MM left family for 2 days then went back to wife!

[katiecox]

On our first date, he told me his wife DIED.

 

I later found out she's very much alive and they're very much married but it was too late, I fell in love.

 

I tried to break up with him about 5 times, each time, he comes back torn, telling me he loves me, we will work out, etc. I felt so sorry for him each time.

 

Finally, I got tired of being a secret, not being able to talk when I'm upset, just to say 'hi', whenever, so I threw an ultimatum. He told me to give him 3 weeks, which I did. Every day, he told me he would divorce his wife and there is 0% of him not separating. I told him to stay away unless he was sure. He said he was, and convinced me to have sex with him these 3 weeks.

 

Then on Friday, he told his wife he was leaving and wanted to separate. He drove up to my place all happy, and we spent 2 wonderful days waking up beside each other together. On Sunday, he went to his place to pick up the kid for swim lessons, and wife ambushed him with sister, mom, priest who married them, etc. Guilt-tripped him into staying cuz of baby, and blackmailed him with not being able to see child if he left. He drove over to break up with me and we drove over to his buddy's place. He cried in front of his buddy and I felt so sorry for his situation. Stuck with an overweight wife who is pulling the dirty to keep him! She even got all their mutual friends to call him and counsel him! Talk about washing dirty linens in public. I bet that has got to be humiliating when he realizes he's back in the ****hole.

 

He caved! He assumed that divorce would be easy but we were both naive. Now at last it's over. I have so much anger and wish I can send all our X-rated photos and videos to her place. I don't believe in karma and don't give a crap about that I will get in return.

 

I really hope he stays unhappy in his M bcuz he already told BW that he hates her, he finds no sexual attraction/satisfaction in her, etc. The relationship is already ruined in my opinion, and will only get worse with time.

 

Someone calm me down before I raise hell...

[carhill]

IMO, a conflict avoidant man (telling you his wife was dead is extreme conflict avoidance) is a poor choice of partner. I would say the same regarding a woman. His unwillingness to clearly and openly address the issues in his M, irrespective of 'family' and 'friends' influences, underscores this dynamic.

 

I'm assuming you witnessed his interactions with others in person because, as you know and have shared in at least one instance, married people lie. I've heard some record-holding lies in my day as an OM.

 

Hope it works out in a healthy way for you....

 

Welcome to LS

[katiecox]

OMG! U are so right about the "conflict-avoidance" thing! He even admitted to that problem himself.

 

And thank you for telling me he's a poor choice of a partner - that makes me feel better about getting over a wimp! The poor guy just got blackmailed back into a situation where he openly admitted to his friends and family that he is an incapable father / husband, etc. Can you believe that?!

 

Their mutual friends from 300 miles away called to ask him what's wrong and he cried telling them he felt incapable. When he walks back into this, I wonder if he knows that every guy in his circle of friends will know about how he whimpers when his wife pulls out a dirty trick...

[OWoman]

I have so much anger and wish I can send all our X-rated photos and videos to her place. I don't believe in karma and don't give a crap about that I will get in return.

 

Katie.... this is the kind of action you WILL regret later on. It can very easily backfire. If you send them on to her, you have no control what she may do with them - do you really want your family, your colleagues, strangers you meet on the street... to see those?

 

Sure, you're angry - but you found out what kind of person she is, and what kind of person he is. Do you really want to be with a guy who could fold every time his BW pulled some stunt on him? He's shown you now that he will - would - does - has. You no longer have to live with that threat, and fear, hanging over your heads. The worst has happened. He's a wuss, she has no morals or compunction about exploiting that, and you're better off out of it.

 

If he contacts you again - and chances are he will, given the scenario you've sketched - you can tell him how very disappointed you are that his balls were just pin-on ones from the joke shop, but relieved that you found out before it really mattered. This could all have played out 6 months, a year after you'd been happily together, having built a new life together, thinking you'd made it... There are some stories here on LS that would shudder your weebles!

 

Enjoy your anger - but use it constructively. Don't do anything that could bite you more than it would bite him / them. I'm sorry this had a horrid ending for you.

[bentnotbroken]

How is her giving him an ultimatum any different than you giving him one? She used what she had to save her family. You threatened him with what you had to get him away from his family. She, according to you, guilted him into staying. You guilted him into leaving. He whimped out when you pulled on his dick to leave his family. He whimped when she pulled on his dick to stay.

