Why would a girl rather be single?

[CodenameD]

Okay, as far as I've read your posts, I must say I can understand your feelings. What my advice is: expand your social circle. Go online if you have to. It's not over yet.

 

And yes, talk to some dating experts next time you get a bite and proceed carefully. You must be doing some tactical errors or whatever, the reason you were rejected so much.

 

Oh and about single girls, don't even bother. Every person is different that's why its hard to know some people. Especially if it's a girl. If they want to be single, LET THEM BE! Don't express any interest in them anymore. You have chased a lot. Now time for you to do some changes and let them come to you. Juts be who you are and be yourself. If that still doesn't help, there is something wrong with your personality that turns them off. Analyze where you are and who you really want to be. Take an expert's help if needed.

 

Good luck!

[somedude81]

I'm a frequent poster on another forum that deals exclusively with seduction so I get a lot of help from men who know what they are doing. Unfortunately women do not post there so I'm only learning half the game.

 

From what they say, I'm going at girls too friendly. Girls accept my dates without even knowing that I'm interested in them. Why a girl will accept a date from a guy and not know that he likes her is beyond me.

 

From now on I need to be much more obvious with my intent. I know it's going to lead me to getting rejected much faster than I usually do but I can go through more girls in less time.

 

It sucks because I really want a girlfriend so I usually take time trying to get to know a girl. But obviously that process isn't working. So instead of find out who she is, see if we are compatible, then date her. I should date her, then find out who she is, see if we are compatible.

Now time for you to do some changes and let them come to you. Juts be who you are and be yourself. If that still doesn't help, there is something wrong with your personality that turns them off. Analyze where you are and who you really want to be. Take an expert's help if needed.

Waiting for a girl to come to me will only mean that I will never sleep with a woman again. In my entire life only two girls have expressed an interest in me. Both were about 100lbs heavier then I was and with severe mental issues.

Edited April 28, 2010 by somedude81

[stace79]

It sucks because I really want a girlfriend so I usually take time trying to get to know a girl.

 

Problem 1 is right here in this statement. You have GOT to be okay being alone if you want someone else to be happy with you. Your girlfriend cannot be the be-all, end-all of your existence, and what you just said makes girls feel like they are. That is too much pressure for any girl, no matter how wonderful or attractive a guy might be.

 

Problem 2 is that, statistically speaking, 9 out of 10 relationships are going to fail, because we are supposed to be monogamous. If you're looking for the one person you're going to marry, it stands to reason that most of your relationships are going to end at some point. Unless you're just REALLY lucky in finding your love in the first or second person you ever date.

[somedude81]

Problem 1 is right here in this statement. You have GOT to be okay being alone if you want someone else to be happy with you. Your girlfriend cannot be the be-all, end-all of your existence, and what you just said makes girls feel like they are. That is too much pressure for any girl, no matter how wonderful or attractive a guy might be.

I never told a girl that I was interested in that I want a relationship with her. I try to avoid the words girlfriend and boyfriend. I rarely call or text so I'm definitely not needy. Most girls just assume I'm friendly, which is what messes me up.

 

While I am not OK being alone, I haven't been for a decade, I do not let anybody outside of my parents and anonymous interneter's know. When I'm with other people, especially girls, I'm a fun happy person and nobody would ever think that I really want a relationship.

Problem 2 is that, statistically speaking, 9 out of 10 relationships are going to fail, because we are supposed to be monogamous. If you're looking for the one person you're going to marry, it stands to reason that most of your relationships are going to end at some point. Unless you're just REALLY lucky in finding your love in the first or second person you ever date.

I would rather have a relationship fail instead of never get one at all. I've only ever "dated" one person and that only lasted two weeks. The last thing on my mind is marriage. I would just love to date a girl for a couple of months and see what that is like. Honestly I don't even really know what a girlfriend is.

 

I want a close friend who enjoys doing what I like to do and to also be sexually intimate with her. But so far, it seems like I'm asking for too much.

[Peaceful Guy]

..seduction ..men who know what they are doing ..the game.

 

wrong way dude.

[Mary3]

Ugh, I don't understand women.

 

Why would a girl rather be single than to be with a guy who likes them. If she thinks the guy is at least cute, fun and knows he has common interests; why reject him just because she doesn't have romantic feelings right at that moment?

