MM left family for 2 days then went back to wife!

[katiecox]

I think more than anything you are embarassed that he picked his family over you..

 

 

I thought about what you said, but I don't feel that way. I'm 10 years younger than his wife, and looking at her pictures when she was 25, she could never be me (sorry if I sound arrogant).

 

I think the reason I'm mad is because I suspect he may be jerking my feelings around. The whole divorce talk with his wife that blew out of proportion was bogus, but I will never know the truth.

 

But because I was honest and told him the truth in our relationship, I only expected the same out of him. In the 3 weeks where we were supposed to be on NC, he tells my girlfriends that there is 0% chance of separation with his wife, and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He told me he will never hurt me, and he wouldn't sleep with me unless he was SURE. He told me he cared for me being alone in this country. Can people be so genuinely evil when I was being true?

 

And I believed him. He later never left his wife, and I'm still wondering if it was all just a big show to get in my pants. That action in itself shows he is manipulative, lying, and is downright dirty to get what he wanted from me even though I told him to please spare my feelings in this.

 

And since he lied, I feel really USED! In the 2 days that he left his wife, he f*cked me 6 times. I wanted to please him but the last few times really hurt. <-- Is this pre-meditated because he knew he would drop me off on the freeway after the ride was over? That he wasn't going to get the "best sex of his life" again?

 

If all of his moves were pre-meditated, then I believe I should be able to retaliate on a calculated act of revenge.

[GaLwAyGiRL]

Katie,

 

we are all here to listen and support you. I know some people come off as harsh but that is their opinion and when you say such harsh things about his W...which you don't know her she could be an amazing woman..remember he told you she was dead? what else is he willing to lie about?

 

You need to grow from this. Take this opportunity to make yourself better..you will learn not to fall so easily for smooth talking/giftbuyin/tell you what you wanna hear kind of men! aren't you glad you found out what a peice of shiot he was before you got any further...like pregnancy? You should feel lucky to be away from this tool and empowered not to go back...keep your held held high and don't stoop to his level!

[greengoddess]

You already knew he was a manipulative liar when he told you his wife was dead. Seriously, what would you expect from a man who makes up a dead wife?

Learn your lesson and move on. Stay away from married men.

[PhoenixRise]

Katie

 

If you are bound and determined to send the DVD, then quit feasting on the drama of it all and just send it.

 

You have cast yourself as an innocent victim who only expected the truth from this MM....This MM who lied to you on your first date and told you that his wife was dead.

 

Personally, I think you are right that he was jerking you around and I think the fact that he lied about his wife being dead should have been a clue that you couldn't take him seriously.

 

I think he either didn't tell the truth or exaggerated the "intervention" that caused him to stay with his wife. But really, if she did stage an intervention because her husband walked in one day out of the blue and said he was leaving her and their 18 month old child with no explanation (since you say she doesn't know about the affair) then who could blame her? It has nothing to do with wrong doing or a lack of morals on her part.

 

I say the wife should know about the affair.

 

I don't think sending a DVD will do YOU any favors though. I think it will just make you easily dismissable. MM will tell his wife he made a terrible mistake having an affair with you but he has seen the light now. He will tell her that you are a bunny boiling, psycho, stalker, who lost her mind after he told you he was ending it to recommit to his wife and family. You sending a DVD will prove his case. They will be hurt. But they will circle the wagons to protect their family from you.

 

Send the DVD. The wife will know the truth, and she will be hurt. But it won't really have the effect that you intend.

 

I hope for your sake that you do find some peace. I also hope you grow up enough to take responsibility for your own choices.

[donnamaybe]

I'm 10 years younger than his wife, and looking at her pictures when she was 25, she could never be me (sorry if I sound arrogant).

 

Then it's obviously about the inner differences.

[greengoddess]

It's funny isn't it? She is so much better than his wife and yet she wants her cast-offs. odd. You would think she could do so much better than the crumbs given to her by this womans husband.

