guess you could use the Contact Us link or go to the General Questions board and ask why.

[hopeless4u]

TS and Joey, THIS is the very heart of the issue. It seems that your selfishness is more important than your W's or OW's suffering. Does hopeless4u's post do anything to you at all? I mean, do you lay in bed at night all cuddled up to your W and think about your OW drinking just so she can sleep? Or do you force images of her crying, tears that you caused, out of your mind?

 

Further, I'd like to know how hard or how easy it is to brush those images off. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most difficult, how easy or hard do you find it to brush those images out of your mind?

 

Joey, THIS is why MM give up on posting. They are hard questions to answer. But when you guys DO show up here I am impressed by the guts it took to be present.

 

Yep WF, you hit the nail on the head and its taken me such a long time to be able to post on threads and not fall apart and TBH it still hurts like hell to go back into that place....

 

But I do think its good for MM to post and maybe some people should go a bit easier on them as maybe then more would post and we could all get the whole triangle....8wks ago I could not of posted this as it would of crushed what is left of my heart....anyway...

[White Flower]

Yep WF, you hit the nail on the head and its taken me such a long time to be able to post on threads and not fall apart and TBH it still hurts like hell to go back into that place....

 

But I do think its good for MM to post and maybe some people should go a bit easier on them as maybe then more would post and we could all get the whole triangle....8wks ago I could not of posted this as it would of crushed what is left of my heart....anyway...

(((((hopeless4u)))))

 

Yes, MM should keep on posting. The only way they can truly deal with their issues is to HEAR the pain they are causing and feeling. Otherwise they'll just brush it off and continue the same old-same old.

[Heather1]

One of my posts was deleted last year because it turned into a bashing me session, since I didn't want to get divorced. Well, neither did xOM so wasn't sure what the problem was....yeah, the morally wrong.

Men might get the double whammy, the BS & OW who find one brave OM to chime in & sock it to him for all the wrongs.

Lately, on this board, everyone's been empathetic & helpful.

 

I don't feel the same way after 8 weeks, but like I said I didn't want "more.". I've just kept busy, gone on trips, worked a lot. Sad, want him back in my life but not on his crappy, cold terms. I'd rather be sad from time to time than feel completely used. I hated the rollercoaster!!

If you ever pursue her again, go with a concrete offer. XOM got ahold of me on my b-day after a 30+ day NC I initiated. I caved, he waffled, it was awful. I'll never do that again.

 

Honestly though, you seem like you'd be happier with OW. Everything's timing & luck. If you don't make a decision, you might lose her as an option altogether. Maybe she's just a breath of fresh air? Just the catalyst to end your stagnant M & enjoy the rest of life? Sometimes A's are just that you've finally found the right one?

[joey66]

TS and Joey, THIS is the very heart of the issue. It seems that your selfishness is more important than your W's or OW's suffering. Does hopeless4u's post do anything to you at all? I mean, do you lay in bed at night all cuddled up to your W and think about your OW drinking just so she can sleep? Or do you force images of her crying, tears that you caused, out of your mind?

 

Further, I'd like to know how hard or how easy it is to brush those images off. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most difficult, how easy or hard do you find it to brush those images out of your mind?

 

Joey, THIS is why MM give up on posting. They are hard questions to answer. But when you guys DO show up here I am impressed by the guts it took to be present.

 

So turn it around. Is my MW's selfishness more important than her H's suffering (and I don't know that he is), or mine? MW knows very well how much I am suffering. Very well indeed. Does she care that I drink all weekend just to pass the time until I get to see her again?

 

I cannot answer your question about how difficult it is to brush off the images of her. You need to ask HER that question.

 

So why should TS1 and I have to take more crap than the OWs here?

 

Let me add that, so far at least, it hasn't been all bad. I have gotten a lot of positive, helpful comments for which I am thankful. I get that my situation is not typical. Usually the OP who is suffering is the OW, not the OM.

 

Nice to meet you, too.

Edited April 28, 2010 by joey66
grammar

[secretlady76]

TS and Joey, THIS is the very heart of the issue. It seems that your selfishness is more important than your W's or OW's suffering. Does hopeless4u's post do anything to you at all? I mean, do you lay in bed at night all cuddled up to your W and think about your OW drinking just so she can sleep? Or do you force images of her crying, tears that you caused, out of your mind?