 

If a girl who was decent looking but I didn't have any feelings for, expressed an interest in me I would absolutely give her a shot. I think most guys would.

 

You are saying this from a standpoint of someone who was Friendzoned, as you were.

 

Its not that she does not enjoy dating , she does . Its that she does not enjoy dating you.

 

Its not that she does not enjoy sex and passion , she does. Its that she does not want to experience it with you.

[somedude81]

Funny to hear a woman use the term friendzone. That's mostly only heard in PU lingo.

 

After getting lunch together twice and one "date" where she thought it would be a good idea to bring a guy friend she told me that she wasn't interested in dating anybody. She's been single and hasn't dated for as long as I knew her which was since January. She probably friendzoned her guy friend years ago but he stuck around.

 

When I pressed to find out why she didn't want to date anybody she said it was too personal and wasn't going to tell me. Of course it could be very well that she doesn't want to date me and didn't want to tell me that.

 

Which brings me back to my original question of why she would rather be single than to give me a chance. We have tons of common interests, I make her laugh, I'm not too nice and wasn't needy at all. And yet she just didn't like me that way.

 

It goes back to the whole BS thing how women are able to have platonic male friends. Why would she even offer "friendship" to a man she knows wants to have sex with her?

[Mary3]

Funny to hear a woman use the term friendzone. That's mostly only heard in PU lingo.

 

After getting lunch together twice and one "date" where she thought it would be a good idea to bring a guy friend she told me that she wasn't interested in dating anybody. She's been single and hasn't dated for as long as I knew her which was since January. She probably friendzoned her guy friend years ago but he stuck around.

 

When I pressed to find out why she didn't want to date anybody she said it was too personal and wasn't going to tell me. Of course it could be very well that she doesn't want to date me and didn't want to tell me that.

 

Which brings me back to my original question of why she would rather be single than to give me a chance. We have tons of common interests, I make her laugh, I'm not too nice and wasn't needy at all. And yet she just didn't like me that way.

 

It goes back to the whole BS thing how women are able to have platonic male friends. Why would she even offer "friendship" to a man she knows wants to have sex with her?

 

Have you gotten her into bed yet ?

[somedude81]

That's an odd question. Of course not. I haven't even kissed her, which was what I was planning to do on our date. Then she screwed the whole thing up. If she didn't like me she should have canceled the date instead of bringing in a third party.

[USMCHokie]

Which brings me back to my original question of why she would rather be single than to give me a chance. We have tons of common interests, I make her laugh, I'm not too nice and wasn't needy at all. And yet she just didn't like me that way.

 

Let me ask you this...if some girl was interested in you, but for some reason, you had no interest in dating her...it could be because she was terribly unattractive, smelled bad, or perhaps she used to be a man...the reason doesn't matter, only that you didn't want to date her...now would you date her just because she was interested...? Would you give it a chance...?

 

 

It goes back to the whole BS thing how women are able to have platonic male friends. Why would she even offer "friendship" to a man she knows wants to have sex with her?

 

Because she can...weak guys will stick around and accept "friendship" in hopes that one day she'll change her mind and want to be with him...the guys that are interested but know better don't accept this friendship and move on with their lives...they don't accept less than what they want...

[skydiveaddict]

 

 

 

 

because she can...weak guys will stick around and accept "friendship" in hopes that one day she'll change her mind and want to be with him...the guys that are interested but know better don't accept this friendship and move on with their lives...they don't accept less than what they want...

 

 

qft.........................

[xpaperxcutx]

Funny to hear a woman use the term friendzone. That's mostly only heard in PU lingo.

 

After getting lunch together twice and one "date" where she thought it would be a good idea to bring a guy friend she told me that she wasn't interested in dating anybody. She's been single and hasn't dated for as long as I knew her which was since January. She probably friendzoned her guy friend years ago but he stuck around.

 

When I pressed to find out why she didn't want to date anybody she said it was too personal and wasn't going to tell me. Of course it could be very well that she doesn't want to date me and didn't want to tell me that.

 

Which brings me back to my original question of why she would rather be single than to give me a chance. We have tons of common interests, I make her laugh, I'm not too nice and wasn't needy at all. And yet she just didn't like me that way.

