Why would a girl rather be single?

[somedude81]

You have wrote MANY posts but still don't get it....

 

If I were a salesman and I knocked on your door and tried to sell you purple shoes covered in green polka dots ( and you hated purple and green together ) would you BUY them ?

I think you would not be interested and depending on your politeness level you would find a way to shut the front door.

I understood she was being polite to me. I wanted to get a reaction out of her, to have another conversation.

 

She was not interested. Fact. She did not want to sleep with you. Fact. She looked at you as a Buddy . Fact. As soon as you can totally accept that and stop expecting women to tell you why you creep them out with 2 expanations as to why they dont want to date you.

Hmm, so because I wanted to know why she didn't want to date me, that means I didn't accept the facts that she wasn't interested?

 

Also she didn't explain anything, when I asked her over text, why she didn't want to date anybody. She only said it was too personal. I asked her again a few minutes later and she didn't respond. Then I deleted her number.

 

Remember THIS : NEVER EVER agree to be a girls buddy friend when you are ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED

I have never accepted a girls offer of friendship. The only reason I seemed to be going the friend route is because I don't know how to romantically pursue girls.

 

....Go for the kill ! Be a man and go for the kiss.

 

I STRONGLY think you are on those Don Juan Type Sites and are getting advice from MEN only.

Heh, that's the same thing they said, go for the kill...

 

You'd actually be pretty respected on the DJ board. The girl posting in my thread over there was trying to suggest I take it really slow and have my leg pressing against the girls when we sat in park bench together. Yeah, she was thoroughly bashed.

 

I was going to go for the kiss on Saturday's date. The problem was that she had already friendzoned me before I even asked her out. I have no idea when that window closed, or if it was even open.

 

BTW I am posting here because I can get advice from women.

 

I would love for you to just say " Yeah this Chica was not interested in me for whatever reason and there are 10 MILLION more women that I can ask out "

There are other girls that I currently have a passing interest in. But due to a history full of failures I'm scared to ask them out.

 

If you think its a body size , body odor , hygenic , clothing style or any other problem you can change ASK a guy friend for his analysis. Ask your Mom. Ask anybody. But don't ask the girl you want to date " Hey whats wrong with me "

That sounds loser-ish...

I'm pretty certain that the only thing "wrong" with me is my personality. I don't know if a guy would be able to answer why girls don't like who I am.

 

Also I never asked her whats wrong with me. I only asked something like, "Why do you want to be single." I never mentioned myself, though I was hoping she would say that there was something wrong with me. I wasn't going to ask it, because it sounds loser-ish.

Edited April 30, 2010 by somedude81

[Mary3]

Here it is bottom line : I went out with this guy 3 times. I kept thinking that with each date I would feel some chemistry or attraction.

I was not feeling it at all and then he cornered me one night. He asked me to be exclusive . I told him I could not do that. He kept pressing me for why ? I was very uncomfortable. I wanted to get away from him at that point. Nice guy but no spark.

 

So women won't always tell you what you want to hear to spare your feelings..

 

Can you imagine if that girl you liked said " No dude I think you are whack and I don't like the kind of jeans you are wearing and you don't know how to get things rolling so I don't want to go out anymore."

 

We won't say that. We will let you down as easy as we can.

 

So don't always expect an answer.

 

Its like guys who go out with a girl one time and she never hears from him again. I have the 5 day rule : If I don't hear back in 5 days then you are probrobly not interested...

[carhill]

OP, who cares why a woman wants to be single? I spend my time caring about a woman who wants to be with me and demonstrates that in a clear and meaningful way. All the rest of that nebulous cr@p is just that, nothing.

 

If the 'girls' you interact with don't find you attractive as a man, choose different girls. Big world, lots of girls. Look forward to experiencing many, many of them prior to your death. Look around. Who would you like to experience today? OK, get started

[kittykat84]

Those are things I had no idea about. I actually thought it was an accomplishment to be alone with her. Of course I've never gotten physical with the girls who've I brought to my place to play games or watch tv. The thing is, those are the things I'd be doing with them if they were my girlfriend.