 

Further, I'd like to know how hard or how easy it is to brush those images off. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most difficult, how easy or hard do you find it to brush those images out of your mind?

 

Joey, THIS is why MM give up on posting. They are hard questions to answer. But when you guys DO show up here I am impressed by the guts it took to be present.

 

In defence of Joey66, although I don't know him, he and I have been on similar threads as we're going through similar experiences and he has never once gloated/showed off/shown any selfishness in his experiences. In fact he has shown nothing but real emotion, pain, hurt and been very honest about his feelings. You only need to read some of his posts to see this. He certainly is not the typical OM. Please don't scare him off as he has been very supportive to me and will be to you, if you give him a chance.

[Fallen Angel]

So turn it around. Is my MW's selfishness more important than her H's suffering (and I don't know that he is), or mine? MW knows very well how much I am suffering. Very well indeed. Does she care that I drink all weekend just to pass the time until I get to see her again?

 

I cannot answer your question about how difficult it is to brush off the images of her. You need to ask HER that question.

 

So why should TS1 and I have to take more crap than the OWs here?

 

Let me add that, so far at least, it hasn't been all bad. I have gotten a lot of positive, helpful comments for which I am thankful. I get that my situation is not typical. Usually the OP who is suffering is the OW, not the OM.

 

Nice to meet you, too.

 

Joey,

 

I think WF was working under the assumption that you were a MM as opposed to an OM, when she posed those questions to you. She was asking for an MM point of view, in which case, you are right, those questions should be asked of your MW as opposed to being asked of you.

[hopeless4u]

In defence of Joey66, although I don't know him, he and I have been on similar threads as we're going through similar experiences and he has never once gloated/showed off/shown any selfishness in his experiences. In fact he has shown nothing but real emotion, pain, hurt and been very honest about his feelings. You only need to read some of his posts to see this. He certainly is not the typical OM. Please don't scare him off as he has been very supportive to me and will be to you, if you give him a chance.

 

I was just off to bed and was gonna reply to the rest tomorrow but this made me sit up....

 

Please don't think anyone is having a go at any OM/MM because we're not and I think I can speak for most who answer my threads and post where I post... I take my hat off to any man who has the backbone to post and if they feel it is wrong just ignore it, right?

 

I as most OW, no matter how hurt would much rather they post. Of course it will get close to the bone sometimes but its not meant as nasty, i'm sure of that. this kind of topic is going to get slightly heated but not nasty.

 

Anyway I need bed, work in 7 hrs:)

[joey66]

Joey,

 

I think WF was working under the assumption that you were a MM as opposed to an OM, when she posed those questions to you. She was asking for an MM point of view, in which case, you are right, those questions should be asked of your MW as opposed to being asked of you.

 

I am both.

[White Flower]

So turn it around. Is my MW's selfishness more important than her H's suffering (and I don't know that he is), or mine? MW knows very well how much I am suffering. Very well indeed. Does she care that I drink all weekend just to pass the time until I get to see her again?

 

I cannot answer your question about how difficult it is to brush off the images of her. You need to ask HER that question.

 

So why should TS1 and I have to take more crap than the OWs here?

 

Let me add that, so far at least, it hasn't been all bad. I have gotten a lot of positive, helpful comments for which I am thankful. I get that my situation is not typical. Usually the OP who is suffering is the OW, not the OM.

 

Nice to meet you, too.

Joey are you the OM or the MOM? (Married Other Man?)

 

I was asking the question mostly from the viewpoint of the OW being single and the MM being the pursuer. It especially angers me when the OW is single (and maybe D'd because of him) and the MM is a serial cheater as he knows full well that this woman IS going to fall in love with him and KNOWS full well that he is going to cause her to suffer. So when I imagine him laying in bed at night with his W while brushing any thoughts of my sadness off...yeah, I get pretty pissed off!

 

As much as I love him I just don't understand that part of him.

 

TS, is there a part of you that enjoys having two (or more) women crying over you?