 

I guess what I see is a woman who continued to deal with a man who said his wife was "dead". Yet you use the excuse "it was too late". When is it too late to turn around and walk away from trouble. Would you have walked away from him if you found out she was dead and he killed her? Or would the "love" you felt make it too late? I am always amazed at the action of no reasoning in conjunction with the feeling of love.

 

Either way according to you, he is being manipulated by two women using ugly ways. Maybe one of you will pull his dick off before he decides to wave it around in a third woman. The poor, incapable, humiliated, cheating nut-less wonder.

Edited April 26, 2010 by bentnotbroken

[her_halo_slipped]

On our first date, he told me his wife DIED.

 

I later found out she's very much alive and they're very much married but it was too late, I fell in love.

 

I tried to break up with him about 5 times, each time, he comes back torn, telling me he loves me, we will work out, etc. I felt so sorry for him each time.

 

Finally, I got tired of being a secret, not being able to talk when I'm upset, just to say 'hi', whenever, so I threw an ultimatum. He told me to give him 3 weeks, which I did. Every day, he told me he would divorce his wife and there is 0% of him not separating. I told him to stay away unless he was sure. He said he was, and convinced me to have sex with him these 3 weeks.

 

Then on Friday, he told his wife he was leaving and wanted to separate. He drove up to my place all happy, and we spent 2 wonderful days waking up beside each other together. On Sunday, he went to his place to pick up the kid for swim lessons, and wife ambushed him with sister, mom, priest who married them, etc. Guilt-tripped him into staying cuz of baby, and blackmailed him with not being able to see child if he left. He drove over to break up with me and we drove over to his buddy's place. He cried in front of his buddy and I felt so sorry for his situation. Stuck with an overweight wife who is pulling the dirty to keep him! She even got all their mutual friends to call him and counsel him! Talk about washing dirty linens in public. I bet that has got to be humiliating when he realizes he's back in the ****hole.

 

He caved! He assumed that divorce would be easy but we were both naive. Now at last it's over. I have so much anger and wish I can send all our X-rated photos and videos to her place. I don't believe in karma and don't give a crap about that I will get in return.

 

I really hope he stays unhappy in his M bcuz he already told BW that he hates her, he finds no sexual attraction/satisfaction in her, etc. The relationship is already ruined in my opinion, and will only get worse with time.

 

Someone calm me down before I raise hell...

 

So she is overweight. BIG DEAL. So you made porno videos with him. BIG DEAL. Karma is a bitch and it looks like she just paid out on you. NO BIG DEAL. see where I am going with this.

You wanted this man, loved him, planned a future with him and just because it hasn't work out the way YOU hoped in the exact time frame YOU hoped YOU have turned nasty. Just remember YOU got involved with HER husband. And HE chose HER over YOU.

Edited April 26, 2010 by her_halo_slipped

[her_halo_slipped]

 

Either way according to you, he is being manipulated by two women using ugly ways. Maybe one of you will pull his dick off before he decides to wave it around in a third woman. The poor, incapable, humiliated, cheating nut-less wonder.

 

What a terrific post! And the bolded bit is just priceless. I have never laughed so hard. Thank you bent, a laugh was just what

I needed. And SO on point too.

[bananalaffytaffy]

I agree wholeheartedly with Bent. I'm sorry you've been hurt, but you're not a victim.

 

Moreover, your last paragraph says a lot. If you really loved him like you said you did, you would want him to be happy and wish him well in whatever he decided. Your last paragraph shows petty jealousy, not love.

[katiecox]

Exactly. I'm petty and pissed and I want to drag everyone down to h*ll if I'm suffering. It's not fun to be here alone. The best thing out of losing love is making everyone involved feel the same way I do.

 

I'm burning a dvd and mailing it in.

[bentnotbroken]

Exactly. I'm petty and pissed and I want to drag everyone down to h*ll if I'm suffering. It's not fun to be here alone. The best thing out of losing love is making everyone involved feel the same way I do.

 

I'm burning a dvd and mailing it in.

 

 

Kudos for all the mature choices you have made thus far.

[bananalaffytaffy]

Exactly. I'm petty and pissed and I want to drag everyone down to h*ll if I'm suffering. It's not fun to be here alone. The best thing out of losing love is making everyone involved feel the same way I do.

 

I'm burning a dvd and mailing it in.