[katiecox]

It's funny isn't it? She is so much better than his wife and yet she wants her cast-offs. odd. You would think she could do so much better than the crumbs given to her by this womans husband.

 

Throughout dating this MM, I always thought to myself, "I could do so much better. I don't need this marriage drama".

 

It's not the point of wanting him back anymore. Even if he divorces now, I'm not sure I want all this baggage to start a relationship. Throughout the whole drama, I just read this forum and always took a big pinch of salt with whatever he said. 90% are FAIL cases anyway. It kept me much stronger than I would be now without it. I only started writing on this forum after the 2 days of heaven and back to HELL. That's enough to make me think, "You know what? I deserve so much better, and I CAN get alot better."

 

It just makes me feel better to know I can hurt him too, that's all.

 

Thanks for all your input, it really helped to see so many different opinions, and to have all this support that I otherwise wouldn't have.

[sally4sara]

It is a pretty common urge for children who experienced a philandering parent to seek to be chosen over someone else rather than simply chosen.

 

Perhaps some individual counseling could help you with your anger and revenge urges?

 

You sound angry at your mother for tolerating your father; feeling the urge to punish this woman in a way you had no power to do to your mother as a child. And you seek to identify with this man's daughter by putting her through your experiences. Or maybe you feel if you bust up his marriage permanently, you will in a twisted way, be saving her from your experiences growing up.

 

It doesn't matter if we think you're being disgusting tho. And on that point, it doesn't matter in the long run if his family thinks your actions are disgusting either. It is you who will be looking in the mirror everyday. Are YOU proud of yourself? If you send this DVD, will you be proud of yourself?

 

Can't you do better than this as well?

[katiecox]

Wow, I just received this email from him. He has some cheek.

 

 

[sIZE=2] Katie,

When I went home that night, I was ambushed and taken by total surprise. I had every intention of returning to you that night and living THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU. I was not lying to you the last several weeks, I did not have a sex binge with you because I knew I was not coming back. Those are false assertions. You heard me tell my wife I was going to X's to collect my things, you heard me call X and talk to him and you heard us discussing the problems.

I love you so much my heart is breaking without you. I don't want you to sell the ring because to me it is a sign that our love is alive and strong. I have never bought anything so nice for anyone (except for my wife) and I will buy you nicer things than I bought her once my finances are free from hers.

I know you feel awful, like the love of your life has rejected you after you gave so much of yourself to him. All I can say is I was wrestling with some very difficult issues concerning my future relationship with my daughter. I had not adequately thought this matter through before Friday night, and my wife must have sensed my reticence on the subject and moved on me with that subject. I have thought very seriously on this matter for the last two days and I want to leave my wife for you, and I will unfortunately be leaving my daughter for you.

I had discussions with a family law attorney last night and will be meeting her today to retain her and file papers on my wife. I hope the papers will be served on my wife tomorrow. I will tell her tonight about you and I, and will be moving to X's. I think it is best that I tell her about you because she will likely discover you in the future, and because it is too hard for us to live together cramped up in a room. All weekend I was worried someone would see us and then the divorce would be far more difficult. Rather than live my life in fear, I would rather just tell her, make you my facebook friend and declare you to the world as the future Mrs. Y. I want to put up pictures of us together at restaurants and the movies. I don't want to be scared to shop at the mall with you and to be nervous every time we go out for the next 6 months. So I willl her.

I know that you are sick of me and that I disgust you. I can only hope that those statements are your defense mechanisms and that underneath that you still love me. I hope that my back and forth has not permanently marred our relationship. I am doing the best I can for us. I want a house with you and to have a home. I want you to spend a ludicrous amount of money on a rug, studded chairs, chandaliers, and whatever you want. I want to travel the world with you.

Would you be comfortable seeing me this evening after I move into X's, and spending the nght with me? I now there will be no sex, but I want you with me.

I hope you will be willing to see me again in the future.

