ill just have to keep quiet wont i?

[suzie sweet]

We are getting married next year, Nothing big just quiet with family,and i know this is wrong of me to say but the problem thats getting to me and i carnt say anything to him is that he wants his 2 little girls to be bridesmaids along with my little girl. I always thought it was up to the bride who chooses her bridesmaids, my litttle one has never been bridesmaid before and has had to share everything including me with his 2 girls since coming to live with me, They were bridesmaids for their own mam 2 yrs ago. I carnt even make her feel special by letting her be chief maid as my daughter in law is doing that, Then there is the extra expense of dresses shoes etc, we were just going to go on our own as money is tight and not tell anyone but i carnt do that to my little girl,So shall i just keep quiet and go along with his expectations?????

[Lauriebell82]

How old are his girls? Maybe they could be flower girls? I think a compromise is in order.

 

Yes, traditionally the bride is supposed to chose the bridesmaids, but including the groom's family in the bridal party is usually polite and a nice way of welcoming them into your family.

 

The wedding really is both of your day, you are both getting married!

[2sure]

Marriage is essentially not just about twp people joining together ...in all cases it should ideally be about combining two families, the brides and the grooms. When children from previous relationships are the immediate family, this point becomes essentially what the entire marriage is about. Because , your bf and his children are a PACKAGE, just as you and your daughter are a package. You dont get one without the other.

 

Your marriage is truly blending two families. Thats what its about. Its not about the dresses, or which child gets to stand where, or who has been in a wedding before. Not at all.

 

If you feel it is getting out of hand regarding "attendants"...then why not have none? You are both adults, this is not your first time out, you have existing families. Simply have all of the children stand with you both to witness the blending of your families.

 

Please reconsider this and your feelings really may change. Right now, even though its a small gathering you are focusing on small details when later you will see that it isnt about those at all.

 

Even the children - both grown and young will not remember where they stood or what they wore...but will remember that they are now one family, united.

[Star Gazer]

Marriage is essentially not just about twp people joining together ...in all cases it should ideally be about combining two families, the brides and the grooms. When children from previous relationships are the immediate family, this point becomes essentially what the entire marriage is about. Because , your bf and his children are a PACKAGE, just as you and your daughter are a package. You dont get one without the other.

 

Your marriage is truly blending two families. Thats what its about. Its not about the dresses, or which child gets to stand where, or who has been in a wedding before. Not at all.

 

I totally agree.

 

If you aren't willing to consider your soon-to-be husband's daughters as your own, and include them in your wedding party just as you are with your own daughter, then perhaps you should reconsider getting married.

[make me believe]

You guys are going to be a family! You can't exclude his daughters to try to make your daughter feel more special. They ALL need to be included. These girls are going to be your step-daughters for heaven's sake! I can't believe you'd actually consider not letting them be bridesmaids. If you are always going to put your daughter ahead of them, you're never going to be a real family & you shouldn't be getting married. I feel really bad for these little girls having a step-mother who sees them as lesser than her "real" daughter.

[2sure]

Having been a single mother with a daughter , basically from her birth until she was 9 when I remarried.

 

It is difficult for me, and her via me, to not see the relationship between her and I as the primnary relationship. But when you remarry, it isnt, it cant be.

 

Not quite what you ask, unsolicited advice perhaps...but I wish I had taken it.

[Mme. Chaucer]

OP, in my opinion not only should you NEVER mention this, you should really try to change your attitude. It does not bode well for the success of your soon to be blended family.