 

It goes back to the whole BS thing how women are able to have platonic male friends. Why would she even offer "friendship" to a man she knows wants to have sex with her?

 

I expect you to reread your post from another person's perspective. Why wouldn't she have friendzoned you? She friendzoned you from the start because you made it clear you wanted to be friends. If you hadn't wanted to remain " platonic" you would have just came right out and said " hey, you want to go out with me?" ( emphasis on going out please)

 

Playing it safe will get you nowhere unless you're so scared of rejection that you're willing to drag it out. Now you really have no one to blame except yourself for getting frustrated at the end results.

 

The problem with you is that if a person doesn't want to date you have to learn to respect their choices. Asking and pressing them for an answer about why just make you come across as desperate and creepy. If you have been so used to rejection by now, then this latest one should not have hindered you.

 

If you have to ask why a girl actually doesn't want to date, I think alot of the posters from the first page has made it clear. And for your information not a lot of girls are into recreational sex ( like most men are). Our biology and chemistry are different from men. There are still women who view sex as a bond of intimacy as opposed to just getting it on so you can get off.

[mem11363]

SD,

What have you done to make yourself more attractive to women?

 

- financially

- physically

- behaviorally

 

 

 

I'm a frequent poster on another forum that deals exclusively with seduction so I get a lot of help from men who know what they are doing. Unfortunately women do not post there so I'm only learning half the game.

 

From what they say, I'm going at girls too friendly. Girls accept my dates without even knowing that I'm interested in them. Why a girl will accept a date from a guy and not know that he likes her is beyond me.

 

From now on I need to be much more obvious with my intent. I know it's going to lead me to getting rejected much faster than I usually do but I can go through more girls in less time.

 

It sucks because I really want a girlfriend so I usually take time trying to get to know a girl. But obviously that process isn't working. So instead of find out who she is, see if we are compatible, then date her. I should date her, then find out who she is, see if we are compatible.

 

Waiting for a girl to come to me will only mean that I will never sleep with a woman again. In my entire life only two girls have expressed an interest in me. Both were about 100lbs heavier then I was and with severe mental issues.

[somedude81]

Let me ask you this...if some girl was interested in you, but for some reason, you had no interest in dating her...it could be because she was terribly unattractive, smelled bad, or perhaps she used to be a man...the reason doesn't matter, only that you didn't want to date her...now would you date her just because she was interested...? Would you give it a chance...?

Of course the reasons matter. The main point of my original post was that the dude is completely normal and for whatever reason the girl isn't attracted to him. You're comparing apples to oranges because the guy isn't ugly, fat or smells bad.

 

Because she can...weak guys will stick around and accept "friendship" in hopes that one day she'll change her mind and want to be with him...the guys that are interested but know better don't accept this friendship and move on with their lives...they don't accept less than what they want...

Just because women can offer friendship to weak guys, doesn't explain why they do it. I think it's more about women wanting to be nice and avoiding conflict.

 

Why wouldn't she have friendzoned you? She friendzoned you from the start because you made it clear you wanted to be friends. If you hadn't wanted to remain " platonic" you would have just came right out and said " hey, you want to go out with me?" ( emphasis on going out please)

What are the chances that "hey, you want to go out with me" would ever work? I'd say slim to none. What I was doing was trying avoid an instant rejection and get her to start liking me more. And it seemed like it was working. I know I'd prefer to get to know a girl better before I want to start dating her.

 

How much time does a guy actually have before a girl will friendzone him?

 

The problem with you is that if a person doesn't want to date you have to learn to respect their choices. Asking and pressing them for an answer about why just make you come across as desperate and creepy. If you have been so used to rejection by now, then this latest one should not have hindered you.

Who said I was used to rejection?

 

When I tried to get her to explain herself, I only asked twice then left her alone. I haven't had any contact with her since Monday and I don't plan to ever interact with her again.

 

If you have to ask why a girl actually doesn't want to date, I think alot of the posters from the first page has made it clear. And for your information not a lot of girls are into recreational sex ( like most men are). Our biology and chemistry are different from men. There are still women who view sex as a bond of intimacy as opposed to just getting it on so you can get off.