[/sIZE]

[jthorne]

Would you be comfortable seeing me this evening after I move into X's, and spending the nght with me? I now there will be no sex, but I want you with me.

I hope you will be willing to see me again in the future.

Wow, that's rich.

Did you take the ring off of ebay?

[xxoo]

. Can people be so genuinely evil when I was being true?

 

He told you his wife (mother of his child) was dead. Of course he is evil.

 

If all of his moves were pre-meditated, then I believe I should be able to retaliate on a calculated act of revenge.

 

You can do whatever you want to do. But there will always be consequences. Growing up means accepting and weighing the consequences, and making responsible choices.

 

Your MM is not a great example of a grown up making responsible choices. You could rise above or sink to his level--but the choices you make create who you are. That is what Karma really means--your actions today create who you are tomorrow. Who do you want to be?

[katiecox]

Wow, that's rich.

Did you take the ring off of ebay?

 

 

Of course not. I think I need some time-out. Reading that crap makes me feel abit weak, but this emotional sh*t is too draining. I slept 3 hours in the last 3 days.

[califnan]

Of course not. I think I need some time-out. Reading that crap makes me feel abit weak, but this emotional sh*t is too draining. I slept 3 hours in the last 3 days.

 

-------------------

 

Don't go for it Katie.. And especially don't "spend the night" .. Tell him: not until he is divorced.. (if then) ..

[Confused4Now]

Wow, I just received this email from him. He has some cheek.

 

 

[sIZE=2] Katie,

When I went home that night, I was ambushed and taken by total surprise. I had every intention of returning to you that night and living THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU. I was not lying to you the last several weeks, I did not have a sex binge with you because I knew I was not coming back. Those are false assertions. You heard me tell my wife I was going to X's to collect my things, you heard me call X and talk to him and you heard us discussing the problems.

I love you so much my heart is breaking without you. I don't want you to sell the ring because to me it is a sign that our love is alive and strong. I have never bought anything so nice for anyone (except for my wife) and I will buy you nicer things than I bought her once my finances are free from hers.

I know you feel awful, like the love of your life has rejected you after you gave so much of yourself to him. All I can say is I was wrestling with some very difficult issues concerning my future relationship with my daughter. I had not adequately thought this matter through before Friday night, and my wife must have sensed my reticence on the subject and moved on me with that subject. I have thought very seriously on this matter for the last two days and I want to leave my wife for you, and I will unfortunately be leaving my daughter for you.

I had discussions with a family law attorney last night and will be meeting her today to retain her and file papers on my wife. I hope the papers will be served on my wife tomorrow. I will tell her tonight about you and I, and will be moving to X's. I think it is best that I tell her about you because she will likely discover you in the future, and because it is too hard for us to live together cramped up in a room. All weekend I was worried someone would see us and then the divorce would be far more difficult. Rather than live my life in fear, I would rather just tell her, make you my facebook friend and declare you to the world as the future Mrs. Y. I want to put up pictures of us together at restaurants and the movies. I don't want to be scared to shop at the mall with you and to be nervous every time we go out for the next 6 months. So I willl her.

I know that you are sick of me and that I disgust you. I can only hope that those statements are your defense mechanisms and that underneath that you still love me. I hope that my back and forth has not permanently marred our relationship. I am doing the best I can for us. I want a house with you and to have a home. I want you to spend a ludicrous amount of money on a rug, studded chairs, chandaliers, and whatever you want. I want to travel the world with you.

Would you be comfortable seeing me this evening after I move into X's, and spending the nght with me? I now there will be no sex, but I want you with me.

I hope you will be willing to see me again in the future.

[/sIZE]

"I want to leave my wife for you" this bothers me more than anything. This foo has no clue....omg. You are doomed if you think you to will be in a healthy relationship going from the frying pan into the fire. This guy needs to handle his business and look you up after he's done the WORK!!!

[donnamaybe]

Could be his wife gave him the heave ho, and now he is hoping he has you left to pick up the pieces.

