Where do I go with this?

[Kris30]

Last night I hooked up with this guy... Well, he was different than guys I've hooked up with in the past. He was a nice guy. He listened to and did what I liked/wanted. He held me and kissed me and didn't rush. It wasn't the best sex ever, but since he was such a nice guy it was good. Afterwards I mentioned hooking up again sometime and he something like, "who knows, maybe it could be more" and there was talk about "next time." When we parted he said we would talk soon. I'm pretty sure this guy had never hooked up before. He was really nervous & it was cute. Anyway, now I see why guys are jerks when they hook up...if you're nice then the girl will start to like you. I would like more with this guy. Maybe he would like more? Do I ask him about it? Next time we see each other? What do I do?

[In-The-Wheat]

Last night I hooked up with this guy... Well, he was different than guys I've hooked up with in the past. He was a nice guy. He listened to and did what I liked/wanted. He held me and kissed me and didn't rush. It wasn't the best sex ever, but since he was such a nice guy it was good. Afterwards I mentioned hooking up again sometime and he something like, "who knows, maybe it could be more" and there was talk about "next time." When we parted he said we would talk soon. I'm pretty sure this guy had never hooked up before. He was really nervous & it was cute. Anyway, now I see why guys are jerks when they hook up...if you're nice then the girl will start to like you. I would like more with this guy. Maybe he would like more? Do I ask him about it? Next time we see each other? What do I do?

 

How do you know the bolded part? I am always a little nervous with new partners for the first time or two. Its pretty natural IMO. I wouldn't think too much about this for now.

 

Anyway, he probably likes you a little if he said that, or it could have been an "in the moment" thing...who knows really - maybe he just wants to be FWB or something. Were you guys drunk when it happened? If he doesn't contact you in about the next week you can do one of two things...

 

1. Forget it completely..He's probably not that interested.

 

2. He might be incredibly shy & you could text him (keep it simple) to see if he wants to meet up or go out for drinks/party/whatever.

 

I would probably let him make the first move though. Where/when could you "run into" him again?

[Kris30]

I don't know that it was the first time he has hooked up... I could tell he was very nervous, though. Not only did he tell me, but it was obvious.

 

He said the thing about maybe it could be more after I had mentioned hooking up again sometime and AFTER we had sex.

 

No, we weren't drunk...just horny.

 

I did mention that I would let him know when my roommate would be working (she works nights) and maybe he could come over. Well, she works tomorrow and Thurs. night so now I'm wondering if I should text and tell him? Or wait to see if he contacts me?

[In-The-Wheat]

Ok ok... Well its a better sign that he was serious since you guys weren't drunk, but either way it seems he does want to get together - for what exactly idk. I've said sh*t like that to girls before, but never acted on it b/c I was drunk or just wanted the hookup.

 

And being a guy, if you texted me that your roommate is gone on X and Y nights & that I should come over - to me that means one thing... sex.

 

If you want something more than just that with him & reaaaaallly want to text/talk to him, invite him out for drinks/coffee/lunch & try to get a read on him and what his intentions are. Maybe after that he'll feel way more comfortable actually asking you out to dinner or something OR you will know he just wants to keep hooking up.

 

I wouldn't go the route of just having him over when your roommate is gone though. That screams "come over so I can jump your bones" only... I would definitely be interested but its about you first here... Figure out what you want and if a LTR can flourish from a beginning like that. IMO, it wont - maybe I'm old fashioned but dating for awhile first before sex is the way to go if you want something "more". (I'm 21 btw).

[norajane]

And being a guy, if you texted me that your roommate is gone on X and Y nights & that I should come over - to me that means one thing... sex.

 

If you want something more than just that with him & reaaaaallly want to text/talk to him, invite him out for drinks/coffee/lunch & try to get a read on him and what his intentions are. Maybe after that he'll feel way more comfortable actually asking you out to dinner or something OR you will know he just wants to keep hooking up.

 

I wouldn't go the route of just having him over when your roommate is gone though. That screams "come over so I can jump your bones" only... I would definitely be interested but its about you first here... Figure out what you want and if a LTR can flourish from a beginning like that. IMO, it wont - maybe I'm old fashioned but dating for awhile first before sex is the way to go if you want something "more". (I'm 21 btw).

 

Totally agree with this whole post.

[Peaceful Guy]

..dating for awhile first before sex is the way to go if you want something "more". (I'm 21 btw).

 

for me, they've always gone hand in hand.. attraction, lots of time spent together.. the guys sounds nice. why don't you do both here? set up a night to hang out, hang out all night (movie, party, whatever..) then stay together afterward? sounds great actually!