I have gotten some good answers from the posters and I am grateful for that.

 

Each woman has her own opinions on sex but I do believe that most would rather have it in a relationship. She knew that I wanted to date her and she even said something like, "If you're looking for a girlfiend, I'm sorry but I'm not looking to date anybody" something like that.

 

SD,

What have you done to make yourself more attractive to women?

 

- financially

- physically

- behaviorally

Financially is irrelevant as I'm a full-time college student. Though I do have plenty of money to cover my expenses and have some left over for fun.

 

Physically:

I've greatly improved my style and put a lot more effort into how I look. Whenever I'm going to be around women, I make sure that I look and smell good.

 

I work out at the gym 2-3 times a week. I'm trying to gain weight and improve my muscle mass.

 

Behaviorally:

I'm forcing myself to be much more sociable than I have been in the past. I've been in therapy a couple months to change my negative thought process. I've also done things to get out of my comfort zone like dancing salsa, playing co-ed softball and playing flag football.

[Pedigree]

How much time does a guy actually have before a girl will friendzone him?

 

If you're around a lot, the answer is pretty quickly.

[USMCHokie]

Of course the reasons matter. The main point of my original post was that the dude is completely normal and for whatever reason the girl isn't attracted to him. You're comparing apples to oranges because the guy isn't ugly, fat or smells bad.

 

I will assume that this hypothetical dude is you. Now to you, this hypothetical dude might "completely normal," "isn't ugly, fat, or smell bad." But it doesn't matter what you think...it only matters what she thinks...and frankly, you have no idea what she thinks...she may very well think that you're not normal, fat, and/or ugly...maybe it's not a physical characteristic she finds unattractive, but a personality trait...everyone's tastes are different...

 

The bottom line is that you don't need to know the reason she's not interested...all you need to know is that she doesn't want you...so this isn't comparing apples and oranges...this isn't comparing anything...

 

But the funny thing is that you avoided answering my question...which means you're in denial over this rejection...would you still date someone that you're not interested in...? Just to give it a chance...?

 

 

Just because women can offer friendship to weak guys, doesn't explain why they do it. I think it's more about women wanting to be nice and avoiding conflict.

 

I won't object to this. But women continue to do this because weak guys are willing to play the game in hopes of becoming more than friends...since it works for the weak ones, they are willing to feed that line to all the guys they're not interested in.

 

 

How much time does a guy actually have before a girl will friendzone him?

 

I'd say it's close to instantaneous...

[somedude81]

The bottom line is that you don't need to know the reason she's not interested...all you need to know is that she doesn't want you...

The reason I want to know is twofold. First I'd want to know if it something I can change. If she thought I was too old or not tall enough, I'll just shrug it off because I can't do anything about that. If it was something I could change like, I came on too strong, too weak; I could work on changing that so I can hopefully do better with the next girl I meet.

But the funny thing is that you avoided answering my question...which means you're in denial over this rejection...would you still date someone that you're not interested in...? Just to give it a chance...?

As long as I she meets my minimum criteria for attractiveness, doesn't smoke and is mentally stable, I would give her a chance.

[Pedigree]

The reason I want to know is twofold. First I'd want to know if it something I can change. If she thought I was too old or not tall enough, I'll just shrug it off because I can't do anything about that. If it was something I could change like, I came on too strong, too weak; I could work on changing that so I can hopefully do better with the next girl I meet.

 

It's not up to her to tell you what you did wrong. That's up to you.

 

Having followed your situation from your other thread, I would like once again to say that you should accept the soft rejection instead of going back to her and getting an ego-bruising rough rejection.

[somedude81]

It's not up to her to tell you what you did wrong. That's up to you.

Uh, how do I do that?

 

I thought we were at least friends enough for her to be honest with me, but that obviously wasn't the case.

 

Having followed your situation from your other thread, I would like once again to say that you should accept the soft rejection instead of going back to her and getting an ego-bruising rough rejection.

I've already accepted her rejection and have since cut all contact with her. I've deleted her number and would be very wary if she wanted to resume contact.

[Pedigree]

Uh, how do I do that?

 

Just think about what you did and how you could've done things differently.