[norajane]

Of course not. I think I need some time-out. Reading that crap makes me feel abit weak, but this emotional sh*t is too draining. I slept 3 hours in the last 3 days.

 

You're right. It is crap. And if you fall for it again, like you have before, you have no one to blame but yourself for the consequences...more emotional drain and anger when he fails you, yet again.

 

YOU have to stop this cycle by refusing any contact with him. Block him from your phone and email. Change your phone number. Delete everything. Get him OUT of your life by taking action to prevent him from contacting you. THAT is how you need to take a stand for yourself and empower yourself - disappear out of his life and don't give him what he wants. Let THAT be your revenge, a much more satisfying revenge than sending porn to his wife.

Edited April 27, 2010 by norajane

[jthorne]

You're right. It is crap. And if you fall for it again, like you have before, you have no one to blame but yourself for the consequences...more emotional drain and anger when he fails you, yet again.

 

YOU have to stop this cycle by refusing any contact with him. Block him from your phone and email. Change your phone number. Delete everything. Get him OUT of your life by taking action to prevent him from contacting you.

I agree. And please try to get some sleep. Your thinking will be much clearer when you've had some rest.

 

(BTW, if I saw the right auction, an EU sized 050 ring is a little bit smaller than a US 5 1/2 ring. http://www.furthers.com/ringsizes.htm)

[Chrome Barracuda]

He's married, hello!!!!!!!

[califnan]

Could be his wife gave him the heave ho, and now he is hoping he has you left to pick up the pieces.

 

-----------------------

 

Yes. For whatever reason .. It is for His Own selfish reasons..

[pureinheart]

(Bold) No way....

 

Anyway I know your angry, I was a lot with exDM and it took everything I had ...well I'll just leave it at that. Like JW says...the best revenge it to have a happy life (paraphrasing)...don't waste good time and engry on revenge, thinking revenge, nothing.

 

Own your anger then let it go...jennie-jennie had a couple of threads on here a while back that REALLY helped me release my anger and walk in peace.

 

I really think we are more angry with ourselves for allowing ourselves to be deceived. I've come to terms with my entire situation...give it time, and try not to bypass any of the greiving processes...it'll get better, I can promise you that....(((((hugggssss))))

 

Hey ahhh, please excuse all the typos, had a really stressful day and a bottle of wine..

[whichwayisup]

Of course not. I think I need some time-out. Reading that crap makes me feel abit weak, but this emotional sh*t is too draining. I slept 3 hours in the last 3 days.

 

Good grief, please don't tell me you're actually considering believing him again??

 

This guy is good, I'll give him that. He's a liar, he's full of sh.it - BIG TIME!

 

I have thought very seriously on this matter for the last two days and I want to leave my wife for you, and I will unfortunately be leaving my daughter for you.

 

Meaning, one day I'll resent you for me having to choose between you and my daughter.

[fooled once]

Wow, I just received this email from him. He has some cheek.

 

 

[sIZE=2] Katie,

When I went home that night, I was ambushed and taken by total surprise. I had every intention of returning to you that night and living THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU. I was not lying to you the last several weeks, I did not have a sex binge with you because I knew I was not coming back. Those are false assertions. You heard me tell my wife I was going to X's to collect my things, you heard me call X and talk to him and you heard us discussing the problems.

I love you so much my heart is breaking without you. I don't want you to sell the ring because to me it is a sign that our love is alive and strong. I have never bought anything so nice for anyone (except for my wife) and I will buy you nicer things than I bought her once my finances are free from hers.

I know you feel awful, like the love of your life has rejected you after you gave so much of yourself to him. All I can say is I was wrestling with some very difficult issues concerning my future relationship with my daughter. I had not adequately thought this matter through before Friday night, and my wife must have sensed my reticence on the subject and moved on me with that subject. I have thought very seriously on this matter for the last two days and I want to leave my wife for you, and I will unfortunately be leaving my daughter for you.