[White Flower]

Joey,

 

I think WF was working under the assumption that you were a MM as opposed to an OM, when she posed those questions to you. She was asking for an MM point of view, in which case, you are right, those questions should be asked of your MW as opposed to being asked of you.

Thanks FA.

 

I am both.

Ah, I see. Well, you can redirect the question at me or just answer it. You should ask your MW the same thing and post both answers. I think it would be interesting to compare and contrast the two answers.

[White Flower]

In defence of Joey66, although I don't know him, he and I have been on similar threads as we're going through similar experiences and he has never once gloated/showed off/shown any selfishness in his experiences. In fact he has shown nothing but real emotion, pain, hurt and been very honest about his feelings. You only need to read some of his posts to see this. He certainly is not the typical OM. Please don't scare him off as he has been very supportive to me and will be to you, if you give him a chance.

I have noticed that Joey is very nice. I don't want to scare any MM off! But I also don't want to sugarcoat my feelings because I want real answers to hard questions. I'm pretty sure TS and Joey are man enough to stick it out and answer them:cool:

[TroubledSoul1]

Hi All,

My wife doesn't cry over me. I'm not even sure she's aware I still live here. She expresses no emotion- none- good or bad.

 

My fOW however does show emotion and I am determined to stay NC until I can figure out what I'm going to do.

 

I guess to give you my view as a MM- I will tell you this. I am not a cake eater. At least I don't think so. I am racked with guilt for hurting another human being the way I have her. I humbly have to acknowledge I just don't think I realized I was "good" enough for her and didn't think that we would get so emotionally involved, and I truly never thought things would be where there are now.

 

I did not try and be mean and knowingly. I really didn't. I worry about her all the time.

 

This is all my own opinion of me and my situation. Its just that I worked so hard my whole life to be where I am now and now I am pretty much alone. I always thought my wife would change or things would just get better.

 

I'm pretty upset about the other post being removed. It took me so long to write.

 

And thanks to all of you who are being nice- I have to tell you I was kind of freaked out when I saw some of those posts from the betrayed wife. But although I know cheating is cheating- those women need to understand that when you don't make an effort what is it you want us to do? I do all the crap around the house, make sure you don't have to life a finger by having a cleaning lady, take care of the bills, etc. And all you do is worry about your hair and nails and go shopping.

 

Life should be more than that. And I saw a post by someone on the other board before they took it down and someone thought I was "banging" my friends daughter. I don't bang anyone. I made love to my OW. And it wasn't my "friends" daughter. When I got involved with her I met her family and her Dad and I became friends. And I think the same poster was saying I can't add- which is pretty funny because I'm a CPA. I dated my wife when I was 20, maybe 21 for a few years (not exclusive) before we got married.

 

I shouldn't even have to defend myself to jerks like that but that's some of the stuff that one person was saying. Its passive-aggressive behavior in my opinion. If you want to ask me a question then ask. But don't try and pick apart 1 sentence of 8 paragraphs.

 

Ok- now I'm really heading off to bed. And yes I understand about the wine- H4U because I need sleeping pills to fall asleep.

 

 

 

 

I'm super tired so I'm hitting the hay.

Night guys.

[Heather1]

Thanks for posting, I've read them both. It's weird, my xOM felt the same way & you almost sound like him (not a CPA). I've been doing the sleeping pills from time to time too.

 

Anyway, one step at a time for you. Try & end your M, it sounds awful. I don't get the BS on the other post either?? It doesn't sound like you were searching for an A, just found a friend & the line was crossed. Now you don't know what to do.

 

From my experience, the most hurtful thing he could have done is ditch me right after any intimacy....it does sound like you did that. Do me a favor & if you do contact OW, don't ever do that to her again!!! I'm a rational person & I understood his guilt, etc.. But if he's going to dump me, do it BEFORE the sex. It's happened to me at least 3 times.

I hope he feels the same way you do still. He used to....I'll never know.

[White Flower]

 

I'm pretty upset about the other post being removed. It took me so long to write.

TS, write it here again! I never got the whole story and now I'm intrigued. Maybe it would help to get responses from this board?

 

Thanks for sharing and good night.