[USMCHokie]

The reason I want to know is twofold. First I'd want to know if it something I can change. If she thought I was too old or not tall enough, I'll just shrug it off because I can't do anything about that. If it was something I could change like, I came on too strong, too weak; I could work on changing that so I can hopefully do better with the next girl I meet.

 

I understand the value of getting feedback like this to make improvements to yourself...but it doesn't necessarily work like that in the dating world...like I said before, everyone has their own preferences in a partner...and they may be vastly different...let's say this girl told you exactly what it was she didn't like about you...and you made the changes to appeal to her...now the next girl you approach is completely opposite of the first girl...she hates the changes you made and would have liked the original you better...you lose again...lather, rinse, repeat...

 

The point is that you should never change yourself for the sole purpose of appeasing other people...especially girls that rejected you...it's a weak character trait that women honestly will not find attractive...your goal should be to find a woman that likes you for you...you shouldn't have to cater to their whims...you are your own man...live like one...

 

To use your example, if you came on too strong with this last girl, then maybe that's just the way you operate...find a girl that appreciates that approach...you don't force compatibility...you find it...you find someone that complements who you are...you don't find someone and change yourself to complement them...that's weakness...and you won't have a very happy relationship with that approach...

 

 

P.S. Where was your second fold...? I only counted one...

[somedude81]

P.S. Where was your second fold...? I only counted one...

Heh, I guess it really wasn't that developed. 1: Can I change it? 2: If I can change it, is it worth the effort?

let's say this girl told you exactly what it was she didn't like about you...and you made the changes to appeal to her...now the next girl you approach is completely opposite of the first girl...she hates the changes you made and would have liked the original you better...you lose again...lather, rinse, repeat...

More often then not, I'd say that women are more similar than they are different. Also I'd like to gather feedback from different sources to determine their validity.

 

One thing I've heard pretty regularly in the past, is that the women I were hanging out with, had no idea that I was interested in them. I would have loved to talk to this current girl, and ask her when she realized that I was interested in her. If it wasn't till I actually asked her on a date, then it would at realize that I wasn't being forward enough with her. If I'm getting a running theme from a few girls then I definitely know it is something I need to work with.

 

The point is that you should never change yourself for the sole purpose of appeasing other people...especially girls that rejected you...it's a weak character trait that women honestly will not find attractive

Because I have a long history of failure with women, I know that something about me has to change. It's ridiculous to think it's all them and not me. Out of all the women I have tried to pursue since I was a teenager, the only constant was myself. Of course I have changed over time and I am not the person I was a year ago. But I am trying to mold myself into what women want. I'm not going to change my image based on each individual girl.

 

I am not trying to appease the girls that have rejected me.

 

you don't force compatibility...you find it...you find someone that complements who you are

The sad thing is, I thought I found her. I thought she would have been the perfect girlfriend for me at this stage of my life. We had tons of common interests and hobbies, both of us had kind of wacky sense of humors and are a bit nerdy. It would have been so great to go to school together, do our Japanese homework, go to the beach, come back home, played some video games or watched anime, then had sex. She was also good looking enough that I'd be proud to introduce her to my family.

 

Sigh.

Edited April 30, 2010 by somedude81

[USMCHokie]

One thing I've heard pretty regularly in the past, is that the women I were hanging out with, had no idea that I was interested in them. I would have loved to talk to this current girl, and ask her when she realized that I was interested in her. If it wasn't till I actually asked her on a date, then it would at realize that I wasn't being forward enough with her. If I'm getting a running theme from a few girls then I definitely know it is something I need to work with.

 

This jumped out in a big way when I reread your post...primarily this part: "the women I [was] hanging out with"...there is your mistake, if you'd even call it that...you "hang out" with friends...so if you're hanging out with them before you ask them out, of course they'll just consider you a friend...

 

I know some people advocate the whole "friends first" approach, but as a guy in our modern society, this might be a poor approach to dating...you don't meet a new girl you're interested in to be her friend...you meet her to date her...this goes back to the whole lunch lesson from another one of your threads...don't ask a girl out to lunch...that's not a date...don't hang out in her room to play video games or watch tv...that's not a date...don't let the girls assume you just want to be friends...