 

I actually thought the whole dating thing was over this day and age and you can do whatever you want as long as its just you and the girl. It seems I'm wrong and I need to rethink what my approach is.

 

 

Those things you would do with girls if they were your gf like watching tv and playing games, that's what you do when you're already both comfortable with each other.

 

The dating thing is most definitely NOT over with in this day and age. No matter how geeky and how big a gamer a girl is, she still wants to be taken OUT. Have something special done just for HER.

 

It makes you sound lazy that you don't want to make an effort to actually win her over.

No wonder girls don't know that you like them if you only want to 'hang out'.

[somedude81]

Those things you would do with girls if they were your gf like watching tv and playing games, that's what you do when you're already both comfortable with each other.

Comfort is something I'm pretty good at building. Unfortunately without attraction or tension, it just leads to us being buddies.

 

I have since learned that lesson.

 

The dating thing is most definitely NOT over with in this day and age. No matter how geeky and how big a gamer a girl is, she still wants to be taken OUT. Have something special done just for HER.

 

It makes you sound lazy that you don't want to make an effort to actually win her over.

No wonder girls don't know that you like them if you only want to 'hang out'.

I have never suggested hanging out with her. After the two times we got lunch together, I kept trying to take her somewhere on the weekends.

 

Actually during one of the lunches she mentioned me going to her house and hanging out. I totally misread it and thought it was very odd that she'd want me at her house when I haven't even kissed her yet. Now I realize that way back then, that was her way of telling me that she thought we were just friends.

 

Ugh, I still wonder why the hell she accepted my date, and she knew I wanted a date. Of course she ended up ruining my day and screwing the whole thing up instead of telling me that she wasn't interested. A week later and I'm still mad at her.

Edited May 2, 2010 by somedude81

[kittykat84]

Okay so I was writing this and you posted again...So here is my edit first while I think about what you just posted.

 

EDIT: I just read your other thread and came across the realisation that you treat women and having a girlfriend as some sort of conquest. Or something to *get* in the same way a person would desire to own a sportscar. It's not about to girl herself, but about what she has to offer you and how it will make you appear more successful or something.

 

This is where the whole confidence thing comes in. A confident man does not need a woman to validate his worth.

[kittykat84]

Ugh, I still wonder why the hell she accepted my date, and she knew I wanted a date. Of course she ended up ruining my day and screwing the whole thing up instead of telling me that she wasn't interested. A week later and I'm still mad at her.

 

 

See this, rubs me the wrong way.

What does she owe you?

It's not HER ruining your day. It's YOU ruining your own day by being so upset over it all.

[somedude81]

See this, rubs me the wrong way.

What does she owe you?

It's not HER ruining your day. It's YOU ruining your own day by being so upset over it all.

She lied to me when she said it would be just the two of us. She disrespected me when she invited the other guy to come with us. She knew I wanted to go on a date with her and she agreed to it when she had no interest in me. She purposely made sure that there was no chance I would get what I wanted.

 

I was very excited to have a date with her and because of the way it turned out, I would have been better off staying at home doing homework.

 

The only thing she owed me was an apology, which I did get from her.

I came across the realisation that you treat women and having a girlfriend as some sort of conquest. Or something to *get* in the same way a person would desire to own a sportscar. It's not about to girl herself, but about what she has to offer you and how it will make you appear more successful or something.

 

This is where the whole confidence thing comes in. A confident man does not need a woman to validate his worth.

Confidence comes from accomplishing the goals that one has set for his or herself.

 

I suppose I can use the phrase, I want a relationship. Using the phrase, get a girl, also seems more masculine and also objectifies the woman, which in turn protects my ego. If I were to say that I'm lonely and I wish I had somebody to spend time with and be intimate with her, it brings my mood down and just makes me feel depressed. And we all know how sexy depression is to women...

[kittykat84]

See I don't think confidence has much to do with accomplishing goals at all.

That is what success is.

 

Confidence is being comfortable with yourself and your actions. Having the ability to make a decision and back up your reasoning.

And also not relying on anyone else for your happiness.

 

No matter which way you look at it, the masculine 'get a girl' or the depressing 'i'm lonely', they both come from a lack of confidence.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I have never gone through life the goal "I must find a relationship"

I've done the things I enjoy doing and along the way I have met men that I have been attracted to from which relationships have developed.