I had discussions with a family law attorney last night and will be meeting her today to retain her and file papers on my wife. I hope the papers will be served on my wife tomorrow. I will tell her tonight about you and I, and will be moving to X's. I think it is best that I tell her about you because she will likely discover you in the future, and because it is too hard for us to live together cramped up in a room. All weekend I was worried someone would see us and then the divorce would be far more difficult. Rather than live my life in fear, I would rather just tell her, make you my facebook friend and declare you to the world as the future Mrs. Y. I want to put up pictures of us together at restaurants and the movies. I don't want to be scared to shop at the mall with you and to be nervous every time we go out for the next 6 months. So I willl her.

I know that you are sick of me and that I disgust you. I can only hope that those statements are your defense mechanisms and that underneath that you still love me. I hope that my back and forth has not permanently marred our relationship. I am doing the best I can for us. I want a house with you and to have a home. I want you to spend a ludicrous amount of money on a rug, studded chairs, chandaliers, and whatever you want. I want to travel the world with you.

Would you be comfortable seeing me this evening after I move into X's, and spending the nght with me? I now there will be no sex, but I want you with me.

I hope you will be willing to see me again in the future.

[/sIZE]

 

Anyone else want to vomit after reading this drivel he sent Katie?

 

I don't buy any of it for a second. And look how quick he is to toss Katie under the bus ... with making sure he tells her (Katie) that he is telling his wife about Katie, and then throwing it in for good measure that he is LEAVING for her, not for himself because he is too unhappy.

 

Katie, if you buy this, you are destined for more unhappiness and drama than you can shake a stick at. Any divorce is going to take a minimum of 6 months -- and since his daughter is only 18 months old, you are in for 16+ years of him dealing with his ex wife in regards to child support and visitation.

 

I don't believe him for a minute that he has talked to a lawyer, that he is going to file, etc. BULL.

 

But hey, knock yourself out with believing him. He knew how to get in your pants and he said what you needed to hear.

 

How long have you actually been seeing this guy?

[GaLwAyGiRL]

Leaving his daughter? what??? He will still be her father AND he will have more one on one time.

 

all this stuff he is going to buy you...oh honey...any man who has to tell you he is going to buy you rugs and more expensive things is lacking something if ya know what I mean.

 

If his wife really ambushed him then wow he is a wimp...is that what you want? a wimp who is going to add you to his facebook to show his love? you deserve soooooo much better KAtie! and I have a feeling you will see this soon..you sound like a smart girl! please don't make yourself "the future dead wife" hes not worth your time!

[pureinheart]

My father DID betray my mother, many times. She took him back every time.

 

I understood what it felt like to be a child growing up that that sh*t going around. So I know where it really bites.

 

Sorry if I am sadistic. There is a thin line where love turns to hate.

 

Sorry if I offended you all!

 

Hi KC,

 

Your hurting...had I communicated all that went through my head during various periods of high anxiety and stress, Lord have mercy I would have been put away.

 

Your being as candid as you are tells me that you want to be talked out of most of what you said...people who intend to carry out "threats" don't talk about it, even if it mostlikely will not come back on them.

 

It sounds to me you are feeling the powerlessness you felt as a child, and are lashing out and want the perpetrators to feel the pain you felt.

 

First, you are not powerless any longer...you are powerful...not in the sense to cause others harm, but in the sense to take charge of your life and not to let anyone take your power away again.

 

Use the experience from your childhood for the good...you have what is called "street knowledge" now...this is a good thing...you are also being "book" educated....go for it girl, you got it all already.

[katiecox]

Hi KC,

 

Your being as candid as you are tells me that you want to be talked out of most of what you said...people who intend to carry out "threats" don't talk about it, even if it mostlikely will not come back on them.

 

 

 

Thanks! You get it.

 

I swear to God and everyone on this forum, I will not MEET this guy ever again in my life unless he serves his wife papers. Otherwise, I will tattoo the word "stupid" on my forehead. I SWEAR!