[Kris30]

Well, what about if I sent him an email saying I think I might be interested in more than just sex and asking if he'd like to do something sometime? Something like that?

[Fouts]

Kris, why don't you do what you'd like to do? See how that works out for you.

[Peaceful Guy]

Kris, why don't you do what you'd like to do? See how that works out for you.

 

yes!

 

..if he'd like to do something sometime?

 

yes!

[In-The-Wheat]

If you basically ask him out, I bet he'd be a little like "whao...ahhh" but then it would quickly turn into "alllriiight!" and he would be all over it especially if he already wants "more". If you email/text whatever, make sure its for something light first such as coffee, lunch, etc.

 

That's how my last ex and I started dating. The second night I ran into her, we talked all night at the bar & she essentially asked me out (saying that "you should take me there sometime" - referring to a place we were discussing) She refuses to admit it though.. At the moment I kinda went blank like "wait... did that really just happen?" but then it was cool, got her number and we set something up that weekend & had a great month or so together until she ended it (still don't know why, but whatever).

 

Anyway, being bold and straightforward could signal that you are different and really into him (that's what I took from my ex doing that). I know that when she basically asked me out, I was incredibly turned on by her confidence & straightforward approach. There's more to how we met, but that was something I liked most about her from the get go.

 

So idk, go for it - what's there to loose? I'm sure you will get a positive response either way.

[Kris30]

Alright, I sent him an email yesterday evening telling him what I thought, that I thought I might be interested in more than just sex, etc, and saying if he might be interested then maybe we could go out for drinks or dinner sometime (sorry- that was before I read what was said about keeping it light). So far I haven't gotten a response.. Hoping to get something back sometime today... Thanks for your responses!

[Kris30]

No response so far and I'm kinda second guessing myself. I guess I thought he would send a reply rather quickly...?

[Peaceful Guy]

No response so far and I'm kinda second guessing myself. I guess I thought he would send a reply rather quickly...?

 

well, give it a little time.. lots and lots of stuff can keep people from their email.. just hold off a little bit reading into this..

[In-The-Wheat]

Yea don't worry... He either hasn't gotten to it, or doesn't want to respond right away giving the impression that he's "desperate". (which is a really stupid "rule").

 

I just did the same thing last night - messaged a girl I'm interested in and have got nothing back yet. This was on FB though, so if nothing comes back by tonight I'll have my answer..

 

Let us know what happens.

[Fouts]

Give him some time, he'll get back with you. Whether it works out or not, at least you were being honest and being yourself. You shouldn't second guess that, Kris.

[Kris30]

Well, I got his reply and I'm rather disappointed. He said he is just not ready for a relationship, that he is scared of women, and that his heart is not healed from the last one. He said it would not be fair to either of us. He also said he doesn't want to break ties, but he just can't handle that at this point. So what now? I want to write him and tell him if he would give it a chance maybe he would see not all women are the same. But I don't want to pressure him. I'm very tempted to try to hook up again, but afraid I will really start to like him... Sigh.

[Fouts]

He took his time and gave you an honest answer. It's up to you if you want to be a FB or not. If not, thank him for being open and honest and if he ever feels ready to get to know someone, to give you a call.

 

For what it's worth, being a FB will only cement that relationship. It won't lead to anything, but I'm sure you know that already.

[In-The-Wheat]

that really sucks, but just give it some time.

 

I would let him know that you understand & that you are truly different. I'd also say something like here's my number or you know how to reach me when you feel more comfortable, take care.

 

Update - girl I messaged has not sent me anything back... and I've seen her on the FB chat today soooo....

[Kris30]

I guess that makes 2 of us disappointed then, huh? Sigh. I sent him a response basically saying I understand, if he's ever open to anything in the future to get in touch, etc. I also told him I didn't think it would be a good idea for the 2 of us to hook up anymore b/c I think I'll really start to like him and also I don't want to ruin any chances of our relationship being more than just sex. That was hard to give up - the sex with him. And even now I'm wondering if I could change my mind. He is actually considerate in bed... Ugh

[Peaceful Guy]

I guess that makes 2 of us disappointed then, huh? Sigh. I sent him a response basically saying I understand, if he's ever open to anything in the future to get in touch, etc. I also told him I didn't think it would be a good idea for the 2 of us to hook up anymore b/c I think I'll really start to like him and also I don't want to ruin any chances of our relationship being more than just sex. That was hard to give up - the sex with him. And even now I'm wondering if I could change my mind. He is actually considerate in bed... Ugh

 

well, then you were open and honest.. you didn't treat him poorly, and you had a fun time! sorry about the disappointment but it won't last!! the weekend's coming up.. get out there, have some fun! :)