 

Girls don't like being objectified - so I'm not understanding your reasoning.

 

As for this girl pissing you off so much....If she had no idea you liked her that much, what can you expect?

OR if she did know, she could just be a bit spineless (if she's young and not fully confident yet either), she could be letting you down with minimal emotional effort from herself. It can be hard to tell someone to just piss off. And some guys don't get the subtle hints - which is very annoying. You're not going to win any points pursuing it, it will just lower you further in her eyes. Nothing worse than a guy who just doesn't GET it.

[Mary3]

See I don't think confidence has much to do with accomplishing goals at all.

That is what success is.

 

Confidence is being comfortable with yourself and your actions. Having the ability to make a decision and back up your reasoning.

And also not relying on anyone else for your happiness.

No matter which way you look at it, the masculine 'get a girl' or the depressing 'i'm lonely', they both come from a lack of confidence.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I have never gone through life the goal "I must find a relationship"

I've done the things I enjoy doing and along the way I have met men that I have been attracted to from which relationships have developed.

 

Girls don't like being objectified - so I'm not understanding your reasoning.

 

As for this girl pissing you off so much....If she had no idea you liked her that much, what can you expect?

OR if she did know, she could just be a bit spineless (if she's young and not fully confident yet either), she could be letting you down with minimal emotional effort from herself. It can be hard to tell someone to just piss off. And some guys don't get the subtle hints - which is very annoying. You're not going to win any points pursuing it, it will just lower you further in her eyes. Nothing worse than a guy who just doesn't GET it.

 

Beautifully Spoken ! Nothing kills a potential relationship more than a guy who has no confidence , in the bedroom and out...

 

Not saying you do or don't but if you project that you dont , we women FEEL it. Just like a guy feels a stalkerish girl who can't let go...

 

Maybe YOU could not grasp the idea that she did not want to be alone with you hence she brought someone with her....

[somedude81]

You girls need to understand that confidence just doesn't appear out of nowhere. It has to be built up through accomplishments. It's also very hard to fake.

 

I am trying to improve my confidence and self-esteem but it takes time. Every little success I have makes me feel a bit better about myself.

 

If she didn't want to be alone with me, she shouldn't have accepted the date. She also had time to cancel it. All it would have taken was one phone call.

[Mary3]

You girls need to understand that confidence just doesn't appear out of nowhere. It has to be built up through accomplishments. It's also very hard to fake.

 

I am trying to improve my confidence and self-esteem but it takes time. Every little success I have makes me feel a bit better about myself.

 

If she didn't want to be alone with me, she shouldn't have accepted the date. She also had time to cancel it. All it would have taken was one phone call.

 

I don't know about that. I know someone who was severely abused as a child and had a rough life in the relationship world but YET he is very confidant in the bedroom and in himself workwise....go figure..

[stillafool]

You girls need to understand that confidence just doesn't appear out of nowhere. It has to be built up through accomplishments. It's also very hard to fake.

 

I am trying to improve my confidence and self-esteem but it takes time. Every little success I have makes me feel a bit better about myself.

 

If she didn't want to be alone with me, she shouldn't have accepted the date. She also had time to cancel it. All it would have taken was one phone call.

 

 

I don't need a lot of accomplishments to have good self-esteem. I who I am as a person.

 

Why don't you just forget about this girl and move on to others.

[kittykat84]

Take it as a lesson learnt and move on. :-D

 

That's another part of confidence - knowing when to let the past go. And taking what you need from a certain situation and growing from it.

 

You're right, confidence doesn't just happen overnight. But there's a lot more to it than these accomplishments you think are so important.

 

And a woman is not an accomplishment.

[amagordos]

Confidence can be built with accomplishments, that is true, but you can't let your confidence rely solely on how many girls you get. There are other things and achievements you can be proud of and that make you the person you are. Girls love guys that have their own lives and have goals and ambitions that mostly do not involve them finding a relationship. Forget about that girl that hurt you, she is not worth it. Move on, it's part of life. I have been rejected by every guy I liked all of my life and yes my confidence has suffered because of that, but I"m never going to give up and I always remind myself why i'm wonderful. Do you think I still have resentment for those guys tha led me on? I do have a little resentment, but I don't care anymore, its pointless to look at the past. Just learn from it and leave the past in the past.