Then you will deserve whatever consequences come your way.

[2sunny]

he's a blatant liar. he's proven that. but you go back. he's training you to take the least he'll give you and learn not to complain. is that good enough? i hope not because he'll give you more of the same until you waste MANY years and a happy life - just waiting for him to be available. he'll never be available... he just looks like the average cheater trying to get what he wants. don't let that be you.

[whichwayisup]

Exactly. I'm petty and pissed and I want to drag everyone down to h*ll if I'm suffering. It's not fun to be here alone. The best thing out of losing love is making everyone involved feel the same way I do.

 

I'm burning a dvd and mailing it in.

 

This is a very cruel thing to do. Just know one day you will regret doing this and it'll come back and bite you 100 times harder than you'd ever expect.

 

You have to own your part in this. OMG this guy LIED to you in the worst way, telling you his wife died, yet you STILL CHOSE to have an affair with him. You're far from a victim here. You went in KNOWING the truth and are surprised it all turned out this way?

 

I feel sorry for your MM and his wife actually.

 

Don't be surprised if you find the cops at your door, charging you with harrassment and a restraining order.

[norajane]

Exactly. I'm petty and pissed and I want to drag everyone down to h*ll if I'm suffering. It's not fun to be here alone. The best thing out of losing love is making everyone involved feel the same way I do.

 

I'm burning a dvd and mailing it in.

 

You honestly think his wife is not suffering? Really? That this is just a walk in the park for her?

 

Damn. You are cold. But, if you were willing to continue seeing a MM who told you his wife was dead, I guess it's not surprising that you feel this way now.

[silverfish]

If I was his W I would find out where you work and post copies of your DVD to your boss or the company director, or find out your friends and families facebooks and post it up on there for them all to see.

That's off the top of my head....if I was REALLY riled and had more time I'm sure I could think of plenty more ways for this to seriously backfire on you.

Go for a run or chop some logs into tiny little pieces instead...then you might realise that his telling you his W was dead was a clue that this was going to end rather badly. Good luck!

[Passion4Life]

Exactly. I'm petty and pissed and I want to drag everyone down to h*ll if I'm suffering. It's not fun to be here alone. The best thing out of losing love is making everyone involved feel the same way I do.

 

I'm burning a dvd and mailing it in.

 

could you pls mail it to me as well ? I can give you my address .

[dannie19]

If you do post the dvd you may actually make it easier for him to get over you because all the sweet memories will be overridden by this spiteful act. Leave him with only nice memories and he'll regret for longer than you that this relationship has ended. He may come back in time but someone who told you his wife was dead, well ain't nice is it, just like sending an x-rated dvd to his wife ain't nice. be nice, you'll heal so much quicker if you know you've done the right thing.

[bentnotbroken]

If you do post the dvd you may actually make it easier for him to get over you because all the sweet memories will be overridden by this spiteful act. Leave him with only nice memories and he'll regret for longer than you that this relationship has ended. He may come back in time but someone who told you his wife was dead, well ain't nice is it, just like sending an x-rated dvd to his wife ain't nice. be nice, you'll heal so much quicker if you know you've done the right thing.

 

 

Nothing about this whole situation has been nice. Starting with his lie of the his wife being dead. Her continuing with him after finding out the truth and the both of them not thinking of anyone other than themselves. This is a royal mess that can get ugly fast given the direction it's taking.

[dannie19]

Well, I do agree with you bentnotbroken about it hurtling towards being a right royal mess but we don't know how old Katie is (she sounds very young) or what other experinces of relationships she's had, and clearly she must be loving and kind or the OM wouldn't have wanted to spend time with her.

[sally4sara]

Well, I do agree with you bentnotbroken about it hurtling towards being a right royal mess but we don't know how old Katie is (she sounds very young) or what other experinces of relationships she's had, and clearly she must be loving and kind or the OM wouldn't have wanted to spend time with her.

 

At that, clearly MM's wife must be loving and kind for him to stay?

[dannie19]

Of course she must. I just thought this post was starting to attack Katie a bit and I don't know how helpful that is?! Especially without knowing more about her situation and considering how raw her feelings are today. That's all.

[bentnotbroken]

Well, I do agree with you bentnotbroken about it hurtling towards being a right royal mess but we don't know how old Katie is (she sounds very young) or what other experinces of relationships she's had, and clearly she must be loving and kind or the OM wouldn't have wanted to spend time with her.