 

 

Because I have a long history of failure with women, I know that something about me has to change. It's ridiculous to think it's all them and not me. Out of all the women I have tried to pursue since I was a teenager, the only constant was myself. Of course I have changed over time and I am not the person I was a year ago. But I am trying to mold myself into what women want. I'm not going to change my image based on each individual girl.

 

Dude, I understand this all too well...I didn't go on my first date until I was 23...first relationship when I was 25...I definitely had my long history of failure...and for the longest time (even now...), I wondered what I could do to make women like me...but the whole time the problem was that I didn't like me...

 

Not saying that that's your issue, but you need to make the changes to make you feel like the best person you can be in your eyes...make the changes for you...don't worry about what Sally and Jane think would make a better man...don't worry about what women as a whole want...what do you think would make you a better man...? This is where all that confidence mumbo jumbo comes into play...when you are happy and comfortable with who you are as a person...regardless of what women think of you...that's confidence...

 

 

The sad thing is, I thought I found her. I thought she would have been the perfect girlfriend for me at this stage of my life. We had tons of common interests and hobbies, both of us had kind of wacky sense of humors and are a bit nerdy. It would have been so great to go to school together, do our Japanese homework, go to the beach, come back home, played some video games or watched anime, then had sex. She was also good looking enough that I'd be proud to introduce her to my family.

 

Again, I understand...I thought my ex was the one...but she wasn't...and life is about picking up where you left off and moving onto the next phase in the continuum...there will be more women in your life...some better, some worse...but it's all part of the journey...

[somedude81]

this goes back to the whole lunch lesson from another one of your threads...don't ask a girl out to lunch...that's not a date...don't hang out in her room to play video games or watch tv...that's not a date...don't let the girls assume you just want to be friends...

Those are things I had no idea about. I actually thought it was an accomplishment to be alone with her. Of course I've never gotten physical with the girls who've I brought to my place to play games or watch tv. The thing is, those are the things I'd be doing with them if they were my girlfriend.

 

I actually thought the whole dating thing was over this day and age and you can do whatever you want as long as its just you and the girl. It seems I'm wrong and I need to rethink what my approach is.

Not saying that that's your issue, but you need to make the changes to make you feel like the best person you can be in your eyes...make the changes for you...don't worry about what Sally and Jane think would make a better man...don't worry about what women as a whole want...what do you think would make you a better man...?

The only reason I don't like me is because women don't. I believe that I am fine as I am. Of course I still have some areas to improve but it's nothing I dislike. It's ludicrous to believe that I have to wait till I am 100% satisfied with myself before I can get a girl.

 

Confidence comes from knowing that you have accomplished the goals that you have set for yourself. I have completed many goals both big and small, but I still haven't accomplished my number one goal. Because I place so much importance on that goal, all the other things I have done appear trivial.

 

Again, I understand...I thought my ex was the one...but she wasn't...and life is about picking up where you left off and moving onto the next phase in the continuum...there will be more women in your life...some better, some worse...but it's all part of the journey...

Yeah I agree with you. I'm just getting tired

[Mary3]

You have wrote MANY posts but still don't get it....

 

If I were a salesman and I knocked on your door and tried to sell you purple shoes covered in green polka dots ( and you hated purple and green together ) would you BUY them ?

I think you would not be interested and depending on your politeness level you would find a way to shut the front door.

 

She was not interested. Fact. She did not want to sleep with you. Fact. She looked at you as a Buddy . Fact. As soon as you can totally accept that and stop expecting women to tell you why you creep them out with 2 expanations as to why they dont want to date you.

 

Remember THIS : NEVER EVER agree to be a girls buddy friend when you are ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED ....Go for the kill ! Be a man and go for the kiss. Go for all the other niceties ( no I don't mean getting her into bed-yet )

 

I STRONGLY think you are on those Don Juan Type Sites and are getting advice from MEN only.

 

If you were REALLY SMART you would be eating up all this great advice from women / and men / HERE !

 

I would love for you to just say " Yeah this Chica was not interested in me for whatever reason and there are 10 MILLION more women that I can ask out "

 

If you think its a body size , body odor , hygenic , clothing style or any other problem you can change ASK a guy friend for his analysis. Ask your Mom. Ask anybody. But don't ask the girl you want to date " Hey whats wrong with me "

That sounds loser-ish...