Maybe you do get yourself friendzoned, and you have to be more obvious. I understand that you want to get to know the girl better, but there are other ways of doing that. Hang out with girls at school and flirth with them. Compliment them on how they look and what they are wearing. Smile a lot too. Believe we get the hint with things like those.

Last thing, don't make getting a girl your number one priority because any girl can see right through that and its not a turn-on, believe me.

[somedude81]

I've already moved on from that girl and I'd rather not talk about her anymore.

 

And a woman is not an accomplishment.

You know, I want to agree with you but it's complicated. The best way to explain it is that men and women view attraction, and dating differently. The man is the hunter and he has to go out of his way to attract a girl, then it's even more work to have a relationship/sleep with her. So to many men, getting a woman is an accomplishment. It's not something that everybody can do. Men are also very visual, so as bad as it sounds, we view some women as more valuable than others based on her appearance. And women know, men do that.

 

Before anybody gets the wrong idea; all the girls I've been interested in the past couple of years have been average in looks. I don't waste my time going after the hot blonds etc.

 

Confidence can be built with accomplishments, that is true, but you can't let your confidence rely solely on how many girls you get. There are other things and achievements you can be proud of and that make you the person you are.

I have many other achievements and those enable me to at least somewhat enjoy my life.

 

The issue is that I am almost 29 and I have been single my entire life. I'm not in jail nor am I monk or a priest. I'm a normal guy with a healthy sex-drive. I have the same intamacy needs that everybody has but mine have never been met.

 

Maybe you do get yourself friendzoned, and you have to be more obvious. I understand that you want to get to know the girl better, but there are other ways of doing that. Hang out with girls at school and flirth with them. Compliment them on how they look and what they are wearing. Smile a lot too. Believe we get the hint with things like those.

Last thing, don't make getting a girl your number one priority because any girl can see right through that and its not a turn-on, believe me.

You're right that I need to be more obvious. I'm too friendly with girls and they respond back in the same way. We're all a bunch of happy friends, but you can't sleep with your friends.

 

I need to be more flirty and aggressive so the girls don't get the wrong idea, thinking that I just want to be friends.

Edited May 3, 2010 by somedude81

[Mary3]

Why can't you get a really hot girl ?

[somedude81]

Why can't you get a really hot girl ?

Because better guys are going after her.

 

Hot girls get a lot more attention from men then average girls do. Which leads to the higher quality guys chasing the hot girls.

 

Better guys, can mean; having a more active social life, being very good looking or be a passionate artist/musician, guys with a lot of confidence who know how to talk to woman.

[fiat500]

Because better guys are going after her.

 

Hot girls get a lot more attention from men then average girls do. Which leads to the higher quality guys chasing the hot girls.

 

Better guys, can mean; having a more active social life, being very good looking or be a passionate artist/musician, guys with a lot of confidence who know how to talk to woman.

 

that's an assumption that's not even true. there's no universal hot girl so a hot girl to you could be 'meh' to someone else.

 

and a high quality guy isn't an artist or musician. most of the self proclaimed musicians that i know are self loving douchebags.

 

go after the hot girl. you don't know what her tastes in men are. you don't have to be socially active to the extreme for someone to find you cute.

 

and confidence is just a state of mind. just be comfortable with yourself. you don't even have to accomplish anything.

 

for example: a few months back i found myself drawn to this guy i knew that i normally wouldn't in the past have found attractive. he was skinny, was into video games, and had other interests that i guess other people would deem 'nerdy' BUT, 1.) he always smelled nice, 2.) he was neat and clean, 3.) he worked hard at school and his job, 4.) he had it together, and 5.) he was genuinely caring and kind. he didn't tell me any of his accomplishments or oozed of it. he wasn't even one of those jerks that has to overcompensate due to the interests he has so he didn't feel obligated to be an overconfident @sshole. he just gave off a vibe that he was who he was and for whatever reason, something about him was attractive. of course he went and got a girlfriend before i could reveal these feelings but i hope this helps you out a little.