 

 

Clear to whom? A MM judgement of who is kind and who isn't....typically isn't on my list of putting too much stock in. But it is clear you and I do have differing views of what is helpful. Gives a bit of variety.

[katiecox]

Thanks. I am 25.

 

I made sure the videos had no face shot of me. Mostly just from the back and stuff. It's wonders what mac video editing can do. It was all filmed on my iphone.

 

I don't belong to this country where he lives in, all my family members live abroad. I have no boss to answer to as I am a student, and I have no qualms packing up and leaving at this point. In basic terms, I feel I have nothing to lose.

 

The last 3 weeks, I told him not to lay a finger on me unless he was sure he was going to leave his wife. I cried alot, grew a repulsion to food and told him to stay away, closed my email accounts down, etc. He just called and texted and told me how much he loved me and how we were going to work out, it will all be OK. When my older girlfriend (37) told him to leave me alone, he told her he WAS going to leave his wife and would work it out with me. Sadly, I believed him and I feel so taken advantaged of. He asked me to trust him if I loved him and I did. I refused to sleep with him first, but he just came to see me the next day and did it anyway. We were both wrong in that.

 

The sense of betrayal is immense and I want his daughter to feel just that, not just his wife. I want to get over this and I know that by sending it out, it WILL be over. Maybe it's weakness on my part that tells me that doing something impulsive will force this to BE over.

 

I never thought I could become this unreasonable, but I guess, never say never. If I find out I was made a fool out of - that he intended to jerk me around until the very last second before he dropped it, I don't give a sh*t what happens to me, I just want them all to suffer as well!

 

I know what it's like to be cheated on, but you can keep taking someone back over and over unless you see that physical evidence. Which I'm sure, will tear the family apart.

 

However, I do have guilt in doing this, which is why I'm asking for help on this forum before I do it - before sending it out.

[Hazyhead]

Thanks. I am 25.

 

I made sure the videos had no face shot of me. Mostly just from the back and stuff. It's wonders what mac video editing can do. It was all filmed on my iphone.

 

I don't belong to this country where he lives in, all my family members live abroad. I have no boss to answer to as I am a student, and I have no qualms packing up and leaving at this point. In basic terms, I feel I have nothing to lose.

 

The last 3 weeks, I told him not to lay a finger on me unless he was sure he was going to leave his wife. I cried alot, grew a repulsion to food and told him to stay away, closed my email accounts down, etc. He just called and texted and told me how much he loved me and how we were going to work out, it will all be OK. When my older girlfriend (37) told him to leave me alone, he told her he WAS going to leave his wife and would work it out with me. Sadly, I believed him and I feel so taken advantaged of. He asked me to trust him if I loved him and I did. I refused to sleep with him first, but he just came to see me the next day and did it anyway. We were both wrong in that.

 

The sense of betrayal is immense and I want his daughter to feel just that, not just his wife. I want to get over this and I know that by sending it out, it WILL be over. Maybe it's weakness on my part that tells me that doing something impulsive will force this to BE over.

 

I never thought I could become this unreasonable, but I guess, never say never. If I find out I was made a fool out of - that he intended to jerk me around until the very last second before he dropped it, I don't give a sh*t what happens to me, I just want them all to suffer as well!

 

I know what it's like to be cheated on, but you can keep taking someone back over and over unless you see that physical evidence. Which I'm sure, will tear the family apart.

 

However, I do have guilt in doing this, which is why I'm asking for help on this forum before I do it - before sending it out.

 

What did his wife and daughter ever do to you? I don't understand why you'd want to hurt them further! Is it because he chose them over you so it's a kind of bitter revenge?

 

I understand your pain and anger but it will not serve any justice to deal that out to his family. I feel sorry for what they have ahead of them if you send this DVD.

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow, I as a BS I cannot imagine an OW having the gall to send me an x-rated dvd of what she and my husband have been up to. Katie, you are seriously unhealthy and sadistic. You cannot see anyone else's pain but your own. You are trying not to deal with your own issues by causing other's grief. You must be out of your mind for dating someone that claimed his wife died and thinking everything would work out to your advantage. You must be out of your mind thinking that the wife had "no right" to try to get her husband to come home. This guy is ridiculous, you are ridiculous and the wife, sounds about standard for a BS.