 

you don't have to have the social life of a playboy to get a girl. there could be something else that could be stopping you besides you thinking that you need to accumulate a mountain of extensive victories. are you hurting to get laid? seriously. i have a 25 year old male friend who would like a relationship too but he's also missing sex like there's no tomorrow. of course he doesn't reveal or say these things to women he meets but he most likely reeks of desperation. it's a turnoff. but it's also why he can't score a date.

Edited May 4, 2010 by fiat500

[amagordos]

I agree with fiat. There is no such thing as a universal hot girl. Some guys consider the hot girl to be blondes with big boobs and others consider the hot girl to be someone like meagan fox. It's all about personal tastes. You have to believe in yourself when you go after a girl or at least fake it so that the girl doesn't know what you are truly feeling at the moment that you are trying to get a date from her.

You can even play with that and tell her you are nervous, and mostly because pretty girls make you nervous, I would love to hear something like that from a guy.

Also, don't judge girls by their looks. Just because a girl is really pretty doesn't mean she can't be a total dork or a really shy person. Don't think that pretty girls will shot you down because there are other options. Maybe some of these girls are too intimidating for some guys to go after and in effect nobody winds up going after them. You could be that guy that changes all that.

[Mary3]

Because better guys are going after her.

 

Hot girls get a lot more attention from men then average girls do. Which leads to the higher quality guys chasing the hot girls.

 

Better guys, can mean; having a more active social life, being very good looking or be a passionate artist/musician, guys with a lot of confidence who know how to talk to woman.

 

I see hot guys with average girls.

 

I see hot girls with average guys.

 

I see braggy pain in the butt guys trying to go after all kinds of girls and getting rejected .

 

The point is : Go after what you want. If you get rejected , oh well !

 

We have all been rejected no matter how attractive we are. If its not working its not working...

[babejazzy]

Ugh, I don't understand women.

 

Why would a girl rather be single than to be with a guy who likes them. If she thinks the guy is at least cute, fun and knows he has common interests; why reject him just because she doesn't have romantic feelings right at that moment?

 

If a girl who was decent looking but I didn't have any feelings for, expressed an interest in me I would absolutely give her a shot. I think most guys would.

 

I'm that way with a friend of mine. He loves me so much but I see him as a brother. He's not unattractive but I have no feelings for him. You can't help how you feel and I personally dont believe if you give them enough time they will fall for you. I think you either have romantic feelings for someone or dont. I know within 10 min of meeting someone if I could be with them. My feelings never change once I've started thinking of you as just a friend.

[Mary3]

I'm that way with a friend of mine. He loves me so much but I see him as a brother. He's not unattractive but I have no feelings for him. You can't help how you feel and I personally dont believe if you give them enough time they will fall for you. I think you either have romantic feelings for someone or dont. I know within 10 min of meeting someone if I could be with them. My feelings never change once I've started thinking of you as just a friend.

 

Very Powerful ! OP read this again and again !

[BentSpine]

So women won't always tell you what you want to hear to spare your feelings..

The immature women lie but the decent women tell the truth. If the woman cannot even say I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY, then you dodged a bullet by not ending up with her. You can walk away thanking your lucky star for your damage control. Because the liar has a damaged character and is to be pitied.

[somedude81]

I think you either have romantic feelings for someone or dont. I know within 10 min of meeting someone if I could be with them. My feelings never change once I've started thinking of you as just a friend.

That's so sad. I seriously hope most women aren't like you.

 

It's definitely something that men and women are very different from each other. While I know within 10 minutes (usually much quicker) if I want to sleep with her or not. I'd usually need a couple weeks to know if I actually want to date her.

 

How can you judge somebody in 10 minutes and know if you'd want to date somebody?

 

If you have placed a guy in the potential date section, how much time do they have till you start thinking of them as friend, and thus losing all interest?

 

An interesting read on this subject matter is ladder theory.

 

In my life it seems to be true, but it's hard to accept.

 

BTW I feel really bad for your friend.

Edited May 4, 2010